Title: Sensible Love
Author: The Emcee
Pairing: John Harrison/Kirk, Khan/Kirk
Rating: M (for bad language and sexual content)
Summary: Before the attack on Starfleet HQ in San Francisco, before the attack on Section 31, Jim Kirk had met John Harrison. Time and time again, actually. And he's pissed to believed that he could have ever loved the man. But what it comes down to in the end is family. Pure and simple.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: It isn't a chaptered story, I don't do well with those, but it is an actual story nonetheless. I hope you all like it and let me know what you think, okay? R&R. Enjoy!
"I have loved to the point of madness. That which is called madness. That which to me is the only sensible way to love." Francoise Sagan.
Khan had very few privileges workings for Admiral Marcus. With a tracking device located on him in plain sight, Marcus monitored every single place Khan went when he was outside of the compound. And he wasn't allowed to go very far and only to a few number of places. The nearest bar was, however, perfectly fine. So long as Khan was back before dawn or else his crew would be slaughtered as though they were mere pigs.
As much as he hated leaving his crew in the hands of such foul scum, Khan needed to get away, if only for a little while. He needed to forget the helplessness he felt, he fear and terror at getting his family killed, and the pure, unadulterated rage and hatred he felt for the man who took everything from him. Drowning himself in alcohol sounded like a good way to do that. Or, at least, it would have been, but because he was genetically engineered to be superior in every way it took a lot of alcohol for him to even get a buzz. However, he'd rather try than do nothing at all on his off time.
While he was sitting at the bar, nursing his drink, he couldn't help but feel compelled to look over down the bar. It was as though his instincts were all but forcing him to do so. Having be taught to trust his instincts, Khan gave in and looked down the bar. Sitting a couple of chairs down from him was none other than James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise. Being a Commander in Section 31, Khan had been able to access a lot of files and records, and Kirk's had been one of the ones he had read and looked over. Although he found that some of the information in Kirk's file had been interesting, it seemed pathetically ordinary and mundane.
Seeing the man in person wasn't much of a thrill either. Yes, Kirk may have been rather good looking, with almost abnormally bright blue eyes, blonde hair, and tanned skin, but he wasn't nearly as interesting as Khan was. He had none of the strength or speed or savagery that Khan and his crew possessed. Kirk was pathetically normal and average.
So why was it that he didn't tell the man to piss off when he caught his eye, smirked, and approached him?
Jim was on leave for the next few days while the Enterprise was being prepared after an unfortunate run in with a rather nasty debris field from what appeared to be a battle of some sort, probably caused by the Klingons or Romulans. There were no ships at the sight, so Kirk couldn't be sure that that was what actually happened, but some of the debris managed to hit the Enterprise and damage her badly enough that it warranted her being docked for a few days for repairs. That was why Jim Kirk was at the bar not far from his quarters. Well, not only that but as they had completed their mission, they were off for a couple of days until the next one.
Regardless, the mission had been pretty simple: observe a newly discovered planet and determine if there was a civilization inhabiting it or not. There was, but as Jim was told only to observe, the only being stressed by Pike when he gave the mission to him, no contact was made. All it all, the actual mission was pretty boring, but the journey home through that debris field wasn't and Jim found that he needed a drink after all of that hassle.
Feeling pretty good at having completed the mission successfully, Jim looked around, hoping to catch someone's eye. There were a few girls who seemed like they'd be in for a good time and Jim was about to get up and strut his stuff when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. It was almost as though someone was watching him. Looking down the bar, he caught sight of the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. They were so blue that they put his own eyes to shame. And the face and body attached weren't bad either. Actually, the man was sexy, gorgeous, and practically oozed confidence and power. Jim wasn't picky; he's slept with plenty of guys before. But something in his gut told him that this guy was different and he liked different.
Making a split second decision, the kind that he was known best for, Jim stood up and made his way over to the man, grinning at him, his eyes never breaking contact, not even once. The man looks so…intense and his eyes were boring right into Jim's very soul. Usually, he would've felt uncomfortable with that, but instead he found that he liked it coming from this guy. He was probably an animal in bed. Jim liked that.
"You looked lonely sitting over here by yourself," Jim said, his trademark grin in place. "I thought I'd give you a little company."
The man smirked and sipped at his drink and arched an eye brow. Jim's heart pounded with anticipation and desire. He didn't even know the guy's name, not yet, but he still appreciated how handsome he was, especially with those piercing blue eyes. And just thinking about the possibility of having sex with the guy made Jim ache like a wanton whore. Of course, with the reputation he had, that really shouldn't surprise him or anyone else. However, he felt…strange about the guy in front of him. It was hard to explain, even to himself, but there was something different about this guy and he felt drawn to him for some reason. Pushing that out of his mind, he continued grinning like a fool who's already won something even though the battle had just begun. This one would be hard to break, he could tell, and it was going to be fun.
"I am alone because I wanted to be alone," he told Jim. That only made Jim laugh and grin even wider.
"I don't think that's the case," Jim replied as he sat himself down on the empty bar stool beside the guy.
"And why is that?"
"Because if you wanted to be alone, you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't have been watching me so intently," Jim answered him with a smirk as he finished off his drink. "I'm Jim, by the way. Jim Kirk."
The guy gave him a small smirk, one that looked more predatory than amused. It sent chills down Jim's spine and he liked that. He liked that quite a lot, actually, and he hoped that he'd getting more than just pleasant chills from the guy.
"John. John Harrison," John replied, his eyes bright with amusement, but also with something else. There was an overall seriousness to John that fascinated Jim and he couldn't help but want more. Perhaps more than just a one night stand. Perhaps that was the booze talking, though.
How they ended up in Jim's apartment, neither of them knew, but Khan wasn't complaining. All he could really concentrate on at the moment was Jim's body pressed against his own and his mouth and tongue ravishing the smaller man's. His instincts had taken over before they even left the bar and the warrior within him was absolutely dying to claim the infamous Captain Kirk. And hearing those pornographic moans coming from that mouth only made his warrior's blood burn with hunger and lust.
Slamming Jim up against the wall, Khan vaguely recalled breaking something, a picture frame or perhaps even part of the wall. He didn't care and he doubted that Jim cared at the moment either. Khan pulled away from Jim's lips and bit and kissed his neck, savoring the taste of his skin and flesh in his mouth. It had been too long since he had kissed someone, let alone fucked anyone. How could he when he had been asleep for three hundred years and then enslaved by a warmonger after he had been forced to wake up? With a vast majority of his waking hours being spent on creating weapons and, of course, the Vengeance, there was little time for even going out to the nearest bar let alone go home with someone. And he was surprised that Mracus' men weren't on his tail right then and there.
That didn't matter though. What mattered was how it felt so good to be rubbing up against Jim, to kiss and taste him, and to hear those sinful sounds emanating from his mouth. Khan smirked to himself knowing that he was the one who was causing Jim such pleasure. They began losing their clothes, throwing them all over the living room and down the hallway towards the bedroom. With Jim clawing at his bare back and his erection rubbing against his own, Khan allowed himself to drown in the ecstasy of all that he was feeling.
Gracelessly, he threw Jim onto the bed and growled ferociously as his eyes gazed down at the human, whose eyes were dark with lust and need and whose body was more than willing. Khan knew that neither of them were drunk; it took a lot to get him drunk and, he supposed, that Jim had adapted to consuming vast amounts which made it difficult for him to get drunk easily as well. But that mattered little to him; all that did matter was fucking the Captain of the starship Enterprise and making him scream. Although he knew that Jim wouldn't be screaming his real name, the false one he had been given upon his awakening would suffice for the time being.
Climbing onto the bed, Khan drank in the sight of the man beneath him and found that he rather enjoyed it. Tremendously, as a matter of fact. He couldn't stop the smirk that spread across his face at the thought of pounding into that willing, warm body. Jim groaned loudly and reached up. Gripping his dark hair in his fingers, the smaller man pulled Khan down and slammed their lips together in a heated, urgent kiss. That only made the super human smirk even more.
"Impatient, are we?" he teased against Jim's lips.
"I wouldn't be if you didn't look at me like that," Jim retorted before kissing him again. Parting from those delicious lips, Khan gazed down at him intently.
"Like what?" he asked, arching an eye brow. Oh, he knew exactly what he was doing to make Jim react like that; it was why he was doing it in the first place.
"Like that! Like you're gonna eat me alive," Jim huffed out, his face flushed and his expression impatience and exasperated.
Khan, grinning mischievously, leaned down and whispered into his ear, "That's what I plan on doing."
Before Jim could even say another word, Khan was crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss. His hands roamed down the Captain's chest, nails scraping and scratching and clawing the skin beneath his finger tips. Jim gasped and withered and arched up into his touch and Khan moved his lips from that delicious mouth to his neck. As he bit down on his neck, Khan's hands trailed down to Jim's hips and pinned them down to keep Jim from arching up. An impatient groan escaped the smaller man's lips which turned into a loud moan when one of Khan's hands wrapped around his throbbing cock. Teasingly, with a grin on his face, he stroked Jim's erection up and down with feather light touches.
"John," Jim whined. "You're a damn tease."
In response, Khan removed his hand from Jim's cock and moved to his pucker. He circled his entrance lightly with one finger before he entered. Jim was, surprisingly, tight around his finger. Odd for a man who was renowned for being very promiscuous, but Khan didn't linger on that thought for too long. Hearing Jim's gasp of surprise at the sudden intrusion made Khan's cock twitch in anticipation of what was to come and he quickly inserted a second finger into that tight heat. Without even a thought to the fact that he was going in dry, Khan began to scissor Jim, stretching him and enjoying how tight and hot he was and the sounds that he emitted.
"Oh, God…" Jim moaned and thrust his hips up to meet Khan's fingers.
"Not God, but close," Khan teased, unable to keep the smirk off of his face.
When he added a third finger and began thrusting in and out of him hard and fast, hitting Jim's prostate with every thrust. The gasps and moans he received in response were delightful and he couldn't wait any longer. Removing his fingers, Khan positioned his aching cock at Jim's entrance. He knew that it would hurt without any lube to ease his way in, but he didn't care. And, judging by how lost Jim seemed, the Captain didn't care either. Leaning down, he kissed Jim possessively as he entered him, moaning into the kiss as his cock was surrounded by that amazing tight heat that was James Tiberius Kirk. Feeling Jim arch up against his body, his cock rubbing deliciously against Khan's body, caused a surge of unadulterated lust and possessiveness to spread throughout him.
Khan barely paused to give Jim time to adjust to his large size before he was pulling in and out, thrusting hard and rough and fast and hitting the smaller man's prostate. It had been so long, too long, since he had felt so much heat and desire. A fire was burning within him, one that was different from the fire of rage and hatred that had been inside of him since he and his family were sentenced to drift forever in space only to be found and used by a Starfleet Admiral for his own dirty schemes. Wrapping a hand around Jim's penis, Khan stroked him roughly, his thumb brushing over the weeping tip, as he pounded into the delicious body beneath him. And oh, how delicious a sight it was, seeing the man beneath him shudder and moan in lust and need, lust and need for Khan and his cock.
"J-John," Jim moaned, one hand tangled in Khan's dark hair while the one clawed into the skin on his back. It sent waves of pleasure all throughout the super human's body and made him thrust harder and faster. Although he shouldn't have been, Khan was a bit angry that Jim hadn't moaned his real name. Granted, the Captain didn't know his real name, no one aside from Marcus, his men, and Khan's own crew, but that didn't mean that he was happy about Jim moaning a name that was not his own.
