Hey everyone! I know a lot of you are waiting for the new chapter of Six Times, I promise it's coming soon, but that little AU haunted me and Killian was screaming inside my head so here it is, it won't be a long fic, probably two one shots, maybe three but not more. It's inspired by the movie The Romantics, if I used the movie at first, I don't think it will end up the same way/ You can thank Montana for pushing to publish it! Again thank you, for betaing faster than the light and being perfect.
Hope you enjoy!
"If you don't drive faster, we won't ever make it in time", Victor groaned in his beer, putting on his sunglasses, looking bored and annoyed, his legs extending in front of him on the car's dashboard. "Graham is going to be pissed."
Killian shrugged, not bothering to look at his friend; if he was so pissed with the way he drove, nobody was preventing him from taking the wheel. "We wouldn't want to miss the wedding of the year, would we?" He said without humor, chewing his lip; since they had started driving in the morning, Victor hadn't stopped worrying about him, asking him every five seconds how was he coping.
"Killian…" Victor warned him, straightening in his seat, his hand going to the radio to lower the volume. Fuck, it sounded like a boring talk was coming, the third one in half an hour. "I know it's not easy for you."
"Drop it," Killian cut him off waving his hand at him; he was more than fine, if he weren't he wouldn't have accept the invitation to the wedding. After all he had driven for five hours already, and that should be quite telling. Right?
"Swan and… We belong to the past."
"Come on," Victor shook his head. "I know you; you kept saying she was the love of your life." Killian squinted, trying to avoid the wave of pain coming for him; he could still feel it, the ghost of her lips on his, he could still picture her beautiful for smile, the one she reserved for him and him alone. He glanced at Victor, breathing heavily, a dead weight ghosting over his chest as if it were hunting his old wounds and scars, the ones he had tried to heal during the last few months. He tried to smile, but it didn't quite work. "Maybe, but I guess I wasn't hers."
"Killian..." Victor cocked his head, Killian hating the look in his eyes, the one full of pity and sorry-mate-for-your-loss. "Just save it, Swan is happy, she's getting married."
"No but buddy, this isn't my story nor my happy ending, this is hers, and she found it with Graham." He ended the conversation and put on some music, Victor giving up with a growl.
It was fine.
Killian had never believed in fairytales anyway.
They arrived at the lovely cottage the Nolan's owned for at least twenty years now, Killian's mind wandering over too many memories he had in that place, most of them with her, not calling her by her name was something he had imposed on himself a while ago; the very thought of her name was killing him and bringing him back to an era when they were happy, an era that Emma had put an end to violently. The Cottage was a lovely house that David had built on his own, Mary Margaret working in their garden and making it look like an enchanted world. Swan and he had spent a lot of afternoons in there, and since the house facing the sea it was the perfect spot in the summer, and she was fond of the sea; it was after all, a part of their story.
Or it used to be. Now she was getting married near the sea.
Just not to him.
Victor was right, he wasn't fine. But Graham was his friend and when he had asked him to be his best man, he couldn't say no.
And according to the future groom, his fiancé was thrilled at the idea of Killian standing next to him as she walks down the aisle.
How nice of her.
"Victor!" Ruby ran over to them as soon as they parked the car, jumping in her boyfriend's arms, whispering to him how much she had missed him.
How disgustingly sweet.
"And here I thought you had missed me, Red", Killian shook his head, resting a hand on his chest. "I'm wounded, I was expecting a better welcome."
Ruby rolled her eyes at him and the nickname he had chosen for her years ago, admitting defeat; she tilted her head, and jumped at his neck. "I missed you too, Killy."
"I hate you", he whispered as a threat in her ear, hugging her back.
"You love me and you know it smartass."
"I know you love it", Killian snapped back, tickling her side teasingly.
"Hey, boyfriend right over here, mate", Victor warned, poking him in the shoulder.
"Killian!" A voice called behind them and he turned to see Grace, daughter of Emma's brother running toward them and jumping at him, Killian kneeling down just in time to catch her.
"Here's the prettiest of them all."
"I missed you, Killy," Grace said, cupping his face between her palms, shooting him her best smile, her cheeks all peachy, and Killian looked over his shoulder and frowned at Ruby who feigned innocence, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend. Grace was certainly the only one allowed to call him that.
