Data Pad Entries # 1-2/Flashbacks
Data Pad Entry # 1
Subjects: Disaster Averted
To anyone to whom this may concern, this is not that earth custom they call a "diary". I found this data pad shoved behind an old surveillance monitor that needed to be rooted out and scrapped, so I figured, why not take the thing? It could be useful for important things I need to remember or maybe something to throw at ST-3V3, otherwise known as Steve, when he pisses me off again. But this is not a diary, so I won't be going 'dear data pad' this or 'dear data pad' that.
I was called into the bridge today by Commander Starscream. Look, this has not been said by anyone but...we all know Starscream is going to fail at being a leader. It is just inevitable that he is going to simply either kill himself in the process or make us lose the war. But back to the subject at hand... He called me in to tell me I was going on a mission to scout for energon...but what he didn't tell me was that I was suppose to go with a partner...
"What does Starscream want with you again exactly?"
Steve had decided to walk me to the bridge since it was on his way to the berthroom. He just got back from a mission in, where was it? Hawaii, and told me that he was so drained, that he was surprised that he didn't fall of the side of the road on his way here. I, being the type of friend I was, quickly made wisecracks, earning me a punch in the arm.
"He wants me to go on a mission to scout energon or something. I don't know why he singled me out when he's got mechs that are more fit for mining, like Breakdown, just sitting around, waiting for something to do," I stated. Starscream could be an idiot at times, but he is an idiot with wrist rockets and not that bad of aim, so I ain't gonna be the one to tell him.
"Who knows? Hup, this is as far as this mech's going; good luck, my friend." We had reached the door to the bridge, and obviously, Steve did not want to be around with Starscream in there. Turns out, our great commander has a crush on him! Soundwave and I had been eavesdropping, so when we heard Starscream say that, the silent mech made the most appropriate sound effect; a record scratch. Steve now tries to avoid Starscream like he has the cybonic plague, but it kinda backfires on him when I tell him where he's at. ...What? Watching Steve squirm is better than TV!
I entered the room only to try and turn on my pede as soon as I saw our medic; the vain and egotistical Knock Out. Okay, so maybe Steve isn't the only one with a problem... Knock Out has been on my aft since I first arrived on Earth, which is why I pray to Primus every time I get sent out to battle the Autobots that I don't get hit. Do you know how awkward it is to get patched up by a dude that flirts with you non-stop on a daily basis?!
Thing is, it's gotten worse over the years! It is absolutely getting ridiculous, but I'm scared to say anything because he's the medic! If I piss him off and somehow get hurt, he will not fix me, or I could go to sleep and he could sneak inside and turn me into his own personal dissection experiment! So, I just suck it up and do what anyone would do in my situation: avoid him to the best of my abilities.
"Get back here!" I winced at Starscream's voice before turning around. He stood next to a smug looking Knock Out, who winked at me. I pursed my lips before looking around the room, trying to figure out what to say. I pointed at Knock Out and opened my mouth to say something, but Starscream raised a clawed hand.
"Knock Out will be accompanying you on the energon scouting, W Y-N3. And before you even spout some gibberish about needing to be somewhere else, I checked with every single last workforce on the ship, so don't even try to weasel out of this."
One thing that most cons underestimate about me is how fast I can think up an excuse. Granted, they may not always be the best, but they give me enough time to sneak out of the room while everyone's trying to figure out what the frag I'm talking about. But no, no, my friends! I mustered quite possibly the greatest excuse ever in the history of our vast universe with the greatest performance to back it up.
"Of course, Lord Starscream." They were both surprised by how easy I submitted, but what they didn't see was the smirk I hid when I had bowed. I silently cleared my throat to get the emotion I needed in order for this to work. "Yet, I'd like to find someone to take care of Steve, my lord," I stated.
Just as I suspected, that sneer on his face turned into a frown of concern as he obviously wondered what was wrong with my roommate. "ST-3V3? I demand to know what's wrong with him at once!" he commanded, trying to sound tough while looking like a kicked puppy.
"My good lord, I do not want to pester you with such a trivial matter such as Steve being sick—oops," I stated, covering my mouth with a hand. Starscream's face turned so pathetic, I nearly laughed at how stupid he looked. I mean, seriously! If you ever see Starscream sad or scared, you will know what I'm talking about.
"How did he get sick?" he asked. Knock Out, at this point, looked a mixture of annoyed and jealous as he crossed his arms and huffed in the background.
"He can't remember. Must be how delirious he's gotten in the hour. Poor mech needed me to walk him to the berthroom, but I had needed to come into the bridge. I sure hope he didn't collapse."
Okay, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this is some sly acting, and the fact that I thought of this on the fly... You gotta give me props for thinking this up. Though...that last line might have over done it a bit...
"Get your aft to that berthroom and take care of my Steve, or otherwise, I will personally rip out your spark and throw it off the ship!" as he said this, he steadily got closer to my face until I was forced to look him square in the optics. Not having to fake being scared for my aft, I quickly left the room as Knock Out went from surprised, to severely pissed off. When the door closed behind me, I did a fist pump of triumph before walking towards the berthroom.
