Of Rivals and Lolis

A none-too-serious Naruto Fic

A/N: Okay... Since it seems that a lot of you seemed to enjoy the original version of this story, and my collaboration fic partner is away for a few weeks... I'm finally going to get around to working on my solo fics. And this one, due to the number of faves and follows its gotten, is going to be at the top of my list. So, without further delay, let's get this show-on-crack on the road!

WARNING: This fanfic is going to be mostly crack! In other words, if you're expecting a serious story with lots of drama and suspense, prepare to be disappointed. This fanfic also contains Rule 63, mild crossovers, perverted lolis(?), and inexplicable powers. If you are offended by any of these or do not like them... There's a back button on your browser for this very reason, pal.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any series that somehow makes its way into this story. They all belong to their respective owners while Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I am not making any money off this work of fanfiction, either. It is being written purely for fun.

Chapter 01: "My Rival's a Loli?!"

There were many things that one Uzumaki Naruto could honestly say he was used to. The village's hatred, loneliness, free ramen at Ichiraku's... Yes, Naruto's life wasn't exactly pleasant. However, he easily found reasons to press on amidst all this negativity. For example, the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, was a grandfather figure to the blond.

It was with said person that Naruto was currently spending his time with. The two were sitting in the main office of the Hokage's Tower, having a pleasant conversation about various things. From ramen to training methods... However, it was this very conversation that would take a turn for the unique, and potentially odd, and make a permanent impact on the blonde's life. And it would all be triggered by a single innocent question.

"Ne, Jiji... Do you know anyone who I could consider a rival?" Naruto asked, a curious smile on his childish 8-year-old face. The Sandaime blinked, surprise evident in his expression.

"Why do you ask, Naruto-kun?" The aged kage replied, while Naruto just gave a brilliant grin.

"Well, I ran into this funny man in green spandex who kept mentioning something about an 'eternal rival who drives him to do better every day'. And that got me thinking... Maybe a rival is just the motivation I need to improve my training!" Upon hearing the blond's reasoning, the Sandaime blinked in surprise... Before a pleased smile played on his lips.

"That, and I gotta' know my competition for taking that hat of yours, Jiji!" Naruto finished, outright causing the Hokage to laugh. He should've known that becoming Hokage was at least one of the reasons for that question.

Once his laughter died down to a mere chuckle, Hiruzen spoke up. "I see... Well, there is one child around your age you could consider a rival, who goes by the name of Sasuke. From what I recall, Fugaku, Sasuke's father, requested that Sasuke be enrolled on the day of the final exam so that he may train his offspring personally. You'll have a lot of work ahead of you if you plan on making a rival of someone from one of our more prestigious clans." The aged Kage explained, making sure to choose his phrasing carefully.

A proverbial flame of determination roared to life around the blond upon hearing all that. "Yosh! Sounds like just the motivation I need, jiji! Thanks for the info! I'll be sure to outdo this 'Sasuke' and become the strongest shinobi ever!" He declared, a proud grin threatening to split his face in two. Hiruzen just smiled proudly at the young child's resolve.

"That is a solid goal, Naruto-kun... But just talking about it and pranking will not suffice for earning that title, I'm afraid. You will need to train very hard to become the Hokage, let alone the 'strongest shinobi ever'." He said, placing a gentle hand on the blond's shoulder. Naruto understood what the Sandaime was telling him.

"Alright, Jiji... I'll cut down on the pranks and focus more on my training." Hearing those words leave Naruto's lips, the Sandaime couldn't help but do a victory dance in his mind. He had just killed two birds with one stone! A lower threat of pranks from the blond also meant less paperwork for him to deal with!

"So, tell me Naruto-kun... How IS your training going so far? I trust the academy is treating you well?" The old Sarutobi asked, causing Naruto's expression and mood to visibly darken.

"Not very well, Jiji... I'm having trouble at the academy, especially with the Bunshin no Jutsu that they keep using for a part of the practicals. Not to mention some of the teachers treat me like a lot of people do..." At the end, a sigh escaped the young jinchuuriki's lips, causing Hiruzen to furrow his brow in disapproval at what he was hearing.

'It seems my fears were well founded after all... I will have to speak with the Academy staff myself, and root out the bigotry.' It was with this thought in mind that an idea occurred to the aged Kage.

'Maybe... Just maybe, I can help him out and begin to make up for how I've failed in other ways.' Standing up from the couch he and Naruto were sitting on, the Sandaime Hokage proceeded to walk over to his desk and produced a bundle of scrolls from his top drawer. Returning to the couch, he handed the scrolls to the blond, earning a look of confusion.

