"The Coming of Hulk Girl!"
Susie pouted as she tried on the old pair of bloomers her grandma had just given her. It was her sixth birthday and her mother had made her get up and get dressed so she could kiss her daddy goodbye before he went to work. Susie had been very sleepy and wanted to go back to bed, but her mother had bustled her into her car and driven her to her grandmother's house. Grandma always got up very early to work in her garden.
Susie had been dragged around the big garden, helping her grandma water her plants, and gotten wet and muddy because she kept walking where her grandmother was watering.
When they finished her grandmother put Susie's clothes up on her clothesline. "While we're waiting for them to dry you can try on your new outfit," Grandma said, leading Susie and her mother into her house and down a flight of stairs to the basement. She walked up to an old chest and opened it. Susie had hoped to see gold or jewels or something else interesting, but there was nothing inside but some really old clothes.
"I remember these," Susie's mother said, holding up a pair of baggy grey bloomers. "I wore these for awhile when I was about Susie's age."
"Try them on," Susie's grandmother said. Susie looked at them. They were really funny looking. Like clown pants. She looked at her mother, hoping she'd say Susie wouldn't have to put them on. Instead her mother said, "Go on, Susie."
Susie put them on. She had to keep holding them up or they'd fall off. "They're too big!" she whined.
"You'll grow into them," her mother said. "Let's try the dress now."
The dress was too long and dragged on the ground. It was a dull blue and looked like something poor people wore a hundred years ago. "My grandmother's dress doesn't fit her yet either," Grandma said, pulling off the dress and putting a shirt with lots of ruffles on her.
"This was my grandfather's shirt," Grandma said.
"Boys dressed like this?" Susie asked, looking at herself in the old mirror standing in the corner. If a boy came to her school dressed like that he'd get beat up!
Still struggling to keep her dumb grey bloomers from falling down, Susie was talked into trying on the pants and shoes, which had buckles on them. She looked at herself in the mirror. This outfit looked dumb on her, and she was a girl! She felt sorry for any boy that had to wear something like this!
Finally she was able to take off the weird outfit and put her regular dress and shoes back on. She still had on the funny grey bloomers.
"You can have those now and the rest when you grow into them," her grandmother said.
"Thank your grandma, Susie," her mother told her.
"Thank you, Grandma," Susie said, pulling them up again.
After getting some hard candy that stuck together and tasted kind of funny, Susie let her grandma hug and kiss and pinch her cheeks, said goodbye, and got in her mother's car.
"Can we stop at McDonald's, Mommy?" she asked. "I'm hungry."
"I told you to eat your breakfast, young lady," her mother said, driving.
"I was sleepy," Susie said, yawning.
"Susie, what do we do when we yawn?" her mother demanded.
Susie sighed. "We cover our mouths like young ladies," she said.
Meanwhile, in an alley not far away, a man with no shirt and a tattered pair of purple pants woke up. He looked around, confused. "Where am I? Why did the Hulk leave me here?"
This man was Doctor Bruce Banner! The Incredible Hulk!
He got up and felt in his back pants pocket. He pulled a strange looking device out of his pocket. "At least the Hulk didn't smash or throw this away," he said to himself, checking to see if it was damaged. "I took a sample of my gamma rays infected blood, and hopefully this will help me to find a cure." He walked out of the alley and right in front of Susie's mother's car! It was a good thing Susie was strapped into her car seat. Her mother stopped so suddenly the straps dug into her skin.
"Sorry," Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. "I didn't see your car."
"It's a good thing I saw you," Susie's mother said. "Why are you walking in the street dressed like that?"
"Are you going to the beach, Mister?" Susie asked him.
"What?" Bruce said, looking at his gamma device again.
Susie, thinking it was some kind of handheld game system, reached through the open window and grabbed it. She looked at it, confused to see just a green line going up and down. "I think your toy is broken, Mister," she said. She pressed a button. Zap! A green ray came out of it and hit her. Susie felt funny. Dizzy.
"Please give that back, little girl!" Bruce said. "It's very important to my work!"
"Susie! Honestly!" her mother cried, looking over her shoulder at her daughter. "I'm surprised at you, young lady! Give that man his toy back this instant and apologize!"
Susie handed him the device back. "Sorry," she said with her eyes shut. She was still dizzy.
"That's quite all right," Bruce said, hurrying away.
Susie's mother started the car again. "I can't believe you'd take something that doesn't belong to you like that!" she said angrily. "If you ever do anything like that again you'll get a spanking, young lady! Do you hear me?"