In the haze of lust, desire, and Jim's body, Khan lost himself. He growled as he pounded into the smaller man's body and stroked his cock. Through the haze, he could feel his stomach tightening and coiling as the fire began to overwhelm him. Jim's body tightened around him and he arched up as he came all over Khan's hand and his own stomach, moaning like a wanton whore and holding onto him for dear life. Seeing Jim cum, feeling his body tighten around his cock, and hearing his moan of pleasure, was all it took for Khan. With one final hard thrust, Khan emptied his seed into Jim's body, growling like an alpha claiming his mate. In a way, maybe he was. Khan knew for certain that he wouldn't have followed Jim home if he didn't like him at least somewhat.
Gasping and panting, Jim's body lay limp beneath Khan's own. Bending down, Khan kissed him passionately, his tongue fighting and winning dominance over Jim's own tongue. Reluctantly, he pulled out of the warmth that was the Captain's body and rolled off of him. Jim rolled over on his side and looked at him, his expression bewildered and yet completely satisfied. Knowing that he was the one who placed such an expression on Jim's face made Khan feel smug and proud.
"That," Jim said breathlessly, "was the best sex I've had in a while."
"I told you that I wasn't God, but close enough," Khan said, smirking at him. Jim grinned and moved closer to him.
"So. Ready for round two?"
Every time Jim was on leave or every time he returned home – and he used that term loosely because, honestly, the Enterprise felt more like home than home did – he would go to the same bar where he met John. And if John was able to, he would turn up. They would talk, drink, and then go back to Jim's for one hell of a good time, and by good time, Jim meant incredible sex. The best, as a matter of fact, that he's ever had. If John didn't show up, then no harm, no foul. After all, they weren't in a relationship and Jim wasn't getting attached to the guy, so it wasn't as though the numerous times John didn't turn up were anything major.
Besides, it's not like Jim couldn't find someone else to go home with or to take home. There were plenty of hot girls and guys in San Fran who often caught his eye whenever he was lonely and John-less. But sex with them wasn't nearly as good as sex with John was and after a while, Jim stopped trying to pick up anyone else who wasn't John. That wasn't because he was in love or anything. James Tiberius Kirk did not fall in love. His ship and his crew were everything to him. They were his family. Why would he need or even want someone else when he had everything that he already needed? Sure, sex was a must have for him, but if he had to choose between his ship and crew and sex, he would probably choose the former no matter how mind blowing the sex was.
However, on the nights that John did show up, Jim couldn't deny the electricity between them. Every time he looked into those bright blue eyes, Jim's breath hitched on its own and he felt as though he were drowning. And every time they touched, it was different from anything he had ever experienced. Yes, he's had a lot of sex and yes, he's been with a lot of attractive people, men and women alike. But John was different. There was something about him that radiated power and strength and something else that Jim couldn't quite put a finger on it. Whatever it was though, he liked it and he couldn't get enough.
Weeks passed. Then months. And Jim's relationship with John, if he could call whatever they had a relationship, continued just the way it had been. John would either show up at the bar, already be there, or not show up at all and Jim would pretend that it never bothered him. John's not showing up, that it. So it surprised him when John appeared at his door one night while he was on leave, having opted out of going to the bar. Naturally, he let him inside and one thing lead to another and before Jim knew it, he was being thrown onto his bed and fucked senseless.
He was panting and sweaty afterwards and Jim found himself grinning like a fool. They always had the best sex whenever John was angry or frustrated about one thing or another. While Jim knew almost nothing about John except that he worked with Star Fleet – although what he did was never mentioned and Jim had never asked – he understood needing to vent. And what better way to do that than to have mind blowing sex? Apparently, the sex that night wasn't enough to take John's mind off of things.
"Have you ever considered the possibility of relocating?" John asked him suddenly and unexpectedly. The question stunned Jim for a moment. Why would he relocate? Star Fleet Head Quarters was stationed in San Francisco, so why would he move? And why would John even ask a question like that?
"No," Jim responded slowly after a minute. "No, I haven't. Why?"
There was silence for the longest time and Jim thought that John wasn't even going to answer. Depending on his mood, the man would probably be sarcastic with his reply, answer it outright, or not even bother answering at all. If Jim were being honest with himself, and let's face it, he seldom was, that was one of the qualities that he liked most about John. But that didn't distract him from the question the other man had asked him, which still confounded Jim to no end. After all, John wouldn't be suggesting…moving in together, would he? No, he couldn't be; he wasn't like that, that much Jim was sure of. It was too soon and all they shared really was sex, so why even bother?
"It doesn't matter, I suppose," John said eventually and more to himself than to Jim. He turned his head and looked at Jim, who met his gaze head on. There were so many conflicting emotions in those bright blue eyes. Anger. Hatred. Sadness. Desperation. Longing. So many emotions…
But Jim had little time to dwell on them. Before he could blink, John had rolled on top of him and was kissing him as though the world was ending all around them. While he was startled by the sudden movement, he went along with it anyway. As long as the sex was still good, everything else was okay, right?
His plan hadn't gone well at all. No, not one bit. Khan's family were still in Marcus' clutches, only now, they were inside the torpedoes. If he didn't do something, anything, Marcus could use those torpedoes and kill each member of his family. Stupid. He had been so stupid to even contemplate that his plan would work. But he had been desperate and he had made foolish errors and mistakes.
And now, he was still the only one awake and free. Free from Marcus, free to plot and plan and scheme.
But that knowledge did little to calm his nerves and quell the rage that threatened to reveal itself at any given moment. With his heart pounding in his chest, Khan made his way throughout the city, a plan already begin to form in his advanced mind. Whatever Marcus planned to do with the photon torpedoes that held his crew, there would surely be some sort of plan, an outline if only a vague one, written on paper. It might not even be related to the torpedoes but, if Khan knew Marcus, there would be something. He would have to make a trip to London if that were the case.
Section 31 would be where he would find everything he'd need. A smirk, void of any humor, spread across Khan's face. His plan was already fully formed and he was ready to carry it out now, even though it would mean that he would have to leave his crew in Marcus' hands for the time being.
For some odd reason, Kirk's face came to his mind and caused the tiniest pang of guilt to stab at his heart. Ever since their fateful meeting at the bar, he had gotten closer to Kirk, a fact that he both enjoyed and loathed. It was nice to have a warm body to fuck and sleep next to when he needed and wanted it, but Khan didn't need any more distractions, not when his family was in jeopardy. However, that hadn't stopped Khan from entertaining the notion that Kirk was now his. The thought had been circulating in his mind for a few weeks now and he hadn't bothered to push it away.
Until now, that is.
But even now, Khan still regarded Kirk as his, even though he had told himself repeatedly that his family was and would forever be his top priority. And why should he feel attached to Kirk anyway? Why would he feel anything for Kirk period? Kirk was not superior or advanced in anyway like Khan was. And although he was easy on the eyes and easy enough to get along with, he wasn't above average. He certainly couldn't hold a candle to Khan. So why was it that Khan felt so attached to the man?
Because he had a conscience, Khan's mind answered for him. Because he cares and loves his crew just as much as Khan loved his. And, regardless of if Khan wanted to acknowledge it or not, they had much in common. They were both considered outcasts; they were both treated with contempt and, at times, hate; they both had to fight to where they got to; and they both cared for their crew above all others. Perhaps it would've been a good idea to bring Kirk with him.
That thought made Khan stop dead in his tracks.
No, he wasn't going to bring Kirk along, even though he had asked him if he'd be willing to join Khan the last and final time they had slept together. Kirk would end up getting killed or captured by Marcus and Khan didn't know what he'd do if Marcus took someone else who was precious to him. And Kirk would never leave his ship or his crew, not for all of the money in the world and certainly not for Khan, who owned absolutely nothing, not even the clothes on his back. In the end, Kirk was better believing that Khan had ditched him at long last and that they'd never meet again.
With that thought in mind, Khan pushed Kirk out of his mind, or as far as he would go, anyway, and focused on getting his family back and killing Marcus in the process.
Jim had been feeling pretty shitty even before the meeting of all of Starfleet command. His ship and crew had been taken away from him, he was a First Officer, Spock had been a total bastard with his damn Vulcan honesty bullshit, and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about John. The last time he had seen him had been before he left on the Enterprise for their mission to Nibiru. He hadn't seen him since and after his meeting in Pike's office, Jim could've used John's strong hands and body, he could've used listening to the deep baritone voice that never failed to send shivers all over his body.
But he hadn't seen or heard from him since their last time together, and as it had been a while, Jim had a feeling that John had terminated their relationship, if that's even what it was. He didn't know why, but that made him feel as damaged as a broken record player; it made him feel useless, worthless, and lower than dirt. Jim had let people down his entire life; his mother, his brother, Bones, Pike… Most of the time, it had been because he was a selfish brat. In Starfleet, it had been because he thought he had been doing the right thing. No matter what his intentions were, he always let the people he cared about most down. And now, he had let John down or had disappointed him, which made him feel especially worse because sex had been the one thing Jim had always excelled in.
It wasn't just that though; it wasn't just John's sudden disappearance that had Jim so upset and on edge and it wasn't the fact that he had lost everything he had held dear.
While on their mission to survey Nibiru, Jim had been feeling strange. His entire body had ached; his back was giving him issues, his nipples were always tender and sore, and his stomach had been churning and toiling, often resulting in him throwing up. Of course, he never told Bones. Why would he? Aside from hating physicals and disliking how Bones prodded him with hypos and anything and everything under the sun, Jim didn't want to worry his already stressed out friend even more. So, he waited until they were planet side to see what was wrong. When he found out, he nearly fainted; actually, he did collapse on his bathroom floor, but he had been conscious and staring dumbfoundedly at the positive pregnancy test.
Jim had always know that he was different, that he was abnormal, and now he had proof. He was pregnant with John's child, a man he hardly knew and had yet fallen in love with regardless. Needless to say, his emotions were entire out of sync and everything that had happened to him after that only made everything ten times worse.
Getting his ass chewed out by Pike and then being told that he was no longer Captain was like a slap to the face. Feeling as though there was a hole in his chest because the guy he had been sleeping with had up and left was like being stabbed in the eye with a hot poker. Even Pike telling Jim that he was the Enterprise's First Officer hardly lifted his spirits. Running into Spock and having that whole argument – if it could even be called an argument; Lord knew that Vulcans never yelled or raised their voices – had made Jim want to crawl into a ditch on the side of the road and die. For the first time in his life, Jim wanted nothing more than to cry like a bitch and yell and scream in frustration and hurt and anger and despair.
Seeing John's face on the screen, hearing Admiral Marcus talk about him, was making Jim's heart pound incredibly fast and loud. His palms were sweaty, his face was sweaty, and his chest and rising and falling with every heave. It didn't help that he had thrown up earlier that day or that he felt like puking his guts out again. And it certainly didn't help knowing that he was pregnant with a terrorist's child. Everything was starting to blur and Jim wanted nothing more than to get up and leave.
"You okay, son?" Pike asked him, his voice thick with concern. And a sharp sting of guilt struck Jim in his chest. He didn't deserve Pike's concern; he didn't deserve the man as a father; he didn't deserve much of anything.
Before he could answer, the loud sound of a jumpship resounded throughout the room and Jim barely had time to duck before everyone in the room was being fired upon. As he ducked and covered, his thoughts turned to John and how the man was smart enough to know that his attack on the London Public Archives would bring all of Starfleet's senior command together at HQ.
