*** Totally Random Love Hina Skits!***

Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: Love Hina is not mine. Curses!

******

(sigh) Great, I'm doing requests. Who do I look like, Elvis?

Mutsumi: Ara... Perhaps, with the right clothes and hairstyle, you could be The Weretiger formally known as Elvis! ^_^

Talon: Gee, thanks Mutsumi.

******

"(sigh)"

"Hey, c'mon Keitaro! Buck up! Don't be down in the dumps! What's the problem?"

"(sigh)" Talon rolled his large green eyes at the depressed-looking ronin. The weretiger wrapped his tail securely around a beam above him, and hung upside-down from the ceiling, looking Keitaro in the face.

"Yo, Keitaro! I'm here, alright? I'm your bud! Tell me what's wrong, and maybe I can help!" Keitaro sighed, then looked up at Talon.

"I asked Naru to go with me to a rave club tonight...And... I don't have anything COOL to wear!" Keitaro lamented. Talon sighed, shaking his head.

"All right... Question one: Why did you ask Naru anyway?" Keitaro blinked, then gave Talon an expression as if the weretiger had gone mad.

"Uh, because I love her?" Talon gagged at this, holding his hand over his mouth, struggling to keep down his lunch.

"Blech! Dude, dude, dude... (sigh) How many times do I have to TELL you? How many times MUST we go through this? Why do you want to get with a psychotic-Wait, wait, nevermind. It doesn't matter," Talon sighed, shaking his head. Keitaro shot the weretiger an annoyed look.

"Hey! Naru's not psychotic!"

"Then explain her mood swings, violence, and paranoia," Talon quipped. Keitaro fell silent.

"Uh..."

"Ha!"

"Shut up!" Talon shrugged, grinning.

"All right then, Keitaro. You want to go to Hell, well... I can't say I'll support it, but I shall support you. Therefore, we will require the assistance of Nueva-chan, my big sister." Keitaro blinked.

"Well, why can't you loan me some cool clothes?" Talon acquired beady eyes as he looked at Keitaro.

"Dude, look at me. I'm a weretiger. The only clothes I need or *want* to wear are Walmart jeans and a T-shirt, capiece? Well, and underwear. But no matter. To Nueva-chan's home!" Talon declared dramatically, grabbing Keitaro by the neck and throwing him out the window.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Talon leapt after him.

"Fly, you dummy! Fly!" Keitaro, amazingly, screeched to a halt, in mid-air. He opened his eyes, and looked down. He was, indeed, hovering.

"Holy..." Talon landed in a cat-like crouch gracefully next to him, smiling.

"See?" Keitaro blinked, and shook his head with a sigh.

"So that's why I go into orbit."

"Well, DUH. Why else do you think I could fight Naru hand-to-...er... paw, and get away with it without dying? If she could really send things into orbit, I'd be dead now. Now, here's a map to Nueva's house," Talon said, handing a map to Keitaro with a grin. The flying ronin looked it over curiously, while Talon waved his tail back and forth.

"Huh? You're not going?" Talon shrugged.

"I... Um... Have some things to take care of here. But, hey! Nothing for you to worry about, my fine feathered friend! Off you go!" Talon gave Keitaro a little push, and with a nervous smile Keitaro flew off into the distance. Talon rubbed his hands... paws... whatever, together with an evil smile on his furred face.

"Excellent, excellent... Everything is going according to plan... Mwahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHA-!"

KONK! Talon was hit in the head by a rather large boot.

"MEEEERROOOOOWWW!"

"Shut up, you mangy cat!" Bellowed a certain red cockroach from her window. Talon snarled up at the apartment.

"Oh, just you wait, bitch, just you wait... Hey, Narusegawa?! Can we talk?!"

********

LATER, THAT NIGHT...

"Well, I have to admit, I look pretty damn good!" Keitaro grinned, now flying in a pair of black pants, a white turtleneck, black jacket, and black boots. He landed silently in an alley nearby the rave club, and calmly walked out to the sidewalk. He whistled happily, scanning the crowd for Narusegawa. However, he was stopped short.

"What the-?" At one side of the building, Motoko Aoyama stood, dressed in a stunning blue dress that showed off her lovely body very well. Her hair was tucked back in a ponytail behind her, as she looked around, waiting for someone.

At another, Mutsumi Otohime stood, in an adorable white sweater, red skirt, knee-high black boots with matching hose, and a cute blue beret on her head. She smiled happily, also scanning the crowd.

Near the edge of the crowd going into the club, Kanako Urashima stood, decked out in a midnight tank top, with a pair of off-white jeans. She patiently watched the crowd.

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno, in a nice, barely-decent red dress, leaned seductively against a light pole.

Finally, standing at the curb, a nervous-looking Shinobu Maehara, in a dark blue skirt and white blouse, also looked into the crowd.

