"The Adventures of Zack, Kane and Daniel!"
Summary: When a dispute between tag team partners and a certain Broski turns into destruction for the Chairman's car, Vince suspends both Kane, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder from competition, indefinitely! What kind of odd and crazy jobs must they do to pay back their boss's car? Will it be sweet sailing? Or will it all become a horrible nightmare for the threesome?
Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers or anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment. Everything is owned by the chairman of WWE, Vince McMahon. This fic is not for money or profit as well. So enjoy reading.
Chapter 1: Accidents Do Happen
"I'm not a weak link!"
"Oh, don't start this crap on me, Daniel!"
Voices were heard around backstage. Unfortunately, the kind of voices that was heard wasn't in Randy Orton's head. But quite frankly, it was coming from two men.
One of them had a goat-like beard and complained a lot, while the other was tall and sported a red mask with the hair he had back when he debuted in 1997.
They were Daniel Bryan and Kane, better known as Team Hell No. They were at the top of their game. They held the WWE Tag Team Champions for an astounding eight months before they finally lost out to a group of thugs named The Shield.
During that loss at Extreme Rules, Daniel Bryan had suddenly become crazy and desperate for attention. It was from this point on that Kane accused Daniel Bryan of being a weak link for the team. Every week and every night, they kept losing to the so-called Hounds of Justice. Daniel Bryan was sick and tired of losing all the damn time.
Daniel Bryan was always in that ring and he kept fighting his hardest, hoping to get respect from this crowd and to prove that he wasn't the weak link of the team. But just as he was one step away from victory, there was always a flaw. Distraction and lack of concentration cost him dearly. Each loss they suffered was boiling Daniel's anger like an egg.
This night was very much different from the nights they had. Unfortunately, it meant another loss for Team Hell No. They were certainly losing their groove altogether. This time around, Daniel Bryan was blaming their current loss on Kane.
"C'Mon, Daniel! Come back! You seriously can't blame this loss on me!" Kane shouted out to Daniel, who was busy rolling his luggage to the car.
"Oh really? Where in the hell where you when I needed you!?" Daniel responded in protest, "You could've came in and helped me when you had the chance!"
"It's not my fault that damn Rollins held me so that he wouldn't help me get to you on time!" Kane exclaimed in defense.
"Oh sure... you just wanted to ditch me so you can get your hands on my Sun Chips!"
"I'm not lying! I was really trying to help us win the match!"
"Sure, blame it on the elephant in the other room, Kane! My Sun Chips are full of grain! They're the only thing I eat besides frickin' vegetables!" Daniel snapped once again as he was now trying to get his luggage in the trunk of the car that he and Kane were driving.
"Yeah, and you saying 'I don't need your help' to me was the only thing that blamed us for losing!" Kane said to Daniel once again as he put his luggage in the backseat.
"Well, I..." Daniel said in a huge state of confusion.
Of course, it was right before their match began and Daniel said to Kane that he refused any help from his partner. The Big Red Machine clearly got the message very well. And that cost them another matchup with the Shield. Kane had Daniel Bryan beat for a second.
That was until Daniel Bryan was shot back to reality and responded with a little white lie.
"That was from the carrot juice, Kane!" Daniel yelled.
"Oh, don't you even dare blame it on the carrot juice! I remember you telling me before the match: 'I don't need your help, I got this.' That's what you said!" Kane exclaimed again, but this time, his anger was about to boil up. And so was Daniel's.
"I'm telling you! It was the carrot juice talking, not me!" Daniel yelled once again as he opened up the front door of his car and got in.
Kane also got in the car as well, but he was being silent. Daniel could feel the same thing as well. Nothing but silence between them.
Neither Team Hell No was able to utter a word to each other. But however, they were able to exchange glances. They weren't pretty to be exact, concerning that they couldn't stand each other. Despite the fact that they couldn't stand to be close to one another, both Kane and Daniel found it inside them to forgive one another.
But they weren't in such a forgiving mood this time. Sick of the silence between them, Daniel got out of the car.
"Daniel?! Where in the hell are you going now!?" Kane scowled at Daniel with a groan.
"Well, funny you should know, Kane... I happened to lose my passion in driving!" Daniel said with a snarl.
"Look, if it means much more to you... I'm sorry, okay?" Kane spoke out shrugging his shoulders, "I could've acted early! I should've responded to the sneak attack from Rollins and Reigns fast enough, but I caught my eye off the ball."
