Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.
"Hey baby," Lizzy greets as she walks into the living room after getting home from the self-defense center, dropping her oversized bag on the comfy chair as she does. Cass follows her into the room after having greeted her in the usual frenzy of excitement by the door and then lies down in his comfy dog bed in the corner.
"Hey," Dean absently answers as his focus remains on the television.
Lizzy plops down onto the couch next to him, her legs folded under her and body turned to face him. With a quick peck on his cheek she steals the beer out of his hand.
"Whacha watching?" she asks while taking a big gulp from the bottle.
"Shark week," is his simple explanation, his eyes never leaving the screen. "So awesome."
"Can you peel yourself away from the awesome sharks for a second to talk to me?" Lizzy requests and when he turns to look suspiciously at her she just grins wide and hands back his beer.
"Alright," Dean sighs unhappily with a swig of beer as he pauses the show he's watching. Ah, the wonders of modern television technology. Recording shows automatically, pausing live programs… Dean's still getting used to the luxury of it all.
"So…" Lizzy starts and Dean immediately rolls his eyes.
"Just tell me what I did."
"You didn't do anything bad," she laughs quietly at his pessimism. "I'm not mad or anything, I promise."
"Riiiight," he answers disbelieving while downing more booze.
"So when you were working on the Mustang earlier, I was on the computer," she begins to tell him. "And I think you forgot to close out some stuff you'd been looking at on there."
Narrowing his eyes, Dean thinks back on his day. Got up late, hungover. Ate something around ten. Drank a few beers before noon and lied to Lizzy about it. Got bored when she left for the lunch shift at the bar. She wore the tight jeans that made her ass look amazing. Got horny and jerked off to porn. Porn. He forgot to close out the porn on her computer.
"Yeah, sorry about that," Dean shrugs off. He's a bit surprised at her for bringing this up as an issue though. She knows he watches porn. Hell, she watches porn. She told him so. God that's so fucking hot to him for some reason.
"Oh, I don't care that you were watching porn," Lizzy assures with a grin as she really doesn't care at all. "I was just kind of surprised by the type of porn you had been watching."
Thinking back once again, Dean recalls what he'd chosen for his viewing pleasure today.
"It was a bit… hardcore," Lizzy adds hesitantly. "I mean, there was some serious… dominating stuff in there." She was a bit taken with what she saw in that video of his choosing. It was a slave video, something she'd never seen before, and it was pretty shockingly rough.
Dean nods in confirmation but stays quiet as he isn't sure if she's cool with it, turned off by it, or whatever else she might think. Good move, Dean. He should be used to covering his tracks as that's what he's done his entire old life. He's getting rusty in his new life.
"So I gotta know," she continues. "Is that something you're really into?"
"Clearly." Dean sits, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"No, no. I mean is that, like, something you're really into and would want to actually do… not just watch?"
Looking at her curious expression, he's still lost as to how he should be answering. Ah fuck it. It's just Lizzy. Tell the truth. She's shocked him before with her openness and she could easily do it again.
"Yes," Dean simply tells her.
"Because," Dean says while scrunching up his face and thinking hard. He's never thought about it before. "I think it's a control thing. You already know I like taking charge…"
"Yes!" she answers loudly with a smile. "And you know I love that too."
"Well aware," he says with a little slick tone in there. "But this is way more than we've ever done."
"So I saw," Lizzy grins warmly, telling him it's ok to talk about this. "But why would you want to take it that far? Why so controlling?"
Dean sits for a second and thinks it over. "I think… having that kinda control would be…"
"Good for a change?" Lizzy finishes for him, having already figure this one out while at work. She had plenty of time to consider it all.
"Since you feel like you never have control over anything in life… which you totally don't…"
"It'd be nice to feel like I do somewhere." Jesus Christ. It's even annoying to him the way they finish each other's thoughts like that.
"Would you want to do that with me?"
"Excuse me?" Dean narrows his eyes at her with the insane offer that he never saw coming.
"You heard me," Lizzy grins. "Do you want that?"
"Come on. There's no way you'd do that," Dean adamantly says to her.
"Why would you think that?" she calmly pries.
"L, are you serious?" Dean asks her, thinking the reasoning should be obvious to her. "You're hardheaded as all hell. You don't ever take shit from anyone. You're telling me you could take full direction from someone else and not question it or say no to anything? Yeah, right. I smell bullshit."
Lizzy sighs loudly and nods in understanding. "I know I'm not easy, ok?"
"Good," Dean huffs, glad she gets how patient and yielding he has to be with her most of the time. To say she's a tough chick would be an understatement.
"And I know I am harder headed than most chicks and stubborn as fuck to boot. You have always been awesome in dealing with my pain in the ass ways. And I totally get why you'd maybe get turned on by the idea of telling me what to do and never getting questioned about it since I am so independent pretty much always. It makes sense that you'd want to get your way with me completely."