"Sempai!"

"Urashima!"

"Onii-chan!"

"Keitaro!"

"Kei-kun!" Keitaro blinked, as the girls rushed over and met him.

"We're here, like you wanted us!" Shinobu said, a bit nervously.

"So, are we going to party or not?" Kitsune asked.

"Uh... I don't..." Keitaro was interupted by a letter being dropped into his hands.

Extremely confused, the poor ex-ronin opened it up.

'Dear Keitaro,



'Terribly sorry, but Naru told me to tell you that she couldn't make it. She got tied up in an emergency, you see, and this was the fastest way I-er, she could think of to tell you. Through me, that is. (grumble) Making me run all the way across town... Anyway, enclosed inside this envelope is enough money to take care of whatever you might need. Have fun!



Talon

PS: Please, for the love of GOD, do NOT ask why.

Keitaro blinked, looked over at the eager tenants, then shrugged, pulled out the money, and shoved the letter into his pocket. He then grinned.

"Well, whose ready?"

*********

ACROSS TOWN, IN A DEEP, DARK CAVE...

"HELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!" Screamed Naru Narusegawa in terror (rather than in rage) as she struggled in the slimey restraints she was sealed in. Coming closer, and closer, and closer to her, a gigantic, slimy monster turtle stalked, it's hideous mouth open, it's disgusting yellow teeth covered in drool.

"MYUUUUUUUUU..." It rumbled, licking it's chops as it prepared to eat the redhead. Naru screamed, and struggled some more.

"HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!! SOMEBODY!!! ANYBODY!!!"

"LANCE CHEESE PELLET ATTACK!" Several sprays of cheese slammed into the turtle's hide, hard as bullets. The turtle roared, and looked over it's shoulder. A young, 14 year old boy with short, spiky brown hair, blue jeans, and a black hoodie stood, holding floating globs of cheese menacingly in his hands. Next to him, Talon stood, with his claws extended and his fangs bared.

"Sheesh Lance, that was very CHEESE-sy!" Talon quipped, grinning. Lance Waymire rolled his eyes.

"Oh ha, ha ha, so very funny."

"Aren't I, though? Alright, let's go for my plan! ATTACK!" Talon ran at the turtle at breakneck speed, diving underneath the slow beast's belly. Lance threw more cheese pellets, as well as some cheese bombs. The turtle was not amused.

"MYUUUUUUUUU! BLARGH!" The turtle spat a large amount of green goo at Lance, which he barely was able to dodge.

"YEOW!" The turtle prepared to lunge at Lance, but then began to shudder violently. The turtle began to rise into the air! Lance blinked.

"Eh? A giant FLYING turtle?!" The turtle slowly "flew" over to a deep chasm, and finally fell in.

"MYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!" The turtle's cry faded away. Panting where the turtle had "jumped" off, Talon wiped his brow.

"Wow... That... Guy... Was... Fricking... Heavy!" Lance sighed, and nodded.

"Man, how heavy was that guy? Actually, how much can you lift?" Talon, still a bit exhausted (from lifting a turtle the size of a bus), tried to think.

"Um... I... Never... Really... Thought... About... It... I mean... I can... Lift... Seta's van without... Much trouble..."

"I'd estimate that that turtle was at least five tons in weight," stated Naru from her slimey restraints. She did some figures in her head.

"Which means... Wow Talon, you ARE really strong!" Talon shrugged.

"Meh... Least I saved you, right?" Naru shook her head, closing her eyes with a sigh.

"I don't see why you didn't just let him eat me. You hate me, right?" Talon rolled his eyes.

"Look, Naru: I don't HATE you, so much as I get really angry at you. You don't have to call me a freak, you know. Or pick fights with me." Talon involuntarily shuddered.

"OR, use me as your stuffed animal when Liddo-kun goes missing." Naru bowed her head.

"Hm... Maybe I don't... Hey! Can you get me out of this slime? We can talk about this later, after all..." Talon slashed the slime chains away, and helped Naru walk out of the cave. Lance shrugged, before turning toward the deep chasm. He brought out a suitcase filled to the brim with $20 bills. He then left it at the mouth of the chasm.

"Pleasure doing business with you," he called down, turning and heading out. Below him, there was the sound of a very large turtle laughing.

************

Keitaro was working on the finance sheet for the Hinata in his room when a knock came from the door.

"Coming!" The manager got to his feet and slid his door open. Outside stood Naru, dressed in a form-fitting kimono. Having since gotten control of his perverted tendencies, Keitaro warily surveyed the eighteen-year old.

"Um, what can I do for you Naru?" Naru smirked in a sultry sort of way. She undid her kimono and let it slide off, revealing her nude body, making Keitaro's eyes bulge out as a nosebleed began in earnest.

"You could help me with my sexual needs," she uttered, moving towards the panicking Urashima with a wink.