Daniel wasn't responding. He turned away from Kane and crossed his arms in irritated fashion.
"Okay, Daniel! I'm sorry if my constant yammering is getting to you! Now, can we get going already?" Kane said with a sighed groan, "I heard they have his excellent buffet in town with a huge salad bar. You can pick out every kind of salad dressing you want."
Still, Daniel wasn't letting out a word. He was still in his silent phase. Not having to hear him speak, Kane started losing his mind instantly.
"Okay, Daniel... WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! DRAW A PICTURE SO I CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FRICKING SAYING TO YOU!?" Kane shouted out to his goat-bearded partner, who finally found it in himself to turn around and face his partner.
After taking enough of Kane's shouting, Daniel finally spoke.
"I want to drive alone."
Hearing those words from the former World Heavyweight Champion himself, Kane took it on himself and fired back.
"Oh no, there's absolutely no way you're making me walk to the next show! My feet are gonna hurt like hell!" Kane exclaimed angrily as he gestured down to his feet. "This sucks, Daniel! If I can't ride with you, who in the hell am I gonna get to ride with?"
"Try Zack frickin' Ryder!"
"There's no way I'm riding with him!" Kane scowled as he started poking his finger at Daniel's chest. "He always blasts his poopy pop music up loud! The last time we rode with him, he sang 'Call Me Maybe' so loud, the sound drowned out my voice telling him to stop! And when he stopped playing, I ripped out that crappy 8-track out of that annoying music player and burned it to the ninth gate of hell!"
"Kane, I promise he won't do it again." Daniel replied, turning his cheek the other way.
"He always does it again! It's like an addiction that he can't rid of! Kinda like crack and herpes!" Kane growled as he gritted his teeth.
"He can't help himself!" Daniel exclaimed with nonsense. "Either way, I'm riding alone."
"Oh no, you're not!" Kane snarled, poking his partner in the chest.
"Oh yes, I am!" Daniel said to him close-up.
Meanwhile, during the loud verbal fight of yes's and no's between Daniel Bryan and Kane, "The Long Island Iced Z" Zack Ryder came rolling in with his entire luggage.
"Hey, broski's! What up?" Zack spoke to both Daniel and Kane, who turned to him.
"EAT IT, RYDER!" Kane and Daniel said, shouting back to the broski.
"Geez, I was trying to see 'what's up'. You didn't need to get your heads up your butts, bros." Ryder snarled at both of them as he opened up the trunk of his car so he could get his luggage in his trunk. Kane and Daniel decided to continue their verbal fight from there.
"I'm telling you Kane, Ryder isn't gonna play his pop music this time. He'll take it very quiet so you can get some sleep. Wouldn't you like that?" Daniel said with a gentle tone of voice.
"I'm still not riding with that little fruit!" Kane blared out aggressively as he gestured over to Ryder. But before the Long Island Iced Z could take off on his corvette, he put it on neutral and got of the car, overhearing what Kane said.
"Are you serious, bro? Are you actually calling me a little fruit?" Ryder responded to Kane with a raised eyebrow.
"If the fruity little headband fits, wear it!"
"Unlucky for you, bro... I grew out of those things!" Ryder replied in defense, "And to tell you the truth, those headbands weren't fruity!"
"Believe me, you looked like dried-up Fruit Stripe gum!" Kane cried out with an evil little chuckle. Although he was mostly seven foot and quite deranged because of the red mask he wears, he can always enjoy a little chuckle out of people's misfortune.
As the verbal fight now centered around the Big Red Monster and the Long Island Iced Z, an empty soda bottle fell down on the stick shift, which forced the pedal to move from park to reverse. Neither man noticed the Corvette rolling backwards as both Zack, Kane and Daniel were now embroiled in quite the verbal war.
"Dried up Fruit-Stripe gum? You're really comparing me to a sugarless treat, bro?" Zack responded back, giving Kane a little shove and a shrug.
"Yes, I am comparing you to a sugarless treat. You use gum that's melted just to spike your hair!" Kane teased at Ryder's face.
However, after a few irritating tirades, Daniel Bryan finally looked behind Ryder to see the Corvette rolling away.