"Eh, what're these for, Jiji?" Naruto asked, torn between looking at the scrolls and looking towards the kage in curiosity.

"Those, my dear Naruto-kun, are part of a deal that I'll make you." This had the young jinchuuriki's interest as the Sandaime continued on. "If you promise to not pull any pranks until the end of the Academy Graduation Exam being held in six years... I will let you keep those scrolls to help further your training and studies." He finished, causing a hopeful look to cross the blond's face. However, he wasn't finished yet.

"To sweeten the deal for you, I'll give you another set of scrolls to use if you can pass the Academy at the top of your class." Any complaints the blond was thinking about making regarding studying were immediately killed upon hearing this.

"I guess this means I'll have to really hit the books now, eh Jiji..?" Naruto said sheepishly, earning a nod from the elder Sarutobi.

"Indeed, Naruto-kun. While History and Theories may not seem all that important now, you will see in due time that they are very important to any shinobi's career." Seeing the blond nod in acknowledgment, Hiruzen offered a smile.

"Now, how about we go to Ichiraku's for some ramen to seal this deal?" Almost immediately after saying this, the blond grabbed the aged Kage's hand and began to drag him to the ramen stand in question, all while making sure the bundle of scrolls was strapped securely to his back.

Later that night when Naruto reached his apartment, the blond immediately locked the doors and windows behind him, and unstrapped the scrolls so he could begin to read.

'Jiji's putting a lot of trust in me... And I'll be a monkey's uncle if I let him down!' With that thought in mind, the blond unfurled the first scroll of the bundle and began to read.

"Let's see... Kage Bunshin, huh..?" At first glance, Naruto wondered how a type of jutsu he stunk at would help him get stronger... But his question was soon answered when saw the rest of the Jutsu's details.

Now, Naruto was not the sharpest kid around (At least, not yet), but when it came to training, he was a practical genius! So it came as no surprise that after seeing what the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu could do, Naruto immediately set to work on mastering it...

6 Years Later, With the Sandaime...

To say the Sandaime Hokage was pleased at this time would be a great understatement. He was halfway tempted to summon the civilian council just to rub his surrogate grandson's success in their faces.

True to his word, Naruto had studied hard and intensified his training drastically. A feat that was made possible with a mixture of Kage Bunshin and Henge. The blond could now take down a mid-level chuunin. A rank limit that would easily be shortened over time as he obtained experience in the field and in combat. And this wasn't taking into account Naruto's massive chakra reserves and stamina.

However, it wasn't just the jinchuuriki's combat ability that had grown. He had also matured quite nicely as a person. Something that was partially demonstrated by the lack of orange on his person. Now standing at an age appropriately respectable height of 5'1", Naruto was now what many could consider "handsome".

His sun-kissed blond hair was still as spiky as ever, and his sapphire blue eyes now held a solid look of confidence in himself that had been previously absent. Gone was the cocky brat who'd prank at any chance he'd get, and in its place was a level-headed young man who could handle many situations with a solid strategy.

His outfit itself was rather simple, consisting of a black long-sleeved shirt that had a semi-loose and ever-so-slightly raised collar, crimson jeans held up by a simple brown belt, and a pair of black combat boots. Strapped to his right hip was a set of holsters for weapons and scrolls. Topping off his outfit, however... Was a pair of headphones with a built-in music player he had gotten as a gift from the Sandaime Hokage, who had imported them from Yuki no Kuni. The earpiece connecting band was bent in a way that resembled cat ears from certain angles.

The aged Kage had kept tabs on Naruto's training over the past six years, and had even seen the blond get into spars with some of the non-bigoted shinobi and kunoichi around the village. What the Sarutobi elder had observed was incredible insights and on-the-fly plans from the blond that often netted him a few good hits, or even a win in some cases. However, the only problem was the lack of a proper Taijutsu style for Naruto to use. Almost all of his moves were self-taught street brawling attacks.

It was this problem, and one other thing that gave the Sandaime some guilt amidst his pride in the blond's progress. Back when Naruto had asked for a rival and at every inquiry about Uchiha Sasuke afterwards, Hiruzen had always kept a single detail from the blond in fear that learning it would cause him to slow his progress, if not stop it altogether.

'Well, there is nothing I can do to prevent him from finding out now...' The only thing that the Sandaime knew was that at least now, the chances of such a backfire were much lower than they had been years ago. Without another thought, the aged Hokage turned back to his all-seeing crystal ball and proceeded to watch Naruto's class get underway...

At the Academy, With Naruto...

