The Texas Powerhouse Ballad

Based on Characters Created and Developed by

Matt Groening & David X. Cohen

Teleplay by


PART 1 of 3


Mature Content including:

Strong Language

Action Sequences

Sexual Content

Some Crude, Vulgar Humor

Fiction Rating: M

[The Futurama title screen appears and the subtitle that appears below the title reads, "TRY IT…OR ELSE!" The intro continues as usual. The shot with the retro T.V. screen shows an image of the cartoon, "Duck Twacy" where Daffy Duck has a magnifying glass in hand and is following a bunch of footsteps along the floor, and continues to follow it up the wall. Then it cuts to the creator credits, the developers' credits, and then the Planet Express Ship crashing into the retro T.V.]

[ACT 1 - Scene 1: A mysterious, dark theme starts as the camera shows Earth in Black & White colors. As the Earth slowly turns, a subtitle appears on the bottom of the screen, which reads, "February A.D. 2136".]

[The theme continues as the camera fades to a closer image of Earth's lower Northwestern atmosphere. Then, little white dots outline the portion of the North American continent that is Texas. A subtitle appears on the lower part of the screen reads, "Texas".]

[The deep, slightly growling, male voice of the Texas Powerhouse speaks as the dark theme continues. The camera shows a ground shot of a windmill energy farm containing a couple hundred windmills. The fans turn slowly in the night. The visible silver lining is provided by the moonlight.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) Texas. The Lone Star State. The energy capital of the nation. The motto is friendship, the flower is bluebonnet, and the food is Chili.

[The Powerhouse continues as the camera fades to a shot of the Texas State Capital building in Austin. The capital building and the streets are all lit up as cars drive by.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) The home of TXDot, the Rangers, and the weirdoes of Austin.

[As the Powerhouse continues, the camera fades to a shot of oil wells in the middle of the desert, drilling. Again, the moon provides the visible lighting.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) The only state that was a country at one point of it's life. She's beautiful. Most of its residents would do anything to protect their precious, spring-laden, oil-bearing terrain.

[The camera fades to an aerial shot of Houston. The skyline is lit up in the nighttime. The Powerhouse continues.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) From the deserts of El Paso, to the refineries of Port Arthur. From the beautiful, bikini-laden beaches of South Padre, to the blazin' hot cheerleaders of Dallas.

[The camera fades to a lit-up street in downtown Houston. Cars drive by as the camera zooms in on a restaurant that is lit up.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) The diversity of this great place is not just shown in the soil. It's shown on and about the streets.

[The camera fades to a street shot that shows the outside of the lit-up restaurant. The glass window, from where the light is shining, contains the big text of, "Baron Red's Place", and below it in smaller letters appears the text, "No pizzas here. Move on."

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) No where else in the nation can I find a great hamburger, a zesty burrito, and a spicy Cajun gumbo in one place than right here in Lady Tejas.

[The camera fades to an image of the inside of the restaurant. There is a Caucasian man sitting at a table on the far side away from the bar. He's the Texas Powerhouse. He's a tall, muscle-bearing, tough-faced individual with short, dark-brown hair. He dons a black button-down shirt with a pocket at the left chest, black jeans, and black cowboy boots. In the couch space next to him is a black leather trench coat topped off with a black cowboy hat. On his table is a burrito, and a glass half-full with dark beer. At the bar on barstools are a woman, Milady, and three men. Milady is a slender, fit Caucasian woman with shoulder-length dark-brown hair. She's a few inches shorter than the Powerhouse and is easy on the eyes. She is wearing black Capri pants, a black, skin-tight, cotton, short-sleeved shirt, a short tailed black coat, and black cowboy boots. On the bar is her black cowgirl hat. To her left is Guy 1, a relatively obese, poorly groomed Caucasian. To Milady's right is Guy 2, a well-groomed Black-haired Caucasian in a business suit. To Guy 2's right is Guy 3, a poorly-groomed, long-haired blonde of a hippie. The camera zooms in towards Powerhouse as he continues to speak.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) Ahhhhh. Texas. She loves me, and I love her. Unfortunately for her, she's not the one I love the most.

[The camera fades to a shot of the Texas Powerhouse sitting at his table, taking a sip from his beer.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) Nothing can match how much I love my college sweetheart. That brilliant mathematician with pure heaven glowing in her sapphire eyes and love on those beautiful luscious lips. And I don't just mean those on her face.

[We hear Milady grunting off-screen. The Powerhouse looks to his left towards the bar, and his eyes widen a little, but he doesn't look too concerned.]

[Milady is struggling to push Guy 1 and Guy 2 away from her. But Guy 1 and Guy 2 keep trying to stop her from walking away.]

Guy 1: Come on, babe. Come take a ride with the G-Man.

Guy 2: Go on, you creep. She's too pretty to be seen with your greasy, fat ass!

Milady: BOTH of you get off! I don't like greasy nor snobby! It's gross!

[Both guys laugh.]

Texas Powerhouse: HEY, JERKS!

[Guy 1 and Guy 2 instantly stop struggling, and both look at T.P. while maintaining a solid grip on Milady's arms.]

[The Powerhouse has risen from his table, with a crazed intense look in his eyes.]

Texas Powerhouse: Take your hands off the lady.

Guy 2: Or else what, pretty boy?

Texas Powerhouse: I'll have to dazzle you with Calculus.

Guy 2: HA! You can't! I hold a Doctorate in Mathematics and Physics. No one in this room is smarter that me, not even—

[Suddenly, Milady breaks her arms free from both men, elbows them HARD in the stomach, and chops their heads together, sending them to the ground, moaning in pain.]

Milady: (to Guy 2) How many stars are you seeing?

Guy 2: (weakly) Uh, five?

Milady: (sharply) THAT'S FOUR TOO MANY! (grunts as she kicks Guy 2)

[Powerhouse, smiling, walks towards Milady, who walks over the fallen drunks towards Powerhouse.]

Texas Powerhouse: Did they hurt you, ma'am?

Milady: Nah, I got a little grease on me, but you can clean me up when we shower tonight.

[Powerhouse and Milady smile seductively, then suddenly embrace and kiss passionately. The camera shows close ups of the Powerhouse and Milady as they narrate, respectively.]

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) She smells like Moonlight's Path, and her passion burns hotter than an asphalt road in the middle of a Summer day.

Milady: (narrating) His arms say, "You're my Goddess", and his kiss lifts me off the ground like Cupid's wing.

Texas Powerhouse: (narrating) My beautiful wife.

Milady: (narrating) My handsome husband.

Texas Powerhouse & Milady: (narrating simultaneously) I will love you forever!

