Sorry that it has been a while. I came down with a case of writers block and got busy with other stuff. I hope you like it!
I got lost. I let myself sink into the kiss and let everything disappear. With one sound – my eyes flew open and I jumped away, turning back to the table just in time.
"Whew, it is getting really hot out there. I don't know that I have ever seen the temperatures…" Rose looked at us and stopped talking. "Um…Bella, if you're going to get food – it might help to you know, have a plate."
"Oh, um, yeah." I turned and picked up my plate from the floor. "It's right here."
Rose turned her head, raised her eyebrows and looked right at me. "Uh –huh." We all stood there in awkward silence for a while. "Bella, can I talk to you?"
Without making eye contact with Edward, I passed him and headed straight into the living room; Rose followed.
I sat on the couch, started eating and waited for her to start.
"What was that?" She hissed playfully.
"What was what? I dropped my plate…?"
"Hun, if someone drops their plate, they pick it up. They don't turn and get more food with it still on the floor. So, I'll ask you again, what is going on? You've been acting really weird this whole day and I don't think it's about that phone call this morning. Is it about last night?"
I took a bite of potato salad and looked up at her. "No..."
"Yeah. Okay. So, what happened?"
"Rose, I just told you - it's not about that!"
"Bella, you forget how well I can see through you. Something is going on. So, I'll ask you a different question. How was the date?"
"It was good. Not much to talk about though. It was…good."
"What happened just now? In the kitchen?"
I rolled my eyes and looked towards the table, trying to see if Edward was still in there. "That was nothing. I just dropped my plate."
"Something is seriously bugging you. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but keeping things all bottled up inside is not good for you."
"I'll be fine, Rose. I just need a little time to think."
She stared at me for a while then relinquished. "Alright, Bella; but you come talk to me if you need to, okay?"
"Of course, Rose."
Edward was still in the kitchen when we went back. I avoided direct eye contact but it wasn't hard because Emmett came flying through the door.
"Edward." He said somewhat frantically. Before he could elaborate, a very pretty woman walked through the door. Her strawberry blonde hair seemed to glow as she walked straight to Edward.
"I've missed you so much." She purred as she practically attacked him with her mouth. We were all standing there in shock waiting for them to come up for air. When they finally broke apart, Edward stepped back.
"Why are you here, Tanya?" He didn't sound very happy about her presence, which was a bit confusing following what just happened.
"Oh, baby, aren't you happy to see me? I could hardly wait to get back." She scanned the room – suddenly very aware of her audience. "Maybe we should go upstairs and…talk." Tanya took his hand and started pulling Edward towards the steps and from the sound of her voice talking didn't seem to be on her agenda. He looked at me but I looked away and walked outside.
As soon as I left the house, the reality of everything that just happened hit me and all of the emotion flew to my eyes; the anger, the betrayal, the confusion. I slipped around the corner of the house and then collapsed and gave in to the impending tears.
He...he led me on; not once did he mention any relationships from his past – or apparently his present. He kissed me and then goes off with this woman…I was done here. Once I calmed myself down and composed my face, I went to find Alice.
"Bella, there you are, I was just coming to find you. It's time for cake!" Alice smiled.
"Ali, I'm really sorry but I have to go. I'm just not feeling too well. I'm sorry."
"Aww, are you sure? What's wrong?"
"I'll be okay; I just need to go home. It's just not a good idea if I stay." I told her. She looked at me, analyzing the situation and then she nodded.
"Is this about what I think it is about?" She raised her eyebrows and I could feel all chances I had of lying successfully shatter to the ground.
"No, Alice. I just don't feel good. I didn't get to sleep until late last night and…" With every word I said I could feel her just believe me less and less. "I need to go home."
"What happened, Bella?" Alice pulled me away from the party and looked at me. "What happened last night?"