Suddenly, a raw, unadulterated rage surged through him. John had left him high and dry without an explanation or a care in the world. Not only that, but he had gotten Jim pregnant, which Jim didn't even want to think about right then and there. And he had attacked and killed innocent men and women, and he was doing the same thing right now. John Harrison was a monster and Jim was going to stop him.
Without even thinking, he retrieved a gun off of the floor and ran to a spot where he could clearly see the side of the jumpship. He opened fired on the vessel, angry and seething and wanting to hurt John as much as he had hurt Jim. But it wasn't working. His shots weren't diverting John's attention away from the Captains and First Officers who had done nothing worthy of death by the hands of a criminal.
Grabbing a hose from a supply cabinet, Jim wrapped it around his gun and threw it into the jumpship. It didn't have the affect he thought it would and he growled in frustration and helplessness. Then, the entire cabinet was torn from its confines and managed to blow up the jumpship.
The last thing Jim saw before John disappeared were those bright, blue eyes glaring at him, causing shivers to crawl down his spine and creating a yearning for those strong hands and soft lips.
"Jim, this is unwise," Spock tells him as they make their way to the Enterprise. Admiral Marcus had given him permission to hunt down and kill the criminal, John Harrison, and Jim was only too happy to do so.
How dare that man be so damn attractive? How dare he be so amazing in bed? How dare he make Jim like him, want him, need him? How dare he just disappear off the face of the earth? How dare he get Jim pregnant? How dare he kill those people at Section 31? And how dare he murder in cold blood the only man Jim had ever called father?
There was no forgiving all that John had done. There was no forgiving the murder of unarmed people or the murder of Christopher Pike. Even if John had a good reason, Jim didn't want to hear it. He didn't want anything more to do with the man aside from being the one to kill the son of a bitch. And since Admiral Marcus had given his blessing, that was exactly what Jim was going to do. John deserved death and then some, in Jim's opinion.
"The Admiral gave us orders, Spock," Jim said. "What else do you want me to do?"
"I do not condone what Harrison has done, however that does not exempt him from the right to a trial," Spock persists and it's seriously getting on Jim's nerves.
"He killed people, Spock. He killed Pike," Jim said and feels as though he can't stress that enough. Does Spock understand? Would he ever understand? Of course, it wasn't just about Pike or all of the people who had died at John's hands. It was also about the fact that he had broken Jim down and left him with a baby, a baby that would be half Jim and half John. And that frightened Jim to no end.
"Be that as it may, according to Starfleet regulations, a war criminal has the right to a trial," Spock argued.
"Didn't you hear Marcus? We aren't following Starfleet regulations," Jim retorts, getting angrier by the minute. "The matter's closed, Spock. End of discussion."
Spock opens his mouth to reply, but Jim shoots him a look that shuts him up for the moment. Good. The last thing Jim wanted or needed was for his conscience to come bubbling to the surface. If Spock wasn't bad enough, Bones was even worse, with his damn probing and trying to take Jim's vitals. Fear spiked through him and he made Bones back down. He was fine, his stomach may have been upset, but he was pregnant after all, and more importantly, he didn't want anyone to know that he was pregnant with John Harrison's child. That would not have been good, not at all. Lord only knew what would happen if anyone found out he was carrying John's child.
The whole episode with Scotty was frustrating and upsetting. Scotty was one of the ones Jim could always count on and was a close friend. He was a genius and could do anything in the engineering department. Having him resign and then accepting it – accepting it! Why had Jim done that in the first place?! Where torpedoes worth more than his friend? – was like a punch to the gut. If only. And although it felt kind of nice to talk to Uhura, however briefly that had been, it hadn't been enough to relieve all of the pressure and anxiety and overall shitty mood that had been plaguing him since John disappeared like dust in the wind.
And even though he had told himself that he wasn't going to let his conscience get to him, Jim could already feel the doubt and hesitation begin to set in. Actually, he had felt apprehensive about using the torpedoes from the start, but anger and hatred and pain had had a firm grasp on him and still did. Perhaps he would use the torpedoes; perhaps he wouldn't. But as he started his broadcast, Jim realized that even as devastated as he felt right then and there, he wasn't going to use the torpedoes. Spock, naturally, had been right: John had the right to a trial, even though he was guilty as hell. And as much as Jim hated to admit it, especially now, especially with Pike dead, he still had feelings for John and the thought of killing him hurt him more than being stood up and left behind.
"You have made a wise choice, Captain," Spock told him. "I would be happy to volunteer to accompany you to Kronos."
His words almost made Jim want to laugh, but all he managed was a weak, vague chuckle. Any other time, he would've teased his First Officer more about it, but all he could muster was, "You? Happy?"
"I was merely using the term to convey an idea," Spock replied smoothly and Jim found him strangely comforting. While he knew that Spock would be quite emotional – and strong and violent at the same time – it was nice to know that the Vulcan was still the same even through all of the bullshit they had gone through the past couple of days.
"I'm sure you were," Jim said more to himself than to Spock as he stood up from his Captain's chair.
It was chaos all around him. Klingons seemed to be coming from all around him. Jim had been separated from Spock and Uhura and he had no idea if they were hurt or worse. He fought off as many Klingons as he could, but they were stronger than he was, faster, and he had to keep his guard up constantly. Not just to protect himself, but to also protect the baby growing inside of him. Although he kept getting the crap beat out of him, he managed to protect his stomach at least. But there were still too many Klingons for him to fight and he was fast losing.
With his face planted in the dirt, Jim thought for sure that this would be the end of him. He would die on Kronos, beat to death by a Klingon, and he would take his unborn child with him. Jim would never be able to avenge the death of the only father he had ever known and of a relationship that had barely even begun. Maybe this was his punishment for being such a dick for so long. Maybe it was a sign that he shouldn't have tried to live up to George Kirk's name.
But then, the Klingon beating him suddenly stopped. Looking up, Jim saw that the upper half of the Klingon was missing, his skin scorched and burned and still red. The sound of footsteps falling hard onto the ground caught his attention and he saw a hooded, masked man fight off three Klingons dead ahead of him. Jim watched as the figure moved, graceful and deadly and familiar. It was John, he realized. John was the one who had killed that Klingon that had been beating the shit out of him and he was the one who was taking so many out with just his bare hands. Watching him was terrifying and awe-inspiring and Jim hoped that he'd never be on the receiving end of John's fist in the near future.
John's bright blue eyes met with Jim's and he pulled his mask down, revealing his face. He looked startled and angry and menacing, and Jim felt his entire body tingle in anticipation. Great. The last thing he needed then and there was a hard on. But he had no time to think about that anymore because John was heading straight towards him, muscular and imposing and handsome beyond belief. Jim's heart was racing and his throat was dry. Without even realizing it, he licked his lips and his fingers tingled and itched to reach out and touch the man he had been sleeping with for almost a year. However, given the look in John's eyes – it seemed as though he got Sulu's message – Jim refrained from reaching out and touching him. Instead, he braced himself for another beating, only this time it'd be at the hands of his former lover.
What he got surprised the living daylights out of him.
John grabbed him by his jacket, slammed him up against the wall, and kissed him with a passion and ferocity that had Jim moaning into his mouth and kissing him back with just as much fervor. God, he had missed this. He had missed kissing John, touching him, inhaling his scent, being dominated by him. They kiss as though it'll be the last time they do so, and it probably will. Because as much as Jim has missed this, missed them, missed John, part of him can't help but think that what they were doing was wrong. After all, John had killed a lot of people, Pike being one of them, and Jim shouldn't want and desire to kiss him, to hold him, or to be fucked by him. And yet, it felt so right being with the man, just as it had all those other times.
When John pulled away, Jim gasped and found himself clinging to the larger man. His body shook and he found himself wanting to laugh and cry and rip things apart all at once.
"I…have missed that," he said between pants. John didn't say anything; he merely gave Jim a small smirk. And that was when Jim threw the first punch.
Another one came after that, and then another. Even though John's face felt hard as rock and didn't move, which was weird because Jim's punches weren't weak, he still kept at it. Both of his hands and arms hurt from constantly punching John's perfect, handsome face, but he didn't give a shit. It made him feel better, a lot better, and although John looked completely fine, Jim hoped that he understood why he was so damn pissed. Only when Uhura grabbed his arm did he realize that she had been yelling at him for minutes to stop. He did cease when he grabbed him, if only to avoid accidently hurting her in the process.
"Captain, stop it!"Uhura yelled at him. "He surrendered." Jim glared at John, who was gazing at him mockingly.
"Captain," he said, his tone mocking and his eyes laughing at Jim. Wonderful. Nice to know that he was carrying the child of a man who thought he was a joke. Jim, heaving and sweating and feeling as though he was about to spill his guts all over the ground, gazed coolly at John and straightened up as best as he could.
"In the name of Christopher Pike, my friend and father, I accept your surrender," Jim said, his voice thick with emotion. He was surprised he didn't burst into tears. God, he hated being pregnant!
Staring at John, Jim felt so many emotions surge through him. Anger. Hatred. Sorrow. Despair. Loneliness. Hope. Love… There was so much that he wanted to say, so much that he thought needed to be said, but he couldn't force the words out. Even if he could find the words, he wouldn't say them in front of Spock and Uhura. They had no idea that Jim and John had been together, had slept together numerous times. And they, along with everyone else out in the universe, had absolutely no idea that Jim was pregnant. And that was how it was going to stay. Because Jim loved his crew too much to put them through that kind of turmoil if anyone found out.
"Cuff him," Jim said to Spock before he began to make his way back to their shuttle.
Now that he had kissed John and punched the crap out of him – as much as his arms could, anyway – Jim felt incredibly numb. All of the anger and hatred and pain and fear he had left had left him with each and every punch he threw. Instead, he felt very numb, raw and exposed at the same time, but numb nonetheless. And tired, very tired.
"Spock, give us a minute," Jim said, facing dead ahead, not wanting his First Officer to see him so angry and upset. Spock reluctantly left the brig, leaving Jim alone with John.
What he was about to do was probably a very bad idea. No. No, it was definitely a bad idea, but Jim didn't care. He wanted to know why John left, he wanted to know if he had been planning on killing all those people all along even as they shared a bed, and he wanted to tell John about the baby, their baby. The baby that John would never get to see or know because, more than likely, he'd be sentenced to life imprisonment for what he had done. Taking a deep, steadying breath that didn't help him anyway, Jim turned around and stalked towards John's cell.
"Why did you leave so suddenly?" he asked, hoping that he sounded more angry than hurt. How he faired, he didn't know, but when those blue eyes penetrated him right now to his very core, he felt as though John could everything he wanted to hide.
"I had to leave. There was something I needed to do, and when that failed, I had no other choice but to do what I did," John replied.
"And what was it that you needed to do, exactly?" Jim said, trying and failing to understand the man who had been on the forefront of his mind ever since he first met him in the bar.
John didn't say anything for a minute. Instead, he gazed past Jim with a far off look on his face, thinking. Jim recognized that look; the other man wore it often enough that when he would lay beside Jim in bed after sex. Whether he realized that Jim had been watching him or not, John almost always had that look on his face. It was as relaxed as he got, and it really wasn't all that relaxed.
"Did you not find it odd that I didn't even flinch when you punched me?" John asked him after a long moment of silent.
