A Ghost and a Poltergeist Prank Hogwarts

Summary: Peeves and Myrtle team up and rain down chaos upon Hogwarts. Written for the Teachers' Lounge CRACKFEST '13 for lightblue-Nymphadora and weregrrl.

I own nothing. And please don't take this seriously.

Shout-out to my friend, Chickenscrews, without whom I could not have pulled this off.

"I assume you both know why you have been called here today?" asked Professor Dumbledore as he stared at the two in his office from behind the manila folder in his hands, which had been incredibly sore after having to write up the incident report.

"Yes, your Headship, Sir." replied Peeves in that oily voice his, before picking his nose while Moaning Myrtle tried hiding her pleasure behind her hands, covering her mouth. It did not work, as her giggles still came out.

Albus sighed and gazed up at the ceiling.

"Then let's go over it, shall we?"

Peeves took in a breath as Albus adjusted his spectacles. This was going to be fun.


Peeves made his way down the hallway while blowing into the stolen trumpet. On his back was a tote bag that Fred and George had sent him, magically enchanted to hold anything.

He took a break from blowing the horn and smiled. It was perfect! In all these years, what had he been missing out on? How dare Filch hide this from him!

Punish him, he would. Yes. That would be what he did. But first, he had another issue to take care of. And it involved a certain Moaning Ghost in the Girl's Bathroom and the Giant Dung Bomb in his bag.

Taking in another breath, he resumed his trumpet blowing and kicked down the door of the bathroom. Carefully placing the instrument on the floor, he took in a deep breath.


Suddenly, as if the Heavens had opened up, three tons of fish heads and guts rained down on top of Peeves, completely burying him. All was quiet for a moment, maybe two, when Peeves burst from the garbage like a bat out of Hell.

Then Moaning Myrtle quickly rushed over to him and honked his nose like a clown, and yelled back "GOT YOUR CONK, PEEVES!"

As she started flying around like the madwoman she was, Peeves regained his composure and yelled back, "EAT DUNG MOPEY!" before throwing the three ton dung ball at the ghost, who promptly dodged it and stuck out her tongue in utter mockery of the Poltergeist.

"Wait a minute. THAT'S where all the fish heads and guts in my vault went to?!" demanded Albus as he gave an incredulous stare at the two.

"Why Yes, Professor. Why?" asked Myrtle, in sort of a sing song voice, causing Albus to face palm himself and stare at the Heavens again as if wondering "Why Me?"

"And Professor Headship, why did you have three tons of fish heads and guts in your Vault?" asked Peeves, his curiosity peeked.

Albus shook himself out of it and replied, "Not important. Continue."

Peeves smirked to himself again. He would get to the bottom of this no matter what.

As Myrtle continued sticking her tongue out at Peeves, he realized something. Something that he hadn't felt since Fred and George had left Hogwarts. A sense of respect for a fellow Prankster that was worthy.

Peeves then cleared his throat and said, "Mopey…THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!"

"Oh?" If Myrtle was capable of blushing, she'd have a face as red as Ron Weasley's Hair right now.

"Yes. It was. And now I have a proposal for you." Peeves' wicked mind started forming a plan now. An awful plan. A truly wicked, awful plan.

Myrtle smirked at his statement. "Now what would that be?"

10 minutes later

Severus Snape sat still in his office, focused completely on grading dunderhead potions and essays. Really, he was going to have to assign them MUCH more difficult potions if he hoped to succeed at failing each and everyone of his students.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and shut in less than a second. This caused the Greasy Haired Potions Master to jerk his head up and scan the room. Nothing.

"Well…That was strange." he said to himself before resuming his grading.

Suddenly the cabinets started crashing down and various potions (Some legal, some not) started exploding, causing chaos and discord and even starting a small fire.

"PEEVES! I WILL KI…" he roared before some unknown force decided to sit down on top of his shoulders and start yanking on his hair.

After ten excruciating minutes of feeling like his head was being torn from his body, the entity let go and both Peeves and Moaning Myrtle became visible and flew out like the speed of light out his door.

Snape shook his head and conjured a mirror, to see what the two had done. As he held it up to his face, he looked on in horror as he saw that they had permanently transfigured his hair into a spiked Mohawk colored in pink, red and yellow.

As he started hyperventilating, he let out a mighty, inhuman roar that echoed throughout the entire castle.

-Many Miles Away-

Lord Voldemort was lounging in his easy chair, enjoying a glass of wine with his most faithful servants, Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange.

Suddenly, the glasses shattered and the wine spilled onto their robes. Voldemort stared out into the distance, in sort of a trance.

"My Lord, what is it?" asked Rodolphus, concerned.

Voldemort said in a cold, smooth voice, ""I sense a great disturbance in the Force...it pleases me."