Warnings: contains dubious consent, B&D, mentions of sexual situations. If any of that offends you, turn back now. If you love Leonard, turn back now!

I am not a member of any BDSM community. This is a work of fiction. As far as I know, there is no community that will do the things done in this fic. All mentions of any BDSM activity are done with the greatest respect for practitioners and no aspersions are cast on anyone.

major author's note:

While I brag that I don't usually write author's notes, I feel that it is fair to say this story requires one.

I do not like Leonard. I do not believe that there were enough repercussions for the Arctic fiasco and there should have been more. This is not a nice story. It bears repeating-this is not a nice story. This is-well, I really don't know what this is. Catharsis? Yeah, okay, I'll take that. And now I'm starting to ramble.

I've held onto the first four chapters of this on my hard drive for the last two months. I worry about posting it, but most of the people who read my stuff will cheer, I think. The guest who constantly flames? Well, he can't say anything to hurt my feelings, because I don't care about his opinion. I could care less about an anonymous fool who doesn't have the courage to log in and express his opinion, even if it differs from mine.

Once again, if you like Leonard, please, don't waste your time because there's nothing good for you here.


Penny watched Sheldon walk back across the hall, his shoulders slumped and every muscle of his body signaling defeat. She turned to Leonard and asked, "Aren't you going after him?"

His came after her with those small hands that were beginning to give her the wiggins. In fact, the hairy face, the smells that were rolling off him after a sixteen hour flight without showering—everything about him was giving her the wiggins right now. Especially the way that he was treating Sheldon.

How could she kiss a guy who would kiss her like that when he basically screwed his best friend for ninety days in the Arctic Circle?

"No, he'll be fine, really. He's a trooper. It'll be okay."

She put her hand flat on his chest and gave him a good strong shove, forcing him back and away from her. "No, you're right. You go…do what you need to do. Unpack." Her nose wrinkled and she waved her hand underneath it. "Shower. Shave, for God's sake. I will go and talk to Sheldon. Since you don't want to be bothered by it."

She heard him bitching behind her and she thought, no, Leonard, your chance of catching a break just went into his apartment and curled into a fetal position on the bed. If you'd have been a little more compassionate, you might have caught a break…that was before you showed me you were an asshole.

She sighed deeply before she knocked on Sheldon's door.

She sat down on the bed, wondering the best way to handle the man-child that curled up into a ball in the center.

Were he a normal guy, she would curl up behind him, josh with him until she had him laughing or at least she knew for certain that he wasn't suicidal, then take him out and get him drunk and set him up with one of her easy girlfriends. That would never work with Sheldon. Sheldon had no appreciable sense of humor, he didn't drink, and he would probably have a stroke if she even brought one of her sleazy girlfriends over. Look at what happened when Christy, the Whore of Omaha, visited—well, Sheldon didn't have a stroke, but he did have small bubbles of spit gather at the corner of his mouth for the three days that Christy and Howard dated.

She spoke to him for about ten minutes, her mind whirring like tires in mud, trying to find a story that might compare with what he was going through when she looked over her shoulder and saw Leonard looking in the door, getting ready to tap his knuckles on the frame. She excused herself, went over to the door, and hissed in his face. "What do you want?"

"I was just wondering if you were about done and we could, um, get back to saying hello?"

"Leonard, go take a shower. You smell like six different time zones and fifteen airports. Tonight it's not going to happen. I'm dealing with your mess; be happy that I'm not dropping the damn thing in your lap. Now scoot." She shut the door in his face and clicked the lock with a little bit more force than was absolutely necessary.

Sheldon raised his head off the bed and looked at her. "Who was that?"

"Leonard." She walked back to the bed, but this time she sat down with her back against the headboard. He looked up at her and she motioned for him to join her, patting the bed next to her. Sighing, he scooted to sit next to her.

"Penny, people aren't allowed in my room."

"Pretend I'm not people, Sheldon. Now, explain to me exactly how this is going to make an impact on your research. Use small words that I can understand, not your normal stuff, or we'll be here all night."

As he spoke, her anger began to surge inside her and she was so glad that she was an actress. There was no way in the world that she could look at Leonard or the others without vomiting, knowing the magnitude of their actions. She thought back to the day they left. She had asked Leonard one favor, one thing, and he did the exact opposite. If he was that willing to throw a friend under the bus—then again, he had thrown them all under the bus, more times than she could count, if she was being honest with herself.

She put a hand up, realizing that they had started whispering. "So let me get this straight. Since they fucked with your results and you sent that email that you now have to retract, everything that you've done since you got your degrees and started publishing could be looked at for errors?"

"Correct, Penny. If I were malicious in nature, I could point fingers and tell the scientific world that they had done this, but that would also bring my leadership skills into question. It would harm my qualifications as a team leader and I might never be asked to head a research team again." He turned to look at her and the misery was written all over his face. "I know that I am particular and exacting, Penny, but I believe that is part of my quest for excellence. I took them as my team because they were my friends and I believed that they would perform their roles to the best of their abilities. I had no idea that they would turn on me like this."