"Not now, Daniel!" Zack spouted to Daniel, before he turned his attention back to Kane, "Fine, if I look like dried-up Fruit Stripe, then your mask looks like you skinned a gorilla's ass, painted it red, and glued it on your face, bro!"
"How dare you make fun of my mask!" Kane spoke out through an enraged tone of voice, "I'll have you know that this mask is 100% leather, not the skin from a chimp's ass!"
"Guys..." Daniel spoke in the middle of the fight, trying to warn both Zack and Kane of the rolling Corvette in reverse.
"Don't interrupt, Daniel!" Kane shouted to Daniel again before he looked back at Ryder, "What about the time you cranked up your wussy pop music so loud, it was disturbing the other drivers?"
"Bro, I can't help it if I find Justin's Beiber's music infectious!" Zack exclaimed defensively once again.
"Yeah, like V.D.! And there's no way someone like me is getting V.D. listening to your little disease music!" Kane whined a little. Unfortunately, Kane and Ryder's back-and-forth argument boiled Daniel Bryan's anger, which forced the goat-bearded malcontent to finally snap.
"GUYS!" Daniel yelled from the top of his lungs.
"WHAT!?" Kane and Ryder shouted out to Bryan.
Daniel Bryan was about to say something at the moment, but he wouldn't get the chance.
All three suddenly heard the Corvette crash into something. It sure as hell didn't sound like a tink. But it was more like a thud. With the trio's eyes bulging, they knew it wasn't good.
"I was gonna say the Corvette's rolling in reverse." Daniel Bryan spoke in a nervous smile.
Hearing that squealing crash, both Kane, Daniel and Zack ran down the slanted ramp and witnessed a very disturbing image.
The image of Zack Ryder's corvette hitting a huge black limousine. But it wasn't just any limousine...
...it was a limousine owned by their boss, Mr. McMahon. Zack Ryder was seconds from panicking like a little high-pitched hussy. Aw, hell with it, he did anyway.
"My car! Why on earth did my car end up here?" Zack spoke out panicking. He put his hands to his head, knowing the consequences he would face.
"This is just great, Daniel!" Kane shouted as he rolled his eyes in anger. "If you could've said something sooner other than now, then we would've stopped Ryder's car in time!"
Rolling his eyes as well, Daniel spat back at Kane.
"If you didn't have the decency to yell at me in the first place, then this would've never happened!" Daniel exclaimed as he put his foot down and poked Kane's chest once again. All of his finger-poking was only making the Big Red Machine more pissed off than ever.
Kane would've had the decency to smash Bryan's face into a windshield, but before he could ever get a chance to do just that, Ryder's voice suddenly popped out.
"Hey, bros... why do I smell gasoline right now?" Ryder said, feeling a bit tense and suspicious.
Both Daniel and Kane became suspicious as well. Why on earth were they smelling gasoline all of a sudden?
But then they finally realized after a few hours of thinking...
After all three screamed with such horrendous tones, Ryder clearly backed away from the car and started to make a run for it. And so did Daniel and Kane. The threesome hit the ground running and just when they finally took cover...
That huge explosion nearly shattered every car window in the parking lot. Luckily, nobody wasn't around at the time because of the rubble and debris falling from one lot to the other. Ryder, Daniel and Kane covered themselves for a good minute or two before they finally looked up. The impact wasn't pretty.
Zack's Corvette and Mr. McMahon's limo was nothing but a pile of burnt scrap heap. A gulp came from the inside of Daniel Bryan. Nervously, he spoke up to the rest of his verbally-assaulted friends.
"Okay... n-nobody knows this happened..." Daniel said with a hint of fear in his eyes, "We'll just blame it on the monkeys. They smashed Mr. McMahon's limo and we didn't stop them in time."
Kane and Zack looked right at Daniel with such confusion, hoping that Daniel's gameplan of his wouldn't work. Luckily, it wasn't even going to if that plan happened.
The silence continued between them, but it wasn't meant to last. They heard a voice coming behind them.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR?!"
Those threatening words was heard from a certain Mr. McMahon, who appeared behind the trio and reacted in rage of the spectacle he was now watching. Kane, Daniel and Zack definitely didn't like the glare that their own boss gave them. It was like a mixture between the grim reaper and a man with the measles. Too stunned to even say a word, Daniel managed to utter something so grim.
This can't be too good for both men. What will Vince do to both Kane, Zack and Daniel next chapter?
Read and review! Until then, Happy Father's Day!