[We hear groaning off screen. Powerhouse and Milady break their kiss and look down where Guy 1 and Guy 2 are. They wake up and slowly get up from the ground.]

Guy 1: Where'd that psycho bitch get to?

[Guy 3, smoking a cigarette, talks to Guy 1.]

Guy 3: Man, just leave that happy couple alone. They're like madly in love, man. They'll seriously mess you up if you try to mess with them. Like Chuck Norris!

[Guy 2 spits and angrily stands up.]

Guy 2: Whoever said that?

Guy 3: The State of Texas, man!

[Powerhouse and Milady are ready for combat.]

Milady: (to Powerhouse) You take greasy, I'll take ego.

Texas Powerhouse: Why do I always get the dirty work?

Milady: (winks at Powerhouse) More for me to clean in the shower.

Texas Powerhouse: (on board) Oh, yeah! (to Guy 1 & Guy 2) Come on! Let's go! We've got a date with two little ladies tonight named Ivory & TRESemme!

Milady: (turned on) Oo-La-La!

[Guy 2 and Guy 1 growl as they run towards Powerhouse and Milady.]

Guy 1: (angry) RRRRRRRRRRR!


[Intense Rock Music starts as Powerhouse and Milady jump towards their opponents.]

Powerhouse: (intense) RRRRRR-EEEE-AAAAA-!

Milady: (intense) HIIIII-EEEEEEEE-!

[The bartender, who has ducked behind the bar, peeks up as random items, including Dockers, beer bottles, plates and teeth, fly across the room from all directions. The bartender tries to get up, but squeals and goes back down as a beer bottle shatters right in front of him on the bar table.]

Bartender: (scared) YAAHHHH!

[Milady easily hands Guy 2 two punches to the head and a hard kick in the gut. Guy 2 wheezes and gasps as he tries to get up. Milady quizzes him.]

Milady: What's the procedure to find the mean of a group of numbers?

Guy 2: (wheezing, in pain) What? Uh, 'y' equals 'a-x' minus 'b'?

[Milady kicks Guy 2 in the gut and whacks his back, sending him crashing to the floor and wheezing harder.]

Milady: You're sloping down the wrong intercept, boy!

[The Powerhouse is facing Guy 1. Guy 1 throws a left hand, and misses. Then he throws a right hand, which Powerhouse ducks to evade. Powerhouse rises and instantly throws a backhanded right at Guy 1's face, and at the same time, knees Guy 1's gut. When both blows land, it sends Guy 1 wheezing and flipping forward alongside the Powerhouse. Guy 1 hits the floor on his back hard. He groans in pain.]

[Powerhouse stands over Guy 1. With an intense look and demeanor, he speaks to Guy 1.]

Powerhouse: Your breath reminded me of something. A little fact I truly hate. My dad was a heavy smoker. He was so good at it, my mom smoked too, even when she was pregnant with me. I keep asking myself, 'Why did fate have to put my innocent soul into that deadly predicament?' And do you know what my answer to that question is?

Guy 2: (wheezing) Uh, don't smoke on your honeymoon?

[Powerhouse viciously stomps Guy 2 in the gut, and continues grinding his heel into his gut as he speaks with commanding authority.]


[Powerhouse, panting with a growl, takes his boot off of Guy 2 and looks at Guy 3.]

[Guy 3 is terrified. He struggling to hold his joint because he's so scared.]

[Milady speaks softly to Guy 3 with a brushing gesture from her hand.]

Milady: Shoo.

[Guy 3 looks confused.]

Guy 3: Shoe? I haven't worn a shoe in—

Powerhouse: Run.

Guy3: Wh-? I can't afford running without any sho-

Milady & Powerhouse: (loud and articulated) GET OUT!

[Guy 3 screams in terror as he blazes out of the bar, leaving a dust trail behind him.]


[The camera goes back to the Powerhouse and Milady. They brush off the debris off of their shoulders. Powerhouse puts on his trench coat and his hat. He joins hands with Milady. Milady talks to the bartender, who's still hiding, as they start to walk out of the bar.]

Milady: If you're still down there, you can put all of this on our tab.

Bartender: (from below) After all that, I'm afraid to charge you anything.

Milady: Oh, then just close our tab.

[A credit card flies out from under the bar. Powerhouse catches it and puts it in his pocket.]

Powerhouse: Hey, thanks.

[Milady and Powerhouse start walking toward the door. As they open it, the Bartender starts whining in fear. Powerhouse pauses at the door, realizing what the bartender is afraid of.]

Powerhouse: We're leaving!

[Suddenly, the bartender stands up and smiles gleefully.]

Bartender: Okay! Y'all have a great night.

[Scene 2: Inside a black 2130 Dodge Ram 3500, Milady is driving and the Powerhouse is in the passenger seat. They talk casually.]

Milady: Honey, shouldn't you drive tonight? It's pretty dark.

Powerhouse: You said you were the D-D.

Milady: What does my cup size have to do with anything?

Powerhouse: (sharply) Designated driver! Ugggh. You were right. That fifth Double X was a bad idea.

Milady: Only because you didn't eat your Bistro. Another thing. Why did you tell that guy about your parents? I thought you were past that.

Powerhouse: I am. But hearing a story like that from a fired-up guy like me can be a nightmare.

Milady: So you were just standing up for me?

Powerhouse: Yeah. I mean, come on. Like any other decent man in the world, I have to defend and protect my woman. I chose to do it by pretending like I'm a half-insane lunatic who was a victim of a problem he couldn't stop from happening.

[Milady pumps the brakes. The truck stops. Powerhouse's head goes into the dash. Powerhouse consuls it while he yells.]

Powerhouse: Whoa—Ow! Geez, girl! What the Hell?!

Milady: That kind of logic is crazy!

Powerhouse: (scoffs) Your point?

[Milady smiles, for she is turned on.]

Milady: I love it!

[She leaps out of her seat and into Powerhouse's arms and they kiss passionately.]

[The camera shot shows the truck from above. We hear Powerhouse and Milady moaning as the camera slowly zooms out. The moaning quickly fades, and we hear Milady narrate. While she narrates and the camera zooms out, we see the truck stopped in the middle of the state highway. And to the left and right of the truck, we see and hear various cars, trucks and motorcycles screeching away from the truck and crashing off and away from the highway.]

Milady: (narrating) Some call him a psychopath. Some call him a victim. But he's never seen an asylum nor a mental hospital. He's a perfectly sane man who has become a master of terror and manipulation. He has never lost his priorities, his wits, or his bed skills. Before we married, he and I shared all of our feelings about everything, and we concluded that we are both sick of how weak this world has become. And we hope that whatever legacy we leave behind, be it small or great, will make a significant impact on the world. It needs it. Badly. In the meantime, my husband and I had to return home to continue on with our average, everyday lives.

