Disclaimer: I really wish Pokémon was mine, but I'm only playing with the lovely Rocket girls and boys.
Warnings: Pretty girls making out, pretty boys in drag, some naughty language. Cassidy/Domino (blondeshipping?), with a healthy smidgen of Jesse/Cassidy (yamushipping) and, if you look sideways, probably Jesse/James (queershipping.)
For my darling wife… To make her smile, and to aid in the "You WILL love Domino!" brainwashing process.
**Roses Are Red, Meganiums Are Green**
The dark clouds were gathering over Team Rocket HQ in Viridian City. In every shadow, every alleyway, every dangerously secluded forest road outside of Viridian, the people of the pokémon world were, for a brief time, able to walk without fear. The menace that usually threatened the wealth and pokémon of the unwary was, for a time, focussed elsewhere. The minions of Giovanni had abandoned their usual haunts, clustering together for a single, terrible purpose, a purpose that struck fear even into the hearts of the most ruthless and daring agents.
The Boss' birthday party.
Some agents, of course, were more desperate than others.
"Pokéball, go!" shrieked James, his last stolen red-and-white, basic level pokéball flying through the air. It opened midway, letting lose a blast of the golden light that could trap a pokémon in its deadly aura.
He realised a split second later that he should be learning from the twerp's mistakes, not learning to follow them. Yelling out like that – well, squealing out, if you happened to be James – had no effect on a pokéball's activation. What it *did* do was warn his prey. And, more fatally, it warned his partner.
Jesse' pokéball sped after his, on the same path. There was a resounding clunk, and two broken pokéballs fell to the forest floor. The pokémon fixed beady eyes on them just long enough to register as isolence, and then wandered off into the Long Grass (TM).
"You idiot!" screamed Jesse, backhanding her partner.
"I saw it first," James said petulantly, earning another blow. He decided to shut up. Justice was only an abstract concept, and Jesse's fists were not.
"Now we have no present for the Boss," lamented Jesse, tears welling up in her eyes. "What shall we do? We'll never bribe our way back into his favour now."
"Youse are so convinced the Boss will love you if youse give him a weedle for a birthday present? Only asking out of interest, of course," said Meowth.
Jesse and James fixed wide, horrified eyes on their pokémon partner for a long, emotional moment. Then they collapsed to their knees, clinging to each other and sobbing. "We'll never find a rare pokémon to give the Boss, and we're going to get f-fired..." they wailed in concert.
There was a flash of light as one of the pokéballs on Jesse's belt opened.
"Woooooooooooooobbuffet," sighed the extremely rare and powerful psychic pokémon, patting its mistress on the head with one consoling flipper.
"Get back in your pokéball, you worthless balloon," snapped Jesse.
"Wooob," Wobbuffet said sadly, returning to its prison.
James climbed to his feet. "C'mon, Jess. Let's go pick wildflowers for the Boss or something, 'kay? Everyone likes flowers."
A few minutes later, his spirits had risen considerably. Viridian Forest had the most entrancing golden rays of light sparkling through the trees, and his arms were full of brilliant dandelions and verdant weeds. Jesse seemed happier, too. As long as she didn't get carried away and dive headfirst into a vileplume, thus forcing him into vile servitude at the drama queen's behest until she decided to admit to feeling less paralysed, her cheerfulness was all to the good. James began to skip, just a little, and hum. Finally he burst into full blown song. "Lucky lucky I'm so pretty...."
"It don't go like that," Meowth objected.
"I thought I'd rewrite it to more accurately reflect my personal traits," James explained. "Lucky lucky, nice for you to meet me-"
He was rudely interrupted by his nose connecting the back of his partner's head. He fell to the ground, checking his precious profile for any unsightly breaks, and choking on fumes. One day, he would really have to have a little chat with Jesse about the amount of hairspray she seemed to feel was necessary to keep her gleaming locks in place.
"I didn't mean to," he started automatically defending himself, before realising that something was very wrong. Jesse wasn't screaming at him, or laughing derisively. Her voice was very small, and choked.
"James – look."
He clambered cautiously onto his hands and knees, and followed the direction of his best friend's trembling finger.
In a particularly idyllic glade just off the path, two figures in black Team Rocket uniforms were sprawled on dandelion-spangled grass, their arms wrapped around each other and their lips pressed together in an intimate kiss, oblivious to their own romantic surroundings. Random sunbeams glimmered on two different shades of blonde hair, one burnished gold, the other mimosa yellow.
"Meowth didn't know Cassidy and Domino knew each other," Meowth remarked without much interest. Human mating rituals bored him, unless there were pokémon involved in some capacity.
One surprisingly sharp-toed do-me boot caught the feline creature in the ribs. Then Jesse seized James' hand and marched him off in the other direction.
"Jesseeeee, you'll make me drop the Boss' birthday present," he complained, trying to catch wilting dandelions as they scattered. "What's your problem, anyway? Those bitches deserve each other."
"She does NOT!" snapped Jesse, her face attempting to assume the same shade as her hair.
"Ah." James thought about this, as well as he could when he was hurtling down a forest path being dragged along by an angry woman in a miniskirt, and when using his brain was something he only attempted when forced in any case. Still, there were patterns of behaviour he could recognise. "Jesse, remember when I asked you how you knew Cassidy, and you said she was just some girl who used to keep hanging around you?"
