This Title Has Nothing To Do With The Story
Summary: I am not sure how exactly I can sum up a very complex, cleverly written, epic story in one sentence. So I won't. Instead I will write the summary for this story. Evil arrives, evil is fought and evil is defeated.
Chapter One – In The Beginning There Was A Writer With A Great Story. But Sadly Not This Beginning.
"That is so not true." Replied Buffy.
"You mean you didn't…" Asked Dawn.
However Buffy cut her off before she could finish. "Why don't I go order some pizza?"
On hearing the word 'pizza' Xander eyes immediately lit up, "Pizza?" He said in a child-like excited voice.
"Yes Xander, pizza."
"Can I have the spicy full house?" Said Dawn
"I don't think that is a good idea?" Answered Buffy. "Remember the last time you ordered that?"
"Yeah, I refuse to unblock any toilets this time." Added Xander.
Dawn's face went a little red when the mind located that memory. "Okay maybe I should stick to cheese and tomato."
"Good idea. Xander? What are you having?"
"I can't decide. They all taste so good."
"It's only pizza Xander." Buffy regretted saying that even before she finished.
"That's not what I meant."
"Only Pizza? Choosing what type of pizza you want is a basic human freedom. It is what America is all about. The choices we made, here today, will affect us for the rest of our lives."
"So what pizza do you want?"
"Cheese and tomato."
While they waited for the pizza to arrive the three of them slumped in front of the TV and watched a low-budget B-movie that always seem to be show late at night.
"Why is it that the beautiful blonde always seems to be the one running from the monster?" Asked Buffy to no one in particular.
"Because a running beautiful blonde makes good television." Answered Xander without thinking about what he was saying.
"You like watching beautiful blonde running?" Asked Dawn.
When he heard the question Xander realised what he had said. "Err…no…I said it made good television."
Dawn ignored him, "Does that mean you like watching Buffy running?"
Xander glanced at Buffy who was looking intently at him waiting for an answer, "Err…" He tried to stall until he thought of a good response. "Um…. err…." Then he suddenly just such a response popped into his head. He looked up from the ground and stared into Buffy's eyes. "No, I said I liked blondes." Happy at what he considered a witty response he turned his attention back to the TV screen.
In some other location, the forces of evil were preparing another scheme so evil that if I repeated it here then you would instantly burst into flames upon reading it. Luckily however the was a problem with the scheme.
"Where the hell are we going to get that amount of melons?" Shouted one evil demon in an evil voice.
Four evil demons, each with a very evil appearance, were sitting down at an evil table on evil seats discussing their evil plan.
"I don't know." Replied one of the other evil demons, "Maybe we could grow them?"
The first evil demon looked at the other evil demon with a look of shock, "Grow them? Grow them? We are evil demons bent on the total destruction of this world, not some goddamn green-fingered gardeners!"
"Okay, no need to shout. It was just a suggestion."
A third evil demon entered the conservation, "Maybe we need a new plan."
"Okay, let's think of another evil plan. This time, no melons!" Replied the first evil demon.
There was silence while the four evil demons tried to come up with a suitably evil plan.
It was the fourth evil demon that broke this silence, "I've got it."
"Does it involve melons?"
"Excellent. So, what is it?"
"Have any of you heard of the Amulet of Thebes?"
"Well, it was used by ancient Egyptians to speak to God. However this was not its real function."
"What was its real function?"
"It opened the door to hell."
"So where is it now?"
"A group called the secret order of Elept discovered its real function and stole it from the Egyptians. They took it too a far away land and buried it deep within the earth so that it would never be used again. And so it has remained for thousands of years. However a demon called Tremret made it his life's quest to discover the location of this amulet."
"Did he find it?"
"No, he was killed before he started digging. But I think he found out where it was located."
"I have some of his papers and it shows it's exact position."
"So where is it?"
[End of Chapter One – It may take me a while for me to write chapter two since I haven't found a way to include the word 'roughage' into a sentence yet. So bear with me.]