Bling

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it! :)

Summary: Of all the things that the Doctor and Rose thought would be the downfall of the Daleks, a winning lottery ticket wasn't one of them.


The Doctor and Rose were in the TARDIS, ready to choose a new destination to find trouble at. The Doctor grinned at her and recommended a few insane locations which she playfully considered. Just as he was about to start up the sequence to take them somewhere unexpected, he got a curious look on his face and pulled out the psychic paper.

Glancing back up at Rose, he explained, "Looks like we'll be going back to Earth. Got a distress call." He showed her the paper that had the sole message of "HELP ME DOCTOR!" written across it in capital letters.

"Seems pretty urgent," she agreed.

The Doctor set the controls and a few moments later, they landed. Stepping outside, the two quickly realized that they were back in London, though in a fancier section than usual. A quick inspection told them that it was only a month after they'd last visited with Rose's mum.

"Nothing seems out of sorts," the Doctor commented as they walked down the road. A few middle-aged women were standing outside a coffee shop, so the Doctor paused and asked them, "Excuse me, have any of you seen anything unusual happening around here lately?"

"Nothing too odd, no," one of them responded.

"No explosions?" the Doctor asked and the women shook their heads at him.

"No spaceships floating around in the sky? No? How about people getting brainwashed and standing on the edge of the roof?" the women looked at him as if he was insane, and Rose rolled her eyes at him.

"Has anything interesting happened in the last month?" she asked.

At that, the women brightened up. Rose's question was their opportunity to share gossip. "Oh, but surely you've heard! There's a foreigner that's just bought an estate down the road!"

Another of the women grinned and added, "Yes! He just won the lottery! Can you believe it?"

"Calls himself 'Dalek,' but I've no idea what nationality that is. No last name, either," the first woman added.

Both Rose and the Doctor stood in shock at her words and turned to stare at each other. "That can't be right," they both uttered quietly before excusing themselves to head down towards this mysterious foreigner's estate.

When they got there, they were startled to find a huge home that was surrounded by a tall gate. Surrounding the gate were dozens of paparazzi and women of all ages, taking pictures and trying to get as close to the building as they could. They were screaming and shouting, though Rose and the Doctor couldn't pick out what they were saying.

Curious, the Doctor led them through the crowd and up against the gate so that they could see what all the commotion was about. They'd barely emerged when a familiar voice washed over them.

"DOCTOR! YOU HAVE ARRIVED!"

"Yes... Yes, I have. I was summoned here by a call for help..." the Doctor explains, confused as to why the Dalek wasn't exterminating people. "I imagine it was sent by these people because of your little visit."

"YOU IMAGINED INCORRECTLY!"

"Pretty sure imagination can't be deemed as correct or incorrect..."

"YOU MUST ASSIST THE DALEKS!"

"Assist you?" the Doctor asked incredulously. "And where are the rest of you, anyways?"

"There's more of them!?" several women screamed from behind the Doctor. Rose eyed them skeptically – they didn't appear at all upset about the idea.

"I WAS SEPARATED FROM THE GROUP! THE BUDDY SYSTEM FAILED!" the Dalek shouted in response to the Doctor's question.

"Doctor, maybe we should go inside..." Rose suggested as the mob pushed them into the gate in an insane attempt to get closer to the Dalek on the other side.

"Right. Uhh, could we come in, Dalek?" the Doctor asked, making a face at the situation he'd thrown himself into.

"THIS IS ACCEPTABLE! YOU MUST HELP TO RID ME OF THE HORDES!" the Dalek shouted as he rolled forward and depressed a button which opened the gate to let them in. The Doctor and Rose pushed through the crowd to get in, though many other people were pushing to get in as well.

"Are they insane?!" the Doctor shouted over the noise. "They're supposed to be running away!"

One woman grabbed his jacket and pulled on it, demanding to know why he was being allowed to enter. The jealousy in her voice was very evident and it only confused the Doctor.

"Why?" the Doctor repeated. "I've got to get him off Earth before he exterminates everyone!" Rose nodded along with the statement beside him.

"We'll never allow you to take him from us!" several women screamed before leaping at the Doctor and knocking him to the ground.

"Doctor!" Rose shouted in shock, not able to see him through what the dalek had deemed 'the horde.'