"Where you going with this, L?" Dean cautiously asks, his hopes already high enough and ready to be crushed.
"You should've come to me with this earlier on," Lizzy informs him. "I'm willing to give it a go."
"Don't fuck with me like that. It's not funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny!" Lizzy laughs, pushing him in jest. "Seriously, I think you're forgetting how needy I sometimes get with you."
"Yeah, but this is a whole different thing, Lizzy," Dean has to make sure she understands. "This is props and bondage kinda shit. We're talking safe word here. I don't know if you're fully aware of what you're in for if you say yes to this."
"Ok then, we'll talk guidelines beforehand," Lizzy shrugs. "I'm sure for obvious reasons with all you've seen in life you probably have certain things you can't deal with doing, and I'm sure if I think it over that I have things that I can't handle having done to me. There will be boundaries."
"You're really serious here," Dean states more than asks with her planning.
"Yes," Lizzy answers immediately. "I thought about it all day while at work and honestly, I think it'll be fun and really liberating in a way, for me at least."
"How do you figure?" How she came to find total dependence freeing he definitely doesn't understand.
Lizzy pauses and just looks at him for a beat. "Dean, I've been living a pretty hard and fucked up life for a long time now. I've had to be on edge and make difficult decisions constantly. Shit, I've been grappling for some kind of, I don't know, composure I guess for a very, very long time. With you and Sam, I've been trying for years to do everything I can to help you and make you happier and better and I'm still doing it with you to this day. I'm exhausted. I think having the opportunity to not think or have to make a single decision and just be free from all that… damn it, I welcome it all."
Lizzy sighs when the explanation flows way too easily from her mouth.
"Wow," she continues. "I don't think I realized just how bad I myself might need this."
"We're so fucked up," Dean says with a huff of a laugh as he drops a hand on her knee.
"No shit," Lizzy smiles wide. "So, happy birthday, Hot Shot. You're big three-one is on a Sunday so I say we do a don't-leave-the-house, Lizzy-is-Dean's-slave day. And I'll board Cass for the day."
"You think you have to?" Dean wonders with surprise at her suggestion as the dog calmly walks to her side and sits next to her with the sound of his name.
"Do you think this guy will let you get away with any kind of rough treatment of me while he's here?" Lizzy cocks an eyebrow at Dean while petting Cass. "He'll tear you apart first and you know it."
"Good point." Dean would never want to be on the receiving end of Cass' protective nature towards either of them.
"So… we on?"
Speechless, Dean leans forward and kisses her hard on the lips in thanks. She's amazing. Lizzy has always said she'd do anything for him and once more she's proving it.
"You really want to do this?" Dean parts their lips and makes sure. "I'm not going into this without knowing you're totally sure that you'll get something out of this too."
"Dean, be serious here. I'm as much of a sexual pervert as you are."
"Yeah you are," Dean slyly responds with a proud grin.
"And you already know I love when you take over anyways. This will just be… magnified."
Dean sighs while looking at her. "You're awesome."
"Oh, I know," she laughs his compliment away. "So we've got two weeks to think this over. I say that we sort out our limits a couple days before and then go for it."
"Please shake my hand right now and make this official before you change your mind," Dean asks of her while holding out his hand.
"Happily," Lizzy smiles and shakes on it.
"You are in so much trouble," Dean laughs quietly to himself as he pulls her into his lap, the images of what he already has planned playing through his head as he kills the last of his beer. He's still not convinced that she knows what she's just signed up for.
"I sure hope so," Lizzy says right back before leaving a burning, excited kiss on his lips.
"Two days and counting."
Dean looks up from the laptop on the coffee table to see her extended hand, a glass of whiskey being offered to him. He takes it with a slight smile.
"Don't remind me," Dean complains with a hefty sip as he sits back on the couch, Lizzy joining him. She relaxes into the corner of the back and arm and drops her feet into his lap.
"What, you don't like being old?" Lizzy smirks and he refuses to play into her making fun. He simply sighs instead. "Don't do that, huh?"
"Do the depressed thing right now. It's you fucking birthday! You should be excited!"
Looking at her he knows she's clearly very much looking forward to the day.
"It's just another year down, L," Dean says while studying his glass. "Another year that I'm surprisingly still alive, unlike the rest of my family. Lucky me."
Instead of open that family oriented can of worms, Lizzy changes the subject. They're both messes with losing Sam and having the knowledge of where he is. It's a heavy burden they both bare, but she needs him to focus elsewhere and try to move past it enough to live a life. Sam wanted them to be happy, it was his one request with his ultimate sacrifice, and damn it, Lizzy will abide by it.
"Exactly. Lucky you. And now you get to actually celebrate your one day of the year that's all about you for once. No shitty, store bought pie and a quick night of drunk sex before heading out on a hunt this time. We have lives now and we're gonna take advantage and celebrate."