"Yeah, I did. You looked like I hadn't even hit you at all," Jim said.
"That is because I am nothing like you," John said, returning to the present and leveling Jim with the coldest look he had ever received. That look caused unpleasant shivers to crawl down Jim's spine and he thought, for a brief moment, that John might just kill him. "I am stronger. Smart. Better."
"Cocky much?" Jim asked, unable to stop himself. A cold, humorless smirk spread across John's face.
"I'm only being truthful. I am an ancient warrior from long ago," John replied. "I was engineered along with others to be superior to average human beings in every single way. I am stronger, faster, smarter…"
"Better," Jim finished for him, taking it all in stride and letting it sink in.
"My crew and I were hunted and convicted as war criminal, sentenced to death. We escaped, frozen forever in time, while our ship drifted along. It wasn't until the destruction of Vulcan that we were found," John explained to him. "Admiral Marcus and his crew happened upon my ship. I was the only one they revived."
"I didn't read that in any report," Jim said cautiously, unsure if he could believe John or not. Part of him wanted to, but another part of him told him that it could very well be a trick.
"That's because there was no report. Marcus didn't want anyone to know about me or my crew. After careful observation, he thought it would be best to put my talents to use and quickly created a new identity for me while I labored tirelessly on weapons and ships for his cause," John said, stepping closer to the barrier that separated the two of them.
"New identity? What, is John Harrison a cover? And Marcus doesn't have a cause. At least, not one that I'm aware of," Jim asked, trying to make sense of everything he had been told.
"John Harrison is the name I was given. My real name is Khan," John answered him, his eyes flashing with emotions that Jim had seen on his own face not too long ago: anger, resentment, hatred, sadness… "And Marcus isn't a fool; he knows better than to express his desire for war."
"War? Woah, woah, woah. What war? With who?" Jim demanded. John – no, Khan – smirked at him.
"Oh, come on, Captain. Is there no one whom the Federation is on thin ice with?" Khan asked.
"Well…there's the Klingons, but…" One look at Khan was all it took for Jim. There were no 'buts', not anymore. "Why would Marcus want war with the Klingons?"
"Why would anyone want war?" Khan retorted. "In order to give him an advantage, Marcus used my mind and my savagery to create weapons that would help him win a war. I would have refused, but he had the upper hand."
"Marcus had the upper hand? Over you?" Jim said, sounding skeptical. "I've seen you fight. You could easily take on Marcus."
"And if I had, he would have killed my family," Khan replied. For a brief moment, he looked conflicted and lost, but he soon regained control over his expression and returned to the cool, calculating look that was almost always on his face. "While he revived me, he kept my crew, my family, away from me to ensure my cooperation. While I was designing the photon torpedoes – the same ones that are on your ship right now – I decided to hide my crew within them and smuggle them to safety. My plans were thwarted and my crew, I believed, had been killed by Marcus as a result of my rebellion."
"That's why you asked me if I would ever consider relocating," Jim said more to himself than to Khan.
"I had had no desire to find you so likeable, so intriguing, and yet you continued to surprise me and still do," Khan told him. "You, unlike so many others in Starfleet, have a conscience and a heart. Like me, your crew is your family and you would do anything for them. You've told me no less during our time together."
Jim remembered. On the few nights when they hadn't had sex and when Khan had slept over, Jim had told him about his crew. He told him about Bones and his days at the Academy. He told him about the Kobayashi Maru and Spock and how they had become friends even though Spock made that difficult at times. He told him about Uhura and Scotty and Sulu and Chekov. All the while he had thought that his words had gone in one ear and out the other. Apparently, he had been wrong.
"I had hoped that you might become part of my family. While you may not be like us, you are like us. You lack our strength, our speed, our savagery, our endurance, our intellect, but you are like us in that you have strong ties to your family. You are loyal and protective of the ones you hold most dear and you have sacrificed your life for them countless times. In that aspect, we are exactly alike," Khan continued. "That is why I asked you, in not so many words, to come with me. You didn't. So I went to retrieve my crew on my own."
"If you would've told me about all of this before, I would've helped you. We could've revealed Marcus to Starfleet and you wouldn't have had to kill those people," Jim said.
"Marcus would not have allowed it to go that far. He would have killed you and anyone who would've helped us. Even if we had managed to tell someone, who would have believed that a Starfleet admiral would do such a thing?" Khan retorted. He made sense, although Jim was reluctant to admit it. "Alexander Marcus is resourceful and cunning, which is why I was unable to smuggle my crew away to safety. And I had every right to believe that he had killed my crew, my family. Why would he have kept them alive?"
When Jim didn't say anything, Khan continued.
"He gave you those torpedoes, hoping to kill me and my crew while drawing attention to your crippled ship, thus causing the war he had always desired," Khan said.
"That doesn't excuse what you did. You murdered unarmed officers and killed innocent people, Khan," Jim said, anger beginning to flare up inside of him once more.
"And while I did so, I believed with every fiber of my being that my family had been murdered in cold blood while they slept peacefully, unable to defend themselves," Khan snarled, nostrils flaring and eyes narrowed dangerously while he glared at Jim. "I wanted him to feel the same pain that I felt. I wanted him to know that I would not bow down to him and that I would hunt him down like a dog for what he did to my family."
"So you killing those people was a last minute decision? You had never planned on killing all of those officers?" Jim asked, needing to know. Khan stepped even closer, his eyes never leaving Jim's.
"Believe me, Jim, if I had wanted to kill them from the moment I woke up, I would have," he said, his eyes boring into Jim's. The sincerity and truth behind them was enough to make the younger man's blood run cold.
"One of those men who died in your attack was Christopher Pike. He was the one who convinced me to join Starfleet," Jim told him, his voice thick with heartache and regret and anger. "He was my friend and the only father I had ever known. He was part of my family."
Khan gazed into his eyes and for the first time Jim wondered just how well the other man could control his expressions and emotions. He looked fine, as though Pike's death was nothing to him. Perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps he had never even cared about Jim. It was possible; after all, it was just sex between them wasn't it? Wasn't it?
But when he spoke, Khan's voice was heavy with regret and a familiar sadness. The same sadness that Jim had heard whenever he had talked about his family. Maybe, one that one subject, they would be perfectly matched.
"I do not regret what I did. But I am sorry for killing one of your family, Jim," Khan said gently.
"You took aim and personally fired upon every single person in that room," Jim said softly, almost choking on his words. Khan nodded once.
"Yes, I did. Had I known that Pike was part of your family, I would have spared him," he responded.
Jim didn't know what came over him then. Whether it was his gut telling him to do so or just a random urge, something inside of him told him to tell Khan about their baby. A small part of his brain was screaming at him not to do so. Doing so would only make matters worse. If Khan knew that Jim was carrying his child, what would stop him from killing Jim when he (if he) reached full term and taking the baby, going off to who knows where. Of course, Khan could kill him and the baby long before then. Or maybe he would let Jim give birth and hold their child before snapping his neck like a twig. Regardless of the various outcomes that could occur, Jim found himself opening his mouth and speaking before his brain could tell him to shut the fuck up.
"I'm pregnant," he said, sounding more sure than he felt. "Just found out about it."
His heart was pounding and he felt as though he were going to be sick. But his eyes never left Khan's even though all he wanted to do was run away and hide, maybe even crawl in a ditch and die. With bated breath, he waited for Khan to say something, anything, all the while thinking about what a major dumbass he was.
With his superior intelligence and keen eyes, Khan had noticed that something was off with Jim. On Kronos, he had seen Jim fight and defend against the Klingons, being extra careful that his stomach was guarded and that no punches or kicks were landed there. His face was pale and he was sweaty and it looked as though he were exhausted, but Khan had pushed those things out of his mind.
But now it all made perfect sense. Of course Jim would pale and sweaty and sore and tired. And he had been guarding his stomach in order to protect the child growing inside of him. The child that Khan's seed had planted within the Captain. Their child. A combination of Khan and Jim, of superiority and flawed humanity. Half Jim, half Khan.
Jim would be having a baby.
Khan was a father.
He had never before thought that he would be a father. While male pregnancy was not uncommon, it was still rare. Only a few gene pools in this time were able to have men bear children. Thanks to the advanced medical and scientific procedures, the survival rate for male pregnancies has doubled since Khan's time, with over fifty-three percent of men and infants surviving the procedures. Almost seventy-two percent of infants make it to full term and miscarriages and still births had decreased to only nine percent. Carry a baby to full term for a man was no longer the subject of too much worry and stress.
Jim was not the average man, however. He was reckless, stubborn, over-confident, and prone to fighting, all of which seemed to be magnified whether due to genetics or because of his upbringing. Even when he was careful, trouble always seemed to find Jim Kirk and it didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. A sudden wave of fierce protectiveness enveloped Khan and he wanted nothing more than to pull Jim in close and keep him away from the outside world. All of his instincts were screaming at him that he had to protect what was his, and there was no denying that Jim was his now just as the baby was his. They were both his; his and his alone. If anyone got in his way, if anyone dared to threaten or harm them, Khan would make them pay dearly. After hours of brutal agony and torture they would meet a grizzly end.
He had never experienced such strong feelings before. Yes, Khan was protective of his crew, the people who had become his family, but this…this was new. Different. But not unwanted or undesired. His basic instincts were kicking in all over again, only this time instead of being preoccupied with family, they were all about taking care of his mate and offspring. Khan didn't feel overwhelmed or insecure or anything like that. Being a superior being, he knew he could protect and provide for Jim and the baby. The only thing he had to worry about was other people, and they could be easily dealt with.
But first things first: he needed to get his family to a safe place. Then and only then could be take Jim and the baby away from the monstrous atrocity of Starfleet. Then and only then could he keep them safe. Whatever he thought before or felt before went out the window the moment his inner warrior demanded that he claim and take care of what was his. It was his right and his obligation and he would do it because he wanted to.
Meeting Jim's gaze steadily, determinedly, Khan said, "Come with me."
Jim blinked at him, his eyes wide, surprise and confusion clearly etched on his face.
"What?" he asked, his voice soft, obviously disbelieving that Khan had made such a request. It shouldn't have seemed too odd or out of place; Jim was, after all, carrying his child. They were mates now. They had created new life together. And they would raise their child together.
"Come with me," Khan repeated. "After I reclaim my crew. Once we find a somewhere where we can call home and they're safe, come with me. With my crew revived, finding suitable living arrangements won't be difficult. They're all genetically engineered much like myself."
"Wait. You…You actually want me, an inferior being, to come with you and your crew of super humans once you find a place to live?" Jim said. Khan nodded, his eyes never leaving Jim's face. The younger man looked away, deep in thought, weighing out the options. When he had made up his mind, he turned and looked back at him.
Khan blinked. Once. Twice. Had he heard correctly? Surely, Jim did not just say no. That would be absurd. Why would he say no? After all, he was carrying Khan's child. They had proven to be sexually compatible in each and every way, and they were more alike than they were different. What differences they did have were of no fault of Jim's; it wasn't his fault that he had not been created to be superior as Khan had been. And he had to have known that Khan was strong and resourceful enough to take care of him and the baby. While Khan had done many horrible things, they were not without reason and therefore not without the capability of being understood. Jim seemed to be trying to understand him on some level, so he had to have come to that conclusion himself.
"You are a monster. You killed the man I considered my father. You killed numerous people and you're going to kill again," Jim hissed, looking angry and upset and distraught all at once. "You left me behind without so much as a 'thanks for the fuck, see you later'. Why on earth would I want to be with you?"
