Arrival of the Cavalry Coyotes From Pluto

Lawrence Limburger kept banging his head on his desk. It seemed no matter where he went, the Biker Mice followed him. Sometimes he just wanted to be left alone, even if he wasn't concocting an evil scheme. Fortunately for him, the Mice had never invaded him if he was traveling somewhere just to get away from the stress. Ronaldo Rump, on the other hand, once traveled to one of his resorts just to get away from the stress, but because Dr. Catorkian was working on of his schemes, Throttle found where he was and forced him to confess.

With Charley's sister running the Last Chance Garage in Chicago so that she could run one in Wildcat City, Kansas, USA, home of Leo Zanicchi (a.k.a. Leo the Patriotic Lion) and many other heroic figures (and rock stars, I might point out), the Mice were having a blast keeping law and order. Wildcat City provided many opportunities Chicago would never have given them. One such opportunity was the fact the SWAT Kats Band and Sonic JAM were their big rivals. All three had topped the charts at one point or another, but the Martian Freedom Fighters seemed to have an advantage; mice from Mars treasured rock music from the very start, unlike Earth, who had (and still has) multiple phases and cultural differences in their music.

This day, it wasn't Limburger or Rump, or even Dr. Catorkian, who came to Earth in what seemed like another invasion from another planet. The invaders who came actually had no reasons to invade, but had only one purpose: to get even with Limburger's goons. They were the Calvary Coyotes from Pluto, and like some of the mice from Mars, they had left because their planet was dying as it was and they needed a new home, as well as a new culture.

Leo the Patriotic Lion was fortunate enough to have noticed them first when it became evident the ships approaching Area 76 (an abandoned military base now used for arriving intergalactic flights) were carrying peacemakers, as he was judging it by the way they approached while looking at it through a pair of binoculars. "If they were warriors like those bulldogs from Jupiter," he said to the Biker Mice and Charley, "they'd be coming in at a steeper angle. That's pretty shallow."

"I gotta hand it to you, Leo," Throttle replied, "you sure know intergalactic threats."

"Yep. That's because I have a superhero counterpart. Leo the Super Patriotic Lion, or Super Leo for short. If you aren't familiar with him, it's probably because you are all from Mars, you three specifically being the special commando unit of Mars. He focuses on threats like space pirates who would attack and stuff like that."

"No wonder I don't know him up close and personal," Modo spoke up. "Did he have anything to do with those speeches of yours that radically turned this country upside-down?"

"No, but I did mention him in that speech of mine that encouraged superhero appreciation. The way I made my speech, I'd refer to you three as ground soldiers, because everything you do is on the ground. I just wish I could tell you who the outsiders are."

"Well, why don't we go find out?" Vinnie suggested. "It's very Martian eye for the crazy guy!"

"What does that mean?" Leo inquired.

"That's his way of telling you he's excited," Throttle replied. "It's Martian Mouse talk."

"Oh. I don't speak that language, but at least there's no profanity in it. I like that." One of Leo's speeches involved the use of profanity and derogatory words, which he condemned to death, as well as anyone who used them, especially in the media. This was partially the reason radio's audience had surpassed TV's by 600%. Artists had already been careful about that, but now they were paranoid of what Leo might do to them (as was everyone else). As a general rule, you do not use profanity in music.

Leo climbed into his Patriotmobile, his super-slick car, while the Mice and Charley got on their bikes. As they drove to Area 76, Throttle's pager beeped. "Wonder who that could be?" he thought aloud as he hit the button, connecting all three Biker Mice to the other side of the communications signal. Before he could speak, he heard Carbine's voice say, "Martian Army to Earth. Come in! This is General Carbine." (NOTE: Because she was a permanent Earth-dweller now, Carbine stopped saying "Mars to Earth" and was instead saying "Martian Army to Earth.") Modo made another connection via his technology so that Leo could talk to Carbine.

"We're here, General," Vinnie replied.

"I just noticed these weird ships approaching Area 76. I'm not sure if they come in peace or in war. That's why I want you here on the double," Carbine continued.

"We're already on our way, General," said Throttle. "We wanted to investigate for ourselves. By coincidence, that's your marching orders to us. And don't worry; Leo the Patriotic Lion's with us."

"Leo!" Carbine exclaimed in relief. "Oh, I'm so glad you were on top of this."

"Yes, ma'am. That's my job as a vigilante law enforcer, and having a reputation for being the bravest lion in town. According to my calculations, these ships are coming in at a very shallow angle, so they come in peace. Those Crusher Bulldogs from Jupiter came in much steeper than this. I could be mistaken, but I'm 99% sure I'm not wrong."

When the group reached Area 76, Carbine was waiting for them, as was Stoker, Mace, and (because of their own curiosity and their alliance with the Mice), the Surfer Cats from Saturn. Rimfire pulled up on his own bike. "What's going on, Uncle Modo?" he asked. "I got here as soon as I could."

"I don't think it's any trouble, Rimfire," Modo replied. "According to Mr. Stars and Stripes here, these are peaceful travelers. If they were invading like those dogs from Jupiter, they'd be coming in at a steeper angle."

"I'll take your word for it, Uncle," Rimfire nodded. "Being the type I am, I am tempted by intuition to infiltrate if needed, if you know what I mean."

"I do."

