Martian Blood, American Heart

"I've been dreaming of a time," Leo the Patriotic Lion wrote in his journal, "when Americans are sick to death of even those in living in America that show hatred towards the flag, the people running the government, and praise those who seemingly pose continuous threats on the nation, regardless of whether the enemy is al-Qaeda, any other terrorist group, or threats such as Lawrence Limburger, that only the Biker Mice From Mars can put an end to. Understandably so, this country has always had opposition. I cannot recall the last time the British ever showed such an attitude unless the last time was our War for Independence, which the British civilian public did not like either. They were probably just as happy when Cornwallis raised the white flag for eternity. Meanwhile, what are we to do about our current threats?"

Both Leo and the Biker Mice had previously dealt with cases of anti-American thought, of which those people (by Leo's beliefs) were either sentenced to death or exiled never to return. Only humans were guilty of this, however; 100% of the nation's population of furries (meaning animals that talked, walked, and lived like humans) showed pro-America attitudes and were not afraid to fly the flag no matter what the cause.

No one showed a better display of anti-American attitudes than Lawrence Limburger, because of how he was trying to destroy the Earth and do his Plutarkian race proud, even after Lord Camembert (upon capture by an intergalactic police force) was sentenced to death in the electric chair. It wasn't until three days later that the report came in stating Camembert never had to even go to the chair; he died of heart failure on the way to the chair, and officials reported it was all due to the stress he suffered at Limburger's incompetence. Limburger could breathe a sigh of relief at that point. "It's at least good I never again have to suffer one of his severely censorious overreactions," he said. "Now all I have to do is get rid of this pesky nation they call the United States of America, and the rest of the world will have no choice but to beg me to take away their natural resources. Then it will be mine after all. I will be invincible! I am Limburger!"

He turned around to witness his latest satellite, the XR-3000, which he based on the Quarrelsome Quartet's Laser Beam 5000, be constructed and readied for launch. (Note that the Quarrelsome Quartet was the arch-enemy of the G-52s, the organization led by SUPERCAT and which Leo the Patriotic Lion was one of, and their Laser Beam 5000 was used to destroy Kriegland. What they had not realized was that they did not kill one soul; thanks to Kriegland Drum Corp Sergeant and mastermind inventor Corey the Tiger, the whole population got out safe. Since their arrival in America, Corey finally got to live up to his true personality playing rock drums for J.R. and the Rebels, a band led by the hottest fox icon in town, John Revolution. John the Tiger, the Kriegland military bandmaster, whom Leo called the Sousa of Kriegland, went on to achieve even greater fame in America.)

"O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain," John said to himself as he took his morning walk. "For heroes that defend our borders from those who fight in vain. What a country! What a wonderful country!"

"He's in the right mood today," Leo smiled as he stopped by the Last Chance Garage, where Charley was working on WARCAT's bike. (WARCAT suffered a busted gyro in a previous battle against the Quarrelsome Quartet's one surviving boss, Alfred Coats Bendraqi.) The Biker Mice took note of how much they and WARCAT had in common. Not only was WARCAT a biker, he called his bike Fireball and considered it his pride in joy. (The difference was he gave his bike masculine qualities, whereas Modo called his bike "Lil' Darlin'," and gave it feminine qualities.)

Leo waved hello to John as he stopped by to say hello. "I see you're in the right mood today," he said.

"Yes, just finished my latest composition, which is really a medley of tunes that culminate in a playing of 'America the Beautiful,'" John replied. "It's on its way to the publishers right now. It also helps to dress casual sometimes; being in the uniform all day can cause a bit of stress, as there is certain behavior expected out of me from the public when I am wearing the uniform."

"I can totally relate," Leo nodded as they both walked inside Last Chance Garage. The Biker Mice waved hello, and Rimfire pulled out his small flag and waved it triumphantly. After saying hi, Leo turned to WARCAT. "How's your bike been?" he asked. "Heard it was damaged."

"It was only a busted gyro," WARCAT replied as he pulled out his checkbook. "These repair jobs are sooner or later going to bankrupt me if I am not careful. But who knows? Maybe one of these days my bike will be as advanced as yours. Yes, I'm looking at you, Vinnie."

"Well, my bike is a sport racing bike," said Vinnie. "You drive a chopper. Still, it's a bad bike. And I mean bad as in baddest in the city!"

"What branch of the military was your father in?" Modo asked.

"He was in the Navy," WARCAT replied. "After that, he worked in a miners' union, and when that closed down, he transferred over to Wildfire Software, Inc., of which he is now the president. My sister, Mona, is the CEO of that company by day, and by night, she plays billiards professionally. She has three world snooker championships to date and several 9-ball and trick shot championships under her belt, and she shows no signs of slowing down. So even if I don't look like I appreciate this country's military, I do; I have a military veteran for a dad."

