*** Totally Random Love Hina Skits!***

Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: Love Hina is not mine. Alas, I could use some money...

******

Yet again, I continue with Totally Random .... Skits! Perhaps I can turn it into a series....

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Keitaro Urashima, everyone's favorite manager, was sitting calmly at the table. It was an exceptionally early morning, and thus it was rather unusual to see the nigh-invulnerable young man up and about before the sun rose. Nevertheless, here he now sat.

"At last! The perfect plan! I get up SO early that no one else is awake, and take care of all my chores so I don't have to risk being punched, kicked, launched or otherwise maimed for being clumsy! Urashima, you are a genius!" Keitaro cackled like a deranged lunatic quietly, before drinking his tea and admiring the infant sunrise.

However...

"URASHIMA! WHAT PERVERTED PLOT ARE YOU CONTRIVING NOW?!" Keitaro sighed deeply as Sara, Seta's adopted daughter (and all-around miniture version of Naru, though significantly worse) bounded down the stairs in her "Card Captor Sakura" pajamas.

But of course, Sara's demonic yell soon brought the rest of the Hinata Sou residents to the doorway of the dining room.

"What did you do now, Urashima?" Asked Motoko in her classic threatening manner, unsheathing her katana. Keitaro sighed again.

Why was it so hard? he thought just before the combined might of Naru, Motoko, and Sara was brought against the hapless ronin.

******

Shinobu was happily hanging out the laundry in the sun, when a cheerful looking young boy bounded up to her.

"Hello, Shinobu-chan! I am a genie, and I will grant you any wish at all!" Shinobu's mind had been ridiculously quickly deceived. With a grin she replied,"Okay! Um... I wish Kei-kun was in love with me forever!"

The boy produced a parchment and a pen and handed them to the young girl.

"Just sign at the bottom!" Shinobu was about to sign the parchment when Keitaro fortunately stumbled his way to the deck. He stared in shock for a moment and let out a yelp.

"AUGH! Shinobu, don't sign that paper!" Keitaro ran and snatched it out of Shinobu's shocked hands.

"But... But why, Sempai?" Keitaro pointed out the extraordinarily large printing of "With the signing of this contract, Shinobu will give up her soul to have Keitaro Urashima love her for the rest of her mortal life." Shinobu sweatdropped.

"Um... Sorry, I didn't see it..."

"It's okay, Shinobu-chan."

The boy glowered.

"You shall feel the wrath of Hell, boy!" Keitaro gave him a look.

"Kid, I endure that every DAY. Have a nice flight!" With a PUNT! the boy went sailing away screaming. Shinobu hugged Keitaro happily.

"Oh Kei-kun, you saved me! But, how did you know that that guy was a demon?"

"Well, everyone's perception of evil is different. I know for a fact that Sara would NEVER be amiable to ANYONE, so...."

**************

Seta is typing at his computer. Kitsune strolls in and leans against the computer from the back. It promptly falls over onto poor Seta and takes Kitsune with it.

CRASH!

"OUCH! Kitsune, what was THAT for?" Kitsune grinned sheepishly.

"Well, I saw this American comic with a girl and a guy with a piano..."1



***************


Mutsumi and Keitaro are studying in the turtle-lady's apartment. Mutsumi smiles as she snuggles up to the ronin.

"You know, Kei-kun, I know you have feelings for Naru-san and all... But in case it doesn't work out for you two, I'll always be here, okay?" Keitaro smiled and held her closely.

"Mutsumi, unless I get into sadomachism, you'll always be the one for me!" Mutsumi cries happily.

"Oh Kei-kun!"

"Oh Mutsumi-chan!"





(A/N: Yes, I know Keitaro got with Narusegawa. However, in my oh-so-humble opinion, Keitaro and Mutsumi make a MUCH better couple! Besides, getting punched into the stratosphere by a girl every hour on the hour would have to wear thin on the guy, right?)


**************

Kaolla is happily working on her latest Tama-Mecha when a rather discheveled and charbroiled Motoko enters.

"Kaolla-san, did you sell any Mecha-Tamas to a sinister secret organization with aristocratic ideals?" Kaolla looked thoughtful for a moment until she happily cried,"Yes I did!"

"To whom, praytell?"

