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Alter Egos
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
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Disclaimer: All hail CLAMP. Enough said.
Author's Notes: For Ari, a happy 24th. I love you, neesan. In all honesty, I owe her a fic of her choice- this is just to acknowledge that special day! So neesan, choose what you want, and I'll whip you up something... and no, don't let Lyra convince you VIRGO is the way to go- I do Yami and Furuba and CCS and other CLAMP stuff...


The first time I met Tsukishiro Yukito, I immediately liked him. I like most of my clients, but there was something about Yukito that was special.

Yukito sat in my waiting room, reading a college text. I glanced at the title, and wasn't surprised that it was a translated copy of Paradise Regained by Dante. Many of my clients tried to establish themselves as more than they were by dragging in heavy books or magazines, or wearing different clothing than they normally would. It was part of the game, and what they didn't realize was that their little pretenses told me quite a bit about them. Still, something about Yuki told me that his reading choice wasn't a fa├žade.

I raised my eyes to study him, to gain a better impression. He was dressed simply, in khaki pants and a pale tan shirt, and a watch was on his left wrist. His shoes were clean, but not new, and he had a leather bag beside him, one which had seen use, but like his shoes, was in good condition. His hair was an odd gray, and his eyes were a golden amber, which radiated quiet knowledge and good will. All in all, I had the impression of a young man who was friendly, most likely popular, and successful. I wondered what had brought him to me.

"Tsukishiro-san?" I asked, even though I knew who it was. I made a point of scheduling my new clients separately from other appointments, since most people didn't want to be seen going to a psychologist's office.

"Katashiwa-sensei?" he asked, sounding a little shy as he looked up from his book, sneaking it into his bag.

"Call me Imiyo, and I'll call you Yukito," I said. "If we're going to be working together, it's better that we're friends," I said, smiling at him. It was the first step in the long process of establishing trust.

"Thanks, Imiyo-san," he said.

"Would you like to come into my office?" I said. "And you can tell me why you came? Usually I get referrals." Which was the truth. My fees were steep, and it took most people quite a while to realize that sometimes an expensive counselor was worth the money. I wondered why Yukito had chosen me, out of everyone.

"Yes, please." He picked up his back, and rose to his feet, following me as I led him to the office. I was careful not to let my eyes linger openly on him, though part of me was very tempted to. Still, he could be paranoid, which was something I saw quite often.

My office was in comforting shades of off-white and green, decorated with various primitive art that I had collected from around the world. I only liked it somewhat, but it often served as a conversation starter. Yuki settled into the chair that was situated directly in the sunlight, something I noted with surprise. For some reason, I thought Yukito would have chosen one of the darker seats- he seemed to be a person of starlight, despite his sunshine colored eyes.

I checked myself, wondering why I was being so fanciful.

I arranged myself in my counselor's chair. It was just a bit larger and more comfortable than the other chairs in the room, giving me dominance. A small mind game, but then that was what my job was about. "So, Yukito-san, do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself? Or do you have any questions for me?" I asked, throwing the ball into his court.

He blinked at me. "Aren't you going to evaluate me. Kata- Imiyo-san?" he asked.

I gave him a slight smile in return. "No, you're here under your own free will. You're paying for this hour, so you can choose how you want to spend it, within reason. I have some clients who come here just to rant about how lousy their month's been. Other people like to debate philosophy. Most people who see me are depressed, have some life problems, or a mental disorder, but I've been trained to deal with quite a lot."

He looked at me, crossing his hands over his lap. "I-" He paused, taking a deep breath. "I recently had my world view changed. It's rather disconcerting."

I nodded. I'd dealt with many people who'd lost their faith and felt unable to speak to their clergy about it. "Religion?" I asked, though Yuki seemed a little young to be experiencing a crisis of faith.

"No, it's more complex." He stared at one of the Native American dreamcatchers I had on my wall, his eyes lingering on the white feathers. "For as long as I can remember, I was an average high school student. Then one day, I met Kinomoto Touya, and his little sister Sakura, and my life changed."