"Nothing happened. Nothing. We ate on the beach and watched the sunset and it was so…so perfect that I thought that maybe." I shook my head in anger. "Stupid. So I told myself no; that what I was feeling was naïve and that it was just because of the intoxicating effects that an ocean sunset can have on someone. But then…he goes and kisses me! He kisses me and makes me feel like maybe I'm not as out of my league as I thought I was – then his girlfriend shows up and he just goes with her!" Tears were streaming down my face. "Please just let me leave, I can't be here."
"Oh, honey." Alice grabbed me tight and hugged me. When she pulled back, she looked at me. "I'll have a talk with him."
"No, don't bother him about this. I was stupid to think that anything was happening anyway. Just let him be."
"Bella, my brother has gotten away with a lot of stupid decisions in his life time, but toying around with my best friend's heart is not going to be one of them. Just be glad Emmett hasn't found out yet."
My eyes turned to saucers. "He doesn't have to know any of this, okay? It's not that big of a deal; I made a stupid mistake – that's all. Please don't involve anyone else. Just, go and have a happy birthday party. You deserve it."
"Bella, it's not going to be a happy birthday party if you leave. I've had fourteen of these without you. My idiot brother isn't going to take away another, okay?" She patted me on the shoulder and then sprinted up the stairs. Closing my eyes, I went to find my baby.
I did it; I kissed the girl that I had wanted to kiss since I was eight. And it was perfect. The passion that we held between our lips was the strongest thing I've ever felt.
One step forward and two steps back. Tanya's showing up pretty much destroyed all of the progress that we made over the last few days. I didn't want to go leave Bella with the mental of what just happened, but I wanted to yell at Tanya more.
"I've waited so long for this, Edward." She purred, pulling me into one of the guest bedrooms and starting to unbutton her shirt.
"What the hell do you think you are doing? Put your shirt back on. I don't want you, Tanya. I never did before and I sure as hell don't now. What? Did you think that you could walk out on me like that and I'd still be all hung up on you after all of these years?" I shook my head and walked to the window.
"I told you! I was studying overseas! I waited for you while you did all of your medical school crap, the least you could do is wait for me throughout mine! And you didn't think I expected you to be hung up? Edward, you are the most hung up individual I've ever met. You obsessed over that stupid bitch that got kidnapped for twelve years, Edward! Twelve years!"
"Excuse me?" I spun around and it took all of my control to keep calm. "What did you just say? She was just a child! She was being sold like an animal to monsters that we can't even imagine and you have the audacity to call her something that…you're sick. Beside the fact that you've seemed to forgotten that little phone call I received from Paris, France. You didn't tell me, Tanya, you didn't tell me until you were there. Your little act downstairs was inappropriate and repulsive."
"Well, I didn't see you pushing me away, did I? Hmm." She hissed all condescending like.
"Get out. I never want to see your face again. Leave." She tried to say something, but I just pointed to the door. "Your chance to fix this was two years ago. Just go."
I kind of enjoyed he walk of shame, but not enough to take the pain in my chest away. Alice met me at the bottom of the stairs with fire in her eyes. We watched Tanya leave and then she turned to me and shook her head. "You better fix this, Edward."
"How bad is it?" I whispered, terrified of the hurt I caused Bella.
"It's bad. She's strong, but she's fragile. She can fall and get right back up but being dropped is a whole other story."
Rose was talking to me when I heard the back door open. Instinctively turning around, I made eye contact with the last person I wanted to see right now. I quickly turned back around and continued talking to Rose.
She was looking behind me and then she looked back at me, closed her eyes, and nodded once.
"Go talk to him, Bella. I don't know what's going on between you two but whatever it is, waiting to fix it isn't going to make it any easier." She nodded again. "Go, Hun. It'll be okay."
"Cake time!" Esme called just as I started turning around. Rose sighed and we walked to get cake. Everyone was talking and laughing and eating the delicious cake and for a moment, I forgot about everything and started actually having a good time.
Rose, Alice and I set up a date to go clothes shopping and I talked to Mom and Esme about improving my cooking skills.
