AN: Hi guy's I'm feeling awfully depressed so I've decided I'm going to write a really sad story. I normally try to write stories with happy ending but I can already feel this story ending super depressing. I understand this story is going to be sad but I hope you like it and leave a review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Junjo Romantica
My time holding on
Some people might say I'm stupid for not telling the person that cared about me most in this world that I had an incurable disease. But how am I supposed to tell my lover something as horrible as that? I didn't want to see the look on poor Usagi San's face when I told him I had heart cancer. I could only imagine what he would do. Would he beat himself up? Would he cry? I'll never actually know but I assume its better I don't.
After I found out I had heart cancer I think I immediately knew I didn't want to tell Usagi San. I didn't want to stress him out or crush him inside. I wanted to be able to spend as much time as possible with him until the day I died. Because of this new found need to be with my lover always I dropped out of college. This immediately raised suspicions for both Usagi San and my brother, I decided I was going to tell my brother and beg him not to tell anyone else.
I still remember my brothers face when the truth about the reason why I dropped out of college was revealed. He fell to his knees and cried, he just cried and cried until he had no tears left. He clung to me and sobbed and begged for me to tell him I was lying. He said he didn't understand why god was making this happen to us. He said I was too young to die and had my whole life in front of me. I couldn't disagree with my brother when he said I was too young because I was only twenty one.
My brothers was already upset when I told him the news of my sickness but he became even more upset when I told him I didn't want him speaking to Usagi San about it. He told me I needed to tell Usagi San, he told me that if I truly loved him I would tell him but he was wrong. The reason why I didn't want to tell Usagi San about my horrible disease was because I loved him not because I didn't love him.
I didn't want my lover to treat me different because of my disease. I didn't want us to lose the strong connection we had built between us. So after hours of begging my brother finally agreed to keep his mouth shut. I was grateful to have someone as caring and understanding in my life as my brother.
The doctors offered chemo therapy but I rejected them, saying that it would destroy my beautiful chocolate brown hair that Usagi San loved so much. They thought that was a horrible reason to reject the treatment but they didn't undertstand.
After finding out that I had less than a year to live I decided I was ready to live. I asked Usagi san to take me out more often and he happily complied. We spent more time together because I practically demanded his full attention which didn't bother him in the slightest. I found myself on hotel mattresses more often than usual. I found myself in bars snuggling up to Usagi San closer than I would have ever done before. I decided I wanted to show my love for him so much more.
Usagi san seemed to notice my new clingy ways but he just brushed it off. He enjoyed the way I was being more open, and the way I wanted to have sex and go out more often. When I was in the mood for sex I immediately let him know. I wanted us to connect more in the little time I had left then we ever had before. Anytime Usagi san had to go to a party for work I would happily attend and follow him around the whole time so everyone knew we were together, this please Usagi San to no end.
As time passed I began to notice the way my skin was getting paler and the way I was looking sicklier. Usagi San didn't seem to notice, probably because he thought I was beautiful all the time; or at least that's what he told me. Sometimes when Usagi San and I were making love he would whisper the sweetest things into my ear and I would want to cry and jump up and tell him everything about my sickness. But I couldn't do that, because that would hurt him too much.
After seven months had passed Usagi San had taken me too three counties, we had gone out to enjoy ourselves every weekend, and we had made love countless times. I would beg for him to hold me and make me feel special and he would happily comply. He would ask for me to tell him that I loved him and I would say the words over and over, loving the way they sounded coming from my mouth. As much as I enjoyed these times I knew they were coming to an end. About eight months after being diagnosed I became bed ridden because I was so sick.
Usagi San was so confused and didn't understand why I was so sick. I told him it was probably just the flu and we should just wait for it to pass; He trusted me and decided not to call the doctor. That last week of my life was probably the most painful because of the way Usagi kept waiting for me to get better. He would always tell me he couldn't wait till I recovered so he could pound me into the mattress; I always just rolled my eyes and acted as if that time would come even though I knew it never would.
On the last day of my life I asked Usagi San to come to bed with me. I asked him to have sex with me despite the fact that I was sick. He looked rather confused and refused me a couple of time, telling me I needed to rest so I could recover. I didn't want that so I argued with him until he finally agreed to make sweet passionate love to me.
"Are you sure you want to make love now Misaki?" Usagi San has asked me as he had a very worried look on his face.
"I'm absolutely positive" I said confidently as I pulled his sleeve and invited him into bed. He agreed and got into bed with me.
He held me close and left sweet butterfly kisses all over my skin. He whispered words of love to me as he moved his sweet delicate hands down my body. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him and told him I loved him so many times. I had to hold back the tears as he treated me like a fragile flower. It was obvious that this man loved me, and it was obvious I loved him too. I felt horrible for leaving him behind like this, but there was no way I could stop it.
After we made love he held me close and kissed my forehead countless times. I traced a circle around his perfect chest. He stared at me with love in his beautiful purple eyes. I reached up and stroked his amazingly soft silver hair. I don't really know how I knew I just had a feeling I was going to die that night. I didn't want Usagi San to be there while I was dying so I sent him off to go buy me more Tylenol. He was upset he had to leave but he didn't want me to feel bad either so he went to get the medicine. During the time he was gone I passed away in his bed, drenched in his smell.
When Usagi San returned to the apartment he came into the bedroom and shook my shoulder lightly. When I didn't stir he shook me harder, but I just continued to lie there. He began to panic and immediately called the police. He was sobbing and begging for me to wake up. He held me lifeless body close and told me how much he loved me.
When the police arrived they confirmed that I was defiantly dead. When Usagi San heard those words his heart broke. He fell to the ground cussing and sobbing and chocking because he couldn't breathe. He threw up and curled up on the floor. He had no idea what to do with himself. He went completely nuts and almost killed himself.
Months after my death Usagi San had gotten a therapist and moved into a new apartment. He said that everything in the old apartment reminded him of me. Usagi San soon learned the reason why I had died and felt even worse than before. He blamed himself for not trusting me enough in the past; he thought that if he had trusted me more before I would have told him.
Thanks to the help of Aikawa, my brother, and Kamijou Sensie Usagi San was able to get back up on his feet. He moved into his new apartment and started writing again. He kept a picture of me on his desk so he could look at it every time he needed inspiration. He promised he would never be together with anyone because his heart was sworn to me forever. These words made me cry.
One day Usagi San was going through his closet looking for something to wear to a meeting he had when he saw a piece of paper in the pocket of one of his dress shirts. I had put it there because I wanted him to find it after I died. He took the paper and opened it up and began to read it.
Dear Usagi San,
If you are reading this it means I'm dead. I'm sorry for not telling you, I just didn't want you to treat me differently. I always loved you and that's the reason why I couldn't tell you. I'm so happy that we got to spend all that fantastic time together before my death, I hope you like it as much as I did. Usagi San I will always love you and my head will always be filled with nothing but you. I've never been so crazy about anyone in my entire life. I'm so happy we found each other and we got to spend this small portion of our lives together. I will always love you and I will always miss you. I hope that I meet you again. I love you very very much.
Usagi san cried for hours and skipped the work meeting. He was finally happy to get some closure; he wished he could hold me one last time and tell me how much he loved me. But that wasn't necessary because I already knew.
AN: Well I hoped you guys like it despite it being so sad. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought.