AN: I'll update this later. Just wanted to post this before I went out tonight. Hope you like it, bye!

-Oh, and btw. This story is going to end up being super kinky. So if you get icked out easily it's probably not for you. Ok, great, awesome. 333333 (I'm SO DRUNK) xD

DISCLAIMER: Wally West and Dick Grayson are property of DC COMICS. Boo Hoo.


Gone.

It was all gone.

Two plus years worth of love and memories just gone.

Watching Richard leave for 'home' with Bruce, being called 'bro' and 'dude' again, being unable to hold him and kiss him - just to be able to tell him how glad he was that his beautiful little bird was alive. Not O.K., but alive.

It had been a day full of some of the most (no, the most) painful memories of Wally's entire life: Thinking he'd lost Dick, finding him unconscious, covered in blood; then finding out he had lost almost three years of his life. All of that topped off by a lonely return to their apartment, well...just his apartment now. Surrounded by reminders of what he had lost. Pictures of the two of them together: hugging, kissing. Dick's side of the closet. He would have to pack up all of this for Bruce tomorrow.

Wally couldn't even eat dinner without thinking of the acrobat, it only took one look in the fridge and one look in the cabinets to know that it was takeout for dinner tonight. His shelves were covered with Richard's stupid protein bars and meals-on-the-go. He just couldn't handle this right now. He just couldn't.

Maybe he would pass on dinner tonight. For once in his life Wally really wasn't feeling like food,the nausea in his gut threatened to rise up and consume him with every passing breath. Maybe he would just take a quick shower and turn in early. Two hours later found the speedster passed out in bed, still fully clothed, having successfully consumed every single drop of alcohol in the apartment; Even Dick's aged scotch was long gone.

Wally's inhuman metabolism just couldn't keep up.

It was well past noon when Wally finally summoned the strength to open his eyes and the obnoxious flashing of his mobile phone on the bedside table refused to let him hide from reality any longer.

All of the messages, save one, were from the Batman himself. Apparently it had taken Dick all of five minutes to realize that - despite his memory loss - the mansion was no longer his home. For some reason Bruce decided to handle the situation by admitting to his son that he and Wally had been roommates. Not boyfriends, not lovers. Roommates.

Of course, Wally knew that the Bat had never really been a fan of their relationship, or of Dick's sexual preference, no matter how much he claimed to love Dick unconditionally. Wally couldn't shake the feeling that Bruce had loved the boy more when he was straight and not dating a speedster.

The next message was a warning. Dick wanted to move out immediately. It wasn't mentioned in the message, but the hard edge to the Bat's voice hinted at an arguement, and not a small one either. Bruce had promised to delay Richard until the end of the day. So Wally had about five hours to turn their office into a second bedroom and erase all traces of his relationship with Dick.

Sounds like fun.


It only took Wally three hours to set up Dick's new bedroom; freeing him up to spend the next two hours planning their evening together. Of course, it had only been three days since he and Richard had cuddled up in this very living room to discuss their future together. Wally had been considering leaving the hero life, and Dick had been considering moving away for college. It hadn't been a very pleasant talk - but right now Wally would willingly submit to thousands of fights with his boyfriend if it just meant that they could be boyfriends again.

Instead, here he was trying to make as unromantic a night for them as he possibly could. Making sure to triple check every decision; asking himself if it was something they would have done together back when Dick was 15. Tonight was about dudes bonding, making up for 'lost' time. It couldn't be a sappy, cliche riddled, lovers reunion. No matter how much Wally wished it could be.

So far Wally had compiled a collection of Dick's favorite movies, music and video games that had come out over the past 3 years. He had cooked him some rare steaks (Richard always used to order them well-done), and brought out a collection of news clippings detailing the major happenings that Dick had missed (forgotten). Wally had been just about to start gathering some personal photographs when there was a knock at the door.

It was just another stab in the heart the Dick had forgotten that he had his own key, but Wally opened the door with a wide grin regardless. Richard looked back at him from the hallway with wide, uncertain blue eyes that pierced Wally to the core. How did they greet each other back then? Was a hug too personal? It felt as though Wally no longer knew how to just act normal.

"Hey dude." He finally managed lamely. Trying hard to look anywhere but at the bandages still wrapped tightly around Richard's head, making all his hair stick out at crazy angles...wait a minute.

"You cut all your hair off." It was a stupid thing to say, but it sort of just tumbled out of his mouth before he could put a stopped to it.

Dick seemed a bit caught off guard by it, raising a hand to his hair as if unsure what he would find there.

"Oh yea, I did it myself earlier...I had sort of a rough morning."

