Where's the Rum?

By: Tiger1Lily

Author's Note: So the other day, I was thinking, what would happen if our favorite pirate joined the Avengers? Chaos, that's what.

Character List

Captain Jack Sparrow- crazy pirate who knows how to get into a bind

Nick Fury- government worker who organizes the Avengers team

Iron Man/ Tony Stark- genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist

Hawkeye/Clint Barton- while not super powered, he is amazing with a bow and arrow

Black Widow/Natasha Romanov- while not super powered, she is a great spy and a great fighter

Captain America/Steve Rogers- genetically enhanced super soldier

Thor- Norse God, lives on Asgard and fights with a hammer

The Hulk/Bruce Banner- because of gamma radiation, turns into a green monster when stressed. Warning: do not anger this guy!

Kraken- giant sea monster that ate Jack in the 2nd movie


Captain Jack Sparrow was not a happy man. No, he was not a happy man at all. He had just woken up after a dreadful knock to the head. A bloody man in a red and gold suit blew up the Pearl! He blew up his ship! He mourned the loss of the Pearl while he nursed his head wound. Pieces of the fallen mass landed on his head and knocked him out. When he woke up, he was stuck in this room. Bugger.

In his defense, the man came out of nowhere! He flew towards the ship! He flew! Jack was sure it was not from too much rum. The man in the metal suit simply raised his hand and a blue beam turned the ship into a pile of scraps. Oh his poor, poor Pearl. This time, Jack knew it was impossible to get it back.

While he thought about his poor ship, he was not just sitting idly. Captain Jack Sparrow always had a way to get out of whatever situation he was in. He was already working on shimmying his way out of the rope that bound him to the chair and was looking for possible escape routes. The room was bear, except for a ledge high up that was hidden in shadow. There was also a window that he would be able to break out of if need be. Finally there was a door to run out of. Yes, leaving this place would be all too easy.

While Jack was thinking all of this, a man with an eye patched walked in. He was bald and in a suit. Even though he had the patch, Jack knew right away that this guy was not a pirate. No pirate in their right mind would wear a suit! They would rather around starkers! The man had a charismatic aura and radiated power. The man looked Jack in the eyes and spoke.

"My name is Nick Fury and you can thank me," He said.

Jack's jaw dropped, "Whatever for? Ye blew up me ship!"

"I saved your life. You originally died when the Kraken attacked your ship," Fury announced.

"What d'ye mean I died?" Jack asked, "I'm pretty sure I'm alive. I'm talking to ya and yer talking to me. Savvy?"

"A member of our team invented a time traveling device. His name is Tony Stark. If you have a problem about your ship, you can talk to him. He is the one to blow it up. Tony always has a flair for dramatics." Jack stored that piece of information for later. Tony Stark was the man in the red suit that blew up his ship. But if this man was telling the truth, and he had no reason to lie, Stark also saved his life. Jack's head was starting to hurt.

"So why'd ye save me?" Jack questioned. Usually, you shouldn't question why people helped you out. But help was so rare without a cost when you were a pirate, Jack had to know.

"I need something from you. The Avengers need something you have. That is, the Avengers are a team of super heroes that protect America," Fury explained.

"The colonies?" Jack was confused. Why just the colonies?

"America broke free from England and formed its own country. I understand you have a lot to catch up on. The Avengers will help you with that," Fury was constantly promoting the Avengers team, wasn't he. Well, Jack was not sure he wanted to join.

"Sorry mate, Captain Jack Sparrow helps no one. Mark this day on your calendars! It shall be remembered as the day ye almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow…" Jack trailed off. He slipped his hands out of the rope and was half way out the door when he felt an arrow pierce his bottom!

Jack whipped around and stared at Fury. A man jumped down from the ledge and landed next to Fury. He was lean with blonde hair and was holding a bow. His name was Clint Barton and was the best sharp shooter of his generation.

"Where do you think you are going?" Clint asked.

"To go find the rum…" Jack muttered. He swayed and then fell to the floor with a thud. Well, that is what happens when you get hit with a tranquilizer.


When Fury told Tony Stark that he had to somehow figure out how to travel to the past and save an egotistical pirate, he immediately went out to buy as many books on Quantum Physics he could find. Tony didn't ask why he needed to save him. He could always hack into the files later.

After staying up for ninety-six hours straight (which beat his previous record of seventy-two), he had the solution. Tony admired the small piece of equipment that he held in his hand. It was around the size of CD, and the width of one too. There was a series of dials and nobs that controlled when and where you ended up.

Tony got into his suit and had Jarvis track the point in the ocean where the Black Pearl went down. That was Jack Sparrow's ship. Once he had the latitude and longitude, Tony was on his way. It only took him a few hours the reach the Caribbean. And when he did, he resituated his device. In a flash, he was back in time and could see the Pearl.

Tony took off his face mask and made eye contact with the grimiest man he had ever seen! After his many imprisonments and dealings, he had seem many rough looking people. But none matched the pirate. Jack Sparrow. Tony wanted to ask Jarvis to look up more about him, but there were no satellites in the past. Jarvis was asleep and Tony was alone, well he did have the pirates. Did that really count?

Tony tried to come up with a plan. All he would do was swoop down, grab the pirate, and get out of there as fast as he could. It would be easy, right? Wrong. Nothing was ever that easy, was it?

"Really? A sea monster?" Tony muttered to himself.

The Pearl was under attack, just the occupants of the ship did not know it. This was how they all died, in historical records, at least. Tony knew he had to do something. Nick Fury would not have him waste his time in the past for nothing, right? This pirate must be worth something. Maybe he knew something about the Frost Giants that the people of the future did not.