Knock Out had to go with a random drone, but apparently, the drone looked a little too much like Steve for his liking, and he decked the poor dude more than once in the face. And I don't know why, but I've got this nagging sensation at the back of my processor, and I'm pretty sure it ain't a good thing.
Data Pad Entry #2
Subjects: Primus, Help Steve!
I should feel like a real piece right now, I gotta tell you. But...This has got to be the greatest day of my ever-loving life-cycle! I still have traces of lubricate when it ran down my face plate at how hard I was laughing today! Remember when I made up that lie about Steve being sick and all? When I told Starscream that he was okay, he pushed past me and basically made a warpath towards our room. I followed after him to see what was going to happen, and I am so glad I did...
The poor mech was crushed into a hug by Starscream as I tried to hold in my laughter while peeking at the sad scene. Steve saw me and tried to plead for help by extending a hand, but I shook my head. If you were seeing what I was seeing, you wouldn't want to ruin the show either. Steve managed to jar the death grip from his body and gently pushed the seeker away. "WHAT are you doing?!" he questioned.
"W Y-N3 told me about you being sick. I knew sending you on that mission to Hawaii was a stupid idea, but Knock Out convinced me." Steve had scooted back some as Starscream turned to the side, taking his optics off him. He rapidly tried opening the door, but the buttons were jammed, and he banged his fist against it a couple of times in frustration. When the seeker turned back, he quickly stepped forward to make it seem like he hadn't moved. "But in order to make up for this pure negligence of your well-being, I've personally scheduled you a check-up with Knock Out."
I couldn't stick around because a.) Steve was going to kill me and b.) I couldn't control my laughter for much longer. I ran to the nearest place, which was the bridge, and laughed my aft off. And I swear to Primus that this was quite possibly my biggest stroke of luck. Soundwave was in there, as well...
As I walked to Soundwave, I wiped the lubricate from my face. He turned to face me before playing a clip of my voice. "What goes on?" I smirked and was about to talk when I heard the sound of scrapping and heel struts. I signaled for him to wait as I walked towards the door. I peeked through the window and nearly busted into full hysterics. Starscream was pushing Steve, who was trying to dig his heels into the ground to stop them from pursuing. I ducked back down and laughed silently as they passed.
"Soundwave?" He looked at me as I devilishly smirked. "Can you hack into the cameras located in the medbay for me?" I asked.
Here is the file of what I saw. If anybody finds this, they better be prepared to laugh their afts off... Though, some might find it cruel and mean that I didn't help him...
Steve was forcefully pushed into the medbay by Starscream before the door closed behind him. Knock Out hadn't heard since he was busy rummaging around in a box for something, a medical tool or whatever. Steve took this as a time to try and open the door as quickly as possible, pressing random buttons on the keypad since he didn't know the unlock code. Knock Out began mumbling to himself, still oblivious to the fact that Steve was in the room.
"No good drone. I need something...frightfully painful for him."
Steve's visor turned a dull red before he started frantically typing the buttons, even more so than before. When the keypad didn't work, he shuffled towards the door and looked out through the window before hysterically waving his hands to get the attention of whoever was on the other side of the door. When they obviously didn't come, he flipped them off before heading back to the keypad. Knock Out suddenly brought out a menacing looking drill and activated it. Two smaller drills came from its side before they all started spinning, all three going in a counter-clockwise motion.
"Hmm... It's what I was looking for, but it needs a companion."
Steve just gave up on the keypad at that point and actually tried to pry the door open with his bare servos, straining as silently as possible. His feet slid against the floor until he finally slipped and fell into a large pile of junk. This, obviously, alerted Knock Out. The red mech looked just in time to see Steve in mid-running stance, who turned his head towards him.
"Steve! ...How long have you been standing there exactly?" he asked, raising an optic ridge.
"Long enough tooo..."
Now, I gotta pause it right here. What is about to happen next is quite possibly the most chaotic thing to ever happen in the medbay since someone hid Knock Out's buffer. And it starts with the most hilarious statement ever. I don't even know why he said it!
Steve, after saying the random statement, took a random wrench and tossed it at Knock Out's head. The red mech yelped and ducked as Steve banged on the door. "OPEN THE DOOR!" At this statement, bouts of uncontrollable laughter came from the door before Steve double flipped whoever it was off. Knock Out, having recovered from the near hit, growled and picked up his energon prod.
"You little glitch!" he roared, raising the prod. Steve screeched before running away from the enraged mech. The laughing was even more apparent as Steve started babbling incoherent words in nothing but absolute fear while knocking just about everything over. He grabbed another wrench and hopped onto one of the berths.
"Stand back! I'm armed, armed I tell you!" he shouted.
"You don't have the circuitry to—AAAAH!" Before Knock Out could finish his sentence, the wrench came flying at him, while Steve raced to the door. Whoever was on the other side finally decided enough was enough and actually opened the door this time. Steve was a purple blur as he raced out of the medbay and into the hallways with a laughing Boltstream and a pissed off Knock Out in his wake.
The backlash of this is was that Steve chased me around the Nemesis for a good three hours. Three hours! Knock Out is still fuming about this. But hey, better Steve than me... Oh, CRAP, HE'S BACK! GOTTA GO, BYE!
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