"I have so many things to show you, uncle Killy!" Grace laughed, Killian not finding the courage to tell her that she couldn't call him that, not anymore; Emma's brother Jefferson wasn't his future brother in law anymore. Killian knew that for Grace, he would always be her Uncle Killian.
"You are late!" Gracie called him out, frowning her brows together, her lips forming a thin line.
"I'm sorry princess," Killian kissed her cheeks, the girl pushing him away, his scruff tickling her.
"You can't be late at your wedding."
"Aye there darling, it's Swan's wedding not mine", he corrected, trying to laugh.
"But you and Emma love each other."
Killian's smile disappeared as he shifted his hold on the little girl, trying to find the right words, the ones you could say to a six years old girl who still believed in fairytales, but before Killian could figure them out, her melodic voice made him jump and turn around, and he found Emma standing there, wearing a light white summer dress, his attention instantly drawn to her legs, something he had used to -still did- love about her.
"Where were you darling, your father is looking for you!" Swan put her hand on her hip, smiling at Grace, Killian letting go of the little girl. "Hello, Killian", Emma said carefully, her eyes meeting his after a moment, her hand going behind her back to grip her elbow, as if she was afraid she would reach for him otherwise.
As if she wasn't the one who kept running away from him.
"I'm glad you came."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world", Killian narrowed his eyes. "Where's your fiancé?" He looked away from her, as if he had just seen the sun from too close and got burned. His wounds weren't healed; he had been foolish to think he could handle seeing her.
"He's over there, with my family", Emma swallowed hard and if Killian didn't know her better, he would say she was breathless, which she couldn't be, not now, not anymore. Turning on her heel, Emma gave him a sad smile, Grace going to her and taking her hand in hers.
"Swan", Killian called her, putting his hands in his pockets. "You look beautiful", he breathed, walking toward the car and leaving her speechless.
For once, he was the one walking away from her.
She was even more beautiful than in his memories, too beautiful for his sake; her hair was longer than he remembered but her eyes seemed not as bright, or maybe it was just him seeing in them what he was desperate to see.
It still hurt.
Seeing her around Mrs. Nolan's garden, full of roses and of joy, Emma -the thought of her name hurt- was certainly the most beautiful of them all.
Seeing her moving on with another guy.
Happy when he was still looking for the pieces of his heart, lost somewhere in her hand.
Mary Margaret was quite nice to him since he had arrived, almost welcoming him as if he were still Emma's lover; she looked at him with such caring eyes that Killian almost let himself wonder if this was how it felt like to have a mother.
She was his family and she had left him.
"You are pathetic", Victor made him jump on his seat, almost dropping his rum on the floor.
Killian rolled his eyes at his best friend, watching him sit next to him. "Can't you stop just for a second?"
"You haven't stopped looking at her since we got here", his friend gestured to the center of the room where Graham and her were talking and laughing, her arms wrapped around him, the vision calling for one in his memory, of them, in another life time, when they used to be in love.
When she loved him back.
"For someone who keeps saying he's over her, you're quite hooked."
"Don't be silly, Ariel is coming later", Killian replied, somehow tearing his stare away from her, wishing he could be deaf to her laughter and her happiness because it was reminding him of everything he couldn't experiment again.
In two days he would watch her walk down the aisle.
And it wouldn't be to him.
He saw her from afar, smiling and laughing with Graham, Grace sitting on her lap and visibly not amused by the joke her new uncle was telling her; the little girl frowned her brows together as Emma tried to poke her in the ribs to make her laugh.
He had missed it.
"You need to stop, buddy", a voice called from the side and Killian shifted in his seat, gripping the bottle of rum he had stolen from the bar tighter.
"Jeff. It's been a while." Killian got up to hug his old friend, who also happened to be one of his best friends.
"How are you?" Jefferson asked, poking him in the arm, raising a brow and looking between him and the future bride.
"Same old my friend, same old." Killian said with a dark tone, taking a sip of his drink. "Don't worry, I'm fine."
"You know you have to make a speech?"
"Aye, I do, it's going to be funny", Killian chuckled, shaking his head with disbelief; if someone had told him he would have to make a speech at the wedding of the love of his life, he would have pictured it to be at their wedding.