The Dalek rolled over to her side and shouted, "DOCTOR! YOU ARE AT RISK! I WILL EXTERMINATE OUR ENEMIES!"

"NO!" the Doctor roared back, shoving the women off himself as gently as he could. It turned out that he didn't need to, for the women had all leaped up at the sound of the Dalek's voice and were trying to surround him when he did something very unusual.

He backed up until Rose was standing between himself and the horde of women that had broken in through the gate.

Rose turned and stared at the Dalek with her hands on her hips and asked, "Are you hiding behind me!?"

"YES!"

"Please Mister Dalek!" one of the women shouted, "Let me be with you! I can make you happy!"

"A DALEK HAS NO NEED FOR HAPPINESS!"

The women started up again and the Dalek added, "ONLY TWO WILL JOIN ME! I ONLY ALLOW THE DOCTOR AND HIS LOVE!"

"What!?" Rose shrieked at her title, turning to stare at the Doctor. He only shrugged at her and brushed himself off as he stood.

"MINIONS!" the Dalek spoke again and seconds later, a group of armed security guards came and directed the now sobbing women back through the gate. The Dalek turned and rolled towards the entrance of the estate, with the Doctor and Rose following uncertainly.

"Doctor?" Rose asked quietly as they stepped inside to see a huge entrance hall. "What the hell is happening!?" she whispered frantically.

He just shook his head, staring at the Dalek before them. "Okay Dalek, what's going on here? Daleks don't just send out a distress call to me of all people."

"I HAD NO CHOICE!"

"Okay, why don't you start at the beginning," the Doctor said encouragingly.

"And don't forget to explain why there are rhinestones stuck to your casing," Rose added, pointing near the base of the Dalek where several blue and green rhinestones had been glued on. The Doctor raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"I WAS SEPARATED AND ABOUT TO LAUNCH AN INVASION!"

"All by yourself? That's ambitious," the Doctor commented.

"THE HUMANS ATTEMPTED TO APPEASE ME!" the Dalek explained while rolling back and forth across the entrance way. If they didn't know any better, they'd say the Dalek was pacing.

"THEY GIFTED ME WITH A SLIP OF PAPER THAT WAS WORTH MILLIONS IN THEIR CURRENCY!"

"Not a winning lottery ticket?" Rose asked, eyes bugging out at the idea.

"THEY CALLED IT A GIFT!" the Dalek said and then added, light in its eye socket shining brightly, "IT WAS A TRAP!"

The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other before the Doctor asked, "How is winning millions a trap?"

"AT FIRST IT WAS GOOD! BUT THE HUMANS HAVE BECOME A FORMIDABLE THREAT!"

"Yeah, I can just imagine how awful it must be for you to have fangirls," Rose said sarcastically and the Doctor smirked.

"THESE FANGIRLS ARE RELENTLESS! THE SONTARANS SHOULD BE JEALOUS OF THEIR STRATEGIES!"

"But surely you could just exterminate them," the Doctor offered in confusion, though that was the last thing he wanted the Dalek to try.

"I HAVE... LOST THE WILL TO EXTERMINATE!" the Dalek explained, almost sadly. "EXTERMINATION DOES NOT AFFECT THE FANGIRLS! THEY ARE RELENTLESS!"

"Hmm, well that is a problem..." the Doctor said slowly.

"THEY SAY THEY ARE MY FRIENDS!"

"Ooh, you poor thing..." Rose said in mock sympathy, giggling.

"THAT IS NOT THE WORST OF IT! MANY HUMANS HAVE ASSIGNED THEMSELVES AS MY MINIONS!"

"Well, who wouldn't want minions?" Rose asked, shrugging at the thought and wishing that she had minions. She thought of Mickey and then smirked – at least she had one minion.

"THESE MINIONS ARE EVIL!"

"How so?" the Doctor asked, curious as to what a Dalek would consider to be evil.

"ONE MINION CREATES FOOD THAT MAKES ME FEEL ILL!"

"You have your own chef!?" Rose asked, amazed. "I want one!"

"And there's that problem solved. Just tell him to make chips all the time. Come on, Dalek, a chef isn't all that evil. What else do you have for us?" the Doctor asked, laughing.