Naruto was currently sitting at his usual seat—the middle row of the leftmost column, one seat away from the window—while reading one of the several scrolls the Sandaime had given him all those years ago. While he had read through them all already, he had learned that reviewing was always a good thing to do in one's spare time. A small, relaxed smile played on his lips as he blocked out the noise generated by his fellow classmates.

Of all the classes, he had heard numerous teachers claim that the one he was in was the most promising. 'Yeah... Some of them have promise, but others really need to get their acts together if they want to survive...' He thought to himself as he rolled the scroll back up and began to look over the main contenders for the Graduation Exam.

First was a boy with red fang-like markings under his eyes, and a medium sized dog sitting next to him. He had wild, spiky brown hair and longer-than-normal nails and canines. He was Inuzuka Kiba, heir to the Inuzuka Clan.

'He may be a pervert who can think every season is mating season, but his taijutsu is no joke. Throw in his ninken, Akamaru, and you've got a real threat. All he needs to do is focus less on tag-team tactics and cover his solo weaknesses.'

Next to Kiba was a boy that seemed to be the very definition of 'shady'. His eyes were almost always covered by round sunglasses, and his face was mostly covered by a tall-collar jacket with a hood. He rarely spoke unless spoken to, and was easily one of the best in the class. He was Aburame Shino, heir to the Aburame clan.

'While I don't know much about him, he's an okay guy. Not to mention he has the potential to be a great shinobi, considering he doesn't try to show off all his techniques at every chance. Subtlety is a great tool, after all.'

In the row behind him was a blond girl in a purple outfit with her hair up in a high ponytail, a boy with a hair style reminiscent of a pineapple sleeping at his desk, and a big-boned boy snacking on a bag of chips. Naruto had to resist the urge to smirk as he saw the three sitting together.

They were Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru, and Akamichi Chouji respectively, and each the heir to their clan. All three of them were good friends in Naruto's book.

'Ino-san may be a bit bossy, but she takes her career seriously, unlike some of the girls here. Shikamaru's nothing short of a genius, especially with his Shadow manipulation techniques, and Choji can be a force of pure destruction, given the right motivation. Knowing jiji, he'll put them on a team together because of their fathers.'

Finishing his assessment of the biggest genin contenders, Naruto allowed himself to close his eyes in relaxation. It was then, though, that a chill ran down his spine. Meaning only one thing...

'Oh, shit! She's coming!' Over the past six years, if Naruto had learned anything, it was that even rumors can create fangirls. A prime example was when the rumor of the 'prodigy' Sasuke joining the class on the day of the exams leaked to the class.

A certain pink-haired girl had been among the first to know, and normally, this wouldn't have been a problem. However...

Once she had heard them compare the prodigy to Naruto—someone she had been practically conditioned to hate by her parents—she had taken things the wrong way, and went on a veritable war path. Insults, attempted beatings, attempts to outdo him... This girl had it out for the blond jinchuuriki.

"Naruto-baka! Get out of my seat! I want to be able to sit next to Sasuke-kun when he arrives!" A pink-haired girl screeched as she entered the room and approahced the blond.

'Speak of the devil...' Naruto thought with a sigh as he tried to clear the ringing in his ears—as did several others present.

"Must you be so loud in the morning, Haruno?" He asked in an irritated tone of voice. The one he was talking to was Haruno Sakura, a natural pinkette who was a total bookworm, and the self-proclaimed "Number One Fangirl" of Uchiha Sasuke. She was also as loud as all get out.

One of the biggest mysteries of his class was how Sakura managed to tie with Ino for Kunoichi Rookie of the Year. While the pinkette excelled at written tests and the homework, her physical abilities were definitely sub par. Something that should have put her at the middle of the class.

The pink-haired girl—who many considered to be part banshee—growled, before pulling back her right fist and attempted to deck Naruto across the face. However—like every time before—the youth just leaned his head back and let her punch pass by harmlessly before he fixed her with a glare.

"Do us all a favor, and shut up. There are plenty of empty seats in this room, and I refuse to give up my seat for someone who can't even say 'please'. Or go two seconds without trying to hurt someone for the stupidest of reasons." To punctuate his statement, Naruto added a bit of killing intent to his glare, causing Sakura to take a slight step back in fear. Especially when she saw his eyes flash red and his pupils become slitted for a brief moment.

Muttering an insult under her breath, Sakura took a seat in one of the empty rows and thankfully remained silent.

Now, let it be known that Naruto knew about the Kyuubi. It was something he discovered on one of his Henge-covered visits to the library so he could learn about one of the topics that really interested him: Seals. After one chakra control exercise four years ago, Naruto had noticed a seal on his stomach, which had sparked his interest in the subject.