Khan, meeting Jim's gaze head on, replied with, "Because you care about me even though you don't want to. And because you care about our child and somewhere deep down you want to give it the family you never had while growing up."
Jim looked like he wanted to murder Khan. He could try; he wouldn't succeed however. Both of them knew that. But behind the rage and hatred in the Captain's blue eyes, there was also hope, longing, an overwhelming sadness, and love. Khan could hardly be faulted for leaving Jim anyway; he had asked him to join him, had he not? It was Jim who said no and it's Jim who was saying no again. If Khan had wanted nothing more to do with him, he would've simply killed Jim a long time ago. He could kill him now if he wanted to, but he wouldn't because he didn't want to.
"The answer's still no," Jim seethed before he turned and left the brig, leaving Khan all alone yet again.
Jim was surprised he was holding up so damn well.
After storming out of the brig and making his way to the bridge, he was alerted by Sulu that there was another ship on its way to their location. Wondering what the hell was going on – was it Klingon or was it Marcus? – he tried and failed to push all thoughts of Khan out of his mind. Naturally, he failed. How could he not think about Khan when their conversation was still fresh inside his mind? How could he not think about Khan when the man had asked Jim to come with him? How could he not think about Khan when he was pregnant with his child?
It didn't help that Admiral Marcus had arrived and demanded that he hand Khan over. That hadn't been a pretty conversation either. Every time Marcus would even mention Khan's name, Jim would get riled up and feel defensive and protective. And there was no way in hell that he was going to give Khan to that madman. So, he told Sulu to get them the hell out of there. Which is exactly what the helmsman had done, until they were forced out of warp in order for Jim to hail Marcus and all but plead for the lives of his crew.
Marcus, however, hadn't planned on letting any of them live period. And Jim had felt as though he let his whole crew down. No, that wasn't quite right; he knew for a fact that he had let them all down. It was only by sheer luck and Scotty's brilliance that they weren't all dead now. But he needed to do something to get them out of trouble and the only way to do that would be if he got onto the Vengeance and arrested Marcus. That was the only way to ensure that his crew would survive and that Marcus would pay for his crimes.
And that's why he was marching down to the med bay with Spock hot on his heels. He had had Khan moved there and now, with a half baked plan formed in his mind, he was going to ask him for his help, which he deeply dreaded. Although, not as much as he dreaded Marcus murdering his entire crew. Spock, of course, was telling him how unwise his plan was, having figured it out right away, and his words were going in one ear and out the other. Jim knew that there really was no other way. Even if there was, he wouldn't know it. He wasn't Pike; he had no idea what he should do. All he knew was what he could do. Asking Khan for his help to get on board the Vengeance to stop Marcus was something that he could do. Letting Marcus kill his crew was another thing, but he wasn't going to even entertain that idea.
"Do not do this," Spock told him for the fifteenth time or so. "The likelihood of your plan succeeding is less than five point two percent. And should you succeed it is possible that Khan will kill both you and Engineer Scott before making it to the bridge."
"Spock," Jim began. "I this is all that I can do."
He turned to face the Vulcan. Spock now knew everything about Khan that Jim knew. With the exception of Jim's pregnancy, that is. And although he felt better with Spock knowing, he didn't want to hear about his misgivings about Khan. Yes, the super human could very well kill Jim, but the Captain doubted he would. After all, wouldn't he be dead already by now if that was what Khan truly wanted?
"Getting onto that ship and arresting Marcus is the only way to end this. Besides, you're a better Captain than I am," Jim admitted, at the end of his rope. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn't broken down by now. "If I fail, the crew will need you."
"Spock, not now," Jim said before he turned and left Spock alone.
Entering the med bay, he breezed past Bones, who looked worried and irritated and like he was about to pull out his hair, and made his way over to Khan. Standing in front of him, he waited until Khan looked up at him. His gaze was icy and unnerving and it struck Jim in his very core. He wanted that cold look to disappear; hell, he wanted nothing more than to take Khan up on his offer; but he couldn't. Not after what he had done to those people, to Pike… Oh, he wanted to; running away from all of this was very tempting at the moment, but he was the Captain and he couldn't run. His family needed him.
"I need your help," Jim said. Khan merely stared at him.
"Why would I help you?" he asked, eyes narrowing slightly.
"Because I can guarantee your crew's safety," Jim replied automatically. Because he doubted that Khan felt anything but anger and hatred for him now, what with having been rejected. Khan sneered at him, looking completely unfazed and unaffected.
"Oh, Captain, you can't even save your own crew. How could you save mine?" Khan's words were like a slap to the face, but Jim felt as though he deserved it.
"Jim? What're ya doin'?" Bones asked him, holding up his scanner as though he were about to scan the younger man. One look from Jim stopped the doctor before he could do so.
"Are you going to help me or not?" Jim asked, feeling more tired and drained than he had felt in a long time.
"Do you have a plan?" Khan asked him in turn.
"It's not much of one, but I got one," he confirmed.
"Does it involve the airlocks, by chance?"
"Actually, yes it does." That brought a small smirk to Khan's face, one that looked deadly and menacing. Jim had to fight tooth and claw not to wince.
"Great minds think alike," Khan said.
"What the hell are you gonna do, Jim?" Bones demanded. Without looking away from Khan's face, Jim answered him.
"We're gonna fly into outer space, Bones."
Everything had happened so fast, all through a rush of adrenaline and excitement.
Flying through the debris field had been an rough and hard and he liked it. Keeping track of Jim had been a bit tricky, given that the Captain had wandered far off the beaten path. He wouldn't deny that he had been concerned for Jim's safety – and their baby's safety – when that had happened, but he managed to get the younger man back on the intended path. When they made it through the airlock and landed hard on the floor, a brief spike of concern shot through him. But a second later, it dissipated when he realized that most of Jim had landed right on top of him.
He couldn't help but feel a rush of arousal and desire rise inside of him and he had wanted so badly to slam their mouths together and fuck like rabbits. However, the engineer was there and they had little time as it was, so he kept his hands to himself. At least, he had up until they had run into Marcus' crew. Having dispatched them quickly, Khan had purposefully left Jim and Scott behind, knowing that they would split up. And when they did, he made his move.
With adrenaline and lust flowing throughout his entire body, Khan cornered Jim and silenced him with a hard, bruising kiss. At first, Jim had tried to fight him off, but they both knew that his efforts were futile. He could deny it as much as he liked, but the fact remained the same: Jim was still attracted to Khan, he still had feelings for him, feelings that were returned in equal measure. If they hadn't been, Khan would've killed the man already. But he hadn't.
Wasting no time, he pushed Jim up against the nearest wall and shoved his pants down, wanting to touch Jim all over but knowing that there was absolutely no time to. Pulling himself free from his own confines, Khan buried himself deep inside of Jim, swallowing his scream with another fierce kiss as he did so.
Their pace was hard and rough and quick. They had no time for this and yet they were doing it anyway. At any minute, Engineer Scott could find them and see them as they were: fucking like cats in heat. The engineer wasn't the only one they needed to be concerned with; Marcus would still have a few men on the bridge with him and given as how the USS Vengeance could be control by one man, the admiral could very well send them to search for the intruders. As much as Khan wanted to take his time with Jim, to make him beg for his cock and his seed, he couldn't. Too much was a stake.
They both came hard and fast. Had Jim not been held by Khan, he would've collapsed onto the floor. It didn't take Khan long to recover, but Jim would be sore and out of breath for a little while longer. With diligent hands, Khan pulled Jim's boxers and pants up and buttoned and zipped them before he did the same with his own. He had just stepped away from Jim when the engineer came back.
"Wha d'you think yer doin'? We got t' go!" he yelled at them. Khan came to the conclusion that the Scotsman was used to exaggeration and shouting.
"Give me a moment, Scotty. I'm not feeling well," Jim said and Scotty seemed to realize that something was wrong because he straightened up and looked from Jim, to Khan, and back again.
"All righ', but don' take all day now," he said and left the corridor, leaving the two of them alone. Khan turned to Jim, who looked even worse for wear than he had before. He was pale, sweaty, and was barely able to stand on his own two feet. And that had nothing to do with what they had just done. The stress he was going through was making the pregnancy even more difficult and if Jim wasn't careful, he could miscarry the baby.
"Come with me," Khan said, hating how he sounded almost as though he were pleading. He wasn't quite there yet. But if Jim didn't go with him, then Khan couldn't keep an eye on him and the baby. As knowledgeable as the medical officers on board the Enterprise were, they didn't have the abilities that Khan's blood had. If the baby or Jim or both died, he could bring them back successfully with little to no effort. They could not.
"Khan…" Jim said, sounding exhausted and on the verge of tears.
"You are part of my family now, Jim," Khan told him. "You have been for a while now. I can keep you and the baby safe. If it's your crew you're concerned about, don't be. I will leave them alone. Or, if you so desire, they could join us." Jim looked skeptical.
"I thought you hated those you thought were inferior," he said.
"I do. But I do take into account the opinions and feelings of those who are my family and who belong to me," Khan said. "And you belong to me." He watched as Jim thought about his words.
"If they don't come, can we…can we visit them?" he asked.
"There is more than one way to bypass Starfleet," Khan answered. Jim nodded.
"Maybe," he said.
Without another word, they begin their trek to the bridge.
Once they hit the bridge, the first thing Khan did was stun Jim. He would rather the younger man not witness what he was about to do. For some odd reason, his instincts were telling him to stun Jim because that would keep him safe, and he never disobeyed his instincts. Stunning the other members of Marcus' crew, he then stunned both the Scotsman and Marcus' daughter before making his way to the man himself. Glaring down at the man, who looked positively terrified, Khan grasped his head tightly between the palms of his hands. God, having the man in his grasp was exhilarating and, at long last, he would get his revenge, revenge that he was owed for Marcus using his crew and causing Khan to believe he had killed them all.
"You," Khan seethed, his hair in his face and his eyes wide with rage and hatred and the beginnings on madness.
"K-Khan!" Marcus gasped, struggling futilely. He had nowhere to run now, nowhere to escape.
"You should have," Khan said as he applied more pressure to the admiral's skull, reveling in the way the bones began to break and crumble beneath his finger tips. "let me sleep."
Marcus' skull was crushed so easily in his hands, almost pathetically so, and a strong sense of satisfaction spread throughout his body. Finally, at long last, the man he had loathed and despised so much and for so long was dead. Letting Marcus' dead body fall onto the floor as though it were a sack of dirt, Khan stepped over it and sat down in the Captain's chair, his chair, on his ship. He quickly hailed the Enterprise and smirked coolly as Spock's image appeared on the screen.
"Where is the Captain and Engineer Scott?" Spock demanded to know at once.
"Stunned for the time being. Before I return them to you, I want my crew," Khan replied.
"You will beam the Captain, Engineer Scott, and Doctor Marcus onto the Enterprise in exchange for your crew?" Spock asked, sounding hesitant. Khan's smirk widened.
"Whether I give them to you or not, I will retrieve my crew, Mister Spock. If need be, I will target your life support systems and suffocate you all while I step over your cold corpses to get my family out of harm's way. You will not get your Captain back unless I have my crew," Khan said before he added, "And don't think that I won't resort to killing your Captain to get my family back." Spock pondered his words, remaining silent for a few minutes before he slowly nodded.
"Very well. Your crew is yours so long as you uphold your end of the bargain and return Jim, Engineer Scott, and Doctor Marcus to us," Spock said finally.
