Cowboy Mice From Mars

"What am I going to do?" Limburger asked himself one day. "Those bothersome Biker Mice are becoming a pain in the butt. No matter where I go just to get away, they always follow me. Why? Why it is so? Why can't anybody rid me of those bothersome vermin? There really is no better word for it. They are bothersome. Bothersome, I tell you. Those pests have to be exterminated. Grease Pit is no good, and Karbunkle's no better. Well, with Karbunkle, he just summons who I tell him to, and they go home embarrassed. Good thing I was able to pay them for their trouble before that malformed mutant could eat all the money again." (Every time Karbunkle built Limburger a counterfeiting machine to pay fake money to the summoned henchmen, Fred the Mutant would eat it, causing Limburger to spend his own money, which was something he hated doing.) "At least Wildcat City proves to be more profitable than Chicago ever would've been, but those Mice have to go." He said this because he had moved his operations away from Chicago to Wildcat City to try and get away from the Biker Mice, but the Biker Mice had followed him there (on account of Charley selling the Last Chance Garage to her sister so she could open a new one down there).

While Limburger continued to ponder over the situation, the Biker Mice were hanging out at their favorite hot dog stand with Rimfire, Stoker, and Mace (Carbine was occupied with something else, and Harley was taking a rest to relieve the stress she was suffering from two days earlier when Ronaldo Rump tried to turn her new place of residence into a water plant).

"Another dog, bro?" Vinnie asked his friends.

"Don't mind if I do," Mace replied, taking one, then taking a sip of root beer. "So glad we got Harley out of that mess."

"So am I, bro," said Throttle. "Doesn't that Rump roast ever know when to quit?"

"I doubt it," Modo replied. "All I'd like to know is why he's greedy as it is. He's got tons of money in the bank already, and he always wants more. Isn't money the root of all evil?"

"Not exactly, Uncle Modo," Rimfire put in. "The love of money is the root of the evil. Rump roast is certainly guilty of that. And so is that Lawrence Limburger creep. If only there was a way to prove it."

"I know," said Modo. He paused to take a sip of root beer, then noticed Mace was wearing his black cowboy hat. "Do you always wear a cowboy hat, Mace?"

"When I'm not driving my bike or fighting crime, I do. It's a fantasy I've always had, wanting to be one of those law enforcers in the Old West, or Wild West, however you want to think about it, and this is as close as I get to living it. Sometimes I wear the full cowboy outfit, though without the star you see on a marshal, sheriff, or deputy. That way people don't come up to me like they do with Moo Montana. Well, they praise him more than he wants it anyway." Mace suddenly perked up. "Hey, that's it!"

"What's it?" Stoker replied in confusion.

"I think I know a way to prove Limburger and/or Rump guilty, and do it Wild West style. All I have to do now is find a reason for it."

"Well, how about this, bro?" Throttle suggested, pulling out his walkie-talkie/radar tracking system. "I just picked up a signal on my radar. It's coming from Horseshoeville, one of the sub-cities in this crazy metropolis that actually looks like the Wild West, from the outside anyways; on the inside, it's obvious they've updated to modern times, music and everything. Still, it's a nice taste of yesteryear. Looks like old cheese ball is going to drill for oil there, and oil is worth quite a fortune. Of course, he wants to steal it."

"Works for me. I'll need more info, but I'll also need help." Mace turned to Rimfire. "Hey, Rimfire. You think you can handle it?"

"If I can sneak into someone's fortress and steal their most valuable assets, I can handle any outlaw!" Rimfire replied. "Let's saddle up and smoke that cheese!"

"That's the spirit!" Modo smiled. "Yee-haw! Look out, Limburger! Law and order is on its way!"

Later that day, the citizens of Horseshoeville, noticing Limburger's smell, and knowing all about how Limburger wanted their oil, were more than thrilled to see Mace and Rimfire riding into town. "Are you those mice from Mars?" asked Dusty Clark (a husky), the sheriff.

"Yep," Mace replied in that cowboy style. "You may recall us from the rock band, the 'Martian Freedom Fighters,' but in my case and Rimfire's case, this is another side to our personalities."

"I see. Well, glad you came. This Lawrence Limburger varmint y'all speak of is trying to drill our oil and take it for himself. I just wish he'd learn his lesson and give up the varmint biz."

"Where's he at?" asked Rimfire.

"Here. I'll show you where the oil rig is. In fact, you may end up picking up on the reward for him: $250,000." Dusty led Mace and Rimfire over to an area where the oil was stored and taken care of, and sure enough, there was Limburger, taking the oil for himself.

"This oil is deliciously effective," he said. "It's going to make me rich."

"Ha!" Rimfire suddenly bellowed. "You're not going to be rich! You're going to the slammer!"

"Drat!" Limburger bellowed. "It's two of those other mingy mace, and some husky is with them!"

"Not just any husky!" Dusty added to the mix. "I'm Dusty Clark, the Sheriff of Horseshoeville, and you are under arrest!"

"That's what you think!" Limburger replied, speeding up the oil rig. Mace drew one of his pistols (at Dusty's suggestion) and fired at the machine sucking up the oil. Rimfire followed suit. The resulting explosion that caused oil to flow everywhere caused Limburger's sky-vehicle to crash in a nearby tower, resulting in the tower falling down and more oil spilling out. "Don't worry, boys," Dusty assured the mice. "This happens all the time. The townsfolk and I will have it cleaned up in no time."

That night, Mace and Rimfire showed the Biker Mice, Charley, and Stoker their bounty, while celebrating with—you guessed it—hot dogs and root beer. "$250,000," Mace announced. "I've never even been close to this much money before!"

"Well, you earned it, bros," Throttle congratulated. "Next time I need a cowboy's help, I know where I'll look!"


Biker Mice From Mars © Rick Ungar, Tom Tataranowicz, Tom Tataranowicz Animation, Brentwood Television Funnies

Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa © Ryan Brown

Dusty Clark © me

NOTE: Dusty Clark is also the name of a husky that serves as the Sheriff of Hicksburg, Texas, the original home of the Fab 5 leader, "Callahan Cody" Belachman. The two aren't related, however.