Killian stared at her, appreciating the lovely color of her cheeks due to the wine and the hot weather.
"Don't mess it up", Jefferson warned, trying to take away his bottle of rum, but Killian jerked away from him.
"Have some faith in me. I'm not going to ruin the party; I'm the groom's best man, remember?" His tongue licked his lips in an attempt to hide from the rest of the room how everything hurt at that moment; not even the burn of the alcohol could make him forget how it had hurt to lose her, how it hurt not to be with her.
How living without her hurt.
Killian remembered all too well the day Graham had called him and asked him to be his best man; they were really good friends since high school, they had shared the same group of friends.
They had even shared the same girls.
That day Killian had woken up in a cold bed, Emma's perfume still too present for him not to be hurt, the warmth of her body pressed against his still haunting him.
It still did.
Graham had called, happier than ever, excited and all, almost begging him to be his best man, and it had taken Killian a few minutes to realize what he was asking him, what he was implying.
His Swan was not his swan anymore.
A memo or a note on the fridge would have been nicer; Hello, we fucked last night, it was perfect I love you but see you at my wedding. :-)
A goodbye would have been decent.
But no, she had just left him.
"Don't screw up, that's all I ask, if not for him, do it for her", Jefferson tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out what he could be thinking, the same look that Victor had on his face earlier.
Do it for her Killian, it's not like she screwed you up big time. It's not like she broke your heart, or left you behind high and dry, so do it for her, smile and tell her how pretty she is in her stupid dress and how she's lucky to have Humbert.
Killian took another sip from his bottle before standing up and hitting his spoon against his glass, not missing the dirty look his could've been father in law shot him; David Nolan had just tolerated him when he was with Swan and now that he was out of the picture, her father wasn't even hiding his dislike for him. For sure, David was happier to have Graham as a future son in law because he was way better than a bastard like him.
"I'm sorry to interrupt a nice party but I'm the best man, and that idiot over there asked me to do a speech, so what can I say?" Killian shrugged and opened his arms dramatically. "Well, when Graham asked me to be his best man, it was a real shock". His eyes fell on Emma, who, not able to hold his gaze, was looking away from him, a small smile on her lips.
Running away was way easier.
"A real shock because I couldn't believe that our poor sweet Graham would have the guts to ask Swan to marry him", the audience laughed, and Killian ignored Victor's stare that was telling him silently to keep it cool. "But here they are, our lovebirds, ready to jump into that big adventure that is called marriage." Killian lifted his bottle at Graham. "Good luck, buddy; you chose a stubborn one, trust me", Emma's family laughed and Victor poked him in the leg under the table. Killian narrowed his eyes at Swan and his expression softened, all humor gone. "But you also chose the most beautiful of them all; make her happy, she deserves it." Graham smiled, wrapping his arms around Emma's shoulders, kissing her cheek as a blade was thrown into Killian's heart.
She looked happy.
And finally she was looking at him, her eyes, her so beautiful green eyes locking with his, a shy smile on her lips, telling him thank you.
Save it, Swan, he wanted to tell her. You should have said something a long time ago.
All the thank yous in the world wouldn't change the fact that he should have been the guy sitting next to her this day.
He should be the one holding her like that. She should be wearing his ring, the one still waiting in his drawer, the one he had bought for her when they had started to see each other again.
The one he had wanted to give to her, to prove to her he would never let her go, he would never leave her.
He had loved her.
And he still did love her.
Ruby's hand closed around his wrist, pulling him back down and Victor patted his back.
"You did a great job buddy."
What a fucking great job, Killian swore to himself.
Killian turned around and took his cigarette from his mouth, finding Ruby walking toward him in her micro shorts; it wasn't a surprise that Victor was all over her because those legs were something, but they weren't the prettiest he had seen.
Ruby remained silent as she sat next to him on that little wall in the garden. The whole party was starting to make him sick, the joy and the happiness were too sweet for his taste. Graham was showering his fiancé's face with kisses which was something, if Killian recalled correctly, Emma wasn't fond of; it had taken her a while to allow him to hold her hand in public because she wasn't the touchy kind.
But hey, it seemed like he was wrong about her since the beginning and he started to smoke again; a bad habit he had given up for her.