"Before I do so, may I remind you that if the torpedoes and tubes are not my own, I will know it and I will attack your crippled ship without hesitation," Khan told him, meaning every single word he said.
"They are yours," Spock replied and Khan beamed his crew on board his ship. Once they were safely with him, he beamed the engineer and Marcus' daughter onto the Enterprise. He had had no intentions whatsoever of giving Jim up.
"And what of the Captain?" Spock asked after a minute. Khan, with a malicious grin, aimed his guns for the wounded starship before him.
"He's safe with me, Mister Spock," Khan said smoothly. "Which is more than what I can say for you."
Before he could attack, his ship rocked as the seventy-two torpedoes detonated. He cried out in sorrow and hopelessness as he was flung from his seat. No! No, it...it couldn't be! His crew! They…they were…. Vulcans cannot lie, that Khan knew, so he concluded that Spock, that bloody First Officer that Jim foolishly called family, had murdered his family just as Marcus had planned to do.
"NOOOO!" he cried out, tears welling in his eyes.
No…. Not now….not after all they had been through together. His crew…his family….they couldn't be…. Rage began to course throughout his veins and his vision was blinded by white, hot light. If it was the last thing he would do, he would kill Spock. He would torture him, mutilate him, and then, after he had made the Vulcan cry and bleed, he would kill him.
Through the screen, Khan could see Federation vessels arrive. Although there was a lot of noise going on all around him, he could still hear and see the hail coming through on the screen. A man he recognized as Starfleet's Admiral Black, a cohort of Marcus' and a man who matched Marcus' personality very closely, and that only caused even more anger to surge throughout Khan's body. He wanted to kill something, to choke the life out of someone, to beat them to death, to…to…to harm anything and anyone!
"Khan Noonien Singh, you are under arrest. A group of highly trained officers are about to beam aboard your ship. Resisting them would be unwise," Admiral Black told him with a superior, smug tone of voice and eyes that mocked Khan.
Khan laughed at his threat. Did they honestly think they could subdue and arrest him so easily? Oh, they had absolutely no idea who they were trifling with.
A bright, white light blinded him when he woke up. Hissing in pain from both the lights and the headache that was pounding in his head, he tried to sit up. He couldn't. Confused, Jim opened his eyes once more and blinked several times until they adjusted. From just looking at the ceiling, he could tell that he was in the med bay. Trying to sit up again, he finally looked down and realized that his wrists were restrained and bound to the bio bed. Summoning all of his strength, he pulled and tugged and tried to break free, all to no avail. Turning his head to look around, he realized that he wasn't in Bones' med bay on the Enterprise; he was in some other med bay, one that he didn't know. And he was restrained and he had no idea way.
Panic began to set in, especially when his thoughts turned away from why he was there to how he had gotten there. How had he gotten there, exactly? The last thing he remembered was Khan firing a phaser at him. But after that, nothing, and that couldn't have been that long ago. A few hours maybe depending on if he hit his head when he went down, which, judging by the pounding he felt, was a possibility. Since he was awake, that meant that Khan hadn't killed him yet. So maybe he was on the Vengeance's med bay. It was possible, but why the restraints? Did Khan believe Jim to be a danger to himself or the super human? As if Khan couldn't handle whatever Jim had to dish out…
The doors to the med bay opened and Jim looked up to see a doctor he had never seen before walk in. He felt so relieved that he nearly cried out for joy. Finally, after Lord knows how long, he'd be released and allowed to get up and leave.
"Hey," he said, trying to sound casual even though his voice and throat felt dry and rough and hoarse. "Where am I? And why am I strapped to the bio bed?"
Instead of answering his questions, the doctor ignored him. He had a scanner in his hand and was scanning Jim up and down, much to his annoyance. What the hell? Why didn't the guy say anything to him or answer his God damned questions?
"Hello?" Jim said, drawing out the 'o' as he did so. "Can you hear me?" Once the scan was completed, the doctor finally looked at him.
"Your vitals are normal, as are the fetus'," he said and Jim felt a stab of panic hit him. Aside from Khan, no one else knew about the baby, no one. He made sure of that. So…did that mean that the doctor was part of Khan's crew?
"Are…are you part of Khan's crew?" Jim asked him, his heart pounding. Strangely, he felt disoriented, almost as though he were outside of his own body.
"No. Mister Singh has been returned to his cryotube and sentenced to a life time of sleep. Neither he or his crew will be getting out any time soon," the doctor answered.
"Then where am I? And why am I here? Who are you anyway? Why am I strapped to this damn bed?" Jim fired off question after question as they came to him.
"Admiral Black will be in to see you shortly and will explain everything," the doctor answered before leaving the room.
Jim let out a loud groan of frustration. Great, just great. Not only was he strapped to a bio bed somewhere, alone and with people who knew that he was pregnant, with an admiral on his way to see him, but Khan had been captured and was now a froze popsicle. Again. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that. Yes, he had been royally pissed at him, but he had also cared about him far more than he should have. Ah fuck, Jim was in love with the guy and he had almost said yes to his offer of joining him. The only things that had held him back from doing so were his crew and Pike's death, although Khan had apologized for killing him and had admitted to have been willing to spare him had he known of his relation to Jim. But even through all of the carnage and bloodshed that surrounded the augmented man, Jim couldn't help but still care about him, love him. And now, strapped to a bed, pregnant and alone, Jim wanted Khan with him more than ever.
But Khan wasn't going to come. He was back in his tube, frozen once again. And he would never wake up ever again.
He heard the doors open again and watched as Admiral Black, accompanied by a few officers, walked into the med bay. Jim had never dealt with Admiral Black before - most of his dealings had been with Pike - but he didn't like him. There was just something about the man that Jim didn't like, something that reminded him of Admiral Marcus. Now that he thought about it, what had happened to Admiral Marcus? Had Khan killed him? Probably, and the thought didn't seem as important as what was going on right then and there. He'd think more about it later, if he got the chance to, that is.
"We meet again, Mister Kirk," Black said, sounding all business and professional and in complete control. Unfortunately, for Jim's sake and the baby's, he was.
"Admiral Black," Jim replied with a respectful nod. "Care to tell me what I'm doing here and why I'm strapped to this bed?"
"You are here, Mister Kirk, because of your involvement with John Harrison, aka Khan Noonien Singh. And you're strapped to that bed to ensure us that you won't be escaping any time soon. Not until the infant is born, at least," Black answered smoothly, his cold eyes boring holes into Jim's very soul.
"How…how do you know about the baby?" Jim asked. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it out loud.
"We scanned you when we retrieved your unconscious body off the bridge of the Vengeance, of course," Black responded as though it were obvious. "When we realized you were with child, we had you transported to the med bay of my ship immediately. And now, you are here, back on Earth, under lock and key."
"Why am I on lock down anyway? And what makes you guys think I was involved with Khan?" Jim asked and then inwardly berated himself. He shouldn't have used Khan's name so freely; he should have referred to him as Harrison or Singh. Black, unfortunately, had picked up on his mistake.
"Come now, Captain, did you really think that Marcus wouldn't keep tabs on Singh's whereabouts?" Black taunted. "He knew Singh was with you every time he ventured out, so it wasn't hard to conclude that the fetus inside of you is his. And that's why you're being held here. We can't risk having you find out where he is and reviving him, now can we?"
Jim's heart pounded and his palms sweated as he stared at Black. If he didn't like the man before, he despised him now. Everything about him screamed Marcus' insanity. It would figure that Marcus would have a powerful underling, someone who knew what he had been up to and could do damage control should he fail. That someone, it seemed, was Admiral Black.
"How much you've aided Singh is yet unknown, but we will uncover the extent of your treachery. And when we do, we'll pass judgment over you just as we did with Singh," Black said casually. "As for your child, well, we won't do anything to harm it, so rest assured about that. However, given who its parents are, we can't let it live freely, let alone with you raising it. Once it's born, we'll confiscate it and use it to suit our purposes."
"It's a child! It's not going to be born intelligent and super strong like Khan! It'll be innocent and…and helpless," Jim yelled, trying in vain once more to break free from his constraints.
He knew it was useless, but he wasn't going to let Black use his child for whatever he wanted. The baby was his, his and Khan's, and although it was still growing, barely even the size of a walnut or whatever, if that, he cared for it, loved it, and he didn't want anything bad to happen to it. As messed up as his relationship with Khan was, Jim had no desire to get rid of the baby in anyway; he couldn't and wouldn't do that. And he wasn't going to let Black have his baby, no way in hell. Even if it'd kill him, he'd fight tooth and claw to keep his baby safe and away from the man. Screw his own predicament, screw the fact that he was being branded as a traitor and an accomplice to a criminal; his baby was far more important than himself.
"What use could a baby be to you, Black?" Jim growled, blue eyes narrowed and glaring at the older man.
"It may not be born automatically superior like Singh, but it will surely become quite valuable when it's grown," Black told him. "It'll help advance Marcus' cause and wipe out the Klingons for good. The war will be won by Starfleet and no one would dare defy us. With proper training, it could be a powerful weapon to Starfleet."
"You're bat shit crazy, just like Marcus," Jim spat.
"And yet, I'm not the one strapped to a bio bed," Black said calmly. "Once the baby is born and your trial is done and over with, you'll never see the light of day again."
"Someone will find out what you're up to!" Jim retorted, anger surging through him and tinting his vision with red. "You won't get away with this! You know that!"
"Oh, but Mister Kirk, I've been getting away with it for a year," Black replied. "Be a good boy and do what the doctors tell you. You wouldn't want any harm to come to your baby."
Without another word, Black and his officers left the room, leaving Jim alone with his baby still growing inside of him. He was condemned to this room, this cell, until the baby was born, and then he'd be thrown in prison or who knows what else. What would his crew think? What would Spock or Bones or Uhura or Scotty or Sulu or Chekov think about him now? Surely, news about his relationship with Khan and his pregnancy had spread throughout Starfleet. Rumors like that were hard to suppress and contain. Would they believe what Black had probably told everyone, that Jim had been helping Khan out all along? Just thinking about how horrified and angry and hurt they'd be if they believed Black's words caused Jim to choke up and start crying like a God damned pregnant woman. He supposed that, in a sense, he was, but that didn't make him feel any better.
He had no means of escape. Jim wasn't like Khan: he wasn't strong enough to break through his restraints and flee. Helpless, alone, and pregnant, Jim allowed his tears to flow freely as his brain screamed at him for not listening and for being so stupid and foolish as to fall for a man like Khan Noonien Singh.
Months passed and the baby inside of Jim grew and grew with each passing day. His life became one of routine. Every day, a nurse would come in, check his vitals, and then bring him his breakfast. They would let him up to shower and use the bathroom, but as soon as he was finished, he'd be back in bed, strapped in like a patient in a mental health facility. After lunch, he would be taken outside for an hour of fresh air before he was escorted to the gym for pregnancy exercises, all of which were monitored by guards and instructed by the same doctor. Once his exercises were complete, Jim would return to his room and wait until dinner, after which he would pass the time by reading or watching TV until everything was turned off at ten. Whether he fell asleep or not was his body's bidding.
He didn't know where he was.
There were no signs or markers or buildings around the facility to give Jim an inkling of where he was being held.
No one would give him any information or answer any of his questions.
As far as the world knew, James T. Kirk was a traitor and a criminal who had disappeared off of the face of the Earth. Just like Khan.
