Once, Twice, Three Times a Rimfire

Once he established himself as a great secret agent by stealing all those tetrahydrocarbons from Hairball's fortress, not to mention his rock star status with the Martian Freedom Fighters, Rimfire had become a household name. According to what Modo told the press during an interview, "If Rimfire's going to be as famous as me and my bros, he certainly has earned it, with that song "Beat It!" of his topping it all off. Do you know what an impact he had doing those drum solos during that one song? I swear Leo the Patriotic Lion was trying to get him drafted as a Civil War re-enactor!"

Of course, Modo was making a joke, and Leo confirmed it when the press asked him about it. "I would never try to get him drafted into that," Leo said. "Carbine would consider it an act of treason and have him dropped towards a pile of sharp spikes. She almost did that to the Biker Mice until she found out it was all Napoleon Brie's doing."

On this particular day, Rimfire was playing "hard to hit." Ever since those intergalactic stalkers tried to kill him and the Biker Mice for their supposed trophy value, he was ripping it up on the stage and off. Doing flips and kicks only daredevils like him would do, he dodged every attack that the Clawtroopers were delivering. Hairball was taking command of this attack with his big brother Cataclysm dead (after trying to use the Regenerator to take over Mars and its malfunction leading to its subsequent explosion killing him off), and was making no progress. "GET HIM!" he had been screaming. "KILL HIM! CRUSH HIM! WHY CAN'T YOU IDIOTS RID ME OF THIS PESSIMISTIC PEST, DA?"

"Rimfire to Biker Mice!" Rimfire called into his walkie-talkie while doing a front flip into enemy gunfire. "I'm in coordinates 27-17, escaping from those Clawtroopers that took me hostage and were going to hold me for ransom at a total of at least $6 billion. Why $6 billion? That's how much money they think Leo the Patriotic Lion has in his bank account, and they want him to pay it!"

"Yeah, he's got that much, but he ain't paying it," Modo replied.

"Anyway, I can get out just fine, but it's going to take more than just me to see to it Hairball is put back behind bars," Rimfire continued.

"Don't worry, Rimfire," Modo spoke back. "We're coming for you."

"Helmets on, bros!" Throttle announced. "It's time to ROCK…"

"…and RIDE!" all three shouted, yelling their famous battle cry, gunning their engines, and racing to the scene of the crime. On their way, they informed Charley, Stoker, and later, Leo, of what was happening. "Of course I won't pay those slime balls one penny!" Leo replied in fury over the radio. "That's the most anti-American thing anyone can do, threatening to rob the Grand Old Defender!" (That nickname of Leo's was one Modo gave him.)

"I hear you, Leo," Throttle nodded, pulling out his flag, and Vinnie followed suit. "We're going all out for the red, white, and blue on this one. And I can assure you, so is Rimfire."

Throttle was not lying. While continuing to dodge attacks and make a mad dash for his bike, Rimfire was displaying Old Glory all the way, making the Clawtroopers faint in some places, retreat in others, and just plain barf in still some others. "Leo," he said to himself, imagining he was in the presence of the almighty lion, "you sure were a great influence. I never go anywhere without flying the flag now."

After about two hours of search and rescue routines, the Biker Mice and Leo (who had been driving his famous one-of-a-kind Patriotmobile) found Rimfire. "Hey, Uncle Modo," Rimfire greeted. "I managed to escape them, but I can assure you they're coming. Hairball may tell them to keep on fighting even if they catch sight of Leo and think they've been caught in the act, which, to tell you the truth, they will be." He revealed his American flag and flew it high and proud, prompting Leo to snap to attention and salute him.

"Excellent work, soldier!" Leo spoke up after about a ten-second pause. "Not only did you escape their hairy clutches, but you kept Old Glory flying high, and she never touched the ground!" (One of Leo's biggest pet peeves was incidents of flags touching the ground, or worse, being burned, but not for ceremonial purposes.)

"Hey, no problem!" Rimfire replied. "I'm not one for taking praise at a time like this, however. Have we set up the perimeter defenses yet?"

"I took care of that for you, bro," said Vinnie. "What a rush!" He laughed his signature laugh of triumph and raised his right arm high as he zoomed towards an attacking squadron of Clawtroopers. "Biker bonsai!" He laughed again and proceeded to throw his flares at the vehicles some of the Clawtroopers were driving, knocking them down like bowling pins. Only one Clawtrooper remained on his feet. "Oh, well," Vinnie sighed. "Guess you can't get a strike every time, can you?"

Throttle drove up to the one remaining Clawtrooper and punched him with his battle glove while it was lit, sending the soldier airborne and forming a perfect rainbow shape. By the time the Clawtrooper hit terra firma again, he landed right in front of Leo. "Off to the dungeon with you, you terrorist!" Leo bellowed. He picked up the soldier, and, using his physical strength only Modo was known to match, threw the Clawtrooper so hard he landed directly inside Alcatraz!

The battle continued until all the Clawtroopers had been either killed or arrested. When Hairball tried to escape from the action, Vinnie grabbed him and threw him to Leo, who threw him towards Alcatraz. Using the technology in his helmet, Throttle watched the shocked commander with a Russian accent land in jail. "2 for 2, Leo!" he announced. "El Disgusto Supremo is back behind bars!"

Shocked at the news, Leo exclaimed, "Whoa! I didn't even know my own strength! I have to be careful from now on, or I'm going to end up being the one catapulted to Alcatraz, as if it was a circus act!"

"Oh, you don't have to do that!" Rimfire replied. "I'm not going to let that happen!"

"Good soldier!" Leo smiled. "You certainly have what it takes to be in the U.S. Army, but just like I told the press, it's best you didn't. When they need a spy, however, I think they now know who they're going to call!"

"Give your old uncle a high-five, Rimfire!" Modo congratulated, proceeding to do just that. Everyone went to the nearest hot dog stand to celebrate with hot dogs and root beer. While the mice took orders, Leo took out a notebook and began writing down his latest musical idea for drum and fife that would ultimately be a salute to Rimfire.


Biker Mice From Mars © Rick Ungar, Tom Tataranowicz, Tom Tataranowicz Animation, Brentwood Television Funnies, and whoever else owns the rights

Leo the Patriotic Lion © me