"A guy with a funny helmet on his head and many alliases!" Motoko bowed before staggering out the door, mumbling something about quitting this Operation Meteor business before it killed her. Kaolla merely ate some bananas and continued working on her instrument of death. 2






**************

"WOO HOO!" Cried Keitaro as he vanquished yet another opponent's starship in glorious 3-D combat. Keitaro had discovered the online gaming scene, and had quickly risen to the top of the ranks in "Star Trek: Bridge Commander", as the Honorable Ronin Captain. Shinobu and Kitsune watched as Keitaro brought his majestic and trustworthy starship, the USS Okinawanamire, Sovereign class, into a sweeping manuver. Shinobu blinked at the unusual name.

"Sempai, what does "Okinawanamire" mean?" Keitaro smiled at her.

"I read "Unfinished Tales of Middle Earth", by that British man J.R.R. Tolkien. Okinawanamire is Quenya (a language used by people in the book) for "Jewel of Okinawa"." Kitsune smirked in her fox-like way.

"And I suppose this has nothin' to do with our resident turtle-lady, ne?" Keitaro turned a bright red, then blinked at another challenger appearing. This person had hacked a Borg Cube into the game, and called itself "Scarlet Queen".

Scarlet_Queen: So, captain of Okinawanamire! We meet at last! Prepare for assimilation!

Ronin_Captain: Over my dead nacelles! Engarde!

The two mighty vessels engaged in battle. Keitaro had carefully trained his CGI crew and upgraded his ship through dogged effort, and coupled with the firepower of a Sovereign was formidable indeed. The Borg ship was relentless, however.
At least ten minutes passed before the Okinawanamire came to a dead stop, plasma leaking from it nacelles and the hatch to it's warp core. The temp readings Scarlet Queen was getting indicated that the Sovereign class vessel was about to become a watery-metallic nebula. And Scarlet Queen would see to it not an impressive one either.

Scarlet_Queen: Any last words before I humiliate you?

Ronin_Captain: Yeah. Eat this!

Federation starships were not armed with just simple phasers and torpedoes, no. At least within the realm of this game, they carried plasma mine ribbons, anti-matter spread emitters, and the ever popular tachyon pulse cannon. The Sovereign class starship, already ridiculously heavily armed in the phaser and torpedo departments, carried this ludicrousity into the other weapons. The mighty Okinawanamire fired all of her phaser banks (the most powerful ever mounted on a starship, at least in this universe) releasing enough energy to put twelve solar flares to shame, fired from all five of her torpedo launchers which filled the screen with blue and red projectiles of death, cast enough mine ribbons to make a pervert think of the microscopic aspect of human copulation, fired a huge, sustained tachyon pulse from it's insanely powerful deflector dish, and unleashed enough anti-matter spreads to declare it Christmas come early.

The Scarlet Queen had foolishly lowered her sheilds to try and assimilate the "vanquished" vessel, and naturally she went up in a huge fireball as she cursed in the text box. Shinobu cheered happily as Keitaro whooped for joy again, while Kitsune rolled her eyes.

"It's only a computer game, you know."

"So what? It took thinking to lure that Borg bimbo to her doom! I wonder who she is..."

In another part of the Hinata, Naru cursed violently at her computer while Haruka watched, idily smoking a cigarette.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I must know who that Starfleet pansy is who defeated me! Who? Who?"

"It's only a computer game, you know."

"Oh, go suck on your cancer sticks..." 3



**********

Naru was sitting, reading in her room, when someone knocked at her door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Keitaro. May I come in?" Naru shrugged, then slid the door open. Keitaro walked slowly in, took a deep breath, and promptly fell to his knees in front of Naru.

"PLEASE NARU, SPARE ME! I'M SORRY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" He said, clasping his hands together in a pleading fist. Naru's jaw dropped as Keitaro put his hands on the ground before him, bowed his head and started crying.

"NARU, HAVE MERCY! I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" Keitaro then got to his feet, brushed off his shirt, and smiled slightly at Naru.

"So, what do you think?" Naru blinked and stared at Keitaro as if his neurochemical juices had just started leaking out of his ears. Or a reasonably close analogy of madness.

"Ara... Why did you do that?" Keitaro shrugged.

"Well, I wanted to know which pathetic pleas were best when you get angry at me. Was number one better, or number two?"

"....."


***************


"URASHIMA!!!" Keitaro blinked. He was playing "King Of Fighters" with Kanako in the living room when Motoko stalked across the cotton threshold, breathing flames.

"Ara... Yes?" Motoko glared at him. Keitaro mentally began calculating his exact spot of touchdown after Motoko sent him once again on another mission for the Hinata Space Program when she coughed audibly.