"Time for a fish fry," Tony announced. He raised his hand and blew up the monster. Unfortunately, the ship went with it. Jack Sparrow's look of utter horror was almost comical. Tony would have laughed if it wasn't for the fact that he got hit with a falling piece of timber. Great, more work for him.

He flew towards the pirate and picked him up. Tony tossed the man across his back and quickly lowered his face mask. Boy did he smell! When was the last time he had a shower? Never?

Tony knew he could not just leave the others to die. He quickly located the largest piece of the boat and dropped the crew on top of it. It was up to them if they were going to make it or not. It was out of his hands. Tony Stark readjusted the dials and was on his way back to the future. He brought the supposed to be dead pirate with him.


"It took you a long time to wake up after that tranq dart, Captain," He taunted the pirate.

"A what dart?" Jack asked.

Nick explained, "A tranquilizer dart. It knocks you out to keep you from escaping."

"Why'd ye do that?" Jack spat.

"Like I said earlier, you have something I want. It was lost when you died," Nick pressed.

Jack raised an eyebrow, "What d'ye need?"

"I need your compass," Nick commanded. He watched with a trained eye as Jack Sparrow carefully patted his chest pocket to make sure it was still there. Nick smiled. Now he knew where the compass was. With the compass, it would lead him to the thing he wanted most. That thing was the tesseract. The Frost Giants took it and hid it somewhere where no Avenger could find. It was desperate he got it back. The state of the world was at stake.

"Me compass?" He gasped, "I don't have me compass with me." As soon as he said it, a woman came up behind him and stuck her hand in his front pocket. She snatched out the compass and handed it to the Director. She had dark red hair and in a black jump suit. She had a gun sticking out of her pocket. The gun made Jack keep his mouth shut.

"Thank you Natasha," the Director said.

"No problem Nick. He wasn't going to hand it over willingly," She replied.

"No he was not," Fury agreed.

Jack decided he had stayed quiet long enough. "What are ye going to use me compass for?"

"To find a something of great importance to us. Is that alright with you?" Natasha spat.

"I want me compass back," Jack demanded.

"When we're done with it. Maybe," Natasha announced. She turned and left the room. Two minutes with the new recruit and she already had a headache. That had to be a record. She lasted ten minutes with Tony.

"You can have it back if you help us retrieve what was stolen from us. If you join the Avengers, we will give it back to you," Nick Fury offered.

Jack thought for a moment. He needed his compass back. He had yet to find what he was looking for. He needed it. It was a matter of life and death. He would just die if he did not get it back. These thoughts made his decision for him. "You'll give it back?" At the director's nod he continued, "Then I'll join. I won't like it, but I'll join yer team, savvy?"

Nick grinned. That was very uncharacteristic for him. Then he said something that was highly doubtful he ever said before and certain he would never say again. "Savvy."


It was a few weeks later. All the Avengers had already decided that they hated the new recruit. Even easy going Bruce disliked the man.

Tony didn't like him because their personalities were too similar. They were always arguing and the pirate was still angry that he blew up his ship! Tony saved that man's life! The least he could do was forget about that run down ship.

Steve did not like him because he was just like Tony, without the redeeming qualities. He was full of himself and did not work well with others at all. He was a hindrance to the team and was so obviously against them. Steve had stronger feelings toward him than dislike. He hated him!

Bruce did not like him because he got on his nerves. When he was around him, he had to fight ten times harder to keep the other guy under control. All he did was complain and complain. He was horrible! Bruce did not understand why Nick Fury wanted him on the team.

Clint did not like him because he still had a grudge against him. Why was the pirate still mad about the tranquilizer dart? Really? How juvenile was that! Clint was the most indifferent of all the Avengers, but he was still leaning towards the dislike side.

Thor did not like Jack because he was so untrustworthy. According to Jack you could always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, but you never knew when an honest man was deceiving you. Thor preferred the second option. He liked to be able to trust people and usually saw the best in people, but this was ridiculous!

Natasha did not like the Captain because even a few moments with him gave her a headache. He was obnoxious and rude. He was constantly insulting her and the other Avengers. One time, she hit him across the face for talking like that. Instead of crying or whining or doing something, he just muttered, "I deserve that." She never used violence on him again. There was no reaction!

In Jack's defense, he did not really like the other Avengers, either. They were all pushy and annoying and just too modern for Jack to handle. He missed his crew more and more each day but knew he would never be able to go home, seeing as how we was 'dead'. Jack hated his new position so much and did not feel a shred of loyalty to them. Knowing all of this, would you really blame him for what he did?

Loki waited for the pirate to come. He had arranged a meeting with him. Jack Sparrow was the new Avenger, and was not loyal to the team at all. He was a weakness in the otherwise impregnable Avengers team.

Finally, the Captain showed up. Whatever Loki was expecting, it was not this. The man had long brown dread locks and wore a bandanna and make up. Well, then again, Loki never really saw a pirate before.


"Hello Captain. My name is Loki. I heard you don't like the people who have you prisoner," Loki grinned. It was time for the moment of truth.

"I don't. Ye said that if I work for ye, I can have me revenge?" Jack asked. He wanted revenge for his ship and revenge for stealing his compass and revenge for bringing him to this crazy, futuristic time.

"Yes. And I would be willing to pay you for your services," Loki offered.

"Deal. My name is Captain Jack Sparrow and Jack Sparrow only works for the highest bidder."

The End