A Super Smash Bros. fanfiction
by Jonathan "KnightMysterio" Spires
All characters copyrighted to Nintendo and used for non-profit amusement reasons. Story is copyrighted to me. Part 1 of 3.
The pale-skinned, dark-haired woman looked at the letter she had been given for what felt like the fiftieth time to her.
"Congratulations Wilhemina Fitzpatrick! You have been chosen by Nintendo to represent the Wii Fit franchise in the latest Super Smash Bros. video game! Please report to the Smash Mansion to meet your fellow Smashers, and remember, have fun! One last note: You can tell others your real name, but in game, you will be referred to as the Wii Fit Trainer," it read.
She shook her head. When she had gotten the letter, she and the rest of her world had also gotten the awareness that they were video game characters. It was... mildly depressing. But still, a new opportunity! And who knows, she might earn some fame for her game as well!
She removed her shoes, knowing she was expected to fight without them, and adjusted her form-fitting pants and blue top, sighing. "A fitness video game... Even I wouldn't play that for long..." Wii Fit Trainer said, sighing. Shaking her head, she knocked on the door.
An adorable green dinosaur opened the door. Wii Fit Trainer smiled. "Hi, I'm Wil? The Wii Fit Trainer? I'm going to be in the new Smash Bros. Game, and I was told to report here."
Yoshi (for that was the dinosaur's name) stared at her for a long moment.
And then he ate her, his long tongue snaking out and pulling her down his throat in an instant.
"YOSHI!" snarled a voice from behind the dinosaur. Yoshi, his bulging belly wriggling, turned around and winced, seeing an angry-looking Samus Aran behind him, the blond in full armor save for her helmet. "Spit her out!"
Yoshi shook his head defiantly.
Samus rubbed her temples, sighing. "Look. I know you're upset that you didn't get confirmed first along with the rest of the original eight. But it's not the fault of the newbies, all right? Now spit her out. NOW."
Yoshi folded his arms, as if challenging her. Samus snorted. "I've faced down Ridley dozens of times. You think I'm scared of you?"
Yoshi grinned wickedly and started to say something. "Yosh..."
"Mention my last game in any way and I mangle you worse than the reviews for Shaq Fu, lizard," Samus said, her expression icy.
Yoshi stared at Samus a long moment and sighed. He grunted, bending over, an egg popping out of his rear. He then threw it at Samus, the bounty hunter dodging reflexively. Yoshi giggled and ran off, the egg shattering on the far wall, Wii Fit Trainer spilling out of it with a dazed expression on her face.
"Sorry about that," Samus said, helping her to her feet.
"That was... disturbing..." Wii Fit Trainer said.
Samus shook her head. "Yeah, he's usually not this belligerent. He's one of the original eight characters in the Smash Bros. series, with me, Mario, Link, Donkey Kong, Fox, Kirby, and Pikachu. With the rumors of firings this time, when he didn't get confirmed right off the bat..." she said, sighing. "Well, he's a lot nicer to new guys normally."
"I really hope so..." Wii Fit Trainer said, shivering. "Never want to get eaten again..."
Samus chuckled. "Don't stay in the room alone with Kirby for more than a few minutes, then," she said, offering her hand. "Samus Aran, Metroid series."
"Wii Fit Trainer," the pale-skinned woman said, smiling and shkaing that hand. "From... well, Wii Fit. You can call me Wil, though. That's my real name."
Samus nodded. "Good to meet you, Wil," she said. "I must say, I'm a little surprised that Wii Fit got a representative."
"Me too," Wii Fit Trainer said. "I'm gonna do my best, though. Gotta give the home game some credit, right?"
"That's the spirit," Samus said. "C'mon, I'll show you around. Introduce you to the rest of the asylum."
Wii Fit Trainer nodded. "Am I the first of the newcomers to arrive?" she asked.
Samus shook her head. "The last, actually. The other two that were announced before you have already arrived," she said.
Wii Fit Trainer nodded. "What are they like?" she asked.