He buried his face in his hands. She suspected that he was crying but didn't want her to see it.

Well, fuck his phobias. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head to her shoulder. She didn't know if it was because of his overwhelming grief, because of his unbelievable betrayal, or something that she knew nothing about, but he wrapped those long arms around her torso and let himself go.

He cried for nearly an hour, clutching her the entire time. By the time the sobs had dwindled to tiny hiccups, they were laying side by side, their legs entangled and his head resting on her breast, his hand cupping her buttock and holding her close to him. He dried his eyes on a tissue, blew his nose, and looked up at her sheepishly.

"I had hoped to hold that in until you had departed."

"You needed that, Sheldon. I'm just glad that you had me here to give you a shoulder to cry on."

He tried to untangle them, but she was having none of it. "It appears you not only lent me your shoulder, but also your breast, your chest, and your hip as well."

"Honey, after what they put you through, I would lend you anything. They screwed you raw, Sheldon."

He couldn't hide the surprise on his face. "Why, Penny, I didn't expect you to understand the magnitude of the situation."

She smoothed the ruffled hair back from his face. "Oh, sweetie, I understand more than you think. Now, the question is, what are we going to do to get back at them?"

He pulled away from Penny and sat up with his back to her, twisting the used Kleenex in his hand. "I don't understand, Penny."

She got up on her knees behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him from behind. With her head on his shoulders and her arms around his neck, she whispered in his ear, "I think that revenge is a dish best served cold, sweetie, isn't that the phrase? However, they fucked with my Moonpie. They don't understand that the first rule of dealing with me is don't fuck with my Moonpie. Leonard is a stupid prick that thinks with his dick, you know? All he wanted was to get back to the lower 48 to stick his dick in me, honey. He didn't care about your experiment, your Nobel Prize, or you—he had one thing and one thing only on his mind. He didn't realize that when he messed with you, he screwed up all his chances to mess around with me."

"Penny, your relationship with Leonard has nothing to do with me."

"Au contraire, little grasshopper. It has everything to do with you. If he will fuck over his best friend, he will certainly fuck over some girl that he just wants to stick his cock in. I don't know a lot about the science that you guys do, but I do know about people." She shifted and pulled and he was laying with his back on the bed, with an armful of Penny. She hovered over him, looking down, ticking items off on her fingers.

"He fucked Howard over with Stephanie, remember? Stole her right out from under his eye patch, used and abused her, then dropped her like a hot potato when the relationship moved too fast for him. Elizabeth Plimpton, remember her? Wasn't that a little betrayal as well? He fucked your friend in your apartment the night of her arrival. And then there's me."


She looked down at Sheldon and touched his cheek. "Don't tell me that he didn't call dibs, Sheldon—I heard him. You aren't the only one with good hearing around here. I never had a choice, did I?"

"A choice?"

She leaned forward slightly to look him square in the eye. "You were the one that I noticed, not Leonard. You were the one that I spoke to, not Leonard. It was your whiteboard, your curry, your spot that I was drawn to—not Leonard's things, yours. Do you really think that I would have picked a short, hairy, myopic little worm like Leonard? When I could have had a tall, handsome, beautiful mind like you?"

Sheldon tried very hard not to squirm with pleasure, but he was failing miserably. He finally gave her a small smile and said, "You would have picked me?"

"Yes, I would have picked you, silly. I like tall men—you saw Kurt. He's no shorty."

"That is true."

She leaned on her elbow and chewed her lip. Sheldon watched her, wondering what kind of mischief she was thinking of now. Her eyes brightened and she gave him a tiny, evil smile.

She started drawing figures on his chest with her nail.

"You know, Sheldon, the one constant in this whole equation is Leonard's preoccupation with sex. All that he thinks about is sexual gratification. Am I correct?"

"You are correct. As are Wolowitz and Koothrappali."

"If that's what they want, then that's what they are going to get. Wanna do an experiment with me, Sheldon?"

He arched an eyebrow in her direction. "Exactly what type of experiment are you proposing?"

She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs and he mirrored her position, facing her. They were knee to knee and nose to nose; the only way that they would be overheard was if the room was bugged and since Sheldon had done a pre-emptive sweep when he had returned home, that was impossible.

"Sheldon, how far would you be willing to go to obtain the well-deserved revenge you need to attain the peace of mind you need?"

"How far will you take this?" He looked skeptical, but open to suggestion and Penny decided to be honest with him.

"Truthfully? I want to break him. Break him. He's done nothing but chase me and whine when I didn't come running. Maybe he needs a lesson or two."

"Then I will be with you, Penny. I will go the distance."

"You will…I know that you're not into sex, Sheldon, but if I were to…arrange something like that, you would…you'd let me?"

"If I were not directly involved."

"No, you wouldn't have to do a thing. But you would have to be there. As a witness. I wouldn't want to…but then again, to see that, what I'm thinking of doing to them…it could scar you…"

"I trust you, Penny. We've always maintained our friendship well and I believe that you could exact revenge that I would never dream of doing. Yes, I will be your witness to their downfall."

An unholy alliance was created with that one statement and the plan was born.