A Wise Person Once Said
A/N: This one-shot is dedicated to AmiRide for being so freaking spectacular.
Set right before the flock's first air show in Max.
Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or Bones.
Summary: Mom opened the door, asking us if we were ready to come back. I told her in response that I'd rather shoot myself. Fang said he'd rather shoot me, too. Then I punched him for being a jerk. Fax. One-shot. For AmiRide.
It started like any other day. I reluctantly got out of bed, stomped downstairs, smacked Iggy for saying something stupid, scolded Gazzy for laughing at it, told Nudge that less is more when it comes to blabbering at eight AM, drooled at the sight of Fang's chest-
Okay. I know. That sounded totally not me, right?
But I swear, he does it on purpose!
Ever since we had a little…quarrel a few days ago, he'd been all about making me uncomfortable. Saying he was going to make my thoughts and feeling obvious or something ridiculous. Especially in front of the others. We were supposed to start those air shows for the CSM in a few days, but if he kept driving me up the wall…
"Could you put on a shirt?" I spat, forcing myself to look away. "Jesus, even the Gasman knows how to get dressed in the morning."
"Does it bother you?" he asked, getting too close to me.
"Yeah! And everyone else!"
Fang turned to look at the others, all milling around the kitchen and grabbing food.
"I don't even care."
Fang raised an eyebrow at Nudge, who'd said the last one.
Startled, Nudge said, "Oh, not you, Fang! Ig burnt the toast."
"It's just crispy!"
"Shut up, it is so burnt."
Fang smirked at me. "See?"
I glared at him and made my voice like steel. "Put on a shirt."
Then I shoved passed him and piled food on my plate. I could feel his smugness. It was suffocating. I moved out of the small kitchen of our latest "safe" house and went into the living room, sitting on the couch and putting my feet on the coffee table.
Fang sat down really close to me, still smirking. It was all I could do not to stab him repeatedly with my fork until he cried.
Okay. I guess I should explain our confrontation that started all of this.
So, we were meeting with the CSM, letting them inform us about the air shows and what they wanted us to do. It was about three days ago.
After the board members heard that we weren't against it, they started coming up with themes and ideas for the shows. The rest of us were barely listening because, well, they gave us food. And food pretty much trumps meetings with people in suits. So, we were all too busy stuffing our faces.
Until some bozo at the far end of the conference table said, "Maybe we could do a show that focuses just on Max and Fang. One that focuses more on love than family."
I choked. Not like, gasped and coughed for a few seconds, no - this was legit choking. Like, face-turning-purple, grasping-throat-in-desperation choking.
Fang, of course, started patting my back. I coughed out, "Don't touch me!"
He stared at me in disbelief. "Fine. Choke to death."
Finally, I got a hold of myself. I stood up. "Um, no." Then I started laughing, looking around the table. "Are you kidding? There were so many things wrong with that sentence…yeah, no. Not happening."
Everyone was staring at me by now, which we all know makes me so warm and fuzzy inside. I concluded that that would be a perfect time to leave.
I walked out of the conference room with the smidgen of confidence I still had and wandered down the hall. I didn't really have much more of a plan, except get the hell out of there.
Then, someone had gripped my wrist from behind me.
He spun me around. "What is your deal?"
I stared at him. "I am not having this conversation with you."
"Yeah you are," Fang said. He still hadn't let go of my wrist. "You've avoided this for too long, and I am so fucking tired of it."
I gave him a threatening look, but Fang had been dealing with my threatening looks since he was four, so…it didn't do much. Fang raised his head, looked around, then pulled me toward a closet on the right side of the hallway.
He dragged me into the janitor's closet and slammed the door shut. Something hit me in the face, and I reached up. A string. I yanked on it, and a small bulb turned on above us. After flickering for a few seconds, it fizzled out.
"Sorry, Fang," I said sarcastically into the darkness as my eyes adjusted. "Really. I was supposed to just go along with the lovebird story, wasn't I?"
"Oh, no, you made sure to do the exact opposite. And make me look like-"
"Like what?" I demanded.