[The camera shows a classroom decorated with kid-like drawings and posters. In this room, we find Milady, in corporate casual attire, teaching her class of 3rd graders basic math. On the chalkboard, she has written a math problem, "8 X 3 = _". Below the problem, we see three groups of eight pennies all seperated by '+' symbols and the last is followed by a '='.]

Milady: In this problem, we find that we have a group of eight pennies, and our multiplier wants to make three groups of eight pennies. So class, how much is three groups of eight?

Kid 1: 11?

Milady: We're not adding, Paul. We're multiplying.

Kid 2: 5?

Milady: (getting a little impatient) We're not subtracting either, Chelsea.

Kid 3: Milady, 2.6666666667?

[Milady slaps her own forehead in amazement.]

Milady: (unaffected by the slap; astonished) It's Missus Milady, Jack!

[The camera then shows the kids in the classroom taking a test. Milady is at her desk. She narrates as she grades papers. The camera shows Milady grading 8 of her students' papers. She gave all of them 'F''s.]

Milady: (narrating) Like most school teachers know, there are bad days and good days in teaching. Now, don't get me wrong. I love seeing student's eyes light up when they learn something. I knew from the day that I entered college I was destined to be a teacher. But sometimes, like today, I just want to strangle them, stuff them into a shredder, and toss the remains into the Gulf of Mexico. Oh, well. I know the world is going to change soon. Very soon. Like 'two days from now' soon.

[She stands and rises from her desk. As she rises, the camera quickly zooms in on Milady's desk calendar, which says "February 29th, 2136".]

[Milady hands back the papers.]

Milady: Okay, class. I want you to do this homework over again, and this time, get the problems right.

[The class groans in discontent.]

[The camera goes to a big band rehearsal hall. The high school aged band is rehearsing a wind ensemble arrangement of "Deep In The Heart of Texas". The band conductor is the Texas Powerhouse, wearing blue jeans, a red polo shirt, and white hand gloves. The band's members are all playing well. During the clapping parts, both the Texas Powerhouse and the percussionists in the back of the ensemble are clapping. Upon the song's conclusion, the Powerhouse speaks to them.]

Powerhouse: Not bad, guys. Not bad. Clarinets, you're still overpowering the band. Remember…balance is key.

[The camera shows a female clarinet player, Clar1, in a rickety chair that is warped out of balance. The chair rocks from side to side as Clar1 struggles to find balance in the chair.]

Clar1: I'm trying, Mr. Powers. It's hard!

[The camera goes back to the Powerhouse.]

Powerhouse: Alright, one last reminder before lunch. We will leave for Austin tonight 3:45 P.M. You will be released from your classes at 2:55 so we can leave on time. And please have everything for your uniforms. I don't wanna have to turn around again, Mr. Fallerd.

[Everyone looks in the back towards a tuba player. Brad Fallerd, the tuba player getting all of the eyes, responds.]

Brad: Hey, I thought it was my uniform bag. (disgusted) Uuuugh, ugliest leotard I've ever seen.

[Powerhouse, keeping a straight face, uses his pinky to clean out his right ear.]

Powerhouse: Yeah, I can still hear your sister screaming through the phone.

[Throughout this monologue, Powerhouse is shown in his office at his desk. He narrates as he types, prints and signs a piece of paper. He also puts it in an envelope and seals it. During this time, from the windows surrounding his office, we see band students taking their gear, including instruments, uniform bags, and some girls are carrying flags, baton bags, and make-up kits.]

Powerhouse: (narrating) Music is life, the rest is details. That phrase has been the moral I have lived by since I first tooted my horn. My trombone, I mean. I've always loved being a hardcore band nerd. Everything was band. Contests, All-Region clinics, Solo/Ensemble contests, Music Festivals, Conventions, flutists, you name it. All of it was for the love of music and educating its students. Every time one of my students made the State bands, I would pop open a bottle of Champagne, and party with my wife all night long. One year, I had one party a day for a whole week. That last hangover felt like a sledgehammer to my face. Still, it has been the greatest career of my life. Unfortunately, I know that by the time the weekend has come and gone, the entire landscape of the world will change and this job would never make it to the end of the year. Sad as it was, I knew that a dark, violent path laid ahead.

[The camera shows Milady signing a piece of paper, puts it into an envelope and seals it. She writes "Mrs. Noble" on the envelope. She leaves it on her desk.]

Milady: (narrating) And my husband knew as well as I did that it was for the greater good.

[A mysterious, closing theme is heard. Powerhouse writes, "Mr. Gritson" on the envelope and leaves it. He grabs his coat from his coat rack.]

[Milady grabs her coat from her coat rack. Both she and the Powerhouse narrate as she heads out the door and closes it.]

Milady & Powerhouse: (narrating) Farewell, education. Hello, opportunity.

[The Powerhouse leaves his office. The camera zooms in on the Powerhouse's desk and the envelope. Scene 3: The camera then fades back to color and in the Planet Express laboratory, where the Professor is holding a thin, small, rectangular frame containing a thin, purple-blue plasma screen. In the laboratory with him are Hermes, Bender, Fry, Leela, and Amy.]

Prof: Good news, everyone! I have developed a hand-held adaption of an X-Ray scanner. I call it, the Handheld X-Ray Scanner!

[Everyone reacts simultaneously.]

Hermes: Whoa, mon!

Amy: Cool!

Fry: Neat-o!

Leela: Nice!

Bender: Weird!

[Amy asks a question.]

Amy: How does it work?

[The Professor activates it, which makes an activating sound.]

Prof: Well, you know how back in ancient times, airports would scan luggage with big, bulky machines before placing them on aircraft?

Fry: I do. Once, I flew to Charlotte to visit my aunt and uncle. But, I had to go to the bathroom three times before I even got my tickets.

Leela: Did you asked someone to save your spot in the line?

Fry: Nah, my parents took care of me until I was seven. Besides, I like the smell of that white powder stuff.

Prof: Well, this device allows the viewer to scan the insides of various objects with ease. Cardboard boxes, purses, wallets, kitchen cabinets, what have you. All with a click of a button.

[The professor pushes a button, and starts looking around the room, scanning the area. These areas include the people inside the room, who immediately try to avoid and protest when the scanner comes close to them.]






[The Professor stops scanning and deactivates the device, which loses it's plasma screen when turned off.]

Prof: Eureka! It works like a charm. No one has any firearms and explosives.

[Bender smiles modestly.]

Bender: (to himself) Works like a charm. (giggles) Yeah, right.

