Author's Note: I don't know. This was in my head, and it was stealing my thoughts away from Demon's Taint, and I needed to get it on paper so I could clear out the mental clog it was causing. Or something. I don't claim to understand how my brain works. The next chapter of Demon's Taint is in the works; I've no intention of letting it die that easily, so no worries.
P.S. Do you guys think I should do a companion piece to this, showing Raven's side of the story? Leave thoughts and comments in the reviews that I do hope my lovely readers will be sending in.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, nor will I be bothered to come up with some clever and witty way to convey that point today.
It was odd that, for all the people who he could've fallen for, he chose the one that couldn't have cared less about him if she tried; but then, that was just it. He loved that lack of judgment, lack of compassion, and lack of expectation. He was immensely and irrevocably addicted to it.
Long ago, he'd stopped looking for acceptance. Everyone had expectations, had opinions and stereotypes. He was expected to be the joker, the class clown, the dumb one, the team mascot. He was happy to fulfill those roles, really; they were certainly the most important he'd been to anyone in a long, long time.
Robin had the highest expectations of him, naturally. As the leader, he expected his team to be flawless. Even on a more personal level, Robin was probably the closest other than himself to understand just how powerful he really was. Sure, he wasn't magically gifted like Raven or super smart like Cyborg; but having access to every animal on any world from the beginning of time, presuming he could learn enough about it? Most people didn't see past the comic relief, but Robin did. He expected more because he knew there was more to be had. There always was.
Starfire expected him to be happy. They were similar in a lot of aspects; using the present to drown out the past. He knew, though. He could tell sometimes, when he was feeling especially down, that she was desperate for him to be happy again. Not just because she wanted him he be happy, though he was certain that was genuine, but also because she recognized as well as he how similar they were; and if he could crack under the pressure and let all that old pain come crashing in, then so could she. They both needed the other to force a smile just as much as they needed themselves to.
Cyborg expected a little brother. He needed someone to remind him that, deep under all the steel and cybernetics, he was still human. He needed someone to play with, to hang out with, and to wrestle with. He needed escape from his thoughts, an outlet with which to live in the moment and not care that he was a half metal man with quite possibly the most dysfunctional family in the history of ever.
Raven, though. Raven didn't care. In those moments when their eyes met, green to violet, he knew, very clearly. She trusted him, yes. They were team mates, and otherwise would hurt their cooperation. As Beast Boy, she had some obligation to watch his back. As a person, though, she simply didn't care about Garfield Mark Logan. Sometimes it made him wonder whether or not he was a masochist; investing so much emotionally into someone who barely acknowledged his existence. It went beyond that, though. She accepted him. She didn't expect anything from him and didn't need anything from him. She didn't even want anything from him and sometimes he suspected that might extend to wanting anything to do with him. She was there, he was there, both accepted the other's company, and that was it.
He couldn't describe how happy it made him when they had their moments, a few minutes when they just conversed with each other about nothing important. Sure, it was a staple of life and he had such moments with all of his friends, but only with Raven could he just let spill. There was no need to watch his words, no need to guard his feelings. No, he wasn't going to madly confess his love for the empath, because that would throw the whole dynamic of their relationship out of whack.
Eventually, she might develop feelings for him. Or, she might not.
Regardless, he would always find her apathy to be attractive.