Hey everyone, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Here is a one-shot that got stuck in my head. I'm posting loads of new material tomorrow as well. Let me know what you think. This is a take on how Reid was after Maeve's death.
Enjoy and please review
All mistakes are my own
Hotch rubbed his eyes and yawned as he felt the day catch up with him. He looked at the clock and realised it was eight o'clock at night. He grabbed his briefcase and packed away a few files and papers he would look over when he was in bed. He turned off his lamp and made his way out of the office, it was empty in the bullpen. He stopped when he saw Reid's bag and jacket still at his desk. He looked over in the kitchen area but couldn't find the young man. He put down his briefcase and decided to search the men's room. He walked in and immediately saw Reid's foot poking out from one of the toilet cubicles. He would recognise the converse shoe on the foot anywhere. "Reid!"
Receiving no answer, he tried to get into the cubicle. He hit the door open and saw Reid collapsed on the floor. He pulled him out and laid him down on the floor. He tried to rouse him. "Spencer, Spencer, wake up. C'mon kiddo."
Hotch pulled his phone out and dialled an ambulance, he looked at Reid and realised how skinny he was. He shut the phone after finishing the call and quickly checked Reid's arms for any sign he was using again. Joy flooded through him when he didn't find anything.
"Spencer Reid, wake up, that is an order."
Hotch sat in the waiting room as he waited for some news about Reid. He'd called the others and told them what had happened. They were all rushing to the hospital. He looked up as he saw Morgan and Garcia walk into the waiting room.
"Where is he?" Garcia asked.
"The doctors are looking after him now," Hotch answered.
"What the hell happened?" Morgan demanded.
"I was about to leave and I saw Reid's things were still at his desk. I looked around and then I looked in the men's room. His foot was sticking out from the cubicle, I kicked the door in and found him collapsed in there. He hasn't woken up since I found him. I don't know why he collapsed."
"He's not using again, is he?" Morgan said.
"I checked his arms, I didn't find any signs of drug use," Hotch said. "He looks like he hasn't been eating lately."
"Is this connected to Maeve?" Garcia asked. "He hasn't been the same since she died."
"I though he was getting better," Morgan sighed. "We should have seen something was wrong."
An hour later
A young doctor walked into the room. "Spencer Reid?"
"Is he okay?" Hotch asked. The rest of team stood up with him. "I'm his medical contact. You can speak freely in front of us all."
"Spencer is awake. He's severely underweight and dehydrated. We're giving him fluids to help him. Has Spencer been having any emotional trouble lately? Or has he been ill at all?"
"He's been having a hard time lately," Hotch answered her. "So he hasn't been eating properly?"
"After my examination, I can tell you that he hasn't eaten in at least the last two days and I think he's barely eaten anything before that. I would say this has been going on for at least a month."
Hotch and the team exchanged looks with each other, it had been six weeks since Maeve's death. Spencer had spent two of those in his apartment and he had returned to work four weeks ago.
"Can we see him?" JJ asked.
"Of course," the doctor nodded. "He needs to start eating properly again. He's lucky he only fainted. His blood sugar is low and his lack of eating could have caused him to fall into a coma if his behaviour had continued. Please, make sure he drinks as much water as he can and that he begins to eat again. Only soup and small amounts at first to allow his stomach time to digest food again without trouble. Follow me."
The doctor led them to the Reid's room and opened the door. "He'll have to stay overnight but he'll able to leave tomorrow afternoon when his levels are up. I have to attend to another patient but call for a nurse if you need anything."
Hotch thanked the doctor and walked into the room to see Reid sat up in bed, his skin pale and circles under his eyes.
"When can I go home?" Reid asked, he didn't look up at the team, shame running through him.
"Tomorrow afternoon, kid," Morgan answered.
"I don't want to stay here," Reid said. "I can sign out against medical advice."
"You could but I'm not letting you do that," Hotch said, his voice even and laced with authority. "I don't think you are in a good place mentally and I can override your medical decisions if the doctor agrees, which she will."
"Where am I then, mentally?" Reid snapped at Hotch. "You think I'm crazy."
"No, I think you are still grieving for the death of the woman you loved and you are neglecting yourself. I found you collapsed in the bathroom. You have an entire team around you to talk to. Why did you come to us?"
"My work is your business, my personal life isn't. I came to you for help in getting her back and we failed. People promised we would get her back safely and that I could tell her how much I loved her," Reid said angrily before glancing at Morgan briefly, he looked back to Hotch. "I'm not neglecting myself."
"What are you doing then?" Hotch argued back. "Punishing yourself?"
"YES!" Reid shouted. "I didn't save her. I should not get to live, she should. She had a mother and father who loved her. I want her back and that will never happen!"
"Everyone, can you give us a minute alone?" Hotch asked the others. They nodded reluctantly before leaving the room.
"Go with them," Reid said harshly.
"No," Hotch said back before sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I don't want you here. I want time alone."
"I don't trust you to stay alone, not in your state," Hotch said honestly.
"Why, Hotch? Think I'll try something."
"You've been starving yourself, you have already tried something. When I stepped into that bathroom, I honestly thought you had overdosed."
Reid snapped up his head, anger in his eyes. "Nice to know you see me as just another addict."
"Look Spencer, I know how much it hurts to lose the woman you love. I know how much your heart wants to tear itself apart. When Haley died, I blamed myself for her death. After a while, I came to understand that it wasn't my fault. She died at the hands of that bastard, Foyet. He killed her and I learned that her blood was on his hands, not mine. Diane had fixated on Maeve for months, she always had intentions of killing her. You, as a profiler, knew the most likely outcome."
"I could have stopped it," Reid said as tears burned his eyes and shook his head. "Maeve had almost gotten free. I should have just acted along with Diane better. Maeve would've been safe. She is the only woman I have ever truly loved and she died in front of my eyes. She died before I could tell her that I loved her and wanted to be with her."
Hotch put his arms around Reid and hugged him in a fatherly way.
"It wasn't your fault," Hotch said gently. "It wasn't your fault and it never has been. You need to stop punishing yourself."
"I miss her," Reid cried. "I just miss her so much."
"I know, I know," Hotch soothed. He held Reid and felt the youngest member of his team shake in his arms. Reid was going to need all of them to get better and he was going to make sure that they were there for him. He felt like a father holding his son.
Hotch knew better than anyone that grief could hurt you more than emotionally, it could affect you physically. He wasn't about to lose Reid. The team would look after him forever if they had to.