"Oh, I meant to say this earlier." Carlisle spoke up. "My personal secretary will be moving to Nevada in a few weeks so I am looking for someone to fill her spot. If anyone knows someone who is looking, send them my way!" He finished and the conversations picked up again.
"I'm going to go grab some more cake." I told Esme and made my way to the cake table. Carlisle was there too.
"How are you doing, Bella? I haven't talked to you that much lately." He smiled. Carlisle was simply the most respectful person on this planet.
"I'm…alright. I was wondering though, what kind of qualifications do you need for that job?" He looked up at me and I suddenly felt self-conscious for asking. "I have a friend who is looking…"
"Bella," He put a hand on my arm. "If you want it, you're hired. It's mostly answering phones and filing papers. It pays about nine dollars an hour."
"Really!? I'll take it! Thank you so much! I know Mom and Dad say that they don't mind paying for the things for Ollie that 'it's making up for what they missed with me' but I want to provide for my child. Thank you." I hugged Carlisle. "When do you want me to start?"
"She will be moving in three weeks, so three Monday's from now would be great. I'm glad that I could help."
My first day couldn't come quick enough. I was dying to feel productive for once instead of constantly sitting on the couch. Ollie was almost three months old now and – though it was going to be a bit scary leaving Ollie for a few hours every day – I was ready to get out of the house.
Pulling up to the hospital could not have felt more relieving.
"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, please." I asked the receptionist at the front desk. She told me that his office was on the third floor. Deciding to take the stairs, I almost skipped the whole way. Deciding to take the stairs, I almost skipped the whole way.
Not having an education made me feel completely worthless almost on a daily basis. I bought a bunch of Cliff Notes books and started trying to get caught up and the local elementary, middle and high schools offered to let me come in and get some tutoring – which was helping a lot – but I felt like I wasn't making any progress. I had to make up missing everything since first grade. Getting a job seemed relatively impossible; until now.
"Good morning, Carlisle!" I found him sitting at his desk.
"Oh, good morning Bella!" He stood up. "Let me show you around." Within a half hour, I was behind my desk answering phones. It seemed simple and menial and I'm sure to some people this would be a terrible job to have, but for me – I felt free. So completely independent knowing that every minute that I sat in this chair and filed away a paper or answered the telephone, I was fifteen cents closer to provide for my son. Me, Isabella Sawn, making money at a real job.
The high lasted almost all day. At about one o' clock, I heard footsteps coming down the hall towards Carlisle's office. Smiling and looking up to greet the visitor, I froze. I hadn't talked to Edward since the party. I had began to wonder why I was ever interested in him in the first place, but seeing him walk down the hallway his shirt clinging to his chest under his white lab coat and the seemingly flawless strides made me remember why. Taking in a gust of air and looking down quickly, I attempted to get out of his line of sight before he looked up from his file.
To my luck, he came straight to the table. "Marie, can you file this fo…" That's when he looked up, apparently he wasn't informed of my working here now – and to be honest, I had forgotten about his. The frozen silence began to get heavy in the air but I just continued working, trying to ignore his presence. After it had been a little long to just stand there I took the file without saying a word and put it in the filing cabinet under the correct name.
"Anything else?" I snapped. I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did but I wasn't really sorry. He knew how fragile I was and he played with my mind and heart.
"If that's all, you can go. I have a job to do here."
"Please just listen to me; you don't understand the whole story. Let me talk to you." He was practically begging, but I just continued shuffling papers around. "Okay, I'm just going to start talking then. Bella, Tanya and I"
Quickly, I dialed the number of the office in my cell phone and pressed call. Before he could speak another word, the phone started ringing.
"Dr. Cullen's office, I'm Bella, how may I help you?" As I said this, I looked up at Edward with fire in my eyes and then glanced down the hall, motioning for him to leave.