"Y-yes, Mommy," Susie said, laying her head against the child seat. She'd been fine a minute ago. Bored, but fine. Now she felt sick. Maybe the man had a cold or something and she just caught it?
By the time they got home Susie felt better. She followed her mother into the house, still yanking up her grey bloomers. "Do I have to wear this at school, Mommy?" she asked. "It doesn't fit!"
"It's not for regular use like to school," her mother said. "Those bloomers are very old and you need to take care of them."
Susie was glad she at least didn't have to wear them to school. Maybe she'd only have to wear them to her grandma's house and pretend she liked them.
"Can I have my cake and presents now, Mommy?" Susie asked.
"Not until your father comes home from work," her mother said. "I'm going to do a bit of housework then get lunch ready."
"Oh," Susie said, still feeling a bit funny. She went out into the backyard, hoping she'd feel better.
"Don't sit down in the grass and get those bloomers dirty, or climb trees and rip them," her mother told her.
"I won't," she promised.
Outside Susie kicked off her shoes. She hopped on one foot them the other getting her socks off. She liked the feel of the grass under her bare feet and between her toes. She sniffed a bunch of flowers as she walked along the garden. There were a lot of bees in the garden and she was careful to avoid them.
Suddenly her foot started to burn. She screamed and hopped on one foot to see what she'd stepped on. Yuck! A bee! And it had stung her in the foot! Susie loved flowers but she hated bees.
"You stupid bee!" she yelled. "That really hurt!" She screamed as she saw another bee fly right by her face. She swatted at it. The bee landed on her hand and stung her! She screamed and brushed it away. She jumped back. The old bloomers fell down around her ankles, tripping her, and she fell down. She angrily yanked them up. She was feeling madder and madder. Then she saw another bee land on her arm.
"You stupid bees!" she yelled, swatting it. She screamed as it stung her too. She was really really angry now. She struggled to her feet. Everything seemed to get fuzzy. "Go away you! Go away you doo-doo heads! Go aWAY!"
There was a ripping sound as her dress split open just under her arms. She didn't notice as she swung at the bees. The old bloomers fit now. Susie had gotten bigger. She'd also turned green!
Susie was a little Hulk girl now!
Susie stomped the ground. Her foot sank into it more than an inch. She saw the bees, now angry, buzzing around her. But Susie was even angrier than the bees. "Stupid bees!" Susie yelled. She swatted at them. They tried to sting her but they couldn't break her skin now, it was too tough. Susie bent her knees then shot up high in the sky.
"Flying now!" she said. "No, not fly? Jump! Jump high!" Susie came down and jumped again, this time going even further. She jumped again and again and again. Finally she stopped at a park. She didn't know where she was, and she didn't care. Her brain was all fuzzy. She saw some swings.
"Swing good!" she said, going over and climbing onto a swing. It was still early and nobody had come to the park yet. Susie had put on a lot of weight, all muscle, but the swing was made for grown ups to swing on so she wasn't too heavy for it. She swung for awhile, then looked down at her bare feet.
"Feet green!" she said. She looked at her hands. "Hands green! Why me green?"
She scratched her head. It was hard to think. She got up and went over to a bench. She sat down. "Nice here," she said. "Quiet. Not like noise!" She closed her eyes. She began to shrink. Her green skin turned pink. Her green hair turned reddish-brown. She opened her eyes. They changed from green to hazel. Soon she was Susie again.
Susie looked around. Huh? Where was she? Last she remembered, bees were attacking her in her backyard. But this wasn't her backyard! Had she sleepwalked? This was weird!
She noticed she was barefoot and her dress was all torn along the sides. She also noticed she was still wearing those darned bloomers when they slipped down again and she almost tripped on them.
"I gotta get home!" she said. "Mommy will be so mad I wandered off!" But where was home? There was a small lake in the park with ducks swimming in it. She walked over to the lake, trying to think. She didn't have a phone or any money so she couldn't call home. What was she going to do?
Suddenly she heard a hissing sound. She looked and saw a goose coming towards her. It looked awfully big to such a little girl. She screamed and started running. The goose chased her. Susie ran away from the water. She looked back over her shoulder and let go of her baggy bloomers. Down they went. She tripped on them. Down she went. Oof! As she was struggling to get up the goose pecked her in the butt.
Susie saw red. Actually she saw green. Susie hulked out again! She pulled up her bloomers and turned towards the goose. "Rarrgh!" she yelled. She started chasing the goose. The goose hadn't thought she'd chase it back and ran into the water. Susie looked around, saw a rock as big as her head, and picked it up, her arm muscles rippling when a second ago her arms had been chubby and flabby. She threw the rock into the water. Water went shooting up high in the air and splashed her.
