Murphy's blue eyes watched his brother in the bathroom mirror as Connor compared the fresh ink on their necks, his eyes darting back and forth in deep concentration. Murphy knew exactly what his twin was doing…..Connor was making sure every detail of their first tattoos was identical, from the position on their skin to the radiant beams from the Virgin Mary's head.
Murphy bit his lip as he stared at the beautifully intense face of his lover, remembering how Connor grabbed his hand as soon as they got home and dragged him upstairs with nothing more than a mumbled command of "come on, Murph." Once they arrived in the bathroom, Connor made quick work of both their shirts and then grabbed Murphy's narrow hips, wordlessly turning him toward the mirror to study their reflection from over the darker twin's shoulder. Connor's fingers felt hot when they slid to his waist and after only a moment, one hand reached up and moved the hair from Murphy's neck for an unobstructed view.
Jesus, it was unbelievably sexy the way Connor took control. He was forceful without being too rough, his fingers were firm but not bruising and his entire demeanor said he was in charge. He didn't need to manhandle Murphy in order to get his way; Connor was man enough to take control without inflicting pain.
Not that Murphy would fight him…..at least not when Connor was like this, anyway. He understood his brother's obsession, how sometimes he needed control and to see with his own eyes that his lover was fine. Fussing was second nature to Connor, at least whenever Murphy was concerned, and it's something both twins accepted without question.
Connor's eyes narrowed with pinpoint precision, no longer comparing their neck art for any dissimilarity but now focusing solely on Murphy's reddened skin. He pulled at Murphy's waist and angled him for a better view as the crease between his eyes deepened with concern.
There was something about that crease that got Murphy excited, something that made his heart beat like a hammer. It was almost ridiculous how much he loved that crease but he just couldn't help it. He wanted to smooth it with his finger and relax it with his kiss and then watch it slowly reform when Connor found something else to focus on. Most of Connor's anxiety was needless, much like whatever was currently plaguing him, and there was nothing Murphy could do but let it run its course and wait for his boyfriend to release his pent-up fear.
"It's too red."
Murphy almost laughed out loud at that statement…..the tattoo was less than an hour old, of course it would be red. He knew Connor would flip the fuck out if he giggled at his concern and only by the grace of God was Murphy able to suppress his amusement at his brother's overreaction.
"What are you going on about, Conn? It's fine."
Connor scrunched his face in disagreement and he pushed at Murphy's head so more of his neck was on display before gently turning him toward the mirror in an effort to make Murphy see what he meant. "No, look. Yours is redder than mine." Connor motioned with his finger over his brother's neck and caught his eyes in the reflection, that fucking crease growing deeper by the second, his concern not dissipating in the least. "It shouldn't be like that. It looks infected."
"Connor….." Murphy sighed quietly as he miraculously remained patient in the face of his brother's phobia. Of course Connor would freak out a bit, Murphy should have known that would happen. He loved Connor's protective nature and near constant fussing but he didn't like him this worried when there was nothing wrong. "I've only had it for an hour. It's not infected."
Connor couldn't argue that fact but by the same token, he couldn't shake the feeling that his brother's tattoo just didn't look right. The edges were raised far more than his own, it was fire engine red and it just looked…..angry. He pressed his lips together, refusing to be dissuaded from what his eyes told him, and he shook his head at Murphy's attempt to placate him.
Murphy turned his back on the mirror and faced his boyfriend, raising his eyebrows and grinning with reassurance despite the way Connor studied him. He hated to admit it but the look on Connor's face was kind of hot. That crease was miles deep, those eyes were full of raw emotion and his mouth…..Jesus, that beautiful fucking mouth. The mouth that did such dirty things yesterday now twitched with nervous concern and nearly hypnotized Murphy with the movement.
"You only think it looks redder than yours because I'm not tan like you. That's all." Murphy tried to keep his voice whispery soft as he reasoned with his twin, knowing how that softness soothed the savage beast known as his brother. He followed those words with a gentle stroke of Connor's arm, pausing to squeeze his bicep before taking his lover's hand into his own. "I'm okay."
