The feeling was incredible. She still couldn't get over it. The sizzle, the crack…she could never get enough of it. Looking at her hand, she saw the energy literally spark at her fingertips, the power surging through her veins. Looking up, she looked at herself in the mirror.
She tilted her head to the left, slightly confused. Who was she? What had she become? That didn't really matter anymore…nothing did.
The pitch black eyes, pale skin, veins across her forehead, and raven black hair…all traits of the new Willow.
Damn it felt good to have this power…but even as strong as she was…she was missing something…Looking to her left and right in the reflection, nobody was there.
She wasn't used to that…Wasn't used to being alone. Funny, isn't it? Before she met Tara, she really didn't mind feeling alone. Sure, she had Buffy and the Scooby Gang, and she even had Oz, but there was always something missing…and she had found it.
Tara filled that hole with her being, her presence every time she entered the room. No matter how dark her mind was, no matter what kind of sticky situation she might be in, Tara would step in and save her.
Nobody was here now though…A thought suddenly came to her. What would Tara think of this side of her? She'd be pissed, no doubt…but maybe in time…
"Tch." A twitch of her hand caused the mirror to shatter, the glass falling around her.
Who was she kidding? Making up a scenario in her mind of her being alive. She didn't need any hopeful fantasies like that…She'd rather be alone, like this, Vein-y Willow, than be dreaming of the impossible.
Who knew what was in her future? Certainly not her, and she honestly didn't care.
She'd rather be dead than to feel this God forsaken pain in her chest…it was beyond her heart.
It was her very soul that was in pain.
A pain that would never subside or disappear.
Might as well just let fate take its course, see where it took her. She'd go on, living through life—she might even calm down at one point.
She wouldn't try to destroy the world again…but she didn't want to go on living. Trying it out with Kennedy didn't work, and she felt sick every time she thought of those horrid memories…kissing her, doing…other things she wished she could forget.
She would just…be here, as Dark Willow, hiding in the shadows, causing problems for people just for the hell of it.
But she would never be happy again.
What good was being happy without Her Everything?
She walked away from the room, back outside. It was just turning dusk, and she took in a deep breath.
Should she do anything bad tonight? She wasn't in the mood…so decided to go to the graveyard.
Upon arriving, she sat numbly at a certain grave. Touching the cold marble, all of the emotions and memories came back to her, and for the first time in a long time…she broke down.
Here, she could be weak and show her emotions. Here, she didn't have to be Dark Willow, didn't have to pretend.
The weak, fragile Willow, with fiery red hair and a fair complexion, knelt before her former lover's grave and cried. Cried until no more tears could come, and still then sobbed and gasped.
The pain was so great, it was too much to bare. "I wish you were here…God I wish you were here…I'm sorry baby…I'm so sorry…"
She kept whispering that and things similar throughout the night, hoping and praying she could hear her.
Maybe someday she would go back to being normal Willow, but she didn't want to go to such an unfamiliar place…right now, she just wanted to stay with Tara, and she did so.
Lying on the grass, stroking it above where her lover lie. She started to feel sleepy…which was odd. She hadn't felt tired in a long time…
"I love you…I'll always love you…" She croaked before sleep overcame her.