"Wh-wh-what?" Naru chose this exact moment to turn the corner, and saw... Herself, performing a striptease in front of Keitaro. She blinked, then snarled.

"KANAKO! YOU MAN-STEALING WHORE!" Naru screamed, rushing at what she thought was Urashima's adopted sibling.

"PREPARE TO DIE YOU-"

Vmp! Naru froze in shock. She had gone right THROUGH the Naru look-alike.

"-Bitch?" The nude Naru vanished with a final wink, and Mutsumi poked head out of the adjacent room with an innocent smile.

"Ara, I had you fooled didn't I Naru-chan?" Mutsumi grinned, waving what Naru presumed was the hologenerator in the air.

"Wh-What?!"

"Ara ara, shame I couldn't put myself into the simulation..."

*************

The Hinata was serene, that day. Warm sunlight caressed that ancient (yet resillient) structure like a mother's hand, as birds chirped happily, and the trees waved slightly in a soothing breeze.

KA-BOOM! This serenity was shattered, of course, by one of Kaolla Suu's Mecha Tamas. And this one was a particularly large model.

"WAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Screamed the residents of the Hinata. Keitaro ran with little, fainted Shinobu in his arms, alongside his sister Kanako, while an enraged Naru and Motoko chased Keitaro because of it. Kitsune ran for her life and her sake, and Haruka was carrying boxes of cigarettes in her arms. Mutsumi was no-where to be found, as Suu and Sarah cackled evilly over the mecha's intercom.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks to my new "Ten-Ten-Two-Zero" System, I have gone completely mad! And now we will destroy the world! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed the two now-utterly nuts little girls. The Mecha-Tama's shell opened up in a multitude of places, revealing weapons upon weapons upon weapons.

"PREPARE TO FIRE!" It was, in this instant, that a large discus slammed into the side of the Mecha Tama's head, causing the mighty robot to stumble.

"WHAT?!"

"Nice shot, Captain Anime!" Stated the fanfiction author known as Kebinu to Akal Saris, who caught the large disk on it's return trip. Both authors were decked-out in super hero-like costumes, Akal's akin to Captain America's, only with the Japanese symbol for "anime" on his chest, shield disk and belt buckle. Kebinu's costume was like that of the New X-Men's standard uniform, jeans with a black leather jacket emblazoned with a magnificent yellow "X". He also wore goggles, black gloves and matching boots. He clenched and un-clenched his fists, the gloves (and presumably the hands beneath them) transforming back and forth from cloth to pure white ice.

"Thanks, Kebinu! Now, to battle!" With that, the two "superheros" began to furiously attack the giant robot. The residents of the Hinata watched -not in awe, persay- but in confusion.

"... Huh? What the hell is-" Keitaro began to ask, but was cut off by a mechnical suit (resembling a white and blue Iron Man in appearance) landing gracefully before him and handing the already beleagured ex-ronin the unconscious Mutsumi.

"We're just saving your asses. No big deal. Just call me "Mecha Man", " soothed FFML Tim from within the suit, before he jetted off and joined the attack upon the Mecha Tama. Everyone blinked, then stared at eachother.

"What on-?" BOOM! A missile barrage was launched at the seven on the ground, and the "superheros" already battling the monstrous mecha couldn't hit the dangerous projectiles in time.

"AAAAAHHHHH-" BOOM! A blast of blue energy hit one of the missiles and pushed it out of control from the septillo on the ground, while a black shadow "encased" another and sent it spiraling harmlessly into the woods. A young man decked out simarily to Kebinu (only wearing an X emblazoned martial arts gi instead of a leather jacket) leapt into the air and kicked another missile into one of it's siblings, destroying both. The final missile was brought down by a flying girl also in an "X" costume and Andrew Talon (also X attired, only what he was wearing appeared to be pajamas), leaping and smashing it in mid-air, causing it to explode prematurely.

KABOOM! The person who had fired the blue energy shot, a young man (also adorned in "X", only also packing an elaborate cloak) joined his comrades, who all assembled before the giant mecha Tama.

"Looks like we got here just in time," noted Chistopher Magician with a slight smirk. The living shadow collesced into a humanoid form, gaining pure white eyes that narrowed slightly.

"Well, we would have been here sooner if someone hadn't dropped the map," Kana Himekazi sneered, the living shadow (aka "Anti-Pope") glaring at the writer of "Tales of the Rotten". Chris raised an eyebrow.

"You're the one who complained about the huge amount of light all around, pal." The tiger-boy, Andrew Joshua Talon, raised his hand... paw... whatever, up to catch everyone's attention.

"In case you didn't notice," Talon began," the giant mecha is still attacking. Perhaps we should forego this debate on tardiness and proceed with the mission?" The young floating girl, Mint, buzzed nearby with a kawaii smile on her face.