"Mega Man is a complete professional," Samus said, smiling. "He's been having some problems within his own company lately, but he's always good to work with. Total stand up guy. It's great to have him back with Nintendo."
Wii Fit Trainer smiled. Professional was good.
"As for the Animal Crossing Villager, Lucius..." Samus scratched her chin and chuckled. "Yeah. You're gonna have to just see for yourself."
Wii Fit Trainer grimaced. "Marvelous..." she muttered.
Samus chuckled. "Anyway, lemme show you around," she said, motioning for her to follow. Wii Fit Trainer nodded, following after her. They left the entrance hall of the mansion, heading into the main receiving area. And the Wii Fit Trainer gasped in awe she saw it.
The room was the picture of elegance. A crystal chandelier consisting of several dangling Smash Bros. logos hung from the ceiling, catching the lights above it and casting the room in a soft, gentle glow. Stairs of polished marble curved upward to a higher floor, the walls lined with stained glass windows of fighters in the Smash Bros. games, all in striking poses that made them look impressive, almost godlike.
Samus grinned, looking up at her own stained glass window. "We all get one, Wil," she said. "Even you. It's not installed yet, but as it gets closer to release you'll have one. The original eight of us have ours in the front hall here."
"Oh wow..." Wii Fit Trainer said softly.
"You get your own room here. A penthouse, like everyone else's. Minibar, TV, internet, all the good stuff," Samus said. "You're gonna be treated well here, Wil. All you gotta do is learn to put up with the various yahoos around here."
Wii Fit Trainer blinked. "A... a PENTHOUSE?" she stammered. She lived in an apartment back on her world, a small one.
Samus nodded. "You can have your stuff moved here whenever you like," she said.
Wii Fit Trainer staggered a little, grinning widely at the thought of her new life. Maybe being in a 'party fighting game' won't be so bad after all! she thought.
And then she met Wario.
Samus was suddenly knocked back, a yellow motorcycle colliding with her chestplate, revving on it and leaving a long skidmark, the bounty hunter pinned underneath it. Riding it was a fat slob of a man wearing a denim jacket and pink pants, his mustache shaped like a lightning bolt.
"WARIO TIME!" the fat man cackled, Wii Fit Trainer cringing back as he waddled off his bike.
"Y'know, some cardio would clear that gut right up," Wii Fit Trainer said, grinning weakly as she took a step back from the smelly fat man.
Wario snorted laughter, popping a whole garlic clove into his mouth and chomping it up. "Finally," he said giving her a look that made Wii Fit Trainer feel dirty, "Another chick. I was afraid that this place was gonna be a sausage fest forever."
"Yes, well, more female characters had to get in sometime," Wii Fit Trainer said, taking another step back.
"True," Wario said, ignoring Samus as she shoved his bike away. He took out his cell phone and typed on it, grinning lasciviously. "You wanna see the porn that's been drawn of you?"
THAT gave Wii Fit Trainer some pause. "Wait, what?"
Before Wario could respond, Samus reached forward and crushed his phone. "Bitch will leave if Bitch doesn't want a super missile enema," Samus said, snarling.
Wario took one look at the bounty hunter's face, glanced down at her arm cannon... and then let out an explosive fart, the cloud of gas covering Samus as she hastily put on her helmet and activated the air filters, Wario laughing at her and hastily escaping on his bike.
"...There's porn of me?" Wii Fit Trainer said, looking ill, barely noticing the noxious flatulence as fans kicked in to clear the air.
Samus sighed. "Yeah... Rule thirty-four of the internet states that if it exists, there will be porn of it. No exceptions. And since many of our fans are male, many of those being LONELY males..." She shrugged helplessly.
"...I was just announced for the game a few days ago," Wii Fit Trainer said softly.
"Perverts don't waste time," Samus said, chuckling weakly.
Wii Fit Trainer shuddered.
"Anyway, enough of that," Samus said. "Let's go meet some people that aren't gasbag assholes like Wario."
"Please," Wii Fit Trainer almost pleaded.
TO BE CONTINUED...