Dean peers at her with something thankful in his eyes. She tries so damn hard to make him happy at all times that sometimes he feels so guilty about the way he's acted for this past half year. She'll never give up on him. Never.
"So, can we talk about your birthday, speaking of?" Lizzy grins excitedly. "I believe we have some sorting out to do."
"Ok," he agrees with a smile, a real smile. God damn does he look forward to that day.
"Ok, so let's start with boundaries since that's what's kinda freaking me out the most," she starts off. "What are yours… I mean, if they actually exist."
Shaking his head with a grin, Dean flips it. "Honestly, I think it's a little more important to know what your boundaries are in the situation."
"You're probably right." Lizzy takes down a big gulp of whiskey and prepares to explain herself. "Ok, um. So I think ropes kinda have to be left out. Ropes and I have not been friends for a long while now considering..."
"Makes sense," Dean nods. Being tied up generally had a different, more sinister and anxiety filled effect on them as hunters than it would on the average, kink-filled person. "No ropes. Done."
Nodding, Lizzy continues. "Just, uh, being tied down in general… like, completely immobile and to one place has been ruined for me. I'm pretty sure a panic attack could follow."
"What about partially?" Dean wonders. "Like… cuffs?"
"That's fine. Done it before, right?" She sends him an eyebrow wag.
"Right," he grins right back with the memories it brings him.
"I think as long as I have some freedom of movement and I'm not stuck in one place I'll be totally good and not panic-attackish," Lizzy lets him know.
"Yeah, not looking to make that happen."
"I would hope not," she laughs back. "And honestly, that was my only really big thing I could come up with. Um, other than that… the only thing I am worried about is pain I guess."
"No," Dean shakes his head instantly. "That's not really part of what I'm looking for in this."
"Good," she sighs her relief.
"Not sure I have in me to do that to you anyways."
"Not sure I'd have it in me to not take a swing at you if you did." Lizzy slow motions mimes a punch to his cheek. Dean, pretending to get hit and slowly reeling his head back, elicits a laugh from her.
"And I don't think that'd be a good thing for me anyways… opening that door…." Dean remarks, returning his focus to her and taking her glass, pulling down a sip now that his is done. He's had his fair share of doling out pain in the past and putting her in that category just feels wrong.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean…" Dean tries to explain, but his voice fails him for a moment. He clears his throat. "The whole whips and chains thing… not really something I can, uh, do. Not after what I've done… in the past and all. They hold a different meaning now."
"Shit. Never thought of it that way," Lizzy tells him when it clicks for her. Combining sex and hell-adjacent anything does feel like it would be a very bad idea. "Ok, so no ropes, no crazy pain. I think I can live with that."
"Me too," Dean smiles small while still a little worried. "What about a safe word?"
"Already thought of one," she smiles wide right back as she turns towards him a little more. "Ready?"
"Goo Goo Dolls," Lizzy answers with pride. "Because just like taking something too far with sex, the Goo Goo Dolls always ruin a good time."
Dean laughs with her answer, completely agreeing with her choice. "I like it."
"Knew you would."
"L, I gotta ask one more time because once we actually start in on this thing, I'm going for the gold here. Are you sure, like, one-hundred percent sure that you can do this… and you want this."
Curling a finger to beckon him over, Dean leans over to her and lets her pull him into a kiss. Considering the subject matter at hand, her innocent kiss seemed slightly out of place but understandable.
"I want this," she tells him, keeping him close. "I trust you completely and I think this will be good for both of us."
"Couldn't agree more."
"Hey Hot Shot," Lizzy greets when she answers her phone behind the desk of the self-defense center midafternoon.
"What size shoe are you?" Dean wonders on the other end of the phone.
"Excuse me?" Lizzy laughs with his unexpected question.
"Shoe size. What is it?"
"Why do you need to know that?" she pries while a mother and son come into the office to ask her a question. Lizzy hold out her index finger and smiles to ask silently for them to wait.
"Just answer the question, huh?"
"Eight," she tells him while completely confused. "Are you, like, buying me shoes?"
"Stop questioning my genius."
"Oh, so you're a genius now?"
"Always have been."
"You're really not gonna tell me why you're asking, are you?"
"Nope," she can practically hear him smiling from the other end. "See you tonight."
Dean ends the call, leaving Lizzy wondering, and looks back to the sales woman in front of him. "Eight's the magic number."
"Sounds good," she smiles to him as she pulls a shoe box from the shelf they're in front of and holds it in her tattooed arms. "Was there anything else I could help you out with today?"
"Uh," Dean starts to think as he looks over the fairly full shopping basket in his hand. "Not sure."
The dark haired, tongue pierced woman looks up to him with a smirk of excitement. "I have plenty I could suggest for you if you have the time."