Wally nodded in what he hoped was an understanding way - and while he hadn't suddenly woken up three years older than he was yesterday - it had still be a rough 24 hours. For everyone.

"Well it looks.." Cute. That was what Wally really thought, but he couldn't say things like that aloud anymore. Dick looked at his feet and pushed past Wally into the apartment, clearly taking the older boy's reaction the wrong way.

"I'll get it fixed tomorrow." he murmured, setting down his bag on the sofa and looking around awkwardly. "So...I like it, feels like home; more than the mansion did anyways...still don't recognize anything though."

"Wanna see your room?" Wally walked over to the ex-office door and swung it open, fighting his impulse to stop breathing in anticipation. Would Dick be able to tell it was fake? Wally thought he knew his boyfriend well enough to pull this off, but... "I straightened it up and vacuumed everything for you, so I hope - mph"

Richard had collided with his back and it hadn't been arms wrapped around his middle and entangled him in a hug that forced the air from his lungs with its intensity - not to mention Dick certainly had the element of surprise. Wally had to force himself not to move or respond in any way. He was already hyper aware of the way Dick's face nuzzled against his shoulder, how hot and heavy his breath fell against his back. The material of his shirt suddenly felt heavier and moist against his skin and Wally realized that Dick was silently crying.

As gently as he could, Wally pried Dick's hands from around his waist, to which the younger boy attempted to pull back with a small, mumbled 'sorry' ; but Wally turned around quickly and enveloped the boy's small frame in a warm embrace. He wanted to say something comforting but every combination of words sounded hollow and insubstantial. Instead they just stood there for a while, comforting each other. It was hard for Wally to refrain from running his hands through Dick's hair, or kissing him gently on the cheek. Though the hug must have come off as a tiny bit more than platonic since Dick's face was all flushed when he finally pulled back, and he excused himself quickly to go inspect his 'new room'.

Wally busied himself with finishing dinner and getting their first D.V.D ready.

"So, what's all this?" Wally turned around with a forced grin and lifted up the plates piled high with steak and risotto, though Dick's was noticeably smaller than his own.

"Just trying to get you caught up." He sped the plates over to the coffee table and poured them both some red wine (which in hindsight might have been a touch too 'date-night-y', but it was too late now.) and flung himself down onto the sofa.

Dick gave him a once over and cocked an eyebrow. Wally gave him back a genuine smile, first one of the last two days.

"We are going to watch one of your favorite movies. I also put aside some music and video games you should look at. It's not much, obviously, but it's a start."

Dick was staring, sizing him up with the oddest expression. Shit. He knew he had gone too far, done too much. Might as well have lit some scented candles and sprinkled rose petals across the room.

"You didn't have to do all this..." he was blushing again and looking at his hands. Wally took another seat, further away from Dick than he was really comfortable with.

"What are bros for?" and although Wally hated referring to Dick as if he were nothing more than a good friend, the bright smile he received in return was well worth it.

"Ew, Wally, this steak is raw."

The speedster couldn't help but laugh at the scandalized look on Richard's face.

"Just shut up and eat it princess - you actually like raw steak now."

Dick gave him a skeptical look, but trusted the ginger enough to try a bite anyways.


After dinner, and their first movie (which Dick couldn't seem to shut up about, much to Wally's delight.) the speedster went to grab the scrapbook of news events that he had thrown together earlier. He left Dick alone to digest all the news, and retreated to the kitchen to wash the dishes and put away leftovers...and maybe to microwave some popcorn.

Richard joined him in the kitchen before he finished, clearing his throat to announce his presence.

"That was fast." Wally put the last of the risotto in the fridge and gave a small chuckle and Dick muttered 'said the speedster' under his breath.

"It just wasn't really what I'm interested in." He gave a small shrug. "Batman covered most of that stuff with me last night."

"When you were supposed to be resting?" Wally was quick to jump in, unable to stop himself from being over-protective. Dick had just been through a traumatic experience and Bruce had kept him up late for some sort of briefing. Fuck, sometimes he just could not stand the caped crusader.

Dick's eyes narrowed. "I am not made of glass Walls."

The silence stretched thin and fragile as the redhead struggled not to say the wrong thing.

"I know that Rob..." God, how long had it been since he had called the brunette that? " I just..."

"It's fine." Though Wally highly doubted that, judging by Dick's tense posture. Then his shoulders drooped and he drew in a deep breath. "No it's not. There is still so much I want to know about...stuff I can't learn from newspaper clippings and old mission files."