I just smiled a little to show interest, even though I knew this was very important. "They became your friends?" I asked.

"More than that." He was quiet for another one of those lengthy moments. When it became clear he wasn't going to say anything else without prompting, I spoke again.

"Can you tell me a little about them?"

"Sakura's nine years younger than me... she's in six grade now. She's just the cutest thing you ever saw. I always wanted a little sister, and she became mine, even though she had a crush on me forever." He smiled, and I heaved an internal sigh of relief. When he had mentioned Sakura's age, I had wondered if he had a lolicon complex.

"And Touya?"

Yukito gained a blush, but he looked straight at me with no shame. "He's my boyfriend."

Ah. We had a winner, I thought. Yukito was homosexual, and having problems adjusting, I thought. He was very effeminate, and his delicate features made me wonder if people hadn't accused him of being gay all his life. I began to run through all the support groups I knew, and the standard therapy forms for it. "Did your family and friends accept you?" I asked.

His eyes were vulnerable. "Those that know haven't been much of a problem. Well, except for Yue, but..." Yukito seemed to retreat for a second before focusing back on me. "We're quiet about things. If people ask, we don't lie, but there's no reason to join the gay rights movement. We're happy with things the way they are. Sakura and Kinomoto-sensei have been tremendously supportive, and I think that we may be ready to get more serious, someday soon. We've talked about moving in together after college is over, but To-ya wants to stay with his sister as long as he can. Their mother is dead, and she really looks up to him."

I noticed that he wasn't talking about his family anymore. "And your family?" I asked.

"I don't have any..." he said.

I nodded. Had I been of the old school of counseling, I would have furiously been scribbling notes; I would, later, make a summary of the session, but I was among those who believed that people became uncomfortable when they felt their every thought was being recorded. I was tempted to push, but this was just the first session, and our rapport hadn't been established yet. "Is it your relationship with Touya that has changed your thinking?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, it's-" he hesitated again, took a deep breath, and sighed slightly before meeting my eyes squarely. "It's Yue."

"Who's Yue?" I asked.

"Yue is my other self," he told me. "I'm his false form. Until tenth grade, I didn't exist. He created me to hide himself."

I mentally took a step back to think on what he said. From the look in his eyes, he was being sincere, and telling the truth as he knew it. "Do you want to explain to me a little about this?" I asked, stepping carefully.

Yukito seemed troubled, and some of the good humor fled from his eyes. "I... Yue is the true form of this body. He uses me to hide away."

A while ago, counselors would have labeled such statements as crazy. Now there was another diagnosis: dissociative identity disorder, more popularly called multiple personality disorder. It was rare for a person to realize they had it, and even rarer for them to come out in a first session the way Yukito was. Part of me wondered if it was a hoax, but my instincts led me to trust him.

There was something about Yukito that made a person want to believe everything he said.

"I assume you came to me to discuss Yue?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "I've been reading a lot of books lately, but... I need to be able to talk to someone. I wake up with blank spaces in my memory and no idea where I've been, and friends tell me about things Yue did that I can't remember. It's scary- and..." he lowered his thick lashes, breaking off.

"I've only dealt with a few multiples before. I think you need to see a specialist if you want to work on integration therapy-" I suggested. One of the most popular therapy techniques was to merge personalities together to create a whole consciousness, something I had never helped with and had only researched lightly. I certainly didn't want to start with Yukito, who was already a rare case.

"No!" he said, sounding almost frantic before calming down. "I mean... that won't work," he added a more politely. "Yue and I will never be co-conscious... or merged. The best I can hope for is coexistence."

"How do you know about Yue?" I asked softly. I wondered if there had been any sort of communication between the alters at all.

"Touya and Sakura told me." His eyes fell onto the artwork, again lingering on the feathers of the dreamcatcher.

The pieces fell into place, about why they were so important. "Does anyone else know?"

"A few people... Sakura's boyfriend, her best friend, and..." he trailed off.

