So... when I do my Once A Month Menzies Rewatch (because reasons), this fic always floats into my head and I finally decided that it just had to be written. So I did it.
Many thanks to the lovely Em for beta-ing. You rock!
I'm a teacher. I have bangs. I wear glasses. I'm awkward as hell and love dresses. Clearly I am Jess. WHERE THE HELL IS MY NICK MILLER? (don't own, guys. Interpret that as don't own)
The loft was supposed to be empty. Nick was returning home from a stocktake shift at the bar (a day where they got in stupidly early and had to count how many bottles were in each refrigerator and then getting ordered by the boss to take out said bottles and scrub off the scum that had built up on the bottom of the fridge) and he was looking forward to a day where he could walk around the loft with no pants on with nobody around to complain.
That was why he was so surprised to see Jess curled up on the couch, clad in mismatched pyjamas, clutching a hot water bottle to her abdomen, eyes clenched shut and looking thoroughly miserable. "Jess, are you alright?" he asked cautiously.
"I'm fine," she growled in response, curling her knees up and pushing the hot water bottle closer to her stomach.
"Jess, you're not fine," Nick replied, brushing a few strands of hair off her clammy face. "Would you please tell me what's the matter?"
"I'm on my moontime," she sighed. At his blank look, she rolled her eyes. "I have my period, Nick. But I'm fine. I know you don't think I have an excuse to be irrationally angry once a month. Just ignore me."
Nick steeled himself up. He knew his girlfriend could be irrationally stubborn, but the idea of her curled up on the couch in agony made his heart clench uncomfortably in his chest. He was Nicky, the one that fixed stuff. He had to do something. "Jess, come on," he implored. "How can I help?"
"Help me to my room?" she asked. "I need to go to CVS to get some stuff."
"No way," he blurted out. "You can't drive like this. Tell me what to get."
"Are you actually volunteering to go on a ladytime run? Who are you and what have you done with Nick Miller?" At his imploring gaze, she sighed. "I need Midol… And tampons." After a second of contemplation, she added. "And cheesy fries… And a chocolate shake. Actually, I need a cheeseburger too."
Nick nodded, committing it all to memory. "Anything else?" He asked.
She pondered the question, wondering when he was finally going to get grossed out and run away screaming about how yucky her monthly cycle was. "I had to wash my sheets," she began.
"Do you want me to put them into the dryer for you?" Nick asked.
She nodded in relief. "Yes please."
He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I won't be long. Text me if you need anything else."
Oh god. It was the aisle of doom. There were just so many choices! Wings, no wings. Applicators. Light flow, heavy flow. For overnight and maternity use. Slim cut. Playtex, Tampax, Kotex. He was spending way too long here. He needed to get the hell out before his junk fell off and he really did look like a Ken doll. He could feel himself starting to sweat and panic was threatening to choke him. Before he could question the logic further, he simply grabbed one of every single item and threw it in the basket.
He distinctly remembered his mom inhaling at least a package of Oreos once a month, so he grabbed a packet on his way to the counter, placing it on top of his other cargo so it looked less suspicious.
"That will be $57.74," the sales assistant announced cheerfully.
Nick gaped. How expensive was it to be a woman? He shoved over a wad of cash, mournfully watching his tips disappear.
His phone buzzed. Can you get me a chocolate brownie as well? From the place around the corner? The text message from Jess read.
God he had it bad for this girl.
Nick had never seen Jess react quite so enthusiastically towards food before. She was so tiny, but managed to devour the large cheesy fries and burger in about five minutes flat and was digging into the brownie (several Oreos crumbled up on top) by the time he returned to the living room, freshly heated hot water bottle in hand.
"Nick, did you buy out all of the drugstore or something?" Jess asked, looking over at the collection of feminine hygiene products that he'd dropped onto the coffee table.
He nodded ruefully. "I actually did," he replied. "I had no idea what the hell I was looking for."
Jess giggled. "For future reference? Just these two," she informed him, holding up her preferred brand. "Don't worry, I'll take care of the rest of it for you tomorrow."
She placed her brownie on the coffee table and accepted the hot water bottle off Nick, snagging his other hand so he couldn't move away. "Thank you, Nick," she whispered. "This was really sweet of you," she said shyly, tugging on his hand so that he would bend down and she could give him a chocolatey kiss.
"Can I do anything else for you?" he asked her.
Jess bit her lip and pondered the question. "This is going to sound so lame…"
"Jess, come on. I already bought you tampons."
"Do you think we could cuddle?" She asked hastily, looking away to fiddle with the corner of her quilt, which she'd dragged out from her room to burrow under.
Nick cleared himself a space without a word. Settling himself against the point of the couch where the two seats met, pulling Jess over so that she could curl into his side in the hunched up position she seemed to be favouring, blanket tucked around her slim frame. His free hand toying with her hair in the way he knew she liked and his heart flipped pleasantly as she let out a pleasured little sigh, rather than the tiny whimpers of pain he'd been hearing.
Secretly, he liked this. Getting to be close to Jess with her good smells and shiny hair and the way she liked to tuck her fingers under his shirt to trace her nails against his hipbone. He suspected the Midol Five Thousand (the equally embarrassed sales assistant had insisted it was the only way to go) was finally starting to kick in, because the pinched look that she'd been wearing all day was finally starting to ease. He cleared his throat. "So, this is it? We just cuddle?"
Jess gave him a slightly loopy smile. "Wanna watch a movie? I managed to get one into the DVD player before my uterus decided to curl into a ball and catch on fire at the same time."
Nick steeled himself up for whatever crap movie Jess had chosen, but he realised that she'd hit all new lows when he hit play. "Really Jess?" he whined.
"Shut it, Miller," she replied with a shove to his ribs. "Practical Magic is the best. And it makes me feel better."
So he shut his mouth and bore his pain silently (and privately didn't hate the movie as much as he thought he would. But he'd never tell Jess that).
And that, ladies and gents... Is my humble take 2 on Menzies.
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
I'm also on twitter and tumblr as brookemopolitan. Lets be besties.