"About what?" Killian arched a brow. "It's a nice party."
But Ruby didn't seem to buy his lies; too bad she was as good as Swan in reading him. How lucky he was tonight. "She wasn't okay with it", Ruby said, taking him by surprise.
"What are you talking about?"
"The best man thing," Ruby replied, looking at the sea, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm. "She wanted him to pick Victor or even Jeff, but Graham insisted."
"I'm not surprised", Killian said, shaking his head and laughing at his luck. He remembered how Graham used to admire him in college when Killian was the man that every woman fell for. Graham was the friend, he never was the one to get the girl. Emma and Graham had been friends for a while, she even used to talk about Killian and her to him; he was her confidant, her best friend, sort of, somebody she could talk to about Killian. Graham had been the one to know about their problems and their break up.
And he had been the one to comfort her, the shoulder she had cried upon.
And Killian was more than aware than he had a crush on Emma too when Killian had met her.
"Well, I just wanted to say that Emma isn't okay with it", Ruby patted his arm, offering him a comforting smile.
"Doesn't change much, does it?" Killian flashed her a grin. "At the end of the day, she's marrying him."
"You still have feelings for her." It wasn't a question it was a statement, so Killian remained silent, smoking in silence, his eyes focused on the garden that Mr. and Mrs. Nolan took good care of and not really seeing it.
"He still doesn't like me, Swan's father", he added and Ruby frowned. "I'm sure he's happier that his daughter is marrying a good guy like Graham."
"You're not a bad guy Killian."
"That's not what Swan seems to think", Killian shook his head, remembering too well her words when she had left him, telling him that he wasn't a good guy, telling him that they couldn't work.
Those words still haunted him at night.
"I can't speak for her but I think Emma still cares for you", Ruby confessed before adding, "I think she cares about you a lot more than she thinks."
"As you said darling, you can't speak for her."
Ruby cocked her head and shrugged. "I can't, but I'm her best friend and I know her."
Killian closed his eyes, wishing that Ruby would be gone when he opened them again; he didn't need to know that, he didn't need to know that Swan might have feelings for him.
It hurt more.
But as he closed his eyes, Killian could also see her, knocking at his door and telling him she thought she had made a mistake, and he could still feel her lips on his when she told him she had missed him, when she whispered his name as he made love to her that night, when she told him she couldn't live with him. It was too hard.
She had given him so much hope.
He had prepared a date, so he could ask her to be his forever.
And she had left, taking his heart in the process without even saying goodbye.
"Why are you calling her Swan? Can't you call her Emma, like everyone else?"
Killian's shoulders shook as he laughed, taking a long drag of his smoke. "Maybe I should call her Humbert now."
"Killian…" Ruby sighted, getting up from the wall to face him.
"Isn't it her new name after all?" Killian said, not paying attention to her. "Suits her quite well, don't you think?"
"She would have been quite a Jones too", Ruby said, realizing too late what she had just said, and Killian tryed to hide how much her words hurt him.
God knew how many times he had dreamed of it.
How he still dreamed of it.
Emma Jones. It had a nice ring on it.
He loved the sound of her having his name.
Emma Humbert sounded like a slap.
And yet it was about to happen.
"Guess it's not in the cards", Killian said calmly, smiling at his lost dreams, at the ring she would never had, the one that belonged only to her.
He couldn't marry someone else. The thought of it made him sick; it was a sad and unfortunate fate that he wouldn't ever find someone new.
She would always be the one.
Even after she had shattered his heart to pieces, Swan still possessed it, and still, if tonight she asked him to run away with her, no matter how much she had hurt him, Killian wouldn't hesitate.
She was the love of his life.
"Maybe there's still hope", Ruby interrupted his musings, smiling at him hesitantly, brushing the hair falling in his eyes away.
"Swan has a ring on her finger saying otherwise, Ruby. I don't think there's hope."
"Stop calling her that, like she means nothing to you!" The brunette called him out, pushing him in the arm, her features tensed as anger started to fill her blood. "Stop acting like nothing can touch you!"