"And?" I prompted.

"I'd rather not say. I'm still not sure what to think about it."

I nodded slowly. "I'm here to help you, Yukito. Still, if you want to learn to co-exist with Yue, you should be aware that not all the therapy will be easy. Some of it might even be painful..."

His smile returned, though there was more sadness than anything else in it this time. "I know... you're going to want to find the cause of my split."

I nodded slowly. "It does no good to treat the symptoms without at least trying to look for the cause."

"Understandable... but sometimes the cause cannot be found."

I let that go... there would be time to pressure him later, if he decided to continue with sessions. "I'd also like to meet Yue..." I said.

Yukito laughed, a surprisingly bitter sound from such a gentle face. "Yue won't want to meet you."

"Why? Doesn't he want to get along better with you?"

"He sees me as a tool, Imiyo-san. If anything happens to me, he'll just create another false form." His eyes were still on the feathers, and I wondered what he found so fascinating. Most people were drawn to color, and the stark whiteness of the feathers was anything but.

I glanced at my watched, noticing that we had run ten minutes over- something I rarely did. I had a good time sense, and managed to keep things on schedule usually, but Yukito had entranced me. I resolved to schedule him as my last client, should he continue to come. "Yukito? I hate to do this, but the hour's gone. I have to get home and walk my dog... she's a therapy dog."

Yukito glanced at his own watch. "We ran late. Do I owe you extra?"

"I charge by the session, not the minute," I chided him gently. "Speaking of sessions, do you want to schedule another? Or is therapy not for you? If you want, you can think on it and call my secretary whenever you feel more comfortable."

"I'd like to continue," he said softly. "I need someone to talk to. And I like you."

"I think you like everyone," I said, rising to get my appointment book so we could work out the time for next session.

"Not everyone," he murmured so softly my ears almost missed it.

We arranged to meet in a week, and exchanged small talk as he headed out the door. With a sigh, I stretched slowly before turning on my tape recorder. My secretary, god bless her soul, would make notes from my dictation since I was a lousy typist.

September 6.

Just had the first session with patient Tsukishiro Yukito. Yukito is a young man in college, no family, and homosexual attractions which seem to be no cause of conflict. Boyfriend is Kinomoto Touya, and Touya's younger sister, Sakura, seems to play the role of younger sister to Yukito as well.

The interesting thing about Yukito is he claims to have a case of MPD. Usually I would be skeptical of such openness, but instinct leads me to believe him. I asked to meet "Yue", his alter, and Yukito was not able to produce him. This leads me to more favorable opinion, since many MPDs do not perform on command, contrary to talk show circuit opinion.

A homosexual alter in charge of the body, one who has only existed since tenth grade. I wonder what had inspired the creation of "Yukito" and if Yue, who Yukito called the core, is the true core. I doubt it; the first split should have occurred much younger, and I would wager that there were more personalities Yukito isn't aware of.

One interesting thing is that Yukito claims to be the "false form" of Yue. This wording is of interest to me, as Yukito is a very intelligent young man who has done his own research on the condition and would know the proper term should be alter.

Preliminary diagnoses is probable DID. Yukito should also be monitored for depression. No immediate referrals are being made, as Yukito has already denied integration with Yue. I will start to research support groups for DID in the Tokyo area, particular young adults.





This is a companion piece to "The One True Thing." Obviously, it's going to be a stand-alone and have about five parts... like I don't have enough projects! Other things are winding down, though, so I felt entitled to this.

MPD/DID is a much-debated condition. I wanted to do this on Yukito because of my psychological background, but remember: the existence of MPD/DID is in debate, much less its therapy!

Questions? Comments? I hope I kept this simple enough to follow... and yes, this will walk the shonen ai side with T/Y/Y in there.

Thanks to Morgan, because she inspired me. I admire her work, and getting a nice letter from her was a cheering moment for me. And yes, this will contain Yue... and maybe avoid the Yue bashing she hated! I like feedback, especially thoughtful feedback!