Prof: Now let me show you how to scan beyond people's clothes.

[Everyone reacts simultaneously. Leela rushes to the Professor and stops him from activating it.]





[Leela shoves the professor's hand with the device down and away as she speaks.]

Leela: PROFESSOR, NO! You need to get rid of this pointless device right now! You could be sued for 'peeping Thomas Lincoln' lawsuits!

Hermes: Actually, I could use that for the Jamaican Birthday Bash next month.

Bender: Jamaican Birthday Bash? What's the party for?

Hermes: It's the annual celebration when Jamaica won its freedom from the United States in 2572 and became its own rich nation. It's the one day of the year when we Jamaicans shout, "TODAY, WE KEEP OUR OWN BAMBOO!"

Fry: So, why do you need the professor's scanner?

Hermes: I've been selected by the Jamaican National Committee to organize and prepare the party, and I need some form of security to ensure that no angry outlanders get in without being properly checked out.

Fry: Isn't that profiling?

Bender: Not really, but it is in my world, buddy.

Hermes: (to the professor) Professor, can you make several more of these devices for the security guards? I think we can cut our Daily Jell-o Budget 15.3% to offset the costs.

[The Professor picks up a cardboard box and sets it on his lab table as he speaks.]

Prof: Won't be necessary. I already made a dozen of them.

[Hermes counts the devices present.]

Hermes: Check again, mon. There's only ten here.

Prof: (confused) Wha-? Check what again?

[We hear two boys snickering from behind the Professor. Hermes and the Professor look around.]

[From the takeoff platform, we see Cubert Farnsworth and Dwight Conrad trying to hide and laughing.]

Prof: (gasps) Cubert!

Hermes: (gasps) Dwight!

[The boys pop their heads up from the landing platform.]

Cubert: What?

Dwight: What's up?

Prof: What are you two doing hiding back there?

Cubert: (nervous) Nothing! We were just telling jokes.

[The camera shows Fry, the Professor, Hermes, Amy and Leela in the background with Dwight and Cubert in the foreground facing the adults, hiding an X-Ray device behind their backs.]

Hermes: (not buying it) Really? About what?

Cubert: (laughing and snorting) Oh, man. We were joking about how badly Leela needs to shave.

[Leela gasps astonished at first, then she realizes something that makes her angry.]

Leela: (angry) But I shaved my legs this morning.

Dwight: He wasn't talking about your legs.

[Cubert gasps in horror and Dwight suddenly slaps his mouth shut.]

[Leela growls and runs towards the boys.]

Leela: (growls) RRRRRRR! Come here, you little twerp! I'm gonna tan your cute, little ass!

[Cubert lets out a high-pitch screech as he runs away from Leela and all around the ship. Amy giggles a little. Dwight collects Cubert's X-ray device, and slides both devices onto the laboratory floor and quickly speaks to Amy.]

Dwight: Um…yours was worse, Amy.

[Dwight bolts away.]

[Amy growls and chases Dwight.]

[The chase, growling, and screeching continues all around the landing platform as Cubert squeals for help.]

Cubert: (screeching) AAAAAAAAHH! DAD HELP ME!

[The Professor gathers the devices and places them in the box that Hermes is holding.]

Prof: Leela, call me as soon as you have skinned my clone!

Hermes: And Amy, save some of my boy's dreadlocks for me. You can have the rest.

[Hermes follows the Professor out the door as Leela and Amy growl and chuckle happily.]

Leela: (growling happily) With pleasure!

Amy: (growls happily) No problem, mon!

[Cubert and Dwight both scream louder as the Professor and Hermes leave and the door closes behind them. Fry is shown pushing buttons on the demo X-Ray scanner as he's holding it up toward the chaotic chases, but he's becoming frustrated.]

Fry: (frustrated) Uuuuuggh! The batteries must be dead!

[An elevated shot shows the furious Amy and Leela chasing the scared, screaming Cubert and Dwight, respectively, and Fry grunting in frustration to get the scanner to work.]

[Scene 4a: Later on in the day, Fry is in the company lounge relaxing and watching T.V.]

[Leela enters the lounge and sits on the couch next to Fry. She has a piece of orange hair slipped onto her belt.]

Leela: Fry, where were you?

Fry: Huh? I was right here watching the ape fight. Where were you?

Leela: I mean, where were you while I was tanning the pervert?

Fry: Um, ape fight?

Leela: Fry, sometimes a woman would like to see her man be there for her in her time of need.

Fry: Eh, you had it handled. That piece of Cubert's locks will fit nicely in your trophy collection.

[We hear a rat squeaking. Leela and Fry look to their rights and see a white lab mouse with black hair on it's head. It squeaks in terror as the door opens. Zoidberg is chasing down the lab rat in a hunger-fueled craze.]

Zoidberg: There you are, sneaky! You're going to make a nice meal. Yes, you are!

[The lab rat screeches in terror.]

[Leela talks to Fry as Zoidberg continues chasing the rodent around the room.]

Leela: Fry, as flattering as you may think you are, I want you to imagine this. Say that rat was twenty feet tall, fifty feet long, and weighed over five tons. He was chasing me down the streets, and he was this close from eating me. What would you do?

Fry: First, I'd already be running in the opposite direction. I'd turn to you and scream, "RUN, LEELA! CATCH UP WITH ME!", then I'd run the Hell out of there and hope you were right on my heels thirty seconds later.

Leela: (irritated) But what if he caught me? What if he was about to swallow me whole?

Fry: Then I'd, uh….I would…Uh…Uhhhhh…Build the world's biggest rat trap and set it with the world's biggest pile of cheese. Hopefully, we'd catch it before his methane poisons the town.

[Leela stares at him, irritated.]

Fry (sighes in frustration) Seriously, Leela. What else could I do?

[Zoidberg catches the rat and speaks to it in delight.]

Zoidberg: (delightfully) AH-HA! Speaking of stool, you're not going to like where you're heading. No, siree!

[Zoidberg tosses the rat into the air, and swallows it whole.]

[Leela and Fry watch in disgust.]

[Zoidberg shakes and giggles erratically.]

Zoidberg: (slurps and giggles) The live ones are always the best. They jiggle and bounce all the way down. (giggles)

[The door opens. The Professor pokes his head out.]

Professor: Have any of you seen Amy? I need her to go through my neck and locate my thirty-two terabyte memory card that has all of my madcap invention sketches.

[Suddenly, a panic-stricken Hermes dashes in behind the Professor.]

Hermes: (panicked, worried) Professor! Dwight pointed this gizmo at Amy and it turned her into a little white pillow!

Professor: Wha- Ohh. That's just my experimental rodent transformer device.