"Ooohh! Talon-san is taking after the Beast in his speech patterns!" She squealed, shooting a small burst of gravitons at David Weiss, the one adorned in the martial arts gi. David narrowed his eyes as he was forced to dodge the tiny but potent blast.

"Kana, can you tell your girlfriend's annoying little sister that I'm NOT for target practice purposes?" The mutant master of martial arts complained. Kana's stark white mouth opened, revealing a thin smirk.

"Why not? After all, you are my enemy. A supporter of Naru Narusegawa, the red haired banshee of Hell." David growled, taking a fighting stance. His powers were, after all, being able to mimic (and ultimately master) any fighting technique used against him in a matter of minutes. Kana smiled unpleasantly, preparing to shift into the nearby shadows so his power would be increased by a hundred times.

"Enough! It's time to go, right now, and save the world. You two can fight it out later, damnit! Unless you'd like to see how probable it is for one of you to drop dead right now?" Chris snarled, his hands beginning to glow with repressed quantum energy. Both combatants glared at eachother, before backing off.

"Good. Now that we're all going to act MATURELY, let's attack!" And with that, all of the authors began the assault.

"Chris! Hit the mecha's legs from behind! You too, Mint!" Shouted Akal, or "Captain Anime", as Kebinu had jokingly refered to him as. "Talon, David, FFML Tim! Hit the big guy in the front of the neck! Kebinu, slip him up! Kana, standby!"

Chris, known as the Magician for his ability to alter the laws of quantum probability, blasted the Mecha Tama's legs

from behind, causing the giant robot to wobble. Mint, being able to alter her mass and the mass of other things at will, shot a bolt of greenish energy into the Mecha's legs as well, causing the Tama to lose it's balance. David and Talon leapt and kicked the Mecha Tamago in it's head, along with Akal's shield and Mecha Man's energy blasts, as Kebinu iced the area under it to remove the beast's purchase on the ground. With a shuddering groan the giant turtle robot fell onto it's back, making the ground shake for a mile around as it's shell was crushed under it's own tremendous weight.

"AAAAHHHHHH! SUU'S FALLEN AND SHE CAN'T GET UP!" Screamed Suu over the suit's megaphones. Akal ran as fast as he could to the head of the Mecha Tama, Kana slinking behind him. The "Flag Man" cracked open the Mecha Tama's cockpit with his shield, tearing the hyperactive Indian Girl out and heading off. Kana grabbed Sarah in his dark grip, the bratty blonde protesting for just a moment before Kana's expression silenced her. Kana slithered off, Sarah in hand.

"NOW, MINT!" Mint rubbed her hands together, before sticking her tongue out the corner of her mouth in concentration. She pumped as much anti-graviton energy into the Mecha Tama as she could before the whole thing glowed bright green, and began to float away into the sky. Mint started to pant, leaning againt her dark sensei for support as the Mecha Tama began to reach critical altitude.

"I believe the time calls for destroying the offending mecha?" Talon suggested, glaring at the floating Tama in mild disgust. As if on cue, two blasts of fire lanced out and connected cleanly with the giant turtle, causing it to burst into flames and vapor. Talon shook in mild shock for a moment, before turning and looking over at two other authors, smirking in matching red outfits.

"Skyrocket?! Axel Terizaki?!" Indeed, the two authors grinned back at the tiger-boy, juggling fire.

"Hey, couldn't let you guys have ALL the fun!" Axel smirked.

"Catch you later!" Added Skyrocket as they both vanished in a burst of flames. Talon blinked, rubbed his eyes with his hands, blinked again, and finally shrugged as he leapt from tree branch to tree branch idly. Oh, well...

The crew of the Hinata had, by this point, been shocked into silence by the "super" spectacles going on. Akal Saris leapt down, holding Sarah and Suu in his arms. He handed them both to the already-over taxed Keitaro, now groaning under the weight of four girls.

"All in a day's work, citizens! See ya!" Akal stated, before running off at full speed for a black jet in the distance. Everyone else in his "merry" band joined him (aside from Talon, who lived at the Hinata anyway) and the plane lifted off silently into the morning sun.

"... What the hell just happened?" Asked Naru.

"... I have no frigging idea..." Answered Keitaro quietly, finally setting Mutsumi, Shinobu, Suu and Sarah down on the ground. Haruka, just then, showed up, smoking away. She looked at the chaos and then she looked at Keitaro.

"Wild party get out of hand again, Keitaro?" She asked. In response, of course, was a mass sweatdrop.

"Talon! What was going on?!" Talon leapt into the clearing, smiling at the assembled throng.

"Um... Housecleaning?"

*****

I know, lame. And long. Give me a break, I'm trying out random things (hence the title ^_^) Next chapter will have less author interaction, and focus more on the characters.

NOTES: Meh, make up your own minds! R&R, please!