"So do I, soldier," said Leo, walking over to Rimfire. "You, sir, have probably impressed me the most as far as the battle between good and evil is concerned, with the way you got Hairball in prison while getting all those green and yellow things. What do you call those again?"

"Tetrahydrocarbons. I know. Big word."

"Big word, all right. It just wasn't part of my vocabulary, but it is now." Leo jotted down the word on a notepad as Rimfire spelled it out for him.

Meanwhile, Stoker and Carbine watched with intensity as the doors opened. Out came a group of coyotes riding horses. Some were in military uniforms with the appropriate hat, while others looked like stereotypical cowboys from the Wild West, which Wildcat City had plenty of, I guarantee it.

"The cavalry's here!" Leo announced with glee as the coyotes came out.

"What a rush!" Vinnie exclaimed.

Throttle chuckled, then said, "We're in good hands, bros. These coyotes are clearly on our side. This is good."

"I'm just happy to see they are in the spirit," said Stoker. "Seems I'm seeing a whole lot more cowboy action ever since Mace and Rimfire went cowboy just to stop old stink fish from stealing the oil."

"They sure anticipated America," Leo smiled, seeing the number of coyotes carrying the American flag.

The coyotes continued to ride around town to the now-cheering crowds (after Leo used his big voice and a megaphone to announce the coyotes when he learned they came from Pluto and had easily shown their immediate love for the USA). Two specific coyotes, Richard Juan Jules (top officer of the military coyotes) and Billy Bob Blacktooth (marshal of Lonely Gulch, a cowboy-themed community on Pluto) took time to give more details to the Mice and to Leo, when Vinnie asked about their arrival. The Mice drove their bikes slow enough to be polite, while the Surfer Cats walked.

"Sorry to drop in unannounced," Richard explained, "but there was no way to get any communications through. Since news of Mr. Zanicchi's actions here had reached Pluto for some mysterious reason, we felt even prouder of our military and what we did to protect Pluto from harm, but we couldn't stop nature from taking its course."

"I can understand that," said Tidal, leader of the Surfer Cats. "Do you people ride horses just as commonly as we surf or the Mice driving motorcycles?"

"Yes, we do. It gives us a sense of pride. Musically speaking, we prefer the two genres that are most obvious based on our clothing: the military band and the singing cowboy, and sub-genres thereof. So, Mr. Zanicchi, there's one thing you and we have in common."

"I suppose so, but there's no need for formality now, because I'm retired from military work. You may just call me Leo."

"I see, but it's habits. Coyote etiquette. We did, however, prepare for all these other musical genres, so we can deal with it, even if it's not our taste."

"You stay with your standards. I like that."

"Are you familiar with the universally wanted criminals Lawrence Limburger and Ronaldo Rump?" Carbine asked, doing her duty.

"Yes we are. We wanted to help with the Plutarkian War, actually, but because of how far away Pluto is from Mars, there was nothing we could do about it."

"So sorry to hear that," said Mace. "Now that we understand you better, we would have appreciated the help." By this point, the group had arrived at Jackpot Burger, one of the city's top burger chains, to eat lunch. Since Pluto used the American dollar (and because of Leo's actions), the employees did not panic at the sight of the coyotes.

"Yup," said Billy Bob. "Seems these Plutarkian varmints y'all speak of might have come and attacked Pluto if they had succeeded taking over Mars, but Pluto was dying too soon for that to happen. Wonder what them Catatonians might have done?"

"I don't know," Throttle replied. "All they really wanted was Mars, thanks to Stoker's Regenerator."

"Is that so? Hmmm. Fascinating. In my 20 years as marshal, I don't recall ever having any sort of scientific community."

"Maybe you weren't up there yet," Charley suggested. "Certainly that was the case with Earth at one point."

"Must be." The group walked in to eat lunch.

After getting their drinks and sitting down to wait for their food, Leo, Tidal, and Carbine continued talking to Richard and Billy Bob. Throttle, Modo, Vinnie, and Stoker picked their favorite tunes from the jukebox (connected to a loudspeaker system; the jukebox otherwise played random tunes).

"Did you have any specific uniqueness to your culture or did you pattern it strictly after America?" Leo asked.

"If there was anything unique about our culture, it's the fact all of us are coyotes. Like this country, our society is predominately male. We try to give females as much opportunity as we can, however," Richard replied after taking a sip of Diet Dr. Pepper™. "Musically speaking, most bands you'd see are like the band you'd see Sousa directing. I know he's a big influence on your life and all that. You would not see rock, blues, jazz, R&B, MoTown, or anything like that. There might have been one or two symphony orchestras, but again, this is Pluto we're talking about."

"I see. Well, in this town, the number of marching bands outnumbers any other band, orchestra, or ensemble of any kind by a ratio of almost 16 to 1. That's what makes this town so famous. One after another, on the march. They're everywhere."

The conversation continued throughout the meal and the time that followed. Overall, the city was getting very comfortable with the coyotes adding to the already large population. And you can be rest assured that when evil struck and it was appropriate for them to do so, the Calvary Coyotes from Pluto would charge out of there before you could say "Charge!" with a bugle backing you up.

THE END

Biker Mice From Mars © Rick Ungar, Tom Tataranowicz, Tom Tataranowicz Animation, Brentwood Television Funnies

Sonic the Hedgehog © SEGA

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron © Hanna-Barbera, Cartoon Network, Warner Bros.

Leo the Patriotic Lion © me