[Leela and Hermes gasp in horror, and look at Zoidberg, who also realizes what's happened]

Zoidberg: (realizing, concerned)Uh-oh!

[After a moment, it suddenly hits Fry, who also gasps and looks at Zoidberg. Suddenly, the Professor gasps in horror.]

Prof: Sweet zombie Jesus! I forgot to go take my daily 10:30 dump!

[Scene 4b: In the laboratory, Zoidberg is stripped of his shirt and coat. He's also strapped to the work table. Witnessing these events are The Professor, Fry, Leela, Hermes, Dwight, Bender and Cubert, who's missing some of his head hair.]

Professor: Now that I can breathe better, we'll have to give Docter Zoidberg a sedative. Leela?

[Leela screams as she kicks Zoidberg in the head with her right foot.]

Leela: (loud, intense) YEEEEEEE-AH!

[Zoidberg groans and loses consciousness. The Professor takes a laser scalpel and slices Zoidberg's chest open. He continues to operate as he talks.]

Professor: Hopefully, we can get Amy out of there before she hits the third stomach. That's where all of the fluids and hair are removed.

Hermes: (to Dwight) Dwight, until further notice, you're grounded.

Dwight: (mad, frustrated) Awww. What will I be doing while I'm grounded?

Hermes: Playing ancient video games. Nothing else.

Dwight: (even more upset) NOOOO! My account books. Think about the account books, dad! What will they be doing this whole time!?

Hermes: Don't worry, son. After your four-month sentence is up, you can clean them up with the Super Swiffer 31.

[Dwight cries uncontrollably at the horrible news.]

[Cubert laughs and snorts at Dwight's misfortune.]

[The Professor pulls out a remote control from his labcoat pocket. He looks at it confused and presses the red button.]

[Bender suddenly sits up and his black eyes go red.]

[Inside Bender's head, we see in red an image of a smiling Cubert. Then the text, "Cage the Brat!" appears in white and flashes rapidly.]

[Bender extends his left hand towards the hangar.]

[Bender's hand grabs a small iron cage and takes it.]

[The Professor puts his controller back in his coatas he speaks.]

Prof: That's not my titanium scalpel.

[As the Professor continues digging in his labcoat, Bender grabs Cubert and places him in the cage. Cubert screeches for help, but everyone ignores him.]

Cubert: (screeching) AAAAHHHH! DAD! HELP ME! HE—

[Bender places a sound-proof bubble around the cage. Cubert is shown trying to scream for help, but he is not heard.]

[The Professor pulls out a metal scalpel from his labcoat.]

Prof: Ah, there you are.

[The Professor takes the scalpel and starts cutting into Zoidberg.]

[We hear thick liquid sloshing, and we hear loud rodent screeching. The Professor is shown pulling the spastic, slime-covered, white rat out of Zoidberg's body cavity. Bender talks to Dwight, who has mostly hushed his weeping.]

Bender: If you think that rat is mad now, wait until it changes back to Amy. (giggles evilly)

[Dwight speaks quickly as the Professor takes the rat and puts it into a microwave-like container big enough to hold a human.]

Dwight: Dad, I whole-heartedly accept my punishment with the utmost respect, and I will use all the time I have in my room to achieve the ultimate victory in Super Mario Brothers, and I will NOT use any fire-flowers!

Hermes: And don't even think about cheating either! I've already set up the parental lock so you won't get any power-ups or bonus levels.

Dwight: Good call, dad!

[The Professor presses a button on the microwave-like container. The machine lights up and makes electrical whirring sounds. Dwight bolts out of the room as lightning starts surrounding the machine. After a moment, a text box on the machine showed the word, "End" and beeped five times. The machine shuts down, and the door swings open, letting out a pillow of steam. A little dizzy, Amy steps out amongst the steam, swearing softly in Cantonese, and without clothes on. The steam gives way to Amy's intense face as she stares at Hermes.]

Amy: (angry) Where the HELL is your son?!

Hermes: Yeah, like I'd tell a naked co-ed where my son is!

[Shocked, Amy looks down and shrieks in total embarrassment as she tries to cover herself.]


[Fry and Leela toss Amy's sweatshirt and sweatpants, respectively, to Amy.]

Leela: Over here, honey.

Fry: Yo.

[Fry realizes something.]

Fry: Hey, Leela. Did you put the dryer on nuclear heat last night? My pants feel a bit tight up front.

[As Leela and Fry continue talking, we see Amy, fully clothed, running past Hermes and out the lab door.]

Leela: Seriously, Fry! You and I haven't been talking clearly to each other since we started dating.

Fry: So, what are you saying?

Leela: I'm saying that either you should listen to me more intently, or I will hire a counselor to help us communicate better.

Prof: Huh-Wha?

Hermes: When me wife and I started understanding each other, things got very interesting! So interesting, I don't want to offend anyone by telling you about the sacred Jamaican mating rituals. (realizes his mistake) Oop.

Fry: You know Leela, we really should hire a counselor. I understand Hermes a lot better than I understand you.

Leela: (mocking) Well then, honey, let's go to love school.

Fry: (excited) Finally! It's about time I got through to you.

[The Professor finally loses his patience.]

Professor: WILL YOU TWO INFANTS GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?! I have to repair Zoidberg, clean the lab, and force Bender to give me a bath!

Bender: Fat chance, old fart!

[The Professor pulls the controller out of his labcoat, and presses a button. Bender's antenna lights up red again, and Bender stands up tall again, like a soldier.]

Bender: Your bathtub will be heated to exactly one-hundred-fifty-five degrees and today's bath lotion will be Twilight Woods!

Prof: Make it one-fifty-seven!

Bender: (salutes the Professor) Yes, sir.

[Bender marches to the open lab door, which closes behind him.]

[Scene 5: The laboratory door fades back to black and white and the door turns into an aeriel shot of a courtyard in Austin, Texas. The courtyard is populated with dozens of cowboys and cowgirls, young and old. They are all staring towards a concert podium where Powerhouse's band is performing their rendition of "Deep In The Heart of Texas". A text, "March 2nd, 2136 11:39 A.M." appears then fades away. Everyone is whooping, clapping, stomping their feet, and yelling, "YEEEEEEE-HAW!" as the band is playing.]

[Milady is seen among the people in the row closest to the concert podium. Standing next to her is a black man in cowboy attire, Zechariah. He and Milady are singing along and clapping with the song.]

Milady: (singing) The sage in bloom is like perfume. (claps four times) Deep in the Heart of Texas. Reminds me of the one I love. (claps four times) Deep in the Heart of Texas.

[The band continues. Zechariah talks to Milady.]

