A/N: The first chapter of this was previous posted as Rambling 4, Emma's Plan, in my shorts collection.
It was the summer before Hermione's last year at Hogwarts would start, when Emma Catherine Granger came home from work. She was a general dentist in a small location in Crawley, Sussex, while her husband was working as an orthodontist in Greater London.
She stepped inside her small but nice house, and realized she was hearing something weird from Hermione's room on the first floor.
Her daughter was moaning and thrashing, and as Emma crept up on the teen, she could hear her say 'Oh Harry'. Emma peeked past the door into the teen's bedroom, and found her daughter lying in the bed, naked from the waist down... pleasuring herself.
Slightly embarrassed, Emma silently snuck down, and made herself a cup of tea.
A while later Hermione came downstairs. She was looking extraordinarily pleased with herself, her mother thought.
'Mother! I did not hear you come in!'
'You had a pleasant afternoon then Hermione?' Emma replied in a teasing tone.
'Harry must have grown up to be a fine young man, if he has that effect on you.'
Oh yes she was going to tease her straight-laced daughter, who once swore she would never be with a boy (when she was eight), as much as she could.
'Wha– no... Mother!' Hermione spluttered. 'First of all, it is Ron I like, not Harry. Harry and I are like siblings. Secondly, that was private.'
'Sorry deary, but if you can tell your father and I that you are going to use a Silencing Spell on our bedroom door next time we, what was the phrase you used? "Go at it like rabbits", then I get to tease you back. And you definitely were not calling for Ron when I heard you.'
'I think I know who I like more than you mother, with all respect. And I love Ron.'
'Isn't he that rather dimwitted boy who made your life miserable during your first and third year, and abandoned you and Harry two years ago? The same one that you were crying over most of last school year as well?'
'He grew up,' said Hermione in a small voice.
'There is a simple test honey badger, just try to picture him in your mind as you... scratch where it itches. If you really do love him, you will be able to see stars.
'I'll make it easier for you, I need to run an errand anyway. I'll be back in an hour, and don't worry about your father, he is working late!'
Not giving her daughter time to protest much, Emma grabbed the grocery list and left the house.
Hermione took some time to get over her indignation. 'Does she really expect me to...?' she mentally asked herself. But she could not deny her curiosity was triggered, and Hermione Jane Granger never backed down from an 'intellectual' challenge.
Emma returned home more than an hour later, and found a puffy-eyed red-faced Hermione on the living room sofa. Hermione was softly crying.
'Oh honey, what is wrong?'
'I could not do it mummy. I tried to focus on Ron as you told me, but all I could think of was how demeaning he tended to be... then I thought of Harry and well...'
'The sauce was well and truly stirred?'
'Mother!' Hermione blushed all over, at least her tears stopped.
'Yes,' she continued in a small voice. 'Oh mummy what do I do, I was so horrible to Harry last year.
'I was so certain Ron loved me so I decided on him... I was even planning to send you and daddy to Australia this summer, to protect you... and so that I could be with Ron. I knew you and father do not like him.'
Filing that last bit away for future blackmail use, Emma smiled at her girl.
'Leave it to mummy, dear. You just do what I tell you. Now here's the plan...'
'Boy! Get your freaky ass down here!' yelled Vernon Dursley.
'Someone on the phone for you. Didn't I tell you your freaky friends were not to bother us?' he growled.
Harry, long used to this, ignored him and picked up the phone.
'Harry Potter? This is Emma Granger, Hermione's mother. Something has come up, and I need you to come to us as soon as possible.'
'Is Hermione in any danger?'
'Nothing like that, but you must come as soon as you can. Take all your school stuff with you.'
'I'll be there within the hour,' Harry affirmed. He rushed upstairs and packed his stuff into his trunk, including his hidden cache from under the floor.
'Gotta go something's wrong goodbye forever,' he yelled to the Dursley adults (Dudley was walking about vandalising public property or trying to molest girls), and ran out the door, lifting his wand when he reached the pavement.
'Well! Come to the Knight Bus, E- mergency transport for wizards and witches, my name is Lee Volant and I'll be your conductor this evening,' a tired sounding young man said as Harry embarked.
'What happened to Stan Shunpike?'