"How precisely do you define hanging around?"
It was a few hours later... hours Jesse, James and Meowth considered themselves lucky to have survived. Giovanni had not been exactly delighted with their tribute of dying wildflowers but, as they had lived through the experience, James and Meowth were already beginning to look upon the event as a success. They wandered down into the private gardens to celebrate with the free food that was not supposed to be consumed until the party that night.
Jesse, for her part, was rather subdued, a term which in her case translated to neither wildly gleeful nor psychotically violent. James sent her a few worried glances, but he knew that pestering Jesse when she was depressed was not a good idea. She was too inclined to throw herself on the ground and sob in the focus of a blinding spotlight, cherry blossom petals whirling around her, as flashbacks played in the surrounding atmosphere. Often pink parasols were involved. James was never entirely sure what to do when that happened.
She stopped dead in her tracks. This time, James managed to dodge her lethal hair, and peeped over her shoulder.
Butch and Cassidy were among the many agents who had obviously decided to take advantage of the free food as well. Cheapskates, James thought bitterly. But he had a suspicion that Jesse's increasingly murderous expression had less to do with the aqua-haired boy hoeing into cheesecake as with the perky little blonde who was perched on the table, hand-feeding Cassidy with sakura mochi.
Before he could stop her, Jesse had crossed the garden in a rush of fury. Her partners followed more slowly, praying that there would be a minimum of carnage. Of course, no one in the garden would be likely to report to an Officer Jenny, but Giovanni was unlikely to show indulgence to a low-level agent who murdered her superiors. And the said agent's partners would probably go down with her.
"Get away from her!"
Domino gave Jesse a sidelong upwards glance, through her golden curls. "Why should I?" she asked in bored tones. "And who are you to question me, anyway – white uniform," she added, her voice dripping scorn.
Cassidy reached out and took Domino's gloved hand in hers. "She's Jesse, that stalker I told you about. No, wait, I didn't, did I – because she's of entirely no consequence." She glimmered adoringly up at the younger girl.
"You're the one who stalks me!" Jesse fought for breath. "Cassidy, you don't understand. You shouldn't be with her! Get away now."
The older Rocket finally turned to her, purple eyes glittering and a smug smile playing on her lips. "To echo our senior, why should I?"
"Because... because Domino's really really bad!" James sunk his head into his hands.
"Oh I assure, you, she's very very good," purred Cassidy. "Particularly in comparison." Domino smiled fondly down at her, and kissed the back of her glove.
Someone is really going to die now, James realised dully. But to his astonishment, Jesse's actions remained lacking in explicit violence.
"I mean that she's evil!" she insisted, stamping a booted foot.
Domino went into a fit of girlish giggles, and Butch spluttered cheesecake across the table. Cassidy seemed to be finding it difficult to keep her composure as well. "Not evil, Jesse? In Team Rocket? Tell me, my dear, did you read the recruitment posters at all – the ones that mentioned working for a sinister criminal organisation? Or haven't you learned to read yet? It would explain your grades at the Tech."
"I mean... really evil," Jesse said weakly. Domino had tipped her head to one side and was scrutinising the redhead intently, as if trying to work out where she had seen her before. James, alarmed, began to try and drag his partner away. The last thing he wanted was for the Boss' favourite to overcome Mewtwo's memory wipe and recall exactly why she hated them.
"C'mon, Jess, let it drop," he muttered. "She's not worthy of someone as fabulous as you, anyway," he added helpfully. Flattery could sometimes control his partner's temper when nothing else could.
At that moment, Cassidy reached up and wrapped her arms around the younger woman's neck, drawing her head down to meet hers. The garden suddenly fell into awed silence, as the women's mouths met in a decidedly unchaste kiss. James noted that he could actually see Domino's tongue slip into Cassidy's mouth, and felt somewhat unwell. He quickly looked away.
Jesse pirouetted wildly on one foot, looking for support. "Butch!" screamed Jesse, as Cassidy lifted one hand to squeeze her senior agent's breast through her dress. "Make them stop it NOW!" She raised a fist for emphasis.
The boy's mahogany eyes seemed to have been given a good layer of varnish, judging from their glazed look. "Why?" he croaked, watching with fascination as Domino, without breaking the kiss, slid off the table and into Cassidy's lap. Usually laconic, he seemed to feel that the situation required another sentence or two. "They've been like this for days," he said gleefully, if throatily. "Can't keep their hands off each other." There was a chorus of sighs at that remark.
"Jesse, please," hastily put in another male rocket. "Remember that Domino is your senior, and that it's not honourable to interfere with love in full bloom."
His partner Starr smiled sweetly at him. "If you don't stop looking right now, Henry, nothing about you is going to be in full bloom ever again. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
"Miss Jesse! Mr. James! How lucky to see you! My happiness is great! This is my lucky day!"
James turned in relief at the rather frighteningly enthusiastic greeting. Jesse, too, seemed to soften a little at the chance of the adoration and sympathy she deserved. "Mondo," she said sweetly. "What do you think of all this... provocative and immoral behaviour, my darling little one?"
The young Rocket beamed back at her. "Miss Domino and Miss Cassidy have fallen in love!" he shouted gleefully. "Don't they make a beautiful couple?! Almost as beautiful as you and Mr. James!"
From the sound of grinding teeth, James was beginning to suspect that Henry was not the only one in the garden in imminent danger of castration.