Zechariah: YEEEEEE-HAW! This hoe-down for the 300th Anniversary of Texas' Declaration of Independence is awesome!

Milady: Don't say hoe-down again, partner! I agree, though! The Bar-B-Q is great, the dancing rocks, and my hot stallion is showing his stuff on the podium!

[The camera goes to Powerhouse, who is conducting the band and stomping his right foot at the same time. He is in a black button down shirt with sparkling sequins that make several outlines of Texas all over, black slacks, his black boots, and his black cowboy hat. He is also donning white gloves on his hand. The band finishes the music as Powerhouse gives the cut-off gesture. Everyone in the audience is cheering, whooping, applausing, and shouting "Yee-haw" for the band. The band stands up and Powerhouse takes a bow.]

[In the audience, we see cowboys cheering and shooting their western-style revolvers towards the sky. We see a couple mockingbirds fall from the sky.]

[The camera goes back to Powerhouse who is still bowing with his band. A flurry of bluebonnets are thrown to the band with great reception. Suddenly, a horseshoe comes flying and hits Brad Fallerd in the head, taking him down. Everyone else ignores this.]

[Later, Powerhouse, Zechariah, and Milady are walking in the streets of Austin. Everyone else around them is enjoying the cookouts, washer games, beer and souvenirs. Behind Powerhouse is his band all tired and ready for home. Brad Fallerd is holding an icepack on his head with his left hand and his concert Tuba in his right.]

[The Powerhouse talks to Zechariah.]

Powerhouse: Partner, I truly thank you for helping me and my wife out during this field trip.

Zechariah: No problem, partner. I love to come on out here to Austin and seeing all them TSU girls strut their stuff.

Milady: (laughs) Don't you get any ideas now.

Zechariah: Honey, no one can stop…the Ocean of Soul! (laughs passionately)

Powerhouse: Anyway, when the kids get back, they all have to put their instruments up in their lockers. No exceptions!

[A loyal Saxophone player, Angel, speaks to her teacher.]

Angel: But sir, what about my concert solo? I still have to practice it for next week's contest.

Powerhouse: I know, Angel. But my bosses have told me to keep the instruments on campus until further notice because someone keeps losing their neck. Do you know who might have done it?

Angel: What? I don't know, Mr. Powers.

Powerhouse: Eh, not to worry, Angel. When we get back to school on Monday, we'll continue on the solo, OK?

Angel: Yes, sir.

[Suddenly, Milady's cell phone vibrates. She gets it from her pocket, opens it, and reads something on the display. She gasps in shock.]

[Powerhouse stretches as he talks to Zechariah.]

Powerhouse: Man, when I get back home, I'm gonna grab a –

[Milady taps her husband's shoulder.]

Powerhouse: Yes, honey?

[Milady shows Powerhouse the cell phone. Powerhouse reads it, and suddenly stands up tall and stiff. He goes back over to Zechariah.]

Powerhouse: Oh, uh, Mr. Z. An emergency has just come up that needs my attention. Will you please take the kids back home? We'll catch up later.

[Powerhouse and Milady try to leave, but Zechariah stops them.]

Zechariah: Whoa, hold on there, partner. You can't just leave a stranger with your 50 or so band students. It's unethical and a felony.

Powerhouse: I'll say again! It's an EMERGENCY THAT I MUST GET TO!

Zechariah: Mr. Powers, you can't just-

[Zechariah pauses and notices something in Powerhouse's eyes.]

[The wily-eyed Powerhouse nods at Zechariah. The camera looks up and over to Milady, who also nods and speaks.]

Milady: Don't worry. They'll listen to you.

[Zechariah nods seriously. He understands.]

Zechariah: I will get these kids home, even if it costs me my life.

Powerhouse: Make sure it doesn't cost you that.

Zechariah: It won't!

[Zechariah lets go of Powerhouse, who stands up facing him. Admirable, reverent music plays.]

[Zechariah admirably beats his chest twice with his right hand and gives the peace sign to Powerhouse & Milady.]

[Powerhouse and Milady tip their hats to Zechariah and run off back towards downtown.]

[Zechariah looks on as the camera zooms in on his face.]

Zechariah: God be with you both.

[Further into downtown, Milady and Powerhouse stand in front of a desk with some papers. They're waiting for something. Music stops.]

Milady: I can't believe this is happening. All those years of writing, complaining, petitioning, politicking…it's all coming together.

Powerhouse: It was all worth it, darling! You've done so well!

Milady: Yes, we have done well! COME ON! SHOW THE NEWS ALREADY!

[A man wearing a New York Yankees hat comes up to Powerhouse and Milady. He talks with a New Jersey accent.]

Yankee: What's the deal? There ain't been nothing interesting on the news since that congresswoman was found putting toilet paper on her husband's panties.

Milady: Yeah well, we always watch the news report on each Texas Independence Day in Austin, my fellow Yank. It's the only day in the year that is interesting.

Powerhouse: Yep, beats July 4th by a LONG shot!

[On the Austin Capital Building, there are three jumbo-trons, acting as individual televisions. A news card comes up saying, "3^2 News Report: Your Texan News Station". A brunette woman reporter of Hispanic descent appears seated in front of a news desk.]

Hispanic Reporter: Good Evening and welcome to Channel Three-Two News at Nine. I'm Clarissa Veranagas. The Texas Government today has announced just five minutes ago that because the United States government has failed to help, support, or listen to Texas in any way, the state of Texas has SECEDED from the United States of America.

[There is a hush of silence in the downtown crowd. After a moment, bad-ass country music starts up as ALL of the Texans in downtown Austin start cheering, jumping, whooping, and celebrating the moment. Some start shooting revolver rounds into the air, wildly.]

[Powerhouse and Milady and laughing, jumping, and embracing the victory. The Yankee is left stunned.]

Powerhouse: YEEEE-HAW! We have regained the right to bear arms! There truly is a gun deity in the Hell-hole called politics!

Yankee: What the Hell? You can't just leave the union for some six-shooter!

Milady: Tell that to our burning Joint Resolution, foreigner!

[On the screens, there are politicians inside the building setting a document titled, "A Joint Resolution for Annexing Texas to the United States" on fire. The applause from Downtown Austin grows louder and louder as the document burns and politicians pull out six shooters and shoot the flaming document to bits.]

[The tele-tron then shows Clarissa behind her desk dancing. She is shown celebrating like all other Texans, but suddenly realizes she's back on the air and calms down. She picks up something through her ear-piece.]

Clarissa: Oh, I uh…I have just received word that the United States has just declared war on Texas on account that they have left the country unethically!