"Glad to hear that," Throttle spoke up. "Seems we've been kicking out a bunch of psychos who don't appreciate the military, and Leo, I know your blood is boiling every second."

"Well, it's cooled down now," Leo replied. "It actually does not surprise me that your nemesis, Lawrence Limburger, hates America. He hates the whole world."

Then Throttle's antennae began glowing. Modo's and Vinnie's glowed as well. "Uh-oh! Trouble!" Throttle called. "Good thing our bikes are ready to go."

"Inform us of what's going on," Leo called. "We'll keep in touch." He turned to his friend. "Good thing I wore the gold armor today. John, follow me to my Patriotmobile. I may need your help on this one." John nodded, then ran off to the nearest place where no one would see him. A few seconds later, he re-emerged as the Cat of Chaos (his super alter-ego which he previously used in anti-piracy public service announcements; like Batman, he didn't have any powers, but was proof you don't have to have superpowers to be a superhero).

"I'll follow you," WARCAT added. "And hopefully, it won't take on damage, Charley."

"It's okay," Charley replied. "I'm used to it. I didn't bother to add weapons to your bike, since you only rely on that six-shooter of yours. But it's done. You can pay me later after the crisis is solved."

"Okay. I wouldn't want weapons anyway," said WARCAT, saddling up. "It's true, though, that I'm raring to go, fight, and win. Personally, I've waited all my life to say this and I take pride in saying it with you Biker Mice. It's time to ROCK…"

"…and RIDE!" everyone shouted, gunning their engines and blasting off. Leo gave his trademark salute as the mice and WARCAT exited the Last Chance Garage (after Charley opened the door, of course). Rimfire, bringing up the rear, kept waving his American flag with Vinnie, although the flags Throttle and Modo waved had the Martian Freedom Fighter symbol on it. This was an indication the two were fighting as one.

Stoker, as Super Stoker, flew high in the sky alongside the Cat of Steel, SUPERCAT, as they went to investigate the curious activity coming from Limburger's hideout. When everyone arrived, they saw the rocket. "Whoa. Déjà vu!" Throttle exclaimed. "Remember the satellite that we toasted at the North Pole? Wonder if he's doing the same thing?"

"I don't know," Modo replied. "I think it is for a different purpose. That beam is devastating enough it could wipe out a whole populace."

"Manly Martian Mice included," Vinnie added, self-glorifying himself.

SUPERCAT and Super Stoker flew down to where the others were and were brought up to date on what was happening. Then SUPERCAT listened intently to the conversation between Limburger and Karbunkle.

"Is the satellite ready, Karbunkle?" Limburger asked his faithful mad scientist.

"Ready for action, your frozen yogurt swirliness," Karbunkle replied. "Soon the time we were both dreaming of, a time when America is no more, shall come true."

"Today, America. Tomorrow, the world!" Limburger laughed. "I can't take all the credit, though. If the Quarrelsome Quartet hadn't invented that Laser Beam 5000, I would've been powerless."

"So that psycho stole the Quarrelsome Quartet's idea and is trying to do the same thing here!" John exclaimed. "He's not getting away with it!"

"Wasn't that the weapon that destroyed your planet?" Throttle asked.

"Yes, it was," John nodded. "We got away safely and came here as a result. Unfortunately, there is nowhere to go in this case; it will be one huge genocide."

"I don't think it will be a direct case of genocide," Stoker objected. "Limburger only wants our natural resources to send to Plutark. Remember that they wasted their own and so they strip-mine other planets of theirs. They did that with Mars, but after I perfected my Regenerator and made it rechargeable, the planet once again became inhabitable forever and it is no longer under attack from enemy forces. If this planet tried to occupy it, our population would be overcrowded out of existence. The same is true for Saturn and the cats who occupy it, although the Surfer Cats of Saturn are occupying Earth now. They help with some of our music videos, as a matter of fact. But they won't be doing that anymore if Limburger gets his way."

"Nothing motivates us more than knowing we may never rock-and-roll again," Modo added.

"The way I see it, rock motivates you to fight for independence in the same a drummer and fifer playing 'Yankee Doodle' motivated us to fight for ours in 1776," Leo spoke up. "I like that."

"How do we go about toasting this creep's toy?" SUPERCAT asked. "My fireballs are powerless against it, as it is protected by a shield that itself is protected by barrier generators."

"Well, first of all, we're going to have to find a way to disable all the generators. Then we can turn off the shield and trash that rocket," Throttle replied. "Okay, now listen up. Here's what we are going to do." Everyone huddled in and listened to Throttle's strategy.

Soon Limburger had to resign from gloating as his alarms sounded. "What? NO!" he screamed. "Not my ever so-costly satellite! Security! Security! Attack! ATTACK!"

