Angel Boy

by WSJ

The first time I heard this song I thought "Oh my gosh! It's Duo!!!" but then I thought more into it... And came up with this.

I don't own GW and the song belongs to Tim McGraw.

Note: I haven't heard this in a loooong time and I tend to think there's another verse. If there is please send me the lyrics for it!!!


I don't remember my mother at all. She died soon after I was "born", or so my dad tells me. As "born" as you can be out of a test tube.

The closest thing I have to a mother is my sister, Ira. She taught me right from wrong while I was young. She called me Tenshi. Angel. She said I was destined to be the best, the brightest.

Oh how I wish I could believe her... If only I could go back to that time not too long ago when I was so innocent and trusting... I knew nothing else. I knew no war, no pain, no sorrow. In short, I was a spoiled brat.

My mother said,

"There's only one way,

"Sweet angel boy, narrow and straight!"

That all changed after I met Rashid, Instructor H, and eventually the other pilots, especially Duo.

Duo Maxwell... Now there's a person with a past if I ever saw one! I still don't know quite all of it, but he's opened up to me a little. We've sortof bonded, because we're both orphans.

Ok, fine, let me rephrase that. We're both orphans who remember at least one of our parents.

Duo says he only remembers a little. Snipets of a lullaby, the feel of warm arms holding him, the sound of a voice... But at least they're memories.

Sometimes it seems to me as if Duo is the Devil himself. He's not afraid, because after growing up on L2 he knows it's kill or be killed.

Sometimes, I think I grew up too innocent.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never agreed to pilot Sandrock.

Sometimes, I just want my mom...

Time it has passed, teachings they fade.

Now her angel boy has gone astray...

I guess, now that the war's over, I have good days and I have bad days, just like my four comerades in arms. Some days I feel peachy-keen, over-joyed that the war is over and there is peace again.

But some days I feel filthy, as if the bodies of all those I have killed are weighing down on my shoulders, as if their blood stains not only my hands, but my clothes, my hair, seeping through and running in rivlets down my skin.

So many...

I think back now and I have to wonder, why did I do it? Killing is a sin. Can I still be forgiven?

I've held the hand of the Devil,

Felt his breath on my skin.

Dip me into the water, wash me again.

Now that the war's over all five of us have gone our seperate ways. Wufei and Heero are Preventors in the Sanc Kingdom, Trowa's gone back to the circus, and Duo's went back to L2 and Hilde. They got married last month. At the moment, for reasons I don't really know, I'm staying in their guest room. Maybe I just want to be reassured that I'm not the only one still suffering. Duo and Hilde both still bare scars, both mental, physical and emotional.

A while ago Duo got me to go with him to mass at a church he's begun to attend. I went. It's not that I'm not a good Muslim, it's just that I'm not really anything at all. I've never really followed any religion.

So I went to mass with Duo, and I found myself facinated with this God, this Jesu Christi, who loved his people enough to die for them. I've never been loved like that, and I never will be. No one could love a killer like me.

Can I still be forgiven for all of these things?

Or have I gone too far now,

Have I lost my wings?

I took a walk one day about a month later, and suddenly I found myself in front of a church.

Without really knowing why I pushed open the heavy wood door and slipped inside, savoring the warmth of the chapel after the nippy October chill.

I looked around and see no one. There were pews all around and soft, deep red carpet on the floor. Right in front of me was an isle that led to the alter up front, where two candles burned on either side of a tall stand that held an open Bible.

I took a hesitant step forward, pulling my leather jacket off as I did. I laid it across the back of a nearby pew, and I suddenly found myself running forward to look at that huge, omnious black book.

Almost breathlessly I read it's pages, page after page after page. Not much of what I read made sence to me, but I suddenly had such a hunger for this Jesu that was so loving.

I don't know how long I stood there reading, but I was startled out of my reverie by someone quietly clearing their throat behind me. Startled I spun around, afraid that I'd done something wrong.

Behind me stood a man in maybe his mid- to late-thirties. He had a kind face and eyes that twinkled, and brown hair the color of molassis that was only beginning to show a bit of grey at the temples. He was dressed in black preist's robes and had a silver cross on a chain around his neck.

"Can I help you little brother?" he asked.

I don't know what made me do it, maybe it was his eyes or his smile or his warm voice, but I suddenly found myself pouring out the entire story to him. All of it. Sandrock and Instructor H and killing and it all. He just led me to a pew and sat down with me, and listened. That's what was most shocking. He just listened. And he didn't seem surprised either.

I found a pastor, I spoke my mind.

Asked if I'd sinned one too many times.

He said, "My son, you're only a man."

Then I said, "Sir, you don't understand!"

"Jesu can forgive anything." he told me once I'd finished. "All you need to do is ask."

I looked up at him with tear-stained eyes and knew he was right. It was his turn to speak then, and he did. He told me stories of what Jesu did when he was on Earth, acts of love he'd commited. How he'd died for all, but risen again. How he loved us and wanted to forgive us, no matter how bad or how oft-repeated the sin.

"There's more, so much more!" he said, throwing up his hands, a radient smile lighting his face. "I wish I could keep you here forever and simply tell you! But it is late, and you must be going now little brother."

"I don't want to go!" I said. "I want to know more! Please, you speak with such a passion, surely you know Jesu personally! I want to know him like that!"

A small smile played at the preist's lips and he pulled a smaller version of the big Bible out of the folds of his robe. "Here. Take this with you. Read it over and over, many times, cover to cover. Jesu knows you. You will know Jesu."

