Months. It had been months since I heard the beautiful sound of the angelic of that voice, of her voice. It had been months since I had held her in my arms and felt the soft thrum of a pure heart. It had been months since that hideous creature of a man stole her away from me. I knew that that wasn't how it happened yet I couldn't help but whisper the idea repeatedly through my mind in an attempt to save the shattered pieces of my lost soul. I left her a candelabra every night in hope that she would return to me. The idea was hopeless. Why should she return to me? Why would she? I had written her a beautiful opera, but it was also an attempt to kidnap her and trap her away in my darkness. How could I do such a thing to her? I loved Chri-. It hurt to even think of her name. The moment I did I pictured holding her and caressing her soft porcelain neck with my lips. I pictured holding her and singing softly in her ear. But then the daydream changed its mood as she was quickly ripped from my grasp. And I would be angry for a few minutes and curse the name of evil Viscount who stole her. But then the angry flooded into sadness and the tears would stat once more. She wasn't ripped from my arms, she fled away by her own choice. Not that I made it easy for her. I never made it easy for her.
How could I torture her so deeply? I knew I was monster, but was I evil enough to cruelly tease her? Who was I to deny such a beautiful woman the world of light? She never deserved the world of darkness. She deserved a grand home with children and a rich husband. She need the best money could by not a monster to flee and hide from. The best I could do for her was to give her what she deserved. I couldn't force her to love me. How could she? How could anyone love such a hideous beast? And so I let her go. I let her go to live a life of safety and normality with a man that she loved and that loved her back. He would treat her right and protect her from the monsters of the world, monsters like me.
I spent every day and night since the performance of Don Juan Triumphant Sitting in the darkness of my prison below the Opera Populaire. I was drowning in the dark wilting in self-pity and loneliness. Some nights I believed I was dying from the aching of the vast whole in my empty chest. When I was a boy I had never known love. In fact I avoided human contact as much as possible. I grew up being laughed at and whipped by the scum of the human race. I didn't think people could possess any kind of wholesome emotion. That was until the night I was rescued from the sideshow my father had sold me to, by a kind and very young Miss Giry. But even then as I saw an example of kindness and love I never believed I could myself possess such a thing. I grew up below the opera house. I studied people and their habits. Yet I found the people of the opera house to be very dark. I wallowed in my hatred and stayed in the shadows, until one day. I heard the most exquisite voice I had ever heard. As I followed the sound I came to the opera's chapel. There was a small girl crying and singing a prayer to her father. This girl was new to the opera house. Her father had just died leaving her alone in the world.
It was that moment that I felt the first beat of my heart. I fell in love with her the moment her melody floated into my ears. I decided that I had to have her at all costs. I followed her around and gave her singing lessons. I hoped to hear the sweet intoxicating ring of her voice. She called me her angel of music. This small nickname gave me such hope. Hope that maybe I could leave the darkness once and for all. But one thing led to another and I wasn't able to. There was something that tied me to the darkness. I was a servant of the devil here. How could I ever be loved?
I sat on my bed my head held in my hands. My music box sat in my lap. I had hidden in the shadows as the policemen raided my lair. I was safe for now, safe and alone. I was alone now and would be for the rest of my life. The fire had left the Opera Populaire empty for months. There was no sign of Christine. The awful smell of smoke clouded the air and chased away her delightful smell of lilies. There was nothing but the skeleton of memories to keep her here with me. Daylight was quickly disappearing. The night was going to be black once again as the moon began its pattern of phases once more. It was to be a new moon tonight. The sky would fill with blackness as the last candle would blow out. The darkness which had once been my inspiration meant nothing to me now. Christine, whom meant everything to me, whom had been my inspiration for the past years, was gone. I was lost. I had music scattered everywhere. All of it unfinished. All of it disgusting. I had lost all of my talent. I left my mask on my piano weeks ago and locked myself away in my room. There was no need for a mask when there was no one to hide from your disgusting face.
The tears began to fall once more. Suddenly there was a noise from behind me I turned and a breeze swept through the room blowing out every candle. But even without the light I knew who it was. Even in complete darkness nothing could hide her away. I could tell it was Christine. The scent that radiated off of her skin would always be the same. The sweet hum of her heart would always sound the same, even when it quickened.
"Christine? Can it be? The one that leave me so serene, the one that ripped me apart and could be so mean? Oh, Christine. Why?" I expected her to run when she heard me. Why was she here anyway? The pain licked at the open wounds on my heart.
"Oh Erik. My love. The one I chose to leave. How could I ever deceive…" Love? Had she really said love? I turned to her and then realized that my mask wasn't on me. I hid ashamed that maybe she could still see it. I thought maybe if even a shed of light appeared and she saw she would cringe and run from me once more.
"Christine…" But instead she walked towards me. I could hear her steps. The sound they made took me off guard. They were strong steps even if they fumbled here and there. She wasn't timid or scared. She wasn't scared of me! As she reached my side I felt her hand as she placed it on my shoulder. I cringed away in shame of what I was and what I did to her. Why was she here? But my body couldn't deny her. No matter how loud my brain yelled, my heart overpowered it and I leaned into her touch. I loved her so much that my body physically hurt. She pulled me up off of the bed and into her arms. She held me so close that I could hear the singing in her veins. I felt as her left arm rose and her hand fell on my face. She held it there and caressed the scared tissue with such love that my eyes filled with tears. I felt the pull as our souls entwined into one.
"I love you Erik. You are so beautiful, so very beautiful, almost too beautiful." I felt the soft sweetness of her breath as her words whispered into my ear. But she was too close and her lips grazed my ear.
My passion and need for her overtook everything else. I couldn't resist the moan that left my lips. "My Christine." Suddenly her lips were on mine. They were fierce and hungry. There was so much need behind it. Suddenly it became clear. Christine came and found where I hid. She was declaring her love for me. She had kissed and touched this deformed face. Was this really what she wanted? I picked her up in my arms and laid her on the bed. The only fight she put up was every time my skin wasn't touching hers. She kept pulling me closer and begging for more.
She continued to sigh and moan my name through the night, even as she dreamed. But as I held her close to my chest and felt her heart thrumming beneath my fingers something was wrong. Even as her fingers entwined around mine and her body twisted around mine, even though it was my name she was whispering in her sleep, even though she lost her virginity in my bed, it was still Raoul's ring that rested on her left hand. He had one her and in the morning when my face was exposed to her once again she would hide in fear and shame at what she had done. It wouldn't matter what her heart would tell her, in the end her mind would win and she would run back to Raoul.
The decision was made. I couldn't feel the pain of her choosing Raoul over me once more. I would have to let this night be my final memory of the love of my life. This had to be the end and it was up to me to turn the page on this fantasy. I wiggled out of her grasp an untangled myself from her and got dressed. I gently kissed her forehead and slipped into the shadows.
She woke as the first rays of dawn illuminated her face. She looked around the room and I could see how puzzled she was. She must have wondered why she was there. And then slowly anger, disappointment, and finally denial flooded her face. She ran out of the room wrapped in nothing but a sheet. I crept towards the bed and left her a final rose. A rose to tell her I would always love her and I crept away to the home of the Girys.