Connor instantly laced their fingers together as he tried to relax and give in to his Murph but his eyes gave his thoughts away. Murphy knew that look far too well…..Connor was trying to decide if he should take him to the emergency room.
Murphy squeezed his hand as he gently reminded his boyfriend how they'd been warned there'd be swelling and redness, maybe even a burning sensation as well. There was nothing to worry about, it was all perfectly normal…..Murphy's skin was just more sensitive than Connor's, that's all.
Connor couldn't deny his younger half's argument; even though they were twins, they could have different skin reactions. It all made perfect sense, even if he didn't like it. He felt himself relenting, at least for the time being, and he slowly nodded his assent as he reached for the cream they'd been given to stave off infection.
Thank God Connor gave in…..Murphy didn't want to have another fight so soon after making up and he really didn't want to be dragged to the hospital just because his neck was a little red. He pecked happily at Connor's perfect pout before lifting his body to sit on the edge of the sink, knowing his twin wasn't quite done with his fussing.
Connor stood between his open thighs and dabbed cream on Murphy's neck, his touch exceedingly gentle as he made sure every square inch of that tattoo was covered. Murphy loved his brother touching him, even if it was just Connor playing nurse, and he fought the urge to close his eyes. No one touched him like Connor. That touch was special, it was meant only for him and whenever those fingers danced across his skin, Murphy's burning desire for his twin went sky high.
"Do you like it?"
The corners of Connor's mouth turned upward at the softly whispered question, knowing Murphy needed the approval only he could give. After very little discussion, they had picked out the design together and it was Connor who suggested they tattoo their necks, almost as if to tell the world they belonged to each other. It was a permanent mark, an identical display and something that reflected their unending commitment not only to God but to each other.
Yes…..Connor liked it, he liked it very much.
Connor took his brother by the chin and he looked into the bluest of blue eyes, the eyes that made him want to be a better man, the eyes that reflected nothing less than perfect love. Just yesterday, Murphy might have blushed and looked away but not today. Today Murphy held his gaze and returned his smile with confidence, knowing just how much his Connor loved him.
"I love it, Murph. And I love you even more."
Whenever Connor said he loved him, Murphy felt a rush of happiness…..it was as if there was magic flowing between them that only they could feel. He'd never get tired of hearing those words of love, not when they came from Connor. They were the most important, most beautiful words he'd ever heard and as Murphy whispered "I love you too, Conn," his happiness was all encompassing.
Murphy wanted to kiss his boyfriend, he wanted to bite at his lips and taste his tongue. But instead of their lips meeting like they should have, instead of Connor kissing him so hard his mouth bruised, Connor surprisingly took a silent step back and released the confused face of his brother.
Stunned…..Murphy was momentarily stunned. What the fuck? He told Connor he wouldn't break but there were those fucking kid gloves again. Connor was being careful with him, he was treating him like a baby and there was no fucking way Murphy would let him get away with that shit.
Shock turned to steadfast determination as Murphy watched his brother smear a thick glob of cream onto his own neck, his nimble fingers screwing the lid back on the tube when he was done. Murphy wanted those fingers on his body right fucking now and he'd do whatever was necessary to make that happen.
When Connor was about to walk away, when his lover wasn't going to make a move of his own, that's when Murphy pounced. He wrapped his legs around his brother and hooked his ankles together, pulling him tight to his body, groin to groin, their heat not masked by the thickness of their jeans.
Connor laughed out loud and he let his twin trap him, his face reflecting shock but also pure enjoyment as he glanced down at the parts of their bodies pressed together. Connor flattened his hands on the sink on either side of his lover's hips and leaned harder into Murphy's body, forcing his twin to grab tight to his shoulders to prevent toppling backward.
"So Murphy wants to play, does he?" Connor teased with a raised eyebrow and he rutted between his boyfriend's spread thighs, his eyes watching Murphy's face for a reaction. Murphy's mouth opened when he sucked in a sharp breath and that sexy pink tongue licked across suddenly dry lips, his face reddening not from embarrassment but with sexual excitement.
