(AN: Okay, let's see if my third attempt is more successful than my last two.)

(This is, as you might have guessed, a cross-over between Doctor Who and Lord of the Rings. It originally started as a non-crossover parody about certain cliches I've seen in LotR writing and critiques of the story/movies by film critics. Then, sometime before I saw "The Name of the Doctor", I decided to bring those to life in a crossover between Doctor Who and LotR. Well, here it is, ladies and gentlemen. I don't own any of these things: LotR belongs to Tolkien [I borrow more from the book than the movies], and Doctor Who belongs to Mr. Moffat, aka. the BAMF. Anything else I might reference also belong to their respective authors/creators.)


A field of corn was the first thing the Doctor and Clara Oswald saw. The Doctor had promised her a fun adventure and away they went in his TARDIS - Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. The next thing they noticed once the TARDIS landed and the Doctor threw open the doors was a field of corn. Clara, that odd little impossible girl, was the first one out of the TARDIS, looking about at everything around them. Behind her walked the Doctor with his long stride, bringing up the rear after her with his chin leading the rest of his body.

"Where are we this time?" Clara asked. Her tone, however, was one of a statement, not a question.

"You'll find out soon enough," the Doctor said. "Although I do suggest we go back inside and change into something a bit more...appropriate."

"Nice try, chin-boy," Clara replied. That was her nickname for the Doctor: chin-boy.

"What?" the Doctor asked, then made a face. "Oh, no, no no no. Not like that. What I mean to say is that we might look a bit out of place here."

"The only one who's out of place is you, Doctor," Clara replied, as though she were commenting on the weather.

The Doctor fought hard to keep his mouth shut and not retort. What she had said was the biggest understatement in the last millennium of his life. The first time the Doctor had encountered this girl, calling herself Oswin Oswald, was on a ship in the Dalek asylum. She had been converted and sacrificed her life so that he and the Ponds could escape. The Ponds, Amy and Rory: just thinking about them made the Doctor's hearts break. But he knew where and what they were: it was this girl, this Clara Oswald, with her big puppy-dog brown eyes and cute upturned nose and seemingly unflappable cool before any situation - not to mention her impossibility - which got the Doctor's attention more than anything.

After the Ponds had been stolen away from him, the Doctor retired to the 19th century in the capital of his favorite Earth country: London. There he hoped to live out the rest of his life in solitude, away from anyone he might hurt. But then Clara appeared again, saving him from the Great Intelligence's "snowmen" before, once again, dying. And then she called him via the TARDIS' phone. There was something in the wifi and once again he came running. There, in early 21st century London, he found her again: Clara Oswald, alive and just as clever as always. It maddened and confounded him, and that enough was beyond frustrating: the Doctor was a Timelord, the last of the Timelords. He was so clever he could accomplish advanced Earth trigonometry in his sleep, and yet this twenty-something Earth girl with her big, puppy-dog brown eyes, cute upturned nose and unflappable cool before nervous situations confounded him above all else. Who was she? What was she? And more importantly, how was she possible?

Once they had solved the mystery of the alien wifi, the Doctor invited Clara to journey the stars with him. Eventually she said yes and, after Akhaten, the Soviet missile sub, the Caliburn House, Tamriel and Jupiter, they were now coming somewhere else entirely, somewhere the Doctor had not visited in a long span of years.

"Is this Earth?" Clara asked.

"You could say that," the Doctor evaded.

"Sure looks like Earth," she said, examining the corn and the dirt beneath her shoes. She sniffed the air. "Smells like autumn."

"You can tell that just by sniffing?" the Doctor asked.

"Sure," she replied. "Autumn has a certain kind of smell, doesn't it?"

The Doctor sniffed the air. "Yes, of course it does."

There was a slight chill in the air, but nothing they were not prepared for in any case. The Doctor wore his usual suit, a dark shade of violet in homage to those whom he had lost, with a dark bow-tie sitting jauntily upon his neck ("Bow-ties are cool", he would often say): even so, Gallifrey had some cold parts and the Ood sphere he had taken Donna Noble to after Pompeii was rather chilly as well. Clara, meanwhile, wore a black leather jacket over a blue blouse and skirt one-piece with black stocking. Needless to say, unless a sudden snowstorm hit them, they were going to be fine.

"I think we should get out of this field," the Doctor spoke up. "I think...

"...because it's someone's field, right," Clara finished. "Come on then, chin-boy."

Clara began walking towards the end of the field with the Doctor walking off after her. For someone with a smaller stride than he, Clara could cover ground very quickly at a walking pace. In these instances, the Doctor felt very much like one of his many companions. He made a mental note, however, to tell his previous incarnation, if he met him again like on Jupiter, that the neck-tie was a bad choice. One, it wasn't cool and two, it could be grabbed and he could be dragged about by his neck: quite uncomfortable.

Just then, at the end of the field, the Doctor heard Clara exclaim: "No...way!"

He burst out next to her and saw that she was looking with wonder at what lay before them, a look of surprise and wonder on her face like he had never before seen. Before them lay a wide green country of rolling hills and oceans of green grass. Tall trees dotted some of the landscape and in the midst there wound a dirt and cobblestone path. Built into the side of those hills were small doors and windows and before and around those were many gardens and beyond and further about were fields and pasture-land.

"Doctor, this...this is the Shire!" she stated.

"Hobbiton, to be precise," the Doctor added. "Westfarthing, I believe. We've arrived just in time."

(AN: I guess that's as much as we can do for now.)

(When I started watching seasons 5 and 6 of Doctor Who, I found the Eleventh Doctor [this one] to be rather silly. However, as I started going into the current season where, as I said in the story, it's becoming more like the adventures of Clara Oswald and the Doctor is her companion and "damsel in distress" [he even admitted in "The Name of the Doctor" that she saves him more times than he has saved her], I started growing closer to him. Also, as his time is coming to an end, I thought I'd make a story that was completely him, no extra Doctors and such. Just a fun, semi-serious adventure with the Doctor and his companion.)

(Jupiter and Tamriel are two ideas that I'm working on. The first is about the first manned space-station around a gas giant [more of a sci-fi thriller than an adventure story], and the second is the Doctor and Clara in Tamriel from the Elder Scrolls series. I'm sure they went on more adventures, but those were two ideas of mine that I wanted to state for any who might be interested in seeing them.)