Goons from everywhere popped out and began their assault, but our heroes were prepared. Leo and John fought with their fists and feet while WARCAT joined the Biker Mice on driving around and destroying the generators. Rimfire, meanwhile, waited for the right moment to fire his guns and fry the shield. SUPERCAT tried throwing his fireballs again, although aiming for Limburgers hideout, prompting Limburger to escape while his hideout burned down. (Note that Limburger had resigned from rebuilding his tower over and over again, since it was costing him too much money, and so he resorted to temporary hideouts that could be moved to wherever he needed it to be. But to no avail; the forces of good kept on locating him.)

Stoker warded off enemy air assaults with his powerful punches and super breath, which caused 200 MPH winds that sent the goons off course. The wind did not send any innocent civilians off course, however, as these winds according to Stoker's powers knew who was good and who was evil.


"Right away, your chili cheesiness!" Karbunkle replied, using a transporter that would send him to a nearby forest where (according to his hopes) they could not be found.

"Throw away all your hope!" SUPERCAT called. "You can't hide from me!" He threw another fireball, which sent Karbunkle's getaway car crashing into a nearby tree. The mighty Cat of Steel grabbed the two hated villains and sent them hurtling back to Alcatraz, where Grease Pit was staying as well (as the result of a previous battle with the Biker Mice).

"Hi, boss!" Grease Pit called. "Back so soon?"

"Oh, shut up!" Limburger snorted, mad at himself and taking it on his henchman as he always did.

Meanwhile, Rimfire proceeded to open fire on the shield and destroyed it. Vinnie used his flares and Modo used his bionic arm to destroy the rocket. Stoker then used his super breath to blow all the rubbish into the compost heat. Within minutes, the area was clear, and the city resumed its business, although cheering for the heroes in the process. Marching and military bands struck up Sousa's "The Stars and Stripes Forever," "The Invincible Eagle," and "Semper Fidelis," in response to the crowds cheering, and some drum-and-fife groups were playing everything from "Yankee Doodle" to "Old Dan Tucker." (Note that because of Leo's respect for the British as he preached in his speeches to the public, these groups also played "The British Grenadiers" on a regular basis.)

At Maximum Mighty Melt, our heroes stopped to eat lunch and celebrate. When they parked their bikes, the Biker Mice and Rimfire flew their Martian and American flags once again as the customers also pulling up were clapping. Stoker let his powers transform him back into his regular clothes (out of sight, of course). John also changed back to his casual wear out of sight as well, although he did so inside Leo's Patriotmobile (in a spare room created for just that purpose).

Due to Leo's beliefs, the press didn't bother talking to him or to the Biker Mice, although one newspaper reporter asked if Limburger was the guilty party. "This is so we don't give you a reason to sue us for libel," he explained. "Other than that, we have no questions."

"I see," Leo replied. "And you are correct; it was Limburger. Now write this down. His satellite, the XR-3000, would have destroyed the planet in the same manner that the Quarrelsome Quartet's Laser Beam 5000 destroyed Kriegland. The main difference is that this world would have perished with all its population dying as well. Now we can act like nothing ever happened, even though it did."

"Okay, thank you," said the reporter, and he left to rejoin his co-workers.

Tom the Patriotic Tiger, Leo's tiger counterpart, joined up with his father as well, and he was wearing casual wear, as was his dad. "Sorry I wasn't with you, Leo," he apologized. "I had a call from the funeral directors in regards to my late grandfather, who, like my dad, was a Hellcat. The funeral has happened, and now I'm working on selling his property, since he did not leave a will for anything."

"That's all right, Tom," Leo replied. "I don't expect you to be by my side every time. Besides, the case is closed, thanks to the Biker Mice and co., plus WARCAT and SUPERCAT."

"Was this the satellite story they were talking about?" Tom's father asked. "I thought I saw something suspicious-looking blow up in front of my very eyes."

"It was indeed," Leo nodded, and Stoker added, "And you don't realize you would have been destined to your own doom if Limburger had gotten his way."

"I'm not ready to make my death march just yet," Tom's father replied. "I am a Hellcat, and I won't go down without a fight, even if I am a drummer."

"That's the spirit!" Leo replied with a smile on his face. "More power to you!"

"Keep up the good work!" Modo added.

"You definitely have left a mark on this country and they thank you for it," Rimfire spoke up.

"Oh, thanks," Tom's father smiled. "But is it a genre you don't like? If so, I'm sorry for that."

"It's not that we don't like it; it's just that your music isn't our personal taste," said Throttle as the group took their orders, "but if it thrives as much as ours does, that's a record that even we have yet to achieve. That's the reason we congratulate you on being the longest-lasting field music unit within the Army even if you are the last one."

"And there will be more chapters to add, I'm sure," Vinnie added as he got his root beer.


Biker Mice From Mars © Rick Ungar, Tom Tataranowicz, Tom Tataranowicz Animation, Brentwood Television Funnies, and whoever else owns the rights

SUPERCAT, WARCAT, Leo the Patriotic Lion, Tom the Patriotic Tiger, SSG Benjamin Wilder (Tom's father), and John the Tiger © me