"I got all the time in the world, sweetheart," Dean grins back, trusting her obvious excitement over helping him.
"Come with me," the woman says and starts making her way around the sex shop to the far wall. She talks as they walk. "So, from what you've got tucked away in that basket there, I'm starting to get a picture of what you and your lucky… uh, lady?"
"Yes, lady," Dean quickly confirms.
"I'm getting what you and your lady are looking for."
"Guess I didn't make it much of a secret, did I?" Looking at his choices so far he'd agree that he was being obvious. Good thing shame wasn't part of Dean's sexual vocabulary.
"Not at all, and I like that you're so open about it. Most people blush and refuse my assistance when asked," she admits when they arrive at the back of the store where the BDSM products are kept. "So first, I have to wonder; is this chick of yours strictly a sex only kind of relationship or is it more than that."
"I'd say more," Dean laughs and hold up his left hand for her to see the silver band on it.
"Mm," the clerk answers while quickly and obviously looking him over top to bottom. "She is a lucky girl. So that means you're not getting anything that will freak her out since you have to live with her afterwards."
"It's pretty hard to freak her out, but yeah. I'm a lifer."
"Got it. Also, and don't take this the wrong way, but I'm thinking this is your first foray into, say, some of the heavier stuff."
"What makes you say that?" Dean questions, wondering what it is that gave him away.
"When you work here for a while you get to know the clientele," she explains. "I've never seen you before for starters. And you also look like a little kid in a candy store."
"Shit, am I really that transparent?"
"Oh yeah," she grins.
"Damn," Dean huffs his disappointment.
"If you two are beginners…"
"Beginners?" Dean huffs again with the ridiculous label. He and Lizzy beginners with sex? How insane. "Wouldn't quite call us that."
"Ok…" she pauses while narrowing her eyes. "Then do you mind if I ask what you're going for exactly?"
"I don't mind," Dean says as he thinks hard as to how to put it. "The little lady was kind enough to agree to, as she puts, a slave day."
"Excellent," the woman nearly growls. "I can tell you from experience that this will be one hell of a day if done right."
"Really?" Dean pries, though by the familiarity she has with a lot of products in the store he isn't surprised.
"Absolutely. I work here for a reason, my man." She winks while putting down the shoe box for the moment. She then takes his basket from him and looks through it. "You're doing pretty good."
"Thanks," Dean smirks.
"I assume you've talked limits and whatnot?" she asks him in a very businesslike tone.
"May I know?" she smiles to him slightly mischievously.
"Ok, uh," Dean starts to answer and suddenly finds himself tongue-tied. "Well, no rope or, you know, complete… immobility."
"Hmm," she looks back to the wall of sexual implements and says more to herself than to Dean, "That's a shame."
"And no crazy painful stuff," he quickly adds in when he gets an eyeful of some seriously scary looking items on the other end of the wall. Maybe he should have been going to sex shops for his hunting supplies all along. That shit looked like it could pack a serious punch.
"It's a control thing then," the woman looks to Dean with a knowing expression.
"You're looking for a control high," she tells him.
"I'm on your page now. I'm gonna do a little swapping out here and there with what you already picked out, if that's ok." She looks up to him with expectant eyes while holding up his basket.
"By all means," Dean gestures with his hand to let the expert do her thing. She clearly knows what she is doing.
The woman takes a few items out and replaces them with ones better suited for Dean's purposes, assuring him. She even pulls a few different items Dean hadn't considered but after she spoke more about what he could do with them he realized he suddenly couldn't live without them.
Once done, Dean now thinking she's the best sales woman on Earth and he's being taken for a bit of a ride, they both head to the register.
"So when's this going down, Dean?" the woman that he'd just found out is named Krista asks him.
"Tomorrow," he tells her with a little spark in his voice, a spark he kind of forgot he had buried in there somewhere. "It's my birthday present."
"Well happy early birthday," she says as she rings in the items and bags them up. "Doesn't leave you much time though."
"Time for what?"
"Planning," she says obviously. "You have to plan some of this out before you dive right in, especially for your first time doing this."
"Uh, I was just gonna wing it," Dean admits to her.
"No way, man," Krista shakes her head. "You gotta know how to get the best use out of these tools to get the best out of her." She sighs while looking at him. "You seem to be pretty comfortable talking about this stuff. You mind if I give you some pointers, help you plan this out a bit?"
Thinking about it for a second while looking over his new and intimidating horde of sexual implements, he's realizing he could use a little guidance. He could easily be in over his head right now.
"No, I don't mind."
"Yes. I was hoping you'd say that," Krista grins widely. "If you take my knowledge for all it's worth, you'll be back here in a couple days to thank me personally."
Note: The rest of this arc has been removed. Please check out all five parts of it over at AO3 (link is in my profile). It is a strong MA rating and worth your while if you enjoy that type of thing.