Fang gave me a look, like, you know exactly what. "'Don't touch me!' You were practically dying, sorry your best friend felt the need to take action!"
"Sorry I didn't let you give me CPR," I said in annoyance.
"I can't believe you, Max."
"What?" I honestly had no idea what was going on at this point. I mean, he was yelling at me, but why? We weren't together - not even close - but he was mad that I'd set them all straight?
Fang leaned forward, so close that I could feel his breath on my face.
"You are oblivious to what goes on right in front of your face, Max." He shook his head, his hair brushed my forehead. He was leaning down in my face, his body centimeters from mine. "You're oblivious to your own thoughts sometimes. If you want me to make it even more fucking obvious…I will."
Then Mom had opened the door, asking us if we were ready to come back to the conference. I told her in response that I'd rather shoot myself. Fang said he'd rather shoot me, too. Then I punched him for being such an ass, and Mom told us to suck it up and be at least a little bit professional.
Anyways. Back to the present.
"Pass me the remote," Fang said.
"No," I said, glancing at him. "I don't see a shirt, Fang."
"Good. You aren't hallucinating," he said back, snatching the remote control from my hand.
Oh, the ways I could slaughter him.
"If you don't give me that remote right fucking now, I swear to God-"
Fang smirked at me. "Will you relax?" He leaned back against the couch, his plate on his lap, one arm flung across the back of the couch behind my head. I groaned, shrinking away from him.
Nudge came into the living room, yanking the remote out of his hand. "Thanks, Fang."
Fang frowned. Nudge sat down on his other side with her plate and start flipping channels. Iggy came in and collapsed on the other couch, laying his plate on his stomach. Angel and Gazzy both followed, along with Total, and the three of them settled on the floor.
"Ooh, I don't think I've seen this episode," Nudge said, stopping on a show called Bones.
I'd seen the show a few times. It was about a scientist and a detective, and they solved murders and such. They were also totally head-over-heels for each other, yet neither of them could face it.
"Ha!" Angel looked at me, snickering. "Are you serious?"
"Nothing," she sang. I glared at her.
After a few minutes of watching it, Nudge said, "Why don't they just get over themselves and admit their feelings?"
"Right? It's kind of ridiculous," I said, reaching for my glass of milk on the coffee table.
When I lowered my glass, everyone was staring at me.
Fang just rolled his eyes. Nudge said, "What do you mean by that, Max?"
"What, that it's ridiculous? Well they're obviously hot for each other," I said. "Someone should just lock them together in a room and make them sort it out."
Nudge just stared at me, a slow smile creeping onto her face.
"You are a piece of work," Iggy laughed.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, Max. Nothing."
But it was obviously something. Which ticked me off, to no end.
I got up, threw my plate away and stormed into the small bathroom in the hall. I groaned and leaned down, splashing my face with water. What was up with everyone? Why were they all acting so…weird?
The door opened and I saw still-shirtless Fang step in.
"You could've knocked," I spat, drying my face in one of the fluffy towels on the counter.
"Then you would've just told me to go away."
"Well?" I said, crossing my arms. I didn't turn to face him - I just stared at him through the mirror.
"Max, are you really so thick that you don't-"
He was interrupted by Nudge poking her head in. "This is for your own good."
Then she slammed the door shut. I spun around, shoving past Fang and reaching for the doorknob.
"Don't waste your energy," Iggy said tiredly.
"Unlock the door," I growled.
Gazzy giggled. "A wise person once said, and I quote, 'Someone should just lock them together in a room and make them sort it out'."
The others cackled with him as I turned around to face Fang.
"I didn't mean…us," I groaned. I glared at Fang. "I hate you."
Fang smirked at me. "I had nothing to do with this."
"Honest," he said. He sat down on the closed toilet. I sank down to the ground, leaning against the door.
And when he said we needed to talk, I started banging my head on the door.
Maybe if I bang it hard enough, I'll die, I thought.
Not likely, Angel responded.
A/N: Aw, Max. Can't you just stop being so insensible? Everyone else sees it but you!