Disclaimer: I don't own GI Joe.
The greenshirt who had gotten stuck with mail duties for the day opened the door to the recreation room. There were several Joes watching TV on the couches and two at the pool table. Behind him, he pulled a bin on wheels that had several odd packages in it along with the mail. He walked into the room until the bin was halfway through the door and stopped. "Mail call," he said loudly. He pulled the clipboard off the front of the bin and started reading off names of the people he saw in the room.
"Hart-Burnett," he said as he reached into the bin and pulled out a box and a few envelopes. He walked over to the couch where she was sitting and handed her a letter.
"Iron-Knife," he said, walking to the second couch and handing him a box and an envelope. Spirit set aside the package.
"Don't you want to know what is in the box, Spirit?" asked Snow Job from the pool table.
"I already know."
"You don't seem very excited about it."
"On the contrary, I am greatly looking forward to opening it; when I get back to my quarters and away from thieves.
"HEY!" shouted Billy from the floor on the side of the couches.
Spirit snorted, "You, my poor young deprived friend, would not be allowed to steal this. Everyone else, however, would try.
"Why would anyone want to steal your mail?" asked Ripcord.
"Because Red isn't the only one who gets baked goods," said Tommy, snorting. The rest of the ninja were there, sitting in a circle, cleaning and sharpening various weapons. "I'd let Billy steal it, just not eat it."
Spirit sighed and opened his letter.
The greenshirt had failed to see or hear either ninja, ignoring the bantering while he went back to the bin to grab more mail. "Krieger," he said, dropping a small package onto her lap from behind the first couch.
He walked behind the TV and over to the pool table that was off in the corner of the room. "Moore," he said, handing him several envelopes. The greenshirt walked back to the bin and grabbed a bunch of envelopes, some catalogs, and another package.
"O'Hara," he said leaning over the back of the couch past Lady Jaye. She turned and he gave her the package and two letters.
All three women were sitting on the same couch. Both Lady Jaye and Cover Girl leaned over as Scarlett opened the box. Scarlett quickly closed it, but both women could smell baked goods. Snake Eyes popped up from the side of the couch.
"Jesus H. Christ!" shouted the greenshirt.
Snake Eyes was signing to Scarlett at top speed. *Let's go back to our room with those.*
*Please?* he signed, giving her the puppy dog look under his mask.
"Don't worry Snake, you'll get some. Don't I always share?"
*With half the base.* His mask crinkled as he pouted.
"If you want to be like that mister, you don't need any."
*I love you.*
"Sit down and clean your weapons."
Snake Eyes saluted and sat back down behind the side of the couch. Tommy mimed cracking a whip at Snake Eyes.
The greenshirt had gotten over his surprise by then and had gone back over to the pool table. "Weems," he said, handing off the catalogs and a couple of letters.
"All right!" Ripcord started flipping through the top catalog.
The green shirt went back to the bin and pulled out five rectangular packages. He walked over to the ninja and handed each one a package. Scarlett leaned over the side of the couch, curious.
"You got a package, Snake? You almost never get mail," said Scarlett.
"Why did we all get the same package?" asked Kamakura.
"We won't find out if we just stare at them," said Kimi. She started opening up hers. Once opened, she pulled out a ninjato. "Cool!"
The other ninja quickly opened up their packages. Just as they were pulling out ninjato, Kimi swore. She had pulled the sword out of the sheath to reveal a rainbow-colored blade. "What the hell?!"
The others unsheathed their new swords as well. They were all identical.
"What kind of pansy ass shit is this?" asked Billy.
"Wow, someone pulled a major prank on the ninjas," commented Ripcord. He received what he assumed were five death glares and gulped. "I'll just, uh, go read my catalogs in my quarters. Hey greenie, get that bin moving out of the way!"
The greenshirt, had of course, been curious about what was in the packages he had lugged around all day while looking for the ninja. He jumped when Ripcord called out to him and ran over to the bin. He pushed it out of the doorway. Ripcord was hot on his heals to get out the door. Spirit stood up and picked his package up from the couch, walking out as well. The ninja were examining the boxes for any clues about where the ninjato had come from. Tommy looked into his box and saw a note stuck on the inside. He pulled it out, opening it up to read it, and then groaned.
*What?* signed Snake Eyes.
Tommy handed the letter to Kamakura, who was sitting to his left. Kamakura read it out loud.
Please, please forgive me for getting this to you late. I wanted to make sure you got the perfect gift. Happy belated Birthday!
P.S No one knows when Snake Eyes-senpai, Kimi-chan, Billy-kun, or Kamakura-kun's birthdays are, so I sent one to them too!
Your Rainbow Goddess
On the couch, the girls started laughing. Snake Eyes stood up, shaking his head. *I'll inform Hawk that your fan girls have found us, again.*
Author's Note: Storm Shadow's birthday was June 6. I was looking up toy ninjato for another reason and came across rainbow swords and ninjato. That, combined with twitter, has given birth to this crack writing. Tommy teasing Snake Eyes about being whipped is CrystalOfEllinon's idea. The rainbow goddess was Kusari-Gama 61602's idea and the name was Greentigerr's. Go read their stuff!