"No, Connor…..Murphy wants to fuck."
Holy shit, when Murphy said things like that Connor about lost his mind…..his usually shy boyfriend could be surprisingly forward when there was something he wanted and Murphy's reticence dissipated like dust in the wind.
"You sure? You're not too sore after yesterday?" It was a reasonable question, considering how many times Murphy rode his dick in the past twenty four hours. But as much as he wanted to be buried deep inside his Murph right now, he'd forgo that pleasure if it meant his brother would be in pain.
"Who said you're gonna top? Maybe I want you to bottom."
Those words Murphy spoke weren't necessarily true, however; they were more a playful tease than anything else. Murphy knew his lover and what he needed…..and right now, Connor needed to top.
Most people wouldn't understand Connor's need, they wouldn't understand how it stemmed from fear. But Murphy knew. He knew his twin was afraid something was wrong with his tattoo, Connor felt out of control of the situation and his emotions. Topping would help Connor feel in control again. It wasn't about power or sexual conquest, not in the least. It was about one man knowing exactly what his lover needed to feel secure…..and then giving it to him.
Connor wrapped his arms around his brother's waist and pulled him off the sink, his hands clamping onto Murphy's ass as he shifted his brother's weight in his arms. Murphy clung to him with a tight grip of both hands and thighs; one hand clinging to Connor's shoulder and the other to his neck while his legs remained locked like a vice around his waist.
Connor looked up at the face he loved…..his Murph looked so sexy staring at him through those long fucking eyelashes of his. Jesus, he was beautiful. His auburn hair hung low across his forehead and if Connor's hands weren't full of the ass he couldn't get enough of, he'd brush that soft hair from his boyfriend's ocean blue eyes.
Without a word said between them, Murphy dipped his head and captured Connor's lips with his mouth. As was usual with every kiss they shared, self-restraint took flight and passion ruled. Murphy pulled at his neck as he inhaled his brother's hot breath into his lungs, his soft moans making Connor's lips tingle with the vibrations.
Holy fuck…..no one kissed as good as his Murph. His lips were soft but the pressure was firm, his tongue was frisky and fun yet a complete sexy tease and when Murphy deepened their kiss, Connor felt it clear down to his toes.
Without breaking free from Murphy's kiss, Connor turned and took a few tentative steps toward the closed door. If they were going to make love, this time they were going to do it in one of their beds.
His left hand remained glued to the curved underside of Murphy's ass while his right blindly searched for the doorknob, the smile on his face growing when he felt Murphy kick off his shoes…..the little shit could be so impatient sometimes.
But try as he might, Connor couldn't find the door handle. All he wanted to do was get Murphy in bed and have his fucking way with him but he couldn't even get them out of the bathroom. After a few more flails of his hand, he was forced to pull free from the mouth he lived to taste.
"Fucking hell, where's the fucking doorknob?"
Murphy's hot breath cascaded down Connor's face in waves as he quietly laughed and leaned backward, his fingers easily finding the handle that had eluded his lover. As he pulled the door open, Connor kicked at it and carried him over the threshold and into their bedroom, making a beeline straight for their beds.
"Mine or yours, Murph?"
"Yours," Murphy moaned with no hesitation; he knew exactly where he wanted to be.
Connor walked past Murphy's bed and stopped at the foot of his own, glancing down at the rumpled sheets that would soon need changing. He felt the thighs around his waist relax their hold and Murphy slowly slid down his body until his feet reached the floor, Connor clutching his ass the entire way. The air felt hot between them, the rising heat from their bodies making it feel sticky and close as Connor released his brother's ass with a hard squeeze.
That's when Murphy stripped him.
Murphy stared into his eyes as he undid Connor's belt, his fingers grazing his belly before moving on to the fly of his jeans. Once unzipped, Murphy hooked his thumbs into Connor's boxers and slowly pushed down. When the clothing passed the curve of Connor's ass, Murphy couldn't resist anymore and he finally gazed at the semi-hardness of his brother. Connor's prick was still the most mouthwatering thing Murphy had ever seen. He wondered if it was weird that he liked to see it in this state, to watch it thicken and rise as it transitioned into a rock hard sex machine. No, he quickly decided…..it wasn't weird at all.