I took the book gently, almost in reverence. I saw that it was dog-eared and well used. I thumbed through it and saw many passages highlighted, in others the words were blurred as if tears had fallen onto the pages. Other places were smudged with the crimson I could readily identify as blood. This was a soldier's Bible.

"I cannot take it!" I said, trying to hand it back to him. "It's your personal one!"

"There are many others." he said gently. "And in reality I have no more need of it. It is yours." He closed my fingers around it. "Take it and go home little brother, it is late."

"I will pray for you." I said as we moved towards the door.

He nodded, another funny little smile coming to his lips as he handed me my coat. "And I you."

"I've held the hand of the Devil,

"Felt his breath on my skin!

"Dip me into the water, wash me again.

"Can I still be forgiven for all of these things?

"Or have I gone too far now,

"Have I lost my wings?"

It was two weeks later that Hilde sent Duo and I out on errands. There were only a couple, so he and I desided to walk. It was a nice day out anyway, and there wouldn't be many more before the weather turned cold, so we wanted to enjoy it.

Duo was chattering on about something when he got a funny, sad look on his face and made to turn down an alley way, tugging on my coat sleeve for me to follow. "Come on, we shouldn't go that way." I remembered only later that his voice was slightly husky.

I for one, could not be moved. I knew where we were. I ran ahead and Duo, sorrow or no, was forced to follow.

"What happened?" I whispered, tears stinging my eyes as I stared at the ruins. "What have they done?" I refured to 'them' without really knowing who 'they' were.

Duo stood at my side, and out of the corner of my eye I saw tears glistening on his cheeks. "These are the ruins of the Maxwell Church and Orphanage, where I grew up." He sniffed, a strange sound coming from him. "This was the first real home I ever knew."

I turned to stare at him in shock. "But that can't be! I was here only two weeks ago, and it was fine!"

Duo shot me a look. "Impossible."

God, help us all for what we have done.

We've lost our way, we can't find the Son!

We make our beds, we seal our fate,

Is there still time, or is it too late?

"But it's true!" I protested. "I talked to the preist, and he gave me his Bible. I've been reading it non-stop ever since!"

He stared at me and saw the truth in my eyes. His voice was choked when he finally found the courage to speak. "Do you have it with you?"

I nodded. I carried it everywhere with me now. I pulled it out of the roomie inside pocket of my coat and showed it to him.

He took it almost reverantly out of my hands and just stood there, staring at it for several moments. Then slowly, as if almost afraid of what he would or wouldn't find there, he opened the front cover.

I had never bothered to check the front for the preist's name, so both of us stared in shock. Choking back a sob, Duo ran his fingers over the name and date inscribed on the first page.

'Reverand Father Davyd (read: David) Maxwell, September 16, AC 173'

We've held the hand of the Devil,

Felt his breath on our skin.

Dip us into the water, wash us again.

Can we still be forgiven for all of these things?

Or have we gone too far now,

Have we lost our wings?

I lifted my eyes back to the ruins and saw now the resemblance. There was the alter, just there had been where the priest and I had sat and talked for hours.

Had it been a ghost? An angel? Yes, that was it, I knew suddenly, without a shadow of a doubt. It had been an angel. I remembered how he had seemed to appear behind me so suddenly, making no sound. I remembered the warmth in his voice and suddenly wondered if it had been Jesu himself impersonating Duo's beloved Father.

I turned back around to said braided boy and saw him on his knees in the dirt, trying to dig something out from under a rock. I knew he had to do this himself, and just watched.

Finally he pulled a silver chain out of the dust and whiped away a bit of the mud. At the end of the chain dangled a cross. The one Father Maxwell had been wearing while we talked. He gazed at it, and tears again filled his eyes. I saw him then as Father Maxwell must have seen him, a scared, lonely orphan boy just looking for love.

His hand went to his throat, where a gold cross dangled, identicle to the one he held. He stood up then, and turned to me. Before I could protest he looped the silver chain around my neck.

I started to say no, I could never take it, but he held up a hand to stall me. "I already have Sister Helen's cross. You deserve Father Maxwell's. It will forever keep us connected to them, and to each other. Never forget Quatre, you're not the only one hurting. There will always be pain, but there will also always be Jesu."

I laughed slightly and hugged him. "You sound like him. Father Maxwell, I mean."

He nodded and hugged my back, tears in both our eyes. "I know. I want to." He pulled away from me slightly. "You can keep the Bible. I have one at home."

I nodded and we turned to gaze together at the ruins of Maxwell Church.

We've held the hand of the Devil,

Felt his breath on our skin.

Dip us into the water, wash us again.

Can we still be forgiven for all of these things?

Or have we gone to far now,

Have we lost our wings?

As we looked at the broken church together I could almost see Duo, Solo and his other orphan buddies running around. I could hear Sister Helen bustling about in the kitchen and the sounds of Father Maxwell preaching. I could almost hear his gentle words.

'Would you boys like to accept Jesu into your hearts so he will live with you, and you with He, forever?'

In unison, our arms around each others' shoulders, Duo and I nodded.

Have we lost our wings?


Oi! That was a lot different then I planned it to be! ^_^ But I love it!!! So much!!! At the beginning I knew that Quatre was going to talk to a preist, but I didn't know it was Father Maxwell until he gave him the Bible! Tell me what you think!

God Bless Minna-San!!!!!