"Rarrgh!" Susie yelled. "Stupid water splash me! Me splash stupid water back!" She kicked the water hard, making a big wave. Then she leaped into the air again. She jumped again and again, then saw something far below that her dim mind recognized. She landed and walked into a McDonalds.
"Want food!" she yelled at the woman behind a sort of metal desk thing.
"Are you going to a costume party, honey?" the woman asked her. "Where's your mommy?"
Susie looked confused. Her mommy? Where was she? She couldn't remember. She looked at the woman again. "Give food!"
"What's going on?" a man dressed the same way the woman was asked her.
"This little girl came in here alone and started asking for food," the woman explained. "She won't tell me where her mommy is."
"She's obviously a Hulk fan," another, younger man in the same costume as the other two said. "Her parents probably sent her in here as some kind of joke."
"Well it's not funny!" the older man said. "If you can't find her parents then call the police!"
"Come on, honey," the woman said. "Is your mommy outside in the car, or is she already inside?"
Susie tried to think. "Uh…hungry!" was all she ended up saying. She climbed over the counter and pushed past the lady, walking towards the smell of food. She grabbed a bag of French fries and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth, chewing loudly with her mouth open.
"Hey!" the older man said, grabbing her arm. "You can't do that!"
She pulled her arm away and grabbed another bag of fries. The man grabbed her arm harder. "That's it!" he said. "Call the…" Susie flicked her arm, sending him flying into the wall. She walked to where she could smell hamburgers. She ripped open the place where they were kept, metal bending, and stuffed herself full of several burgers. She finally burped. "Good!" she said.
Realizing this was not just an ordinary little girl with green makeup on, the employees had backed away from her. Susie saw the soda cups. "Want sodie!" she said. The woman, afraid now to say no, gave her a large soda and several straws. Susie just took one. "Just need one straw!" she said.
Susie climbed back over the counter, spilling her soda. She pounded the counter, bending it. "More sodie!" she said. The woman hurriedly refilled it. Slurping on the straw, Susie happily stepped out of McDonalds, and right into the headlights of several cop cars.
"Freeze!" a police officer said, pointing his gun at her.
"Freeze?" Susie said. "Sodie not that cold!" She jumped high into the air. She came down then jumped again. And again. And again. Finally she landed. She finished her soda, burped, then sat down on a rock and rubbed her now full tummy. She tossed the empty soda cup away. She burped again and closed her eyes.
Once again she began to shrink, and soon she was Susie again. She looked around. "Where am I?" she again wondered. Well, at least she recognized where she was now. A little place surrounded by trees not far from where she lived. She hurried home, holding up those darned bloomers. As soon as she got home she'd change.
Susie reached the back gate of her yard. She didn't have the key. Being very careful not to damage the baggy bloomers she climbed up the fence and grabbed a tree that grew right beside it. She climbed down the tree, then hurried through her backyard, careful to watch out for bees.
Susie stopped by the garden hose. Her feet were all filthy. She turned on the hose and sprayed her feet. Her mother would be mad if she thought Susie was playing in the mud. Especially since she still had those buggy bloomers on.
When she'd finished washing the mud and dirt off her feet she dropped the hose, then remembered to turn off the water. She picked up her shoes and socks and went to the back door. She could hear the television. She looked down at herself. Her feet were all wet and her dress was torn along both sides. She didn't know how that had happened but she knew her mother would be angry at her for ripping her dress.
Susie rubbed her feet on the mat in front of the back door, then snuck inside. She hurried into her room and took off her torn dress and the old bloomers. She put the bloomers in one of the drawers in her dresser and hid the dress under her bed. She got dressed, then sat down on her bed and tried to figure out what had happened since she'd gotten home. Nothing made sense. She remembered the bees attacking, then being in a park, then the goose chasing her and pecking her butt, then being down the street and hurrying home. But how had she gotten to the park and then down the street? She couldn't remember, and it was making her head hurt to try. In the living room she could hear somebody on television talking about a little girl breaking into a McDonalds. She ignored it. It couldn't possibly be about her, after all.
"Susie!" her mother called. "Time for lunch, honey!"
Susie realized she wasn't at all hungry, which was very strange, since she'd been starving when she got home. She picked at her food, hoping it wouldn't be too long before her daddy got home and she could have her cake and see what her presents were.
Susie still didn't know that she had already gotten the very strangest birthday she would ever receive!
To be continued!