"ANOTHER MINION PLANS SEXY PARTIES THAT INVOLVE NAKED FEMALE HUMANS!"

"I know someone who could help with that," the Doctor said, smirking at the thought of Jack being let loose here.

"THE MOST FRIGHTENING MINION CALLS HERSELF THE FASHION CONSULTANT! SHE WISHES FOR ME TO SPARKLE! DOCTOR, I DO NOT WISH TO SPARKLE!"

Rose nearly collapses on herself in silent laughter as the Doctor bit his lip before saying, "I think they call it bling, actually."

"I DO NOT WISH TO BLING!"

The Doctor glanced at Rose and wondered how long she'd be able to survive without oxygen. She was laughing so hard now that he doubted she could breathe properly. "Well, I suppose there's someone we could find to help with that..."

"My... my..." Rose snickered before finishing, "My mum!"

The Doctor pulled a horrified face, saying, "Your mum!? I thought we were trying to help this poor Dalek? Granted-"

"DOCTOR, PLEASE HELP ME TO ESCAPE!" the Dalek interrupted loudly. "I CANNOT COPE WITH MINIONS AND FRIENDS!"

"Well..." the Doctor started, "I suppose we could take you somewhere else."

"I WOULD BE IN YOUR DEBT FOREVER!"

The Doctor glanced at Rose who had finally stopped laughing and saw her shrug. "We can't just leave him here, can we?"

"Right then," the Doctor said, clapping his hands together once. "Let's head off to the TARDIS and we'll get you sorted out properly!" Rose and the Doctor made for the door but stopped when they realized that the Dalek wasn't following them.

"Aren't you coming?" the Doctor asked, gesturing to the door.

"THERE IS A HORDE OUTSIDE! THEY WILL DEVOUR ME!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes and offered in a voice that he wouldn't used to console a small child, "Do you want me to bring the TARDIS here?"

The Dalek practically spun in elation. "THE DOCTOR IS WONDERFUL!"

Rose shook her head at the Dalek and then pushed the Doctor out the door. They fought through the horde again, avoiding paparazzi at every turn, until they made it to the TARDIS. A few minutes later, the ship materialized inside the entrance hall of the estate. The Dalek was on board within seconds of the door opening.

As they flew into the Vortex, Rose sidled up next to the Doctor and eyed the Dalek who was staying within a foot of the doors, almost nervously. "Doctor..." she muttered.

He turned to her and grinned.

"We really should do something about the rhinestones..." she said, pointing to the Dalek again.

The Doctor frowned and looked up before adjusting some of the levers and knobs on the console. "I know just the person..."

Rose watched him carefully as the ship set down in a new location. The doors opened a moment later and in rushed a happily surprised Jackie Tyler.

"Rose! I- oof!" she greeted before running right into the Dalek. She backed up a step and looked over the new addition. "Well then, what's this?" she asked, peering at the eye stalk that moved to examine her.

"I AM CALLED A DALEK!"

Jackie jumped and shouted back, "Oy! No need to shout! Bloody Doctor bringin' in more rude aliens..." she muttered. "What'd you do, get caught at a girl's slumber party?" She asked, pointing at the rhinestones glued to the Dalek.

"YOU WILL ASSIST IN THE REMOVAL OF THE BLING!"

Jackie merely stared at the Dalek expectantly for a moment, her hands crossed in front of her. Silence reigned for a moment, and then the Dalek added somewhat reproachfully, "PLEASE..."

She smiled pleasantly and gestured for the Dalek to get out of the TARDIS and into her flat. As she walked out, Rose and the Doctor could hear her talking about several good methods for removing rhinestones. The Dalek looked ready to wilt as she kept talking.

Rose shook her head at the door and said, "We should go monitor, to make sure they don't exterminate each other." She turned to smile at the Doctor and laughed at the big grin on his face.

He turned to her and said, "If we ever get caught up in a conflict with the Daleks, we are picking up your mum."

"And that fashion consultant?" Rose asked, grinning.

"Oh yes!"


What brought this on? I have no idea! Please drop a review and let me know if you liked it! Or let me know if you hated it – I think my caps lock button is broken, but it just didn't look right for the Dalek's voice to be in lower case... Anyways, I'm hoping to update my other story soon! This just needed to be dealt with...