"Mm hmm, actually, you're just in time. He has openings at one thirty and four o' clock." I was just making things up, hoping that he would leave. "Alright, I have you down. Is there anything else I can do for you? You want to make another appointment? Sure, I can do that; let me see what we have in June." I started fiddling with the computer, in reality, I was just pushing keys on the keyboard and moving the mouse randomly around. "Ugh, the systems have been slow all day, sorry, it might be a second."
Edward was still there but he was looking at me very detective-like. He got out his phone and pushed some buttons, held it to his ear and nodded. Reaching down, he pressed the button down that hung up the phone.
"Edward!" I hissed, but he was pushing more buttons. About two seconds went by and then my phone started ringing. He nodded once and then it stopped.
"Bella, I know that you are mad at me. I understand why and I know what it looks like from your perspective…"
I cut him off again. "What it looks like is you leading on an emotionally fragile person and then – ha! – guess who has a girlfriend! You can't play with people like that; you just can't. Now – if you can't tell be the fact that I'm here – I have a job to do and talking to you isn't part of it. So, unless you have any other business to handle, I'm no use for you. Goodbye."
Shaking his head, he walked away. Knowing that I had hurt him left a knife in my chest, but at the same time, I didn't feel that bad. About half way down the hall, Edward stopped and turned around.
"She's not my girlfriend." And then he kept going. The rest of the day dragged on. My mind was going crazy trying to comprehend what he said. I started to feel really bad for being so harsh to him. When five o' clock rolled around, I took the elevator down to the ER. Edward was talking to another doctor behind the desk. I just stood there until he was done and turned around.
"I know I'm being a hypocrite coming down here while you're working, but I think it might be a good idea for us to talk. If you don't want to anymore, I understand. I just…I'm sorry." Words were just falling out of my mouth as I scrambled for the right thing to say. "Everything kind of…you…she…"
"Shh. Bella, it's okay. I get off in about ten minutes, can you wait that long or do you want me to call you?"
"I'll wait." Edward led me to a sort-of conference room place and I sat down. Ten minutes of over thinking decisions and hypo-analyzing every word that had been said felt like a century. Finally the door opened and he motioned for me to come with him.
"Let's do this somewhere else." We walked outside to a nice courtyard area. "It's so nice this time of year." He muttered.
"I'm sorry that I snapped at you earlier. I just…" I looked at the patterns on the concrete. "I'm trying to forget about everything that happened and every reminder just sends me spiraling into anger."
"How about we sit down and I will explain everything?" I sat down on the nearest bench and nodded. "Tanya and I are not together and we haven't been in a long time. Two years ago, I woke up on the fourteenth day in February, ready to spend the day with my girlfriend. Instead, she called me from Paris, France saying that she was 'studying abroad' and that she would be back in a year or so. Alice's party was the next time I heard from her. Tanya left me and I never looked back. The only reason I didn't push her away faster is because I was in shock. I never thought I'd see her again and I didn't want to.
"And our kiss…I'm sorry about that too. I should never have…"
"Please don't." I stopped him. I couldn't bear to hear him take back the kiss. "Don't apologize for that."
"Isn't that why you're mad at me?"
"Edward, that's all I thought about the whole night at the beach; the whole time at the party. I thought that you would hate me if I tried to make a move, so I didn't. If you regret it, fine, but please don't apologize."
Edward looked at me. "Regret it? That was the best thing that's happened to me in years. My whole life, Bella, I have wanted to do that."
I sat there and contemplated this for a little bit. "What does this mean, then? What happens now? Are we…?"
"We take this at your pace, Bella. It's up to you. If you want to take this to the next level, I'm down with that; but if you want to wait and stay the way we are now, I can do that too. You call the shots here."
I didn't waste a second. This kiss was softer than the last one, but somehow it still had more passion.
The drive home was almost as relieving as the drive to work. For once, I felt complete inside. I had my whole family, my baby boy, a job, and a relationship that seemed to be going in the right direction. I was on the top of the world and no one could push me off…for now.
Please review! I'm running out of ideas for real now. That's why it's taking a little bit longer to update. I have some things planned but those are for WAY down the road. Thank you for continuing to read!