'Nasty business that, he got himself landed in Azkaban... not allowed to discuss details on the job. Where to young sir?'
Harry gave an address near Hermione, paid the required sickles, and the Knight Bus sped off.
The Knight Bus zipped across England, arriving in Crawley, and Harry got out with his trunk and Hedwig's cage. He waited until the bus disappeared before going for Hermione's home.
'Harry, good to see you again. Please step inside,' Emma said.
'Is Hermione okay?' asked Harry, as he lugged his stuff inside.
'Just fine Harry... stupefy,' Hermione zapped him from behind.
Daniel Menelaus Granger finally came home later that night, and found his wife happily humming in the living room.
'Evening dear. Had an emergency come up, sorry I'm late. Where is Hermione?'
'Oh she is upstairs, with her boyfriend. They are so nice and quiet together, although they must have been jumping on the bed earlier, it was quite a racket,' replied Emma.
'WHAT!' Daniel stormed upstairs, throwing open Hermione's bedroom. Emma was smirking downstairs, moving closer to the stair well so she could catch the show.
Dan found an apparently asleep Hermione lying under the covers, cradling an equally asleep boy. From what he could see, both were naked.
'HERMIONE! BOY! WAKE UP!'
Hermione opened her eyes, wide awake, 'Oh daddy! Please don't hurt him, I love him!'
Dan turned white, and sped off to his own bedroom. Hermione sneakily took her wand from under her pillow, and whispered 'Ennervate'. Her father was so predictable.
Harry woke up to the sight of two barrels of a shotgun.
'You'd better propose to my daughter right now boy, or you will die of acute lead poisoning,' growled Daniel Granger.
Harry blinked, grabbed for his glasses which he got handed to him by Hermione – wait a second, Hermione? – and then realised he was lying in a strange bed, wearing only boxers, and was being held from behind by his best friend, who from what he could feel was only wearing her knickers... he paled and would have fainted, were it not for the shotgun.
'But I... but she... but we –' he spluttered, the last thing he remembered was stepping into Hermione's home.
'Father, I love him. Harry, ask me quick, father is serious,' prompted Hermione.
Harry gulped, and shifted slightly, was this all a weird dream?
'Hermione Jane Granger, will you be my wife?'
'Oh yes Harry!' she squealed, and kissed him.
'ENOUGH!' yelled Dan Granger, although he had lowered the shotgun.
'I wanted my daughter to be a virgin bride, you ruined that, boy.
'YOU, get out of her bed, you can have the guest bedroom for now.
'Hermione, call a druid or priest or whatever you call it. You two are getting married as soon as possible. No grandchild of mine will be born out of wedlock.'
'Yes father,' Hermione replied meekly, and Dan left the room to grab a stiff drink.
'Hermione what is going on? Did I just propose to you? Did we –'
'Oh Harry just shut up and kiss me,' she replied, throwing herself into the arms of the boy-who-she-loved since first year.
A Druid from a small hidden grove near Bewbush came over two days later, and performed a magical hand-fasting ceremony for the two teens.
An utterly bewildered Ron and Ginny Weasley were guests at the small ceremony, both laced up with calming draughts courtesy of a certain bushy-haired wicked witch so they would not spoil it. Molly Weasley was also dosed, the other Weasleys, and Remus Lupin and Nymphadore Tonks, did not need any Potions to make them happy for the new couple.
The two Potters left on their honeymoon for southern France the next day, the Delacour family had graciously provided them with a stay in a wizarding hotel they owned as a gift.
That night Hermione convinced her husband that it did not matter he could not 'remember' his first time, and would be all too happy to 'provide a new set of memories'.
Emma Granger's telephone rang two days later.
'Granger residence, Emma speaking.'
'I hate you mother. I cannot sit, I cannot walk... I am sore all over.'
'Great to hear it honey! The plan worked out well then?'
'Yes mum... it's everything I ever dreamed off. Thanks, I love you.'
'Love you too honey.'
A/N: think this is out of character for Hermione? We're talking about the same witch that had no problems obliviating her own parents. Her sneakiness had to have come from somewhere.
Yes Harry and Dan were played for fools, but that is what can happen when act-first-think-later men are preyed upon by domineering women. Not that they 'suffer' much... hehe.