[There is a hush of silence in the downtown crowd and the music stops. After a moment, the bad-ass country music starts up again as ALL of the Texans in downtown start cheering harder, jumping higher, and whooping louder in the wake of the news. More gun rounds go off.]

[Milady and Powerhouse celebrate a little bit and stare at the tele-tron intensely.]

Milady: Come on. SAY IT! Say it and let's go!

Powerhouse: Yeah, what she said. I wanna get to my barracks early tonight.

[Milady reaches back and rubs her husband's left thigh.]

Milady: Me too!

[The camera goes back to the tele-trons and Clarissa is shown to have received a piece of parchment. She reads it.]

Clarissa: This note reads, "My fellow Texans: If you want to fight for your country, and show those wimpy Americans the full-blooded fury of the Republic of Texas again, enlist in the Texas Ranger Army. Booths are found in every major city in the nation."

[The bad-ass country music fades to Epic Heavy Metal music. The whooping and eager war shouts rise again. The camera goes back to Milady, who is still rubbing on Powerhouse's thigh.]

Milady: Where is it, honey?

Powerhouse: My back pocket, darling.

Milady: Well then, turn around.

[Powerhouse turns his rear end towards his wife.]

Powerhouse: Smack it!

[Milady smacks Powerhouse's buttocks, and a red switch beeps and lights up from Powerhouse's pants.]

[Faster, louder Heavy Metal music starts. Suddenly, a sign bursts open with red, white & blue star confetti flying out from it. The sign reads, "The Texas Ranger Army: Cowboys & Cowgirls ONLY".]

[Milady and Powerhouse take a seat in the booth. They welcome the new enlisted men and women as they come gathering around to sign in.]

[One young, college-aged man signs the list and asks a question to Powerhouse.]

Co-Ed Tex: Any frat boys in this Army?

Powerhouse: If there are, we'll kill 'em dumb-asses!

Co-Ed Tex: It's about time someone said that!

[A woman in her late 20's signs in and asks a question to Milady.]

20's Girl: Both men and women. Is that ethical?

Milady: Only after male sterilization.

[A man with a gray beard in his 50's signs the list and asks a question to Powerhouse.]

50's Tex: I can't tell you how long I've waited for this dream come true. I've been wishing for this since the days of socialism.

Powerhouse: You mean the early twenty-first century?

50's Tex: Yes, sir!

Powerhouse: I hear you, partner! I hear you!

50's Tex: Any bounty for commies or Americans?

Powerhouse: Nothing's been set in stone since we are a young nation, but rumor has it we'll pay 50 Tex-bucks for each American butt cheek.

Milady: And one Tex-buck is about the value of 85 American dollars.

[The 50's Tex pulls out his shotgun and starts blasting away as he shouts. Powerhouse & Milady stand up and watch the 50's Tex run off, still blasting away.]


[Powerhouse & Milady smile at each other.]

Powerhouse: This is going to be epic, darling.

[Powerhouse slaps Milady's rear end.]

Milady: Oh yeah, baby.

[Milady slaps Powerhouse's rear end. We hear beeping. Milady lean towards each other as if their about to kiss. Suddenly, BOOM! A second round on confetti shoots off, blocking the camera's view of Milady & Powerhouse.]

[All music and sounds stop. Back in the 3013, the doorbell at the Planet Express headquarters rings. Fry's finger pushes the door button.]

[We see Fry standing at the doorway as it opens, looking into the camera.]

Fry: Uh, hi! You must be Miss Monroe & Mister Stallbuzzard?

[The camera shows The Powerhouse and Milady in casual office attire at the front door.]

Milady: Yep, that's right.

[The camera quickly zooms in with a HUGE, short, dramatic chord.]

Powerhouse: Well, let's get busy. (winks and clicks tongue)


[ACT 2Scene 1. Traditional Futurama music, with a heavy metal twist, is heard as the camera pans around the Planet Express Headquarters.]

[The music fades. In the meeting room, Fry, Leela, Amy, & Zoidberg are seated at the meeting table. Hermes and the Professor are standing up front with Powerhouse & Milady.]

Hermes: Attention, people. We have some visitors here today. Let's welcome Fry and Leela's relationship counselors, Miss Zaharias Monroe and Mister Travis Stallbuzzard.

[Everyone claps lightly. Zoidberg quickly looks around, as if he's looking for a bite to eat.]

Zoidberg: What? Where? What buzzard?

[The camera goes back to Powerhouse & Milady as Hermes and the Professor give them speaking room.]

Powerhouse: (modestly) Thank you. Thanks for that warm, toasted welcome. Mister Fry and Miss Leela have asked for our services for they believe that their love compatibility has some kinks that need to be ironed out.

[Fry and Leela hold hands. Everyone shouts in praise as if they are relieved of stress.]

Bender: That's right! Make their programs work together.

Zoidberg: Horray! It's like Love Connection!

Amy: Yeah! Teach them to "spaggle"!

[The camera goes to Milady.]

Milady: We've already discussed our agenda with Professor Farnsworth and Mister Conrad, and they are in total compliance of our agenda. For the first week, we will observe them as they interact with each other during work hours.

Powerhouse: We've already set audio/video links throughout the entire building and in places on the Planet Express Intergalactic Vehicle.

Fry: The Enter-genital wha-?

Powerhouse: The spaceship.

Fry: Oh. (pauses and reflects on what he said) HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Powerhouse: Anyway, after we collect and analyze our data, we will hold counseling meetings with the couple during office hours.

[Hermes and the Professor smile and dance a little.]

Milady: But we may have to counsel after office hours if the situation calls for it!

[Hermes and Professor stop dancing.]

Prof: Fry, Leela, if you do not learn the pelvic pea-knuckle, I will drop you on Venus without a space-suit.

Hermes: Not before I bill you for wasting precious Oxygen and electricity!

Bender: And not before I shove a bamboo stick up both your waste pipes!

[Fry and Leela are left open-mouthed and scared.]

Hermes: Which bamboo sticks?

Bender: (points off-camera) The ones I stole.

[The camera gets Bender and what he's pointing at behind him, which are four bamboo sticks about 3 inches in diameter, and 10 feet tall, all leaning against the wall. There's a small sign on it that reads "Property of Jamaica, Stolen by Bender".]

[The camera shows Bender's face. We hear a metallic THUD! With it, Bender's eyes widen. The camera zooms out to reveal an industrial magnet with the word, "Rednex" on it, has been attached to the back of Bender's head. Bender suddenly stands up and starts stomping his right foot and clapping his hands while singing "Cotton Eye Joe" from Rednex like a square dance caller.]

Bender: (singing with southern accent) If it hadn't been for Cotton Eye Joe/I'd been married a'long time ago/Where did you come from? Where did you go?/Where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe?