He allowed the clothing to fall to the floor and pool at his lover's ankles before kneeling before his twin. He placed his hand on the back of Connor's calf and lifted his leg to remove his shoe, the only sounds being Connor's ragged breathing and the ticking of the second hand from the clock on their nightstand.
Shoelaces…..give me a fucking break. Connor always double knotted them, the bastard. Murphy wasn't about to waste precious time untying Connor's shoes so he pulled on the heel and removed both shoe and sock as fingers carded through his hair from above. He quickly repeated the process with the other foot before pulling the jeans and boxers from his brother's body and tossing them to the side. Once Connor was completely naked, Murphy looked up his lean body and waited, the temptation to suck the dick pointing at his face nearly overwhelming him.
Fucking hell...what a beautiful sight. Connor could barely believe how fucking lucky he was. He had the sexiest guy kneeling in front of him, eager to please. Murphy's eyes were wide and brimming with love. And they'd just made a commitment of sorts with their tattooed skin, something everyone could see but no one but them would understand. There was no doubt whatsoever…..Connor was the luckiest guy on the planet.
"Tell me what you want, Connor."
Connor stroked his brother's hair so lightly that Murphy barely felt it before he pushed his fingers into the silky softness and fisted it. Murphy licked at his bottom lip and then the corner of his mouth as he waited, almost breathless with anticipation.
Murphy only lost eye contact for a brief moment when he obeyed his brother's directive and reached for Connor's prick. He grasped it at the base and as the tip of his lover's dick passed between Murphy's lips, those ocean blue eyes returned to Connor's face.
"More, Murph. Harder."
Murphy sucked Connor's dick deeper into his mouth, his tongue massaging the underside of the hard cock as his hand pumped along the shaft. Connor's free hand clenched into a fist as he watched his boyfriend hollow his cheeks and suck even harder, the urge to pump his hips beginning to overpower him.
No, he couldn't thrust…..if he did, he'd choke his little brother. But fucking hell, it was so hard not to. Connor panted through his urge and remained still, somehow willing himself to stay in control as he watched his boyfriend with complete fascination.
A slight hum came from Murphy's mouth and it nearly shot his boyfriend through the roof with the vibrations, Connor's body lurching as his eyes widened in shock. Murphy's eyes didn't leave Connor's matching baby blues as his humming grew louder and stronger, Connor's growing moans quickly drowning out Murphy's tune.
Connor felt his dick hit the back of Murphy's throat and he froze…..shit, he had pushed deeper between those perfect lips without even realizing it. But Murphy didn't pull back, he didn't gag and he didn't stop…..Murphy relaxed his throat and he swallowed Connor's length.
A groan formed deep inside Connor's chest as his dick disappeared inside his darker half's mouth, deeper and deeper until his brother's nose pressed into his body and his balls rested against Murphy's chin. Hot breath teased Connor's pubes and even hotter hands squeezed his hips and ass as Murphy began to bob his head.
Shit…..with Murphy deep throating him, it wouldn't be long before Connor came. But Connor didn't want to cum in his brother's mouth, he wanted to cum in his ass.
In one smooth motion, Connor pulled his prick from his brother's mouth as Murphy's tongue glided along his shaft, teasing it one final time as he instinctively knew what Connor intended. As Connor's cock sprang loose, the head rubbed across Murphy's mouth and coated his bottom lip with a thin layer of precum, which Murphy leisurely licked clean between his heaving breaths.
Normally Connor would have been mesmerized by Murphy's tongue, normally he would have stopped everything and just watched, but he was too fucking turned on to slow down. The only thing that made him pause, the one thing that would make him stop, was his continuing concern for his partner.