Richard dropped his head heavy into his hands, "there's just so much.." and before Wally could question the Bro-ness of the action he scooted closer and wrapped an arm around the lithe frame. Dick took a shuddering breath, before turning his eyes to Wally's. "I mean: Am I dating anyone? Are you dating anyone? How is the team? Am I close with Jason, or do I resent him for replacing me? How is my relationship with Bruce...because it seemed strained, and I'm not sure why. How did-"

"Woah, woah...hold up dude, even I can't keep up with all that." to his surprise Dick heaved a sigh and dropped his head onto Wally's shoulder. Had they really been this close back then?

"I just missed so much Wally...graduating high school, our apartment, two apocalypses, Nightwing and Robin. It's just a lot to take in. Hearing that it all happened was hard enough, but I want to know what it was like to be there - and if anyone can tell me how I felt, it's you."

It was such an earnest request that it made Wally's throat feel thick just thinking about the lies he would have to tell.

But nothing came.

"Wally?"

"I can't do this." Wally heard himself whisper.."I just can't."

'What are you saying you idiot, shut up. Shut up now.'

"Can't do what?" Wally hadn't noticed Dick wrap an arm around him, but he felt it when the boy balled his fists into his shirt.

"I can't lie to you about this. There are just some things...I mean, Batman says we shouldn't.."

" - and you're just going to listen to him? Wally, please, I need you right now...Please." Wally really wanted to give in, give Dick whatever he could have possibly wanted if it meant they could stay close, holding each other like this.

"No." Richard pulled back from him and opened his mouth to protest, but Wally couldn't risk giving in. "No dude. I think I agree with him. At least for now. There are just some things...mentally you're still 15. You have to understand -"

"Understand what? That I'm a child? I've been risking my life on a daily basis since I was 9. How can you even suggest -"

"Dick.." Wally reached out for him again but the smaller boy just pulled away.

"Save it." Richard stormed to his bedroom, aware all the while that his reaction was already partially proving that Wally was right. He was much less mature than he should be at 18. Dick had always been a kid compared to Wally. He still remembered how amazed he had been when he realized the speedster wanted to be friends with him: a puny little orphan with a dorky passion for math. Now their age difference was more pronounced than ever.

Dick had been trained in psychology, and though it was always hard to self-evaluate, he thought he just might be trying to push Wally away. It was a self preservation thing, because surely they bond he and Wally had couldn't survive this. Yea...he really shouldn't have yelled.

He goes out of his way to try and play the loyal friend and you repay him by throwing a temper tantrum. Of course he's not going to want to be around you now.


Before heading to bed himself Wally stopped by Dick's room to slide some of the discs he had put aside earlier under the door, but restrained himself at the sound of muffled sobs coming from within. Well, it didn't look like either of them would be getting sleep tonight.


By 4:00am Dick couldn't take it anymore, he pulled himself out of bed and set to exploring his room. All in all it looked very much like he imagined it would, and it certainly felt like he belonged here. There were a few things that just seemed 'off' , but it was hard to pinpoint what they were, and Dick chalked it up to how much a person could change in the span of three years.

Although, he thought as he paused to examine himself in the full length wardrobe mirror, not as much as he may have liked. At 18 he still looked very much like a young boy. His muscles were as defined as ever, but his shoulders were still narrow set, and he had already seen some shirts in his closet that he had owned since 14. Dick estimated that he had grown maybe three inches, but that still left him well below the average height for his age and gender.

When he was younger,or just yesterday, depending on your perspective, Robin had dreamed about how he might look as an adult. He had hoped to be tall, broad, and definitely less pale. He had hoped to grow into his features, to look less delicate and girly; and he hadn't wanted a torso that was covered in more scars than smooth flesh. In other words, Dick had hoped to be handsome. Maybe even handsome enough to catch Wally's interest. Losing his memory made Dick feel as if he had caught a glimpse of his own depressing future, only this was his reality...and he was stuck here now.

Dick had been the first person Wally told when he began embracing the fact that he was bisexual. Ever since the speedster confessed, Robin had cherished the possibility that one day they might actually be able to be together. When Batman had admitted to Dick that he and Wally were roommates, it was hard not to fantasize that the two might have become more than just friends, even if their relationship was a secret. Dick still would have been thrilled. He had always dreamed about having a life with Wally, being able to curl up next to him in bed, being able to say 'I love you' whenever the moment struck.

Flash forward three years and they were in the exact same position as always. It must have been hell, living in such close quarters with Wally. Separate bedrooms, romantic dinners like last night...it would have been a constant reminder of what they didn't have. Why would Dick torture himself like this? Had Wally ever brought a girl back...a guy? Had Dick been forced to lie in bed and listen to a stranger's moans as they fucked the man of his dreams on the other side of that wall?