"What do you want me to say Ruby?" Killian threw his cigarette away. "Emma? That's what you want? For me to call her Emma? To tell you that I'm still in love with her and I probably always will be?" He leaned closer causing Ruby to step back. "Is that what you want? For me to tell you that all this fuckery is killing me? It is! That she should be with me, that she should be wearing my ring and not his? That this should be our wedding?" Ruby cocked her head to the side, hunting for something to say, probably feeling really bad for saying that to him but Killian couldn't care less. "Happy, Ruby? Is that what you wanted? Now go back to your best friend Swan," he said, and her name was like venom on his tongue. "And tell her how she fucked me up, how I'd still run away with her if she asked me to, tell her, go ahead, tell her how I had planned to ask her to marry me when I learned that she was going to marry Humbert."
"Killian, I'm sor-"
"Oh for fuck's sake, save it, I know what you all thought and still think of me, you and her family! You though that Swan was just a distraction, Jesus, I even think that's what she thinks, but newsflash Ruby, even a bastard like me can be in love, even I can have my heart broken", Killian yelled, pointing an angry finger at her before turning around, freezing when he saw Emma standing right in front of him, her lips parted but no sound coming out, her cheeks reddened, maybe from the wine but probably from Graham's kisses. He didn't fucking care either way. Rubbing his hands on his jeans, he left them both and walked toward the back of the house, seeking peace, ignoring the completely sad look Emma wore.
For once he wouldn't be the only one to feel bad.
Killian had chosen that special spot next to the sea, not far away from the Nolans' house, his eyes looking over the sea, the only thing -beside her arms- able to relax him, the only thing he had thought about and needed. The only thing left in his life.
He remembered all too clearly for his own sake, how right Swan had felt in his arms, how hope had filled his veins when she had told him she loved him, when she had come back to him; everything about that night felt like magic. Killian had thought that they were finally back together, and he could still remember how tightly she had held him as he made love to her, how right their kisses and embraces were, how beautiful she was when she was taking flight because of him. Killian could remember it all. The hope, the passion, the love.
So why didn't they work?
He sighed, his hand drawing patterns in the sand, wanting to light another cigarette but not finding the will to reach for it. Killian was tired, he had never been good at faking anything and it was the worst when it came to her; not once he had hidden his feelings for her. Killian laughed at the memory of how they had met; she was walking alone along the beach, much like him right now, and she was staring at the sea, intrigued and hypnotized by it. Killian had joined her and they talked like they weren't two strangers but two friends.
Swan had told him that she was afraid of the sea, of the immensity of it and how powerful it was compared to her. "You are a tough lass", he had told her, shooting her the first bright smile he had given to anyone in a long time. Killian had offered her his hand and at first she had looked at him with wide eyes, like couldn't believe him, but then she had smiled and took his hand.
"Let's go face the sea", he had told her, gripping her hand tightly in his, making them walk in direction of the sea. "Don't worry", he had reassured her when he felt her tense, looking back over his shoulder, "You've got me to protect you."
"Why should I trust you?" Emma had arched a brow, stopping them and making him laugh.
"Have you ever been in love?" Killian had asked, taking her by surprise, making her breathless for a moment.
"Maybe, once… Why?" She had asked suspiciously and Killian had leaned closer to her, his free hand going under her chin to lift it up so their eyes met.
"Because it's like falling in love, it's overwhelming."
"There's only one way to find out", Killian had grinned, a warm sensation spreading through his body as he ran toward the sea, holding Emma's hand in his, their fingers interlaced, smiling back at her when his feet touched the water. "Come on", he had told her when she had stopped, afraid to step in, "You've got me to protect you."
"Killian?" A voice called behind him; people needed to stop doing this, and for God's sake, couldn't they leave him alone? Looking over his shoulder, he watched Swan walking toward him, holding her shoes in her hand, pulling back her hair behind her ear as she stepped closer. Killian focused his attention on the sea, a sight better than her or the ring on her finger claiming her to someone else.
"What do you want, Swan?" He groaned as she sat next to him, their shoulders almost touching; she shouldn't be there, she should be inside with everyone else partying and celebrating with her future husband, she shouldn't be there with him, not when it meant she was close and he couldn't hold her or reach for her hand, not when she had broken his heart.
"Can we talk?" She asked him with a voice so shy Killian barely recognized her; it wasn't like her. Usually Swan went straight to the point and she didn't bother with circling around anything, but maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought. After all, when Killian had dreamed and hoped for a happy ending, Emma had taken flight with someone else and left him behind, high and dry.