"You sure you're okay, Murph? I don't want to hurt you." Connor stroked his sharp cheekbone with his thumb as he squatted in front of his brother, completely disregarding his hard, weeping cock in favor of his overheated twin. Connor evaluated his Murph with discerning eyes…..he didn't like how red Murphy's face was, how hard he was breathing or how much sweat had formed on his body. And after yesterday, he just had to be sore…..maybe too sore to take another pounding. No, even if Connor was gentle and went slow, it would be too much for his Murph.
"We don't need to make love, Murph…..a blowjob is fine, okay?"
Murphy wasn't about to lose out on sex with Connor just because his overprotective brother thought he was too sore. That was fucking bullshit…..he'd make love with Connor every second of every day, no matter how sore he was.
"I want you so fucking bad, Connor. Please…..don't say no." Murphy bit his lip as he waited with pleading eyes, hoping Connor would give in. He'd waited years to be with Connor and a sore bum wasn't about to stop him now. "I'm fine. Honest."
"You swear you're okay? You fucking swear, Murph?"
"I fucking swear, Conn. Please?"
"All right…..but you tell me if it becomes too much." Connor grasped Murphy by the back of his neck, leaned forward and gently kissed his forehead. "Now get your fucking pants off."
Connor helped Murphy to his feet, which was a good thing considering how Murphy's legs shook with anticipation. Connor walked behind him to get the lube while Murphy took off his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side to join his brother's discarded clothing.
"Get on the bed. On your hands and knees."
There wasn't a position Murphy didn't like, he liked them all, but doggy style was a particular favorite of his. He liked the feeling of his boyfriend taking him from behind, he loved the deep penetration and Connor always fucked him harder and faster in this position.
Murphy crawled onto his brother's bed and spread his legs wide as he got down on all fours, his ass hanging over the foot of the bed and tilted upward as he watched his brother approach from over his shoulder.
Connor stared at his brother's backside as he coated his fingers with a thick layer of lube…..shit, Murphy had a nice ass. His butt cheeks were perfectly rounded, his ass looked fucking great in a pair of jeans and when Connor fucked him, no matter the position, Murphy's heat nearly burned him alive. Fucking hell, Connor loved Murphy's ass…..it was fucking perfect.
Connor carefully prepped his brother, making sure he stretched Murphy as much as his fingers would allow. He coated his dick with a ton of lube before lining himself up with the pucker of Murphy's ass and when he finally entered his twin, the tightness and heat he remembered from the day before nearly brought him to his knees.
They started out shallow and slow with Connor rocking in and out of his brother in an almost leisurely rhythm, the bed squeaking softy with every pump of his hips. He stopped a couple times just to make sure Murphy was fine before starting anew, albeit at a slightly faster pace. Once Connor was assured Murphy could take it, once he was certain his brother had adjusted and wouldn't cry out in pain, he began to push deeper inside until he was embedded completely.
Their bodies moved in perfect opposition, skin slapping loudly as the thrusts forcefully increased, each twin losing himself in the moment. Connor tried to be gentle with his grip on Murphy's hips but his excitement seemed to get the better of him and he pulled harder in an effort to go deeper inside.
Murphy lowered his shoulders to the mattress and he pushed his legs wider apart in reaction to Connor's quickened pace. Connor's dick hit his prostate at just the right angle and Murphy slid his hand between his legs to fist himself, his hand pumping in perfect time to his lover's thrusts.
Murphy pressed his head into the bed and fisted the sheet with his free hand as he moaned loudly with pleasure, barely comprehending it was him who made that sound. Connor loved making Murphy moan like that…..short of the sound he made when he came, it was the sexiest sound ever.
Connor shifted his feet on the hardwood floor, widening his stance as his hands slid to his brother's backside. He took an ass cheek in each palm and pushed his boyfriend open wider as he pressed his hips into Murphy's body. He held himself in place, dick fully inside his Murph, and he grinded his hips.
"Conn….." Murphy moaned from beneath him, barely able to enunciate his brother's name…..fuck, he could barely think let alone speak.
Connor released his ass and reached underneath his brother, pulling Murphy's hand from his dick and replacing it with his own. His hand pumped a few times as his brother wiggled beneath him, creating the most incredible sensation around Connor's dick. Holy fucking hell…..Connor wouldn't last much longer.