He hoped he wouldn't have to live through that particular nightmare anytime soon.


Dick spent the next few hours searching every last corner of his bedroom before stumbling upon a small hidden safe disguised as a large piece of luggage. It had a combination that was different from any of the ones Dick had used commonly back when he was 15, but it still only took him 20 minutes (without gadgets) to crack the thing. It would have taken him only a fraction of that time, but he really didn't want to ruin the lock.

It was full of...

...were those sex toys? Woah.

Had he used these? Probably. Had he even had sex before? Most likely. Mentally Dick was still 15, and very much a virgin. The very thought of him putting something that huge inside of himself made his ass clench nervously. Yet he felt a strange thrill as a small egg shaped object he picked up started to vibrate.

Bet I think of Wally when I use that one.

There were anal beads, weird costumes, assless underwear, a ball-gag, various restraints (including some handcuffs that looked like they came from his utility belt), and flavored lube. Dick also found some objects that his relatively sexually innocent brain couldn't identify: some thin metal sticks, a wand shaped machine that Dick was afraid to switch on, a weird sort of rope, a small bag full of medical needles and sutures, a small unlabeled vial of liquid, assorted light bulbs (seriously? light bulbs?) and a hard drive.

Dick couldn't make it to his laptop fast enough, eyes going wide the moment he laid eyes on his background photo. Well, that answered the question of whether or not future Dick was still crushing on future Wally. Wow.

It wasn't sexually explicit or anything like that. To anyone else it may have just seemed like a picture of two friends at the beach; but Robin knew himself better than that; and it was clearly more.

Wally was staring at the camera with a wide grin, arm slung around Dick's shoulders, both boys were flushed and looked tired after a long day. It was sunset and the sky was gorgeous, hitting Wally just so that it lit his features perfectly, making his skin appear to glow and his green eyes sparkle. Dick, on the other hand, looked like a drowned rat by comparison, his lackluster brown hair sticking to a clearly sunburned forehead.

But what really gave it away was the look. This version of Dick wasn't even looking at the camera, instead his focus was entirely taken away by Wally, adoration and love written clearly on his face. God, Dick hoped the speedster had never gotten a good look at this picture.

With a deep sigh he plugged in the flash drive, now more than a little afraid of what he might find. The first folder held only eight pictures which popped up in the form of a slideshow and Dick had to fight the urge to gag and slam his screen shut. It was a picture of himself, or of his face to be exact, and it was vulgar. There was an unhealthy amount of semen splashed across his nose and left cheek, and his mouth hung open as if waiting for more. Gross.

Why do I even have this?

The next few were no better, and Dick flipped through them quickly. There was one with him bent over, ass in the air, hands reaching back to spread himself open for the camera. Who took these? He had to wonder. Next came a few of his body contorted into sexualized acrobatic poses, including one where he had the tip of his own cock in his mouth. That one actually made Dick gag a little. The last one was the worst though. His body was leaning off the edge of the bed, upside down with a cock down his throat. He could see the distortion of his skin from the length of it, thought the hips of his partner were blurred, presumably from thrusting. Wally was right, there were definitely things about his adult life that Dick wasn't prepared to process. He should have just trusted that Wally had his best interests at heart, after all, he always had in the past. These photos were awful, he hated knowing that those things had been done to his own body without his permission - well, without the memory of permission. Dick suddenly felt filthy, definitely in need of a long, steamy shower.

At least all the photos had been taken in the same bedroom. That probably meant that he hadn't been sleeping around. He would have to pressure Wally about whether or not he'd been seeing someone. Dick would have looked for evidence himself but now he was more or less terrified of what he might find.

Not that it really mattered, Dick felt sick to his stomach at the mere thought of anyone but Wally touching him like that. And even if it was Wally...some of those acts were so raunchy. 15 year old Dick had never even kissed a boy. This was a lot to take in.

He closed the laptop, the rest of the folders would have to wait until later, right now he needed to recover: preferably with scalding water and some hot breakfast. Today was a Friday, and Richard wondered idly what he usually did on weekend nights. Crime fighting? Parties? He didn't even know who his friends were now, so he couldn't very well just show up to hang out with people he didn't remember meeting. Even boy wonder couldn't bluff his way out of that situation. There was just another thing that Dick needed to ask Wally. What did the speedster do on Friday nights? Would Dick be forced to sit at home alone while Wally went off on a date with some girl? some guy even?

I can't think about this right now.

Quickly becoming completely overwhelmed, Dick gathered up some clothes and headed to the bathroom, ready to scrub every inch of his body until it felt like his again.