Boris the Spider

Harry Potter

A/N: For John Entwhistle, the finest bassist in rock and roll. May he rest in peace.

Boris the Spider

Look, he's crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now he's up above my head
Hanging by a little thread

Simply put, Ron was scared shitless of spiders. This one was no exception.

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

It was black. It was hairy. It had eight legs.


Now he's dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door
Maybe he's as scared as me
Where's he gone now, I can't see

Ron was sweating and pale. His arachnophobia was that bad. He was frozen. Somewhere his rational voice said that this guy was too little to do anything to him. Didn't look like a black widow.


Boris the spider
Boris the spider

But Ron's instincts were anything but rational at the moment. He couldn't even reach for his wand.


Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly


It was scuttling around insanely, looking for a way out of the room, or prey, or something. All of a sudden, he just stopped.


There he is wrapped in a ball
Doesn't seem to move at all
Perhaps he's dead, I'll just make sure
Pick this book up off the floor

Ron blinked and recovered enough to take his wand out of his pocket and aim it at the spider.

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

That was about as far as he got before he was in paralysis again.


Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly

Ron shook himself, then shouted, "Expelliarmus!"


He's come to a sticky end
Don't think he will ever mend
Never more will he crawl 'round
He's embedded in the ground

Ron stumbled out of the empty classroom, hurrying to Gryffindor Tower.

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

"What happened, Ron?" asked Hermione. "You look scared out of your wits."

"Boris is no more," was all Ron could say.