Note: To celebrate Father's Day, here is a little treat for all you Speakonia and text-to-speech voices fans. I've noticed that Speakonia and text-to-speech voices in general seem to get ignored by fanfiction writers. So to make up for it, here is my effort at making a Speakonia / Text-to-speech fanfic. Also, this will be my first fanfic that isn't set in Japan. This also could be a first for this site, to have a fanfic entirely consisting of text-to-speech voices. Huge progress, eh?
Another Note: In case you are not aware of what text-to-speech voices are, they are computer voices made by Microsoft, Lernout & Hauspie, and RoboSoft. Many of these voices are also on Speakonia, which can be downloaded for free online. A few of the most popular examples of text-to-speech voices include Microsoft Sam, Microsoft Mike, Microsoft Mary, Microsoft Anna, L&H Michael, L&H Michelle, and Radar Overseer Scotty (what many TTS video makers name Speakonia Adult Male #1). There are videos of these voices all over YouTube. Notable TTS video makers include: Thunderbirds101 (he is known as the king of TTS videos), WSAM0TV, GWizard777, davemadson (he is one of my all-time favorite TTS video makers), nkrs200, AT88TV, and many many others.
One Last Note: I hope you all enjoy this one and please don't forget to leave a review. And one more thing, this fanfic will also be uploaded simultaneously on my DeviantART account (I'm under the name CJO1234).
P.S.: Writing-wise, this fanfic will have slightly different formatting than that of my other fanfics. This chapter will also be considerably shorter than my average chapters as of late. But they will expand in length later on and include far less facts.
Rating: PG-13 for strong language throughout and some comic mischief.
"Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!", the alarm clock rang.
After a few seconds, a hand reached over and shut off the alarm. A man sat up in the bed, yawning and stretching. The man is Microsoft Sam, the default voice for Windows 2000 and Windows XP. Sam is probably the most famous of all the Speakonia/text-to-speech voices. There was a woman in the bed with him. The woman is Microsoft Anna, Sam's former rival and current girlfriend, and the default voice for Windows Vista and Windows 7.
"Morning, Anna", Sam greeted.
"Good morning, Sam", Anna replied back.
They then kissed each other and they got out of bed and walked out of the room. After getting dressed, the two lovers walked down to the hallway of the ROFL City Hotel, hand in hand. When they got into the kitchen they were met by Microsoft Mike and Microsoft Mary, optional TTS voices for Windows 2000 and Windows XP. Mike is Sam's younger brother, and Mary is Mike's girlfriend.
"Morning, big bro", Mike greeted.
"Same to you, little bro", Sam replied.
The two brothers then did their secret handshake (grabbing each other's hand with their forearms at a 45 degree angle and spinning it around) .
"Good morning to you, Anna", Mary called out.
"Good morning to you too, Mary", Anna responded.
"So what's going on?", Sam wondered.
"Nothing much, really", Mike answered, "Mary and I were about to head down to the dining room to get some breakfast".
"Is that so, eh?", Sam interjected, "Anna and I were doing the same thing".
"Well, what the hell are we doing standing around here for, let's go", Mike suggested.
"I hope there's still some good stuff left down there", Mary cut in.
"I'm sure there will be some good stuff left", Anna reassured her.
"I just hope Bacon didn't eat all the bacon already", Sam sighed.
"I know what you mean, that guy is insane for bacon", Mike agreed.
"And I hope Banana didn't take all the bananas again", Mary answered.
"I know, that man is crazy about bananas", Anna concurred.
As they got to the landing of the stairs, they ran into Lernout & Hauspie Michael and Lernout & Hauspie Michelle, optional voices for Windows XP. They are not only brother and sister, but they are also fraternal twins. They were walking out of the dining room, apparently they had been up for a little while.
"Oh hi there, guys", L&H Michael called out, "Nice to see you all up and about"
"Morning, Michael. Morning, Michelle", Sam replied, "So what's up?"
"We were just about to go out on our morning exercise routine", L&H Michelle explained, "We do this every day, rain or shine or wind or snow".
"You two must really be devoted to keeping yourselves healthy", Anna answered back, "Well, we'll leave you two to do your stuff".
With that, the twins nodded to the group as they walked down the hall to the entrance. The 4 main characters then walked into the dining room. Of course, Bacon and Banana were near the meat section and the fruit section. Radar Overseer Scotty was in between the bacon lover and the banana lover, making sure they didn't overdose on their respective foods. He himself was making a triple-decker baloney
"Yes, I gotta have that bacon. I love bacon almost as much as life itself", Bacon proclaimed.
"And I love bananas. But I can't possibly eat one because bananas are my friends", Banana concurred.
"Hey guys, heads up", Scotty warned his two companions, "Here comes Sam and the gang".
"Well shit, I'd better put some bacon back into the pan", Bacon muttered, "Otherwise he'll kick my ass again".