"Not you, Ronin," Motoko said gruffly, though her face aquired a rather insidious grin as she looked at Kanako,"your sister and I have some... Practicing to do." Kanako responded with a sultry grin as she leapt up and hugged Motoko around the neck. They happily ran up the stairs, leaving Keitaro to blink a few times.

"... I'll never understand women," he decided, and switched over to "Zelda".


**************

"Argh, I can't believe I lost!" Groaned Shirai as he tossed his cards to the table before him in disgust.

"There goes the money for the Hawaiian trip," grumbled Haitini as he too folded.

"Damn, this is so unfair! She had to have cheated!" Growled Kitsune, glaring at the victor of the weekly poker game.

"Myu myu myuuu myyyyuuuu (That's what all pathetic losers say. Nyah!)," meowed Tama-chan, smirking as much as a turtle can smirk as she used her flippers to bring her winnings into her shelled bosom. She carefully adjusted her gamer's visor that would have made any one watching her be declared a bona-fide Diabetic.

"Myu myu myu myu myu myyyyyuuuuuuu myu! (Behold, I am poker queen Tama-chan! MWAHAHAHA!)"



***************


Kentaro Sakata came to the door of the Hinata Sou carrying a bouquet of flowers. He knocked on the door, and waited for a bit before it was answered by Shinobu.

"Hello?"

"Ah yes, Miss Shinobu! Praytell where the resident goddess of unstable-temperment might be found?" Shinobu blinked at him.

"I thought Naru wasn't interested in you."

"No no no! Not her! The other one!"

"Motoko's with Kanako."

"No, not that kendo-nut! The OTHER other one!"

"... I'm fast running out of names, Mister Sakata, unless you happen to be a pedophile." Kentaro groaned.

"No, you sick-minded girl! I MEANT Haruka-san!" Shinobu gaped at him.

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Shinobu asked in her usual timid vocalization. Kentaro sighed dreamily.

"I always prefered older women, you know. To my destiny!" Kentaro marched into the house. Shinobu blinked.

"... I know Keitaro DEFINITELY won't like an 'Uncle Kentaro' in the family..."



*************

"At last," murmured Sarah evilly as she tapped her foot by the door to the Hinata,"soon Keitaro will be gone and the Hinata will be mine! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Abruptly, a white ambulance roared up to the front door, and men in white laboratory coats shuffled out.

"He's in there!" Cried Sarah, pointing inside. The scientists nodded and ran into the house. Moments later they were dragging a kicking and screaming Keitaro out the door.

"HELP! LET ME GO! THIS IS AGAINST MY RIGHTS! HELP, SOMEONE HELP!" Keitaro was thrown into the van and it was preparing to drive off when the rest of the Hinata Sou's tenants ran to the scene of the commotion.

"What in HELL is going on?" Demanded Naru. Sarah smirked.

"These scientists want to figure out what makes Keitaro nearly invincible! I called them and informed them of what he'd survived, and sent them a video!" Kitsune looked thoughtful for a moment, but then tapped on the window of the van. The guy rolled down his window.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, but you've got the wrong specimen. You were supposed to pick up the youngest sociopath on record, you see." The scientist looked thoughtful then smiled.

"Sorry for the mistake!" The scientists all shuffled out and grabbed a shocked Sarah, while Keitaro managed to stumble out of the van just in time.

"ARGH! NO, YOU DIMWITS! I'M NOT THE ONE YOU WANT! HE IS! LET ME GO YOU FOOLS!" Sarah was tossed into the van, and they drove off. Keitaro grinned happily.

"THank you, Mitsune! You saved my life!" Mitsune smirked and rubbed her fingernails on her shirt.

"Well, Sarah should have figured out that a psychological laboratory was the wrong institution to call..."



*************

I know, weird and pointless. Please, R&R on your way out though!

And yes, I admit it, I despise Sarah. She's Naru, only there's no romantic interest so she just comes off as cruel.

Meh, maybe I'll just go watch some TV.




Notes
1: If you didn't figure it out, Kitsune was reading a Lucy and Shroeder edition of "Peanuts". You know, the whole Lucy-flirts-with-Shroeder-by-leaning-over-the-piano-thing? ... No? I'm surrounded by uncultured barbarians! Fetch me the funnies!

2: Sorry, I just had to make a Gundam Wing reference there. Besides, OZ would try anything against the Gundams once, right?

3: I also felt a need to make a Star Trek and a Lord of the Rings reference (two new movies are coming out, after all!). Besides, I can really see Keitaro as a Starfleet captain. He manages the Hinata Sou without suffering a psychotic episode or becoming an axe murderer, after all.