His stomach grew and grew, from flat to a small bump to a medium bump to a much larger bump. Morning sickness had been an all day thing until the months passed by, then he would only throw up on occasion, although that had more to do with his stress and the food he ate than the pregnancy. Jim was constantly aching and exhausted and he could hardly do any of the exercises anymore. Exercising in general was just out of the question by now; it always left him panting and wheezing and sore to the point of concern. He even collapsed a few times from it, after which that doctor told him that any other exercises aside from the ones overseen by the other doctor were out of the question.
Unless it had to do with the baby and his overall condition, none of the nurses or doctors talked to him or even acknowledged his presence. The guards and other employees were the same way. It was as though Jim only existed and mattered at specified times. In a way, he supposed he did. After all, they were all just waiting for his baby to be born and then they'd have no need for him anymore. So his happiness and opinion didn't matter so long as the baby was doing fine.
The only person who ever acknowledged him was Admiral Black, who saw him once a week, on the same day, at the same time. Or so Jim believed. He didn't have a calendar or clock in his room and the only thing that helped him judge how much time had passed was the TV, and the programs he watched were monitored and controlled by the doctors and nurses. No news. No crappy day TV soap operas or court shows. No nothing that could actually be of use to him. But what made Jim's imprisonment completely horrible and unbearable was Black.
Every time Admiral Black came to see him, he always asked the same questions. What was his involvement with Singh's crimes? How long had he known about Singh and his plans? When did he decide to turn traitor and help the war criminal? Why did he betray Starfleet? What was in it for him? Did Singh ever mention any of the members of his crew? If so, did he specify what their strengths and weaknesses were? Did they have weaknesses? What did Singh have planned once he had the Vengeance and had revived his crew? Was Jim lying? How far would he go to protect the augmented human?
Jim was bombarded with question after question after question. And he always gave the same answers. He wasn't involved with Khan's crimes. He hadn't known what Khan's plans had been (mainly because the man was so fucking hard to figure out). He wasn't a traitor and he didn't help Khan; what he did was for his own ship and crew. He didn't betray Starfleet. There was nothing in it for him. Jim didn't know anything about Khan's crew or the super humans' strengths and weaknesses. He didn't know what Khan had planned once he had revived his crew. No, Jim wasn't lying. And Khan could protect himself; why would Jim do it for him?
After the first few weeks, the questions became old and repetitive, but they never failed to remind Jim that the entire world, which included his crew…his family, believe him to be a traitor and Khan's accomplice. Jim knew why Admiral Black kept coming to him and kept asking him all of those questions and more. More than likely, the interrogations – because that's what they were – were being filmed, and they were being filmed for Starfleet, so that they could see and know everything Black did while he had the 'prisoner' in 'custody'. Well, Jim didn't know anything and he wasn't an accomplice. All he was anymore was a man, a Captain, who had loved his ship and his crew and who loved the baby growing inside of him.
And now, he was a prisoner being held by a mad man who wanted war and bloodshed and who was willing to use his child to do so. And he was powerless to stop him.
The day that Jim went into labor was the most terrifying of his whole entire life. He was terrified that his baby – a boy, the doctors had told him back when he was about five months along – would be still born. He was terrified that his baby would die in the birthing process. He was terrified that one of the doctors or nurses would do something that would end up killing his baby, his boy, his son. But most of all, he was terrified of what would await his baby once he was born. Jim was terrified of the future that was ahead of him all because he had failed, because he had been and was so very weak and powerless. If he could, Jim would keep his baby inside of him forever if that's what it took to keep him safe and sound.
But he couldn't do that. Whether he wanted to or not, the baby arrived a few days before the predicted due date. And it was awful.
A pain, different from one he had ever felt before, flared up within his body, lighting all of his nerves on fire. His hands gripped the sheets of the bio bed and he arched up, screaming. He didn't even realize his water had broken. Within minutes, doctors and nurses were storming into his cell and hauling him away to the delivery room. Jim screamed and cried all the while, shaking his head back and forth, not wanting them to take him, not wanting them to take his baby boy away.
His wishes weren't granted of course. Jim was brought to the delivery room and the doctors and nurses worked quickly and efficiently. As he screamed and shouted and cried, he paid little attention to what they were doing; all of his attention, all of his focus, all he cared about period was the fact that his baby would be taken away from him as soon as he was born. The screams and shouts and tears were done in anger and protest and utter helplessness than actual pain. When the knife split his protruding belly open, Jim didn't even flinch; physical pain was something he was used to, but emotional pain was different. Knowing his baby would be gone before he could hold him, kiss him, and tell him that he loved it, tore up Jim's insides unlike anything else before.
And then there was a moment of clarity where all of the doctors and nurses faded out and all of the machinery and equipment ceased to exist. In that moment, Jim heard his son cry, his first cry in the dangerous world he had been born into. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. And it also caused even more tears to pour out of his eyes and made his face scrunch up in pain and sorrow. He could hear his child crying, and when he looked, he could even see him, his beautiful baby boy, but Jim would never get to hold him.
And that very thought nearly killed him. Literally.
Khan, unlike most of the people on planet Earth and in Starfleet, was not stupid. Actually, he was quite the opposite; he was a bloody genius and he knew it too.
When Marcus had revived him and put him to work, Khan had found out as much as he could about the world around him. He learned a few things, cataloged them and committed them to memory. Surely, it would have occurred to someone that he would find a way to ensure that any drug or anesthetic Starfleet could use against him wouldn't work. Was it so impossible to think that Khan wouldn't be able to alter his body in such a way that he would never be put back to sleep again? No, it wasn't. It was very possible Khan would know because he did it.
He had been fully aware when he had been sedated and then put back into his cryogenic 'sleep'. Khan had been fully away and aware when he had been returned to his cryotube and placed with his crew in the vast room of some facility unknown. All he had to do was wait and bide his time. If he broke out and escaped too soon, a massive man hunt would ensue. Although he and his crew could take on the entire world and win, he had another objective in mind, one that required patience and stealth and finesse. Now that he had his family back, there was only one thing left: find and retrieve Jim and their child.
As he was being taken away by Starfleet, after killing many of Black's crew in the process, Khan had watched as Jim was retrieved by men and women he knew for certain served Admiral Black. He came to the conclusion that the Enterprise wasn't going to get her Captain back and that Jim would be in Black's hands when it was time for Khan to break free.
While he remained in his tube 'sleeping', he calculated the days, the weeks, the months until Jim would give birth and counted them down. Even with his crew with him, Khan didn't want to risk having Jim give birth while they were on the run. If he had retrieved Jim early on, aside from drawing a lot of unwanted attention to his escape, which Khan knew would happen if he escaped too soon, he would also risk losing both Jim and the child. He had no ship yet – the Vengeance had, of course, be confiscated upon his arrest – and he didn't want to seek out help in a hospital or med bay. Yes, he and his crew knew how to birth a child and all of that, but doing so would leave traces of blood behind. Time, Khan knew, would be crucial upon his and his crews escape and Jim's escape as well; they wouldn't have time to clean thoroughly. They would be pursued, hunted, and it was possible that they wouldn't be able to make it to the Vengeance in time. And Jim, who was a normal human, could fall behind while they were on the run. Khan wasn't going to lose his mate, not after everything.
So days passed while Khan waited to make his move. The days turned into weeks. And the weeks turned into months. His blood pumped and raced through his chest as Khan remained in his cryotube. As superior as he was, even he had to concentrate long and hard to remain where he was and pretend he was asleep. Now that he was with his family, he wanted to revive them, to bring them back, and he to see Jim again. Even he couldn't deny, and wouldn't for that matter, that the Captain had become very important to him. Jim was his now, his and his alone, and he was going to give birth to Khan's child, his first…their first. Khan's instincts were telling him that Jim and the baby were part of his family now and that his family wouldn't be complete without them.
Recently, as the days until the baby would be born came to a close, Khan's patience began to wear thin. Extremely thin. He would shift and twitch restlessly in his tube and review his plan over and over in his mind to distract him, although that was proving to be unhelpful as well. As soon as the time was right, he would break out and revive his crew, all of them. Then, once they were out of the facility – and Khan had no doubt in his mind that leaving would be easy as no ordinary human could compete with him or his crew – they would locate Jim and the baby and break them out and take them away from Black and Starfleet. All he had to do was wait just a little while longer.
If only it were that easy…
Khan rarely remembered his dreams. Even if he wanted to, which he rarely ever did, he couldn't. However, while he lay in his tube, actually asleep for once, he dreamed and he remembered.
In his dream, he was in a white operating room. It was too white, too pristine, too clean, too perfect, and he hated it, he hated how white it was, how clean it was, how perfect it was. Khan moved automatically, as though he were inhabiting the body of someone else. Catching sight of his gloved hands, Khan looked down at himself and realized that, sure enough, he was in the body of a doctor. Or rather, the person he was in his dream was a doctor. Having seen more unusual and peculiar things that doctors and nurses, Khan wasn't surprised in the least; if he truly wanted to, he could have been a doctor. With his genetic make-up and overall superiority, he could've been whatever he wanted.
Someone, a nurse, said something to him and he responded. Moving on its own accord, Khan was steered toward the operating table. There, laying on the table crying and yelling and looking fierce and beautiful and defiant and hopeless all at once was Jim. His belly was huge and Khan immediately knew that he was in labor. He felt himself stepping towards Jim as other doctors surrounded the blonde Captain, obviously getting ready to birth the baby.
Through the pleasant surprise and shock at seeing Jim – Khan pondered for the first time in his life if dreams could be real… - everything moved by fast and automatically, as though he were a mere puppet and some invisible person were pulling the strings. Before he even realized it, he was holding a crying baby boy in his arms and Khan felt a strong jolt of pride and love course through his veins, setting his body on fire and causing a fierce protectiveness to rear its head. At long last, he was seeing his child, his son, and his mate who had endured so much to give birth to him.
Unfortunately, Khan, not in charge of his own actions, handed the child over to a nurse, who proceeded to clean the infant up. He heard himself speak and was deeply angered by the words he heard coming out of his mouth – even though they were not truly Khan's own.
"Admiral Black will be pleased that it's a boy. Having a female as his prize weapon would put him off and might even cause him to have the child destroyed before we could study it."
Khan decided then and there that Black and whoever worked under him would die when Khan escaped to retrieve Jim and their son.
"The patient!" One of the nurses yelled. Khan turned and watched as Jim began to have a heart attack.
A cold, sharp fear kept Khan frozen in place, and for once it was his own and not the doctor's. Fear of losing his mate, of losing what was his, caused him to hesitate for only a second. And then, he began to move.
That was when Khan woke up. His heart was thundering in his chest, trying to break free, and he was covered in a cold sheen of sweat. As his mind processed what he had just dreamt, Khan's instincts told him that the dream he had was more real than fantasy and that his mate and child were both in danger. Now, his instincts told him at long last, was the time.
He would wake up Ajit, Jai, and Drishti first. Out of all of the members of his family, Khan knew and trusted and loved them the most. While he loved and trusted every member of his crew, those three were in his inner circle; they were his advisors, his friends, his brothers and sister. They above all of the others would understand when Khan told them about Jim and their child; they would help him without question or hesitation or being asked or told.
With that decided, Khan opened his eyes and smirked to himself. Really, Starfleet made things too easy for him sometimes.