His research had actually led him to discovering that the seal he had seen was a containment seal... A very complex containment seal. Further study had led to him discovering of people known as 'Jinchuuriki', or 'Demon Containers'. It didn't take long for him to put two and two together, especially when he took his birthday into account, as well as what had happened that day.

Afterwards, the blond found himself drawn into his mindscape during a meditation session in his apartment, which led to him meeting the Kyuubi itself. Surprisingly... The two hit it off rather well. The fox had been rather calm throughout the entire encounter. Rather snarky and sarcastic at times, but clam nonetheless.

Eventually, after two more minutes of waiting, a pair of chuunin instructors entered the room. The first of the two had silver hair and green eyes, as well as a slightly suspicious air about him. He was Mizuki, the assistant instructor of the class.

To this day, nobody had managed to figure out the man's last name. It was yet another mystery of the class.

The second of the two chuunin had brown hair in a style similar to Shikamaru's, and brown eyes that had a certain warmth to them. A scar ran along the bridge of his nose, and his skin was rather tanned. He was Umino Iruka, the main instructor of the class, and an all-around nice guy in Naruto's book. Heck, the blond could easily consider the man a brother in all but blood.

The two had been at odds at first, since Iruka was among those who had lost family and loved ones in the Kyuubi attack. And while he never outright harmed Naruto, he never offered to help or clarify anything for him back then, either. However, after two years of teaching with Naruto in his class, he had realized how much of a fool he had been. The boy wasn't the Kyuubi, after all. All he saw Naruto as was a strong young man who had a burden he never asked for.

This led to the man apologizing to the blond the day after the realization was affirmed. Stopping the boy from leaving the class, he bowed down and asked for forgiveness. Naruto just waved it off with a shrug and a grin, saying that he had 'Hardly even noticed', but was thankful for the apology nonetheless.

"Alright, class! Today is the day of our Graduation Exam!" Iruka began proudly, "We will be testing you to see if you can become genin of Konoha. There are three parts to this exam: Written, Physical, and Ninjutsu. However, before we begin... We have two students joining us with special permission from the Hokage." With that said, Iruka looked to Mizuki and nodded, causing the silver-haired chuunin to return the gesture.

"Alright you two, you can come in now!" Mizuki called out. Naruto had raised an eyebrow at this. He had been expecting Sasuke to show up, sure. But this was the first he was hearing about there being a second student transferring in at the end of the year.

The first to come in was a girl around Naruto's age. She wore a simple cream and purple jacket with typical shinobi pants and sandles—an outfit that perfectly accented her curves and natural beauty. Naruto thought she was rather pretty, in spite of the one thing that struck him as odd—the damn near emotionless expression on her face.

"Class, this is Hyuuga Hinata, the heiress to the Hyuuga clan. She has been training with her father during the time you've been in our classes, so don't think she's not as strong as you all are!" Mizuki said, grinning as Hinata gave a simple bow, before taking a seat on one side of Naruto.

The blond was about to introduce himself to her when he saw the next person to walk through the door... And practically froze up on the spot out of shock.

'No way...'

It was a girl, one that—judging by looks alone—was only around 10 or 11 years old. She had dark blue—bordering on black—hair that trailed down to her ankles, with two bangs framing her adorable, heart-shaped face. Charcoal black eyes scanned the classroom as he lips were pulled into a thin, neutral line.

She stood at 4'6", and had an oufit that consisted of a black, gothic lolita dress with white frills around the hem of the skirt, and a blue ribbon tied around the white collar of the dress. Black and blue stockings reached up into what many men considered to be the 'zettai ryouiki' all women possessed. Topping off the ensemble was a blue ribbon tied in the back of her hair.

"My name is Uchiha "Sasuke" Sayuri. It is nice to meet you all." She said, giving a polite bow at the end. The class was stunned into silence, save for the sound of Sakura's body hitting the floor as she fainted from a mix of shock and horror. Naruto, on the other hand...

He couldn't take his eyes off the young-looking girl standing in front of the classroom.

'No... Fucking... Way...'

There was only one thing that Naruto could do right then. He tried to keep himself from doing it, but lost out to the shock he was experiencing.


Chapter 01: "My Rival's a Loli?!"... Complete!

A/N: Welp, you all should be proud of me for this. This rewrite took me less than 24 hours to do. Though I can't guarantee the same speed for chapter 2, ha ha. Anyways, here's hoping you all enjoy this! Also, there's going to be a new poll on my profile after I post this, so be sure to check that out!

Until next time, folks!

P.S.: Whoever can guess who I used for ideas for the outfits for Naruto and Sasuke/Sayuri... Well, I'll think of something to give you, ha ha.