"You still okay, Murph?"
Connor couldn't see the nod of his lover's head with Murphy's face pressed into the sheet so he slid his free hand up Murphy's sweaty back and squeezed his arm, shaking him slightly.
Murphy grunted quietly as he turned his head to the side and looked at his lover from the corner of his eye. This time Connor caught the nod.
God, he fucking loved Murph so much. He wanted to look into his eyes when they came.
Murphy moaned at the loss of the hand on his cock and the dick in his ass…..until Connor rolled him onto his back and quickly kissed his mouth. Sweaty hot hands pulled at Murphy's waist until his ass hung off the edge of the bed and Connor reached under his knees with his forearms and pushed against his thighs as he slid his dick inside once more.
Murphy pulled on his dick as Connor fucked him, both brothers growing closer to their peak with each passing second. Their balls drew up at the same time and as much as Murphy wanted to close his eyes in ecstasy, he couldn't look away from the love shining down on him from above.
They held each other's eyes as much as possible when their orgasms took control, their vision swimming, their bodies convulsing, their moans overlapping and echoing in their bedroom. They watched for the other's enjoyment and smiled at the same time, knowing they were the cause of such pleasure.
When the final orgasmic wave passed and the last bit of cum had been expelled, Connor reluctantly pulled his softening cock from his brother's body and lowered Murphy's legs. They squirmed in unison up the bed, moving away from the sweat that had collected on the lower end of the sheet, and before the cum could dry on his brother's belly, Connor got to work licking him clean.
Murphy stroked his brother's damp hair and he laughed quietly when Connor's tongue tickled a tender spot on his flesh, his stomach lurching beneath his brother's hot mouth. When Connor finished, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at his beautiful Murph.
"So…..you sore now?"
Murphy laughed and lifted his head to peck Connor's lips, tasting himself on his brother's tongue. He lowered his head back to the pillow and smiled devilishly at his twin. "I swear Conn…..I won't walk normal for a month."
"Only a month? I must be losing my touch."
"No fucking way…..trust me, that's not possible." Murphy stroked his brother's bicep, loving the feel of the smooth skin and the hard muscle beneath his fingers. He drew circles up Connor's arm to his shoulder and then down his chest, pausing to pull his nipple before his hand returned to the arm of his lover. "You want me to get us something to drink?"
"No. I want you to stay in my bed. I'll get it." Connor crawled over Murphy's body and off the bed, pausing to pull at the sheet they had kicked loose and covering his Murph with the soft linen. He pulled on his boxers and jeans as Murphy watched and once he reached the door, Connor paused and looked back at his reclining twin. "You really are amazing, Murph."
Connor was gone before his brother could respond and Murphy smiled with happiness at where he was…..he was in the bed of his boyfriend and lover, his very best friend and the best person he knew. He pressed his face into Connor's pillow and inhaled his scent, smiling at how Connor's smell made his stomach do flip-flops.
His fingers played with the edge of the sheet as he waited for his love to return, the minutes without his Connor feeling like hours. What was taking so long? Connor was probably making lemonade or iced tea, although Murphy would have been happy with just water, if truth be told. But Connor always went the extra mile…..just for him.
Murphy sat up and looked around their room, his eyes landing on the desk drawer with the dictionary, suddenly deciding he needed to see the pictures hidden inside. He vaulted from his brother's bed and pulled the heavy book from the drawer, his fingers quickly finding the images from their first date.
He stared at the pictures, remembering every detail, every smell and every taste. Ever since that day, his life got better and better. He was happy and content like never before. He could actually see a future when before he only saw darkness. And it was all because of Connor and his love.
Murphy set the pictures on the desk and he reached for the ceramic heart, his smile growing wider as he stared at the small piece of crockery in his palm. Conphy…..that was them, two halves of a whole. Forever, just like Connor said. With a soft sigh, Murphy placed the heart on the pictures, his finger tracing across the image of his lover's face.
Connor made him feel so loved…..it was the most incredible feeling in the world, to be loved so completely and unconditionally.