"I can't refuse that to the future bride, now can I? Isn't that a future bride's privilege?" Killian joked, avoiding her stare but still able to feel it on his skin, and it was burning him.
"Can you not?" She reached for his hand and Killian jerked away from her but finally met her gaze.
"Isn't that what you are now? A future bride? A fiancé? The future Mrs. Humbert?" Killian said with what he hoped it would be a sarcastic tone, but it ended up being a tired tone, the sadness in his voice betraying his hurt.
Swan… Emma looked hurt at his words, and for a brief moment Killian almost enjoyed the pain painted on her face, because it meant he wasn't the only one to suffer, but that woman was the one he loved, even after what she had done to him, and Killian couldn't bare it, so he look away from her again, he looked at the sea, trying to prevent the memories from coming back; he didn't need them, not when there was no future. "Are you happy?" He asked her, crossing his hands on his knees so he wouldn't be tempted to reach for hers like he had done so many times.
"Are you?" She returned the question and Killian closed his eyes and imagined her smile in his head, not needing to look at her to picture it; he knew it by heart.
"I thought it was your wedding", he opened his eyes and stared at her, studying how she went from relaxed to tensed within a second, how her smile disappeared at the mention of her impending nuptials.
"You know what I mean."
"Honestly?" Killian shrugged, "I don't think I know you Emma Swan, soon to be Humbert."
It seemed like minutes and hours before Emma started talking again, blinking a few times as she tried to find her words, laughing at something Killian couldn't really understand. "I think you know me better than anyone else, and that's the problem", she chuckled darkly, her gaze locking with his with such intensity that Killian had to fight really hard not to kiss her and kiss away the promise she had made to another man, not to tell her to cancel the wedding.
"And yet I lost you", Killian whispered more to himself than to her; he wasn't trying to hurt her or to blame her, it was just his simple reality. As cruel as it was, he had in fact lost her to someone else. Once again, Killian had left her speechless, something she didn't used to be, not when they were together, but again, he probably didn't know her, despite what she said. "Humbert looks excited and happy."
"He is", she said as if she were walking on eggshells and trying not to crack them. "Listen, Killian about earlier..."
"Save it, darling", he cut her off, shaking his head in disbelief. "It doesn't matter now, does it? It's a pretty ring you have", he gestured at her hand where her engagement ring was, not able to stop himself from comparing it with the one he had kept for her. "At least Humbert has good taste." Killian let himself admire her, how beautiful she was with the wind caressing her hair, how the moonlight on her cheeks made her looked like a Goddess. "Well, he surely has."
"He shouldn't have asked you to be his best man", Emma said suddenly, making him sigh.
"Probably", he said, his eyes wandering over the sea, the same sea he had made her jump into years ago; he had promised her that he would look after her, but now it wasn't his job anymore. "But yet here I am, at your freaking wedding with Humbert. I think it was a fair fight; I had sworn to him that he couldn't have you", Killian chuckled because the irony of the situation was killing him; they had dated for almost five years, he had believed all along that they would stay together, and have a wedding much like this one, not far away from the sea, then a few kids, but no matter the place or the situation, he had always thought he'd be with her.
It was always her walking down the aisle, it was at him she was smiling. It was for him she would wear a beautiful white dress, and nothing too fluffy; Emma would have chosen something simple, even with her mother begging her to wear a big princess dress.
"Yeah, you can be sorry."
"Don't be like that", Emma shifted and extended her legs in front of her, and Jesus, why did she have to wear a dress, as if just her presence wasn't enough to drive him crazy; she was still not moving away from him, which was a first.
"Like what? A bastard? Isn't that the reason why you left me that day?" He didn't care if he was harsh or rude with her; she had almost asked for it when she had given him high hopes and she couldn't expect him to be nice after her fucking fiancé had asked him cockily to be his best man and to watch the love of his life marry someone else.
"It's not like that", Emma bit back, straightening up but not meeting his eyes.
"Right. You didn't fuck me, quite literally, if I remember correctly, and didn't leave me high and dry, when I had thought we were back together", Killian said bitterly, flashing her an angry stare. "Do you know how it feels to have you for one night, to hope, to dream, to love again and then to find out that you're bloody engaged to Humbert? And hearing about it from him?"
