My Dear Brother,

Did you really think I wouldn't see your letter? I see everything when it comes to you Murph. I had until I read your letter thought I knew everything about you. But you surprised me with our first time together. I made you so weak at the knees you couldn't stand? That little statement makes me love you even more brother if that were possible.

You are the most precious thing I own Baby Brother. The one thing on this fucking earth I would kill anyone and everyone for. And the one thing I would die for.

I love everything about you. I cherish with all my heart the times we take it slow. How I slide the back of my knuckles over the most beautiful cheekbones God has ever graced on a human being and run my thumb around your lips. How you suck it in as if you're going down on it while you look at me with your pupils blown to hell and back in want. I want you as I have never wanted anything in my life Murph. And I will die when you die because life will no longer be worth living.

That first night we were together was your first time with me. But it wasn't mine. My first time with you was when we were thirteen. Do you remember you'd been invited to the new girl's birthday party and I hadn't been? Because she'd tried to copy my test answers at school and I hadn't let her. I was punished by not being invited to her party. Which didn't bother me in the least. Except she invited you. You weren't going to go but Ma forced you to.

She knew Murph, she knew how I felt about you. I don't know how, but she did. She told me I was the older brother when she was telling me that I had to stop feeling this way or she would send me away and I'd never see you again. I nearly killed her for saying that Murph. What she never realised is that while you may not have known how I felt, or even felt the same way then, you would have killed her too if she'd done that. She has never understood the feral in you the way I do. The way you understand it in me.

You had just gotten out of the shower. You were in our room messing around and you took off your towel to flick it at my arse. You got me a good one brother. I turned around and you took my breath away. You were just growing into your hands and feet as I was. Ma wasn't home and I thank God for it every day. I nearly took you right then and there Murph. I had no idea about sex really neither of us did. We'd only just started waking with morning hard-on's.

It was about two weeks after that that Father Donaldson gave us the 'sex talk'. It was already too late for me. You were naked, wet and so very beautiful. No tattoos at all then, just some scrapes from a fight we'd gotten into a few days earlier. You're so fair Murph where I am not. Your hair was starting to grow thick on your legs and under your arms and your groin. And your cock. It hung there already adult in size. I may be older, but you're bigger.

And I love that. I love when you decide you need to be inside me. The way I can't walk right for days afterward no matter how gentle you are, your sheer size makes me feel it. And I can admit to you now Murph after we've been together so long that I love when you're so rough with me that you make me bleed, anywhere Murph. Anywhere you make me bleed will make me come. I'm getting hard now just thinking about you making me bleed Murph.

That night however I had never come before. When I looked over at you dancing around and I saw your cock moving and swaying all I wanted to do was touch it. I knew I loved you Murph, but until that night I hadn't realised I was in love with you. I am so very thankful Ma was out that night Murph. When you left for the party swearing you'd only stay an hour and I said to stay as long as you wanted I hoped you'd be gone for hours. I needed to be on my own that night Murph. The things I did were not fit for your eyes to see.

You did not need to see me take off all my clothes and roll around all over your messy unmade bed so I could smell like you. You did not need to see me kneel on your bed as I touched myself thinking of you for the first time, making myself come on the t-shirt you'd been wearing before you'd had your shower. You did not need to see me lick myself off your t-shirt savouring every drop of myself as I imagined I was tasting you. I came again just by doing that Murph. You didn't need to see me put my fingers inside myself as I again jerked myself off thinking of your fingers being in me Murph, of your cock being in me. Of you coming inside me.

I cannot remember brother how many times I came that night. I only remember thinking of you each and every time I did. I knew from that night my soul was damned. I was owned by you and no other, not even God could take me away. Whatever you wanted I would give. Whatever you needed I would give.

Ma knew, of course she knew. I could hide myself when we were out and for the most part at home but not always. And when she was sober, she was observant. She realised before I did how I felt. Murph I cannot begin to tell you the number of times she tried to separate us. She was unsuccessful because of you and I thank God and you every day for your strength in standing up to her and not allowing it. I would not be alive today if you hadn't stood up to her.

When you said we had to come here to the US I almost wept with relief. To be away from her, out from under her thumb and free to be with you. Even if you wound up with someone else I would be happy for you while I died slowly inside but I'd be away from her and with you.

I love you more than I need to breathe Murph, you are my reason for existing.


A/N - Wow, this letter woke me from a very sound sleep almost fully realised & written in my head. It's loosely based on a very naughty Connor/Murphy conversation I had with fellow FF writer Elle Gardner who has posted her letter to Connor on her page.