He glanced at the bedroom door, taking comfort in the fact that his twin was only one floor below. Murphy'd been such a chicken shit lately, he put off the conversation he knew they needed to have all because he was scared. But it was time to grow up and be a fucking man. He needed to quit avoiding the problem and tell Connor what he'd been through, what that man did to him. Connor would love him no matter what.
Murphy wiped at his suddenly wet eyes and he reached for his pants, quickly pulling them on and making his way down the stairs, his heart full of determination. He smiled at the sound of the tiny clicks of a knife on a cutting board and when he entered the kitchen, his heart instantly warmed.
As Murphy suspected, on the kitchen table was a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses filled with ice. Connor's back was to his brother, his attention focused on the fruit he was cutting into bite size pieces and his quiet humming was music to Murphy's ears.
Maybe he should wait…..it would hurt Connor to tell him what happened with the priest, he'd be devastated. But Murphy wasn't sure if he'd ever be brave enough again. No, Connor needed to know. No matter how much it hurt them both, no matter how out of control it would make Connor feel, Murphy knew in his heart it was time.
Murphy took a shuddering deep breath before walking to his twin, struggling to find his elusive courage. He wrapped his arms around Connor's waist and pulled him tight to his chest, gently kissing his bare shoulder as Connor quietly laughed.
"You just couldn't wait, could you?" Connor picked up a piece of fruit and held it up toward his brother, his head turning slightly to gaze at his twin. "Here…..I cut some apples for you."
Murphy rested his chin on Connor's shoulder and he opened his mouth as Connor smiled and placed the fruit between his lips. He chewed slowly as Connor resumed his cutting, his soft words comforting the disquiet in his brother's heart. "I really meant what I said, Murph. You're amazing…..in so many ways, you have no fucking idea. Every day I'm more in love with you."
Connor expected a response of some kind and when he got nothing but a tightening of hands on his body, he instantly grew concerned. He put the knife down and twisted in his brother's arms until they faced each other, the crease between his eyes suddenly returning when he saw the look on Murphy's face and the haunted look in his eyes.
Murphy released his brother and took a step back…..his body started to shake and he felt completely lost as his eyes slowly filled with tears. How do you tell the love of your life something so terrible? How do you make it not hurt? How do you even put it into fucking words?
"Murphy…..you're scaring me."
Connor took his brother by the hands and gently squeezed as Murphy closed his eyes in an attempt to hold back the flow of tears. But it was for naught when Connor cradled his face in his hand and stroked his cheek. Once Murphy felt that love, the tears leaked from his eyes.
Connor suspected what was about to happen, he'd been expecting it for some time now…..he just didn't know all the details yet. He continued to hope he was wrong, Connor prayed what he suspected never happened to his baby brother and he reminded himself to stay calm and be strong. God please, just let him be wrong. Please.
Murphy opened his eyes, wiped at his face and spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, the tremble giving away his state of mind. "Connor…..you said I could tell you anything. And you'd always understand. You said I could tell you anything at all."
Now Connor was really fucking scared.
"Did you mean that?"
Connor felt like he couldn't breathe, like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. He nodded slowly and did his best to keep his voice steady, he had to stay strong for what was to come. "Yeah, Murph. You can tell me anything at all."
"Will you still love me no matter what I tell you? No matter how bad it is or how disgusting and sick?"
Murphy knew the answer to that question, there really was no doubt whatsoever. But for some reason, hearing that answer would give him the strength he needed to continue.
Connor didn't hesitate, not for one split second, his words forthright and full of emotion. "Murphy MacManus, I'll love you forever. No matter what. You're my love…..my Murph. You can tell me anything at all and it won't ever change that love, not ever."
Murphy bit his lip and glanced around the room, wishing to God he could just run away. But he was done running from the past, he needed to face it and tell Connor what happened, no matter how painful it was. When his eyes returned to Connor's loving gaze, Murphy nodded and wiped at his face one final time.
Through his tears Murphy finally said the words he could never say out loud before.
"Father O'Shea raped me."