EMAIL:_o_neill_obsessed@yahoo.co.uk

SPOILERS:_none

SEASON/SEQEUL:_sequel to all the other chums stories

CONTENT WARNINGS:_involves singing and dancing from Jack and Daniel, don't worry, it's brief

DISCLAIMER:_I DON'T OWN THESE PEOPLE. I just really, really love them and am borrowing them. I don't own Stargate, this lot do- Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. And I'm making no money. At all.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:_After a request for a bit of lets get ready to rumble, here it is, but it's not much cause I wasn't sure how to put the entire song into a story. F.Y.I-for the uneducated (anyone outside of Britain) PJ and Duncan were characters played by Ant and Dec in a Newcastle, youth club based kids drama, (which in it's hey day was very good) and they released some cds and the like but were rubbish. Their real- life alter egos are very, very funny though (and cute). Enjoy...

The One Where They Get Ready To Rumble

Voiceover man-"Last week on Chums.....Daniel was caught in the Satr Trek section in Blockbusters and had to be brought home. Will he be banned for life? Will Jack have to watch Star Trek 3-The Search For Spock *again*. You might find out this week..."

ROLL THEME-Daniel, Jack and Sam run around poking each other with umbrellas and trying to push each other into the fountain to the song:-

"Nobody told you comedy could ever be this lame, every week a different show but somehow all the same, we'll be chums forever, no ones lonely with chums......"

"CHUMS was filmed because Hammond got a part"

"Let's get ready to rumble, let's get ready to rumble, get ready, get steady and rumble" Jack wailed.

"Everybody rumble" Daniel chimed, they raised they arms in the air unison and did a turn that would rival PJ and Duncan (whoooooooooooo). Suddenly the front door opened and Jack slammed the music off as Sam walked in. He and Daniel tried to adopt casual poses as they stood by the sofa.

"What's going on?" Sam asked suspiciously. They whistled to one another in a bid to look casual. Sam frowned.

"Er, er, nothing, we were just going to sit down on the sofa, weren't we Daniel"

"Er, yes, Jack" they sat down together and, still in unison, went to put their feet up on the coffee table, forgetting they had moved it and they fell forward. They smiled awkwardly at Sam and crossed their legs.

"Then why did you move the coffee table?" she asked.

"Er, er," Jack stuttered. Sam grinned smugly.

"Er, to remind us not to put our feet on it. We know you hate that" Daniel said grinning back, pleased with himself.

"How sweet but you don't fool me" their faces dropped. "You've been listening to PJ and Duncan again haven't you?" she said.

"No" Jack said.

"Yes" Daniel said at the same time.

"Daniel!"

"Sorry" he said sheepishly.

"And I'd put money on it that you've been dancing too" she added.

"No" Daniel said.

"Yes" Jack said at the same time.

"Jack!"

"Sorry" Sam's grin disappeared.

"What have I told you two?! This is not healthy!" she went around to the stereo, took the cd out and snapped it in half, throwing it on the floor. Jack opened his mouth.

"And don't say anymore" she said. "You two have a PJ and Duncan collection that rivals Daniel's shoes" Daniel dipped his head, going a little red. "All those Byker Grove videos take up room."

"So what!" Jack said jumping to his feet and putting his hands on his hips. "You can't do anything about it. We're grown ups and we'll do what we like!"

"Really?" she said. The doorbell rang. "I'll get that" Jack and Daniel looked at each other, then the door and got up and stood behind Sam. She pulled the door open to find a completely green Teal'c standing there with a green clipboard.

"My name is Mr Teal'c, I'm from Recycle, Recycle, Recycle"

"Excellent" Sam said.

"Nice uniform" Jack said, controlling a laugh.

"Er, yeah, but don't you think the green skin is a bit much" Daniel added, unsuccessfully controlling his laugh.

"No I do not. I was born with green skin" Teal'c said. "I have a rare disease called 'Skinus Greenus'"

"Oh" Jack and Daniel said together. "Sorry"

"I believe you have some items for recycling?" he said.

"We have indeed. We have a mountain of cds and videos that need removing" she said.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Jack and Daniel cried looking up.

"No Sam, no not our PJ and Duncan cds" Jack pleaded.

"Please Sam"

"I'm sorry. This obsession is not healthy, and they have to go" she said.

"But Sam"

"No, Mr Teal'c, let me show you the way"

"Let me call my assistant" he said. "George" he called. A balding man in the same green uniform as Teal'c walked in.

"This is Mr Hammond, he will be helping me"

"You'll need it" she said. "It's quite a load."

"Sam please, don't do this to us" Jack said putting on a pleading face.

"Don't try it on Jack"

"I'll kiss you"

"I don't care" she said putting her hand on her hips. "Gentleman, this way please" she led Teal'c and George through to the bedrooms.

"Oh, gentlemen, this way please" Jack said in a mocking voice. "My names Sam, I'm so great, I hate PJ and Duncan, blah, blah, bleurgh"

"Jack-man, we have to do something" Daniel said. "We can't let her get away with this"

"What can we do?"

"We'll tie ourselves to the crate"

"I'm not doing that" Jack said.

"But"

"And anyway, you owe me for making us watch Star Trek 3: The Search For Spock again"

"Oh fine" they quickly turned around as Teal'c and George pulled out a huge crate that was spilling over with cds and videos.

"Oh this is painful" Jack said. Daniel bent over behind the sofa and picked up a set of chains. He quickly, with the help of Jack, chained himself to the crate.

"Ha Ha!" he cried. "Now you can't take them away"

"Daniel unlock yourself now!"

"No" he said indignantly.

"I'm warning you Daniel"

"Er, Miss, we do offer a people recycling service. We can have this young man partly recycled into several others and back on the streets by tea-time" Teal'c said.

"Really?" she said.

"Sam you can't be serious?" Jack said.

"Absolutely. How much?"

"Sam!" Daniel cried.

"Fiver extra Miss. Doesn't take much to recycle men" George said.

"Do you have a lot of call for that?" Jack asked. "Just out of interest"

"Oh yes son." George answered. "It's usually housewives and we often redeliver a recycled man too" he smiled.

"It was Georges idea"

"Really?" Sam smiled. "Well we won't be needing another so you can just take him away with the crate"

"Sam!" Jack and Daniel said together.

"Jack, think about it. We'll be alone in the flat" she said.

"Nice knowing you Danny" he said patting his friend on the shoulder. "Take him away boys"

"See you around Daniel" Sam said.

"You cannot be serious" he said in a squeaky voice as Teal'c and George carried him away.

"FREEZE-FRAME!!!!!!!!!!" everyone assumed strange positions on one leg.

Voiceover man-"Will Daniel be recycled into several men? Will he be delivered to a bored housewife? Will Sam and Jack be alone in the flat? Find out that and the meaning of life on next weeks CHUMS!!!!!!!."