When Jim woke up, he was back in his cell, strapped to his bio bed. His body felt numb and stiff and heavy…and empty. Very, very empty. Looking down at him, Jim remember that he had gone into labor and had given birth to the most beautiful baby boy he had ever laid eyes on. And then, he had been taken away from him just like that. Jim didn't even get a chance to hold him; all he had to remember his baby by was the sound of his first cry. The last thing Jim remember was a sudden pain in his chest, as though his heart was bursting at the seams and then…nothing.
He must have passed out. How long had he been out? Hours? Days? Jim didn't know and he didn't really care, not right then and there. All he cared about was his baby and wanting and needing to get him back and keep him safe, away from Admiral Black and – and it broke his heart to say so – away from Starfleet. Everyone on the planet thought he was a traitor and a criminal, so he was probably no longer a Captain. Actually, he knew for sure he wasn't a Captain anymore, and that meant that the Enterprise wasn't his ship and his crew wasn't his crew.
God, what did Bones think of him now? Or Spock? Or Uhura? Or Sulu, or Scotty, or Chekov? If he was still 'missing' in the public's eyes, would they be out looking for him? Would they even be allowed to? Probably not but they would do so anyway, if they could. But…would they want to? Jim hoped they would with all of his heart. What would they safe if Jim told them everything, everything? Would they still stand by him? He believed that they would; he knew for sure that Bones at the very least wouldn't believe whatever bullshit was being spread about him. Spock too, as a matter of fact.
God, Jim's thoughts were a jumbled mess and nothing made sense to him. Even in confidence in his crew, in the people he saw as his family, was wavering. That had never happened before, ever, and it worried and frightened Jim. If he didn't stop panicking and fretting, he'd have another heart attack. But he couldn't help it. He hadn't seen his crew in months and he'd never see them again. The last imagine he had of them all was before he was readying himself to propel into outer space in a suit with Khan. Definitely not a good last imagine to remember them by. And now, now without his baby inside of him, he truly was alone. He would never see his baby again and he probably wouldn't breathe the air of a free man again either. All of his big talk about escaping had been just that: talk.
There was nothing he could do and he knew that. Screaming and shouting his voice hoarse wouldn't do him any good and starving himself and wasting away wouldn't either. Whether Jim lived or died now was of no concern of Black or anyone else in the facility. Now, he was just a prisoner, a burden, who had supplied them with a potential weapon in the form of a harmless infant.
A shadow appeared in the door way and Jim looked up blearily. Admiral Black was standing in the doorway, looking smug and in control and imposing. Jim wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of him. But he couldn't.
"Good to see that you're still alive," Black said, smirking at Jim. Jim snorted.
"Like you care if I live or die now," he replied.
"True, however, Starfleet Command wouldn't want you to die before your trial," Black told him, his smug smirk widening.
"My trial? I thought you said you had to uncover the 'extent of my involvement with Khan' before I went to trial," Jim said.
"And we have." The look on Black's face told Jim that he had personally found whatever he had been looking for. And by found, Jim meant fabricated.
"You bastard…" Jim growled and his fingers ached to punch that smug face. Seeing Black in pain wouldn't help him escape, but it sure as hell would make him feel better.
"Your trial is scheduled for next week. Try not to starve yourself to death, Mister Kirk," Black said before he turned and left the room.
Jim slumped against the bed and growled loudly in frustration. He was fucked, royally fucked, and there was no way out. Not unless he could fight off Black's officer on his way to the trial… That gave him a small spark of hope and he began running scenarios in his mind and thinking. A small, nagging voice in the back of his mind told him that it wouldn't do any good, but Jim ignored that voice. Right now, he'd cling to anything he could if it kept him sane and grounded and gave him hope of getting out. Getting out meant that he could prepare and, hopefully, take his baby back.
For whatever reason, Jim had been rushed from his cell and to another room in the med bay. The doctor who had been with him throughout his entire imprisonment injected him with something that made his body and mind feel slow and sluggish and completely useless. Still strapped to a bio bed and forced to lay on his back so that all he could do was gaze lethargically up at the ceiling, Jim allowed his unfocused gaze to lock onto the white ceiling. His mind drifted and eventually went blank. He didn't even realize how nervous and tense the guards and nurses were.
Sounds came drifting down the hallway that Jim's mind didn't really register, not completely. Sounds of fighting, of shouting and yelling, and of sickening crunches wafted into the strange, new room. Some of the nurses looked worried and almost in tears. The guards shifted; some of them even left the room, weapons raised and ready to fire. Gun shots could be heard and several heavy, thuds, but Jim didn't know what to make of it. His mind was clouded and muddled. All he could really concentrate on was the last time he had been rushed from his usual room when he had gone into labor. And that lead to him thinking about hearing his son's cry for the first time and how much he loved him even before he had ever been born.
Had Black given him a name?
Had he been given a code name instead?
Jim already had a name picked out; he had had the time to think about it.
The doors to the room opened; Jim heard them. As he gazed through his lidded eyes up at the ceiling, he heard footsteps, heavy, probably boots, stepped inside. Nurses gasped or screamed and the remaining guards prepared to fire. They never got the chance. Sickening crunches and snaps could be heard and Jim tried to look away from the ceiling. He found that, for some reason, he couldn't move his head.
And then, a shadow fell upon him and a face loomed above his own. Bright, blue eyes stared down at him, intense and full of emotions even though the rest of the face was expressionless. Jim's heart began to beat faster and his hands itched to reach up and fold themselves in Khan's clothes and hair and never let him go. Khan's eyes moved upward and his hands followed his line of sight. For a brief moment, Jim wondered if Khan was going to kill him, but he didn't. Instead, he broke off whatever had been holding his head still. When the clamps or whatever were gone, Khan took Jim's head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. A sense of calm and clarity washed over Jim and seemed to push all of the pain and hurt he had experienced since his time there out of his body.
"My seed was inside you. My child was inside you. We are connected now," Khan explained, opening his eyes. He released Jim's head and moved his hands down to the straps restraining him.
"Drishti is retrieving our son as we speak," Khan told him. When he was free from his constraints, Jim needed Khan's help to sit up properly; his body still felt sluggish even though his mind was as alert and focused as ever.
"Who's Drishti?" Jim asked. He looked around and saw the dead bodies of the guards and nurses littering the floor. He saw two other men he didn't recognize standing by the doors, looking at Khan and seemed to be awaiting his command. "Who are they?"
"Ajit and Jai. Two of the three people in my crew whom I trust the most," Khan said. Footstep were heard racing towards them along with a baby's cry. Jim's heart leapt in his chest and anticipation and hope swelled within him.
"How long has it been?" Jim asked, not bothering to be specific.
"Ten months since we were both captured. One since you gave birth," Khan replied. He didn't explain how he knew and Jim didn't need him to. It made sense that Khan could calculation just as well – probably better than, actually – as Spock.
"Admiral Black?" Jim said as the sounds of running and crying came closer and closer by the second.
"Met us upon our breaching the facility. He is dead," Khan said simply. The doors flung open and a dark skinned woman entered the room, holding a tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket. Upon seeing Khan and Jim, she nodded respectfully and approached them.
"He was being kept in the science wing," she said, her voice thick with an accent that Jim thought belonged to the Middle Eastern region. He was a xenolinguist; he couldn't tell for sure. Carefully, with a cautiousness that surprised Jim, the super human woman handed the baby to him.
A rush of overwhelming love and happiness and relief flooded Jim as he held his son for the first time. He smiled down at the baby boy – had it really been an entire month since he had given birth? It didn't seem like it – and his eyes filled with tears. Khan's hand rested on his shoulder, strong and reassuring and there. Jim knew that as long as he was with Khan, no harm would come to their son ever.
His eyes looked over his son, who had stopped crying when he had been placed in Jim's arms. He had Khan's dark hair, which was curly and looked so soft and silky. But his eyes were Jim's and they stared up at him big and wide and with an alertness that Jim didn't think most babies had. But Jim loved him with all of his heart and he knew that Khan did as well.
"I never got to hold him," Jim said softly as one of his fingers traced his son's cheek. A smile, bright and wide and completely Jim's, spread across his face immediately and he made a soft giggling noise. "Never got to name him or anything."
Jim could feel rage and hatred roll off of Khan, but he knew it wasn't directed at him or their son. It was directed at the dead admiral laying somewhere in the facility and the people who had worked for him, all of whom, Jim guessed, where probably dead. Part of him wanted to hate what Khan and the few members of his crew had done – and he was still intimidated and unsure about their strength and superiority – but he couldn't find himself to do so, not this time. With Pike, it had been different, so very different, but this…this was understandable. After all, what wouldn't Jim do to keep his child safe and sound and out of harm's way? Nothing, absolutely nothing. He would do whatever it took to keep his son safe.
"What would you name him?" came Khan's voice, soft and gentle as he gazed at their son. Reaching down, he gently pushed some of the dark curls off the baby's face, which caused him to smile just as bright as he had a few seconds before.
"Christopher. Christopher George," Jim told him.
He didn't explain and he knew he didn't have to. Khan understood – of that, he was sure – and that was part of the reason why Jim loved him so damn much. Finally, at long last, their small, odd family was together again. And Jim couldn't be happier.
Jim never thought he'd be in space again, but Khan and his crew had proven quite capable of obtaining the Vengeance once again. From what Khan had told him, some of his crew members hadn't survived the awakening process, which resulted in Khan and his closest friends to bury them before they had come for him and the baby. Even now, an entire year after having escaped from that awful place, Jim could see how much it pained Khan to even think about it.
But now, they were free, or as free as they could be with all of Starfleet chasing after them. With Khan and his crew, they had managed to evade capture and hadn't had to worry too much about being caught. Even the amount of close calls they had didn't bother Jim all that much; it was a handful if that, so what was there to worry about? What they were doing now was something that Jim had insisted on and his stubbornness and determination had paid off, as well as gained him more respect among Khan's crew.
Currently, they were tracking the Enterprise, who had embarked on its five year exploration of worlds unknown just a few months ago. Jim knew for certain that Spock and Bones and the others were on that ship; he had looked it up before he had even thought of insisting that they find them. And he also knew that if he could talk to Spock and Bones and everyone else, explain to them what had really happened and what he had to endure, that they would believe him and understand. They were his family after all, and they cared about him. As much as he loved Christopher and Khan, he needed his family with him too. With their help and encouragement, perhaps Jim and Khan's names could be cleared and they would no longer have to run.
What kind of life was it to be on the run from Starfleet? What would that teach Chris? Nothing good, or so Jim feared.
It wouldn't take long to catch up to the Enterprise and he anticipated the day when he could see Spock's pointed ears, see Bones' irritated expression, hear Scotty's ranting and raving, listen to Chekov mispronounce words, see Uhura's face, and listen to Sulu announce the time of arrival for their destination. Even with Chris and Khan and the rest of the augmented humans, Jim didn't feel entirely whole and complete. He needed his family too, and Khan and his crew were going to help him out as much as they could.
Because he was Khan's, because he had given Khan a son that they were both proud of, and because Khan loved him enough to do this for him. What more could Jim want, really, except to have his family whole again?
"Other things may change up, but we start and end with family." – Anthony Brandt
A/N: I've never seen the original TV series – just the recent movies – so I don't know if there is/was an Admiral Black. If there is/was, I don't know what he was like, so if you guys think I wrote him incorrectly, that's because I know nothing about him or anything. I hope you all liked the story. Sorry for any inconsistencies or errors, both in the actual writing and in the story itself. Let me know what you think!