"And I'd better not take all the bananas or Sam would shove another one of them up my ass", Banana grumbled, "That was fucking painful trying to get the last one out of my anus".
They had just finished putting some of their stuff back when the group came in. Sam said that he appreciated the fact that Bacon and Banana didn't go overboard for once. So with that, they all dished up some food, which included all the usual stuff you'd find at a hotel breakfast.
However at one point, when Mike tried to eat a banana, Banana went absolutely batshit, chasing Mike around the room with a big ass wooden mallet, like you'd see in cartoons. Bacon had to chase after him and then tackle him to the ground so that he wouldn't accidentally harm Mike or anyone else.
You see, for many years, according to Banana's creator, tigerclaw64, before Banana met Bacon, his only companion was just that, a banana. Because of that, he believes that bananas have souls. And so whenever someone eats a banana within his line of sight, he goes crazy as a result. Kind of a sad story.
Other than that incident, everything went smoothly. A little while later however, as they were exiting the hotel, they heard a loud crashing noise from the parking garage below the building.
"HOLY CRAP ASS SHIT MOTHER FUCKING TACOS! What the hell was that?", Sam shouted as the group ran to see what caused the noise.
When they got there, they were met with a grisly sight. One of those old fashioned funny cars had crashed into Sam's expensive Lols-Royce, pretty much destroying it.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Only one thing to say about this!", Sam gasped, then started screaming:
"GOD DAMN IT SON OF A BITCH PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE FUCK FUCK FUCK! MY LOLS-ROYCE IS COMPLETELY TOTALED! WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID THIS, I WILL POUND THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM!"
A few seconds later, a human popped out of one of the windows. He is a rather fat guy with short red hair. That fat guy is me, Mr. FanficGuy, or as I'm known on DeviantART, CJO1234.
"What happened?", I asked, then as I caught glimpse of the damage cried out, "OH SWEET MAMA!"
"You little bastard! You destroyed my $300,000 Lols-Royce! I'll get you for this!", Sam shrieked as he charged at me with a caveman's club and I found myself running like hell, making huffing and puffing noises and tripping over my shoelaces all the way.
Anyway, Sam caught up to me and whacked me in the back, punched me in the face a few times and then gave me the wedgie of a lifetime, by hanging me by my underpants from the hotel's flagpole.
"All right! All right! I'll find a way to pay for the damage! Just please get me down from here!", I cried out, my voice in higher pitch because of the pressure on my testicles.
"Okay then, hold on", Sam sighed as he lowered me back down and then apologized by saying, "Sorry about that, Mr. Boss sir. I just lost control of myself".
"Well, try to control yourself next time, okay?", I explained to him, my voice going back to normal pitch, as I readjusted my underpants and grabbed my aching back, "You had me scared shitless".
"Again, I'm sorry, sir", Sam apologized once more, this time more sincerely, "Come on, I'll take you back inside to get you patched up".
Don't feel too bad, folks. I wasn't hurt that badly. Besides, ROFL City has the best medical care of any city in the universe. And also, I thought it would be funny for you all to see me be a Butt Monkey.
Later that day, after I had gotten all patched up at the first aid room, I brought the characters together for a staff meeting, and announced that starting next chapter, there will be some new characters added to the story.
"What do you mean, new characters?", Sam demanded.
"And how many are you talking about?", Mike questioned.
"They're not going to be evil clones are they?", Mary asked.
"Or are they going to be nice people?", Anna wondered.
"Well, you'll find out...", I announced, "...when Chapter 2 comes out"
"GOD DAMN IT SON OF A BITCH PIECE OF SHIT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE FUCK FUCK FUCK!", Sam called out, as the scene goes to an iris out.
Characters in this chapter:
Microsoft Sam - 25 years old, black hair, red eyes
Microsoft Mike - 24 years old, black hair, green eyes
Microsoft Mary - 22 years old, light brown hair, blue eyes
Microsoft Anna - 23 years old, light blond hair, blue eyes
L&H Michael - 24 years old, brown hair, green eyes
L&H Michelle - 24 years old, blond hair, blue eyes
Radar Overseer Scotty - 26 years old, red hair, green eyes (voiced by Speakonia Adult Male #1)
Bacon (actual name) - 24 years old, bacon strip for hat, dirty blonde hair, orange eyes (voiced by Speakonia Adult Male #3)
Banana (actual name) - 24 years old, banana for hat, dirty blonde hair, yellow eyes (voiced by either Speakonia Adult Male #2 or Speakonia Adult Male #3)
Chapter completed on Sunday June 16, 2013 (Happy Father's Day)
A very special thanks to tigerclaw64 (one of the youngest TTS video makers on YouTube) for allowing me to use her original character, Banana. Check out her DeviantART account and her YouTube account (same name for both accounts). She makes some great TTS videos and she uses humanoid designs for the voices.