"Oh for once in your life Swan, shut up, just stop talking", Killian's voice was rougher than earlier, meaner. "You just like to have me at your mercy and just like everyone else you think I'm a bastard, you..." He shook his head, tired of having to justify himself in front of the world. "Why did you leave?" Killian finally asked the question that had tormented him for days and weeks since Graham had asked him to be his best man. "You said you loved me", his eyes lifted to meet hers, and for once he didn't have to seek her green eyes.
He found her looking right at him, as if she was trying to look into his soul.
It was about bloody time.
"I… I was scared", Emma confessed, looking back at the sea, and Killian started to think that she was once again running away from the real subject; of course she was scared of the sea, as always, but this time Killian couldn't give her his hand, nor his heart because he had already offered them to her and she had crushed them both, taking his breath away, and not in a romantic way.
She had Graham now, and if she was scared of the sea, it was him she should ask for help.
"Not the sea, I mean yeah, I'm still scared of it, of its immensity. Much like you", she said sadly, smiling as best as she could at him, and Killian's eyes narrowed at her words because he didn't quite understand what she was saying.
"You are the sea, you're my sea, you… you scare me."
"You left me because you're scared of me?"
"Is that such a surprise?" Emma arched a brow, crossing her arms over her knees. "I thought it was obvious."
"Sorry sweetheart if I don't follow you… well obviously I don't, but I won't ever hurt you."
"I know!" Emma said quickly, unconsciously reaching for his arm, their skin burning with the simple contact, their eyes locking together. "I know." She repeated more calmly, swallowing hard. "I know you wouldn't, not intentionally."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Loving you has never been the problem", Emma bit her lip and looked down at her legs, the wind playing in her hair and making her cheeks go red, the confession falling from her tongue and crushing his heart, which was a surprise for him because he thought it was already shattered.
"I didn't lie to you that night. I did love you, still do."
Killian's heart stopped and he turned his head in her direction, reaching for her palm, electricity shooting between them, the spark still there. "Emma..."
"Don't", she smiled, begging him not to speak as she got up, trying to put more distance between them. "Loving you has never been the problem."
"Why then?" Killian got up too, his hand reaching for her cheek before he could stop himself, and Emma didn't pull away, just turned her head. "If you love me Emma, please don't do this", he leaned closer, their chests almost touching, his thumb stroking her cheek and making her breathe heavily. "I don't care how awful those months were without you as long as you don't marry him.'
At that point, Killian didn't care if he was begging her to stay or if he was pathetic; Emma had a ring on her finger and her lips were trembling as she was telling him she loved him, just like that night when she had come over, kissing him and saying that she missed him.
He missed her too. Oh God he did.
A few tears started to form at the corner of her eyes and Killian felt her breaking in his arms, fragile and afraid, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "I can't."
"How can you marry him Emma?" Killian said, his voice louder than a second ago. "Why would you lose yourself with him if you love me?"
Emma sighed, her hand raising up to hold his, her thumb caressing the back of his hand, and she even leaned closer to kiss his palm. "My heart may choose you, but I'm doing the right thing for both of us."
"Emma, look at me", he cupped her face with both his hands, ignoring the cold metal of her ring on his wrist; she was slipping away from his arms slowly, he could feel her running away again, but this time Killian wasn't asleep and letting her go wasn't an option. "If you love me, stay, because you're not doing the right thing by marrying him… if you love me stay with me." Killian stepped closer forcing her to lift her chin so she could look at him. "I love you", he said, his lips only a breath away from hers. "That's the only right thing, you and me, we're right", Killian whispered on her lips and Emma blinked and gripped his hand tighter, parting her lips and closing her eyes as if she were giving him permission to come closer.
"Please don't", Emma said just when Killian closed his eyes. "I turned my back on you once, so don't make me do it twice. Please. Sometimes we can't stay even if we love each other "
Killian's hands fell at his side and he looked away from her.
"Why, Emma? Why are you doing this? This entire wedding thing is insane. You can-"
"Hey baby!" Someone jumped behind him and covered his eyes with her hands, kissing his cheek, cold arms wrapping around his shoulders. "Miss me?"
I know you all hate me :)