[While Bender continues singing, Powerhouse continues.]

Powerhouse: You should also know that if anyone does something wrong or immoral, they will either have a folk-song music magnet attached to their heads, or take a vigorous ass-chewing from me or Miss Monroe!

Amy: (slightly concerned) Oh, this is gonna be a fun week.

Powerhouse & Milady: (sharp & commanding) SHUT UP, SKANK!

[Amy slams her head down on the desk and covers her head with her hands. After a moment, she sobs softly.]

[Scene 2 – This is a montage segment, set to Cheap Trick's "Mighty Wings" The first clip shows Fry and Leela sitting in student desks in the Planet Express lounge, watching Powerhouse & Milady use a digital chalkboard to teach. On the chalkboard, Milady has written a title called "Dating Guidelines", along with a list of "do's and "don'ts". On the "do" list, we see "Smell Good", "Talk Gently", and "Stare at the face". On the "don't" list, we see "Burp", "Screech", and "Stare at the chest."]

[Milady motions the "do" list for the students to look at.]

[Fry slaps his head in amazement. Leela shakes her head at Fry's reaction.]

[Powerhouse motions to the "don't" list for the students to look at.]

[Fry laughs, inaudibly. He slyly eyes Leela's chest area. Leela, knowing what is happening, slaps Fry, making him whine to the teachers, inaudible.]

[Milady appears to be scolding Leela, but suddenly PUNCHES Fry, sending him flying clear across the room. Leela smiles at the play.]

[Powerhouse gives Milady a thumb's up gesture.]

[Milady writes a new title on the chalkboard, "Conversation Topics".]

[In smaller text, Milady writes, "New Trends"]

[In a bar, Milady & Powerhouse observe Fry & Leela on a date. Milady & Powerhouse, in casual attire, are sitting at a bar, enjoying a Martini & a beer pint, respectively. Fry & Leela are at a dinner table in casual attire.]

[Leela points behind Fry. Fry looks behind him.]

[Leela is pointing to a woman who is wearing earrings that generate holograms of gentle kittens.]

[Fry looks back, not interested. Suddenly, Fry points at something of too his left. Leela looks to what Fry is pointing at.]

[Fry is pointing to a guy who has a green nose ring, and he's talking to a woman who is trying in all her power not to laugh. He keeps talking to the woman, but the woman keeps restraining herself until she falls to the floor.]

[Fry laughs at the scene. Leela is a bit hesitant at first, but slowly warms to Fry's laughing and join him in laughter.]

[Powerhouse and Milady take notes of the events on their 'I-I-IPad v. 503' tablets.]

[On the chalkboard, Milady writes "Dreams" on the chalkboard.]

[In the Planet Express lab, Leela is talking, inaudible, to Fry with dreamy passion. Fry sighs in boredom.]

[Powerhouse is shown seated next to Milady. Both are observing Fry & Leela. Powerhouse appears bored. Milady's eyes flutter at Leela's speech. She glances over at Powerhouse, who, upon realizing this, quickly sits up and goes back to typing on the IIIPad.]

[Fry is talking casually to Leela. Nothing he's talking about seems to bother him in any form or fashion. Leela listens intently for a few seconds, but then, quickly becomes grossed out. She gags briefly.]

[Milady is also disgusted by Fry's offering. She just has a disgusted look. The camera goes over to Powerhouse, who shares the exact same expression as Milady. His typing slows to a halt.]

[On the chalkboard, Powerhouse writes "Feelings" on the chalkboard. He quickly adds, "Honesty is key!" Powerhouse reflects on what he wrote and adds, "…in small doses."]

[Inside a room in the Planet Express headquarters, Milady listens to Leela express her true feelings about Fry. Leela is standing as she talks about all the past times Fry drove her crazy, drove her mad, and the times when he was a tender man.]

[Milady is shown typing notes on her III-Pad.]

[In a different room, Powerhouse is listening to Fry. Fry is standing as he's talking to Powerhouse about the times that Leela made him groan, made him whine, and about the times that her tenderness really spoke to him.]

[Powerhouse is shown typing on his III-Pad.]

[In the room where Leela and Milady met and talked, we see a bulletin board with LOTS and LOTS of post-it notes and a picture of Fry on one side and a picture of Leela on the other.]

[The camera shows Powerhouse & Milady staring at the board in disbelief with their eyes wily and their teeth shown clinching.]

[The camera shows a close up of Milady's eyes. Her hair is slightly haggard as she stares.]

[The camera shows a close up of Powerhouse's eyes. There is sweat on his brow as he stares.]

[Back in Milady's eyes, her eye pupils are flaming green. Her cheek bones are also twitching slighty.]

[Back in Powerhouse's eyes, his eye pupils are flaming black. His cheek bones twitch a little as sweat beads, built on his forehead, start dripping.]

[Milady's face, eyes still flaming, starts to shake.]

[From Milady's eyes, we see a vibrating green image of Leela's picture on the bulletin board.]

[Powerhouse's face, eyes still flaming, starts to shake. His head is still sweating.]

[From Powerhouse's eyes, we see a vibrating black image of Fry's picture on the bulletin board.]

[In quick, accelerating fashion, the camera shifts between the following angles in this order: Milady's eyes, Fry's black image, Powerhouse's eyes, Leela's green image, Milady's twitching eyes, Leela's black image, Powerhouse's twitching eyes, Fry's green image, Milady's twitching eyes, Powerhouse's twitching eyes, Fry's black image, Leela's green image, Powerhouse's eyes in a green image, Milady's eyes in a black image.]

[Suddenly, Milady and Powerhouse scream in rage and throw their hands in the air.]

[The camera shows the bulletin board, in color. BOOM!]

[Scene 3 - The bulletin board explodes in smoke, sending post-it notes towards the camera, and stopping the music. As the smoke floats and the post-it notes clear, the color fades to black and white. Suddenly, Demon Hunter's "Tie This Around Your Neck" starts.]

[Suddenly, through the smoke, an American soldier in combat uniform is thrown past the camera. A Texan soldier, in cowboy-themed combat gear, jumps through the smoke.]

[The American soldier tumbles on a battle field, but quickly gets to his feet. He tries to pull a gun, but the Texan knocks it away. The American throws a series of punches, but the Texan counters each one, and ends the attack with a vicious hand twist, kick to the American's gut, and the Texan flips him over to the ground. We see the Texan pull out a Bowie knife and kneels down toward the American.]

[The camera rises up to bear witness to the first acts of the Texas – American War. We see many American soldiers battling many Texan soldiers in the same kind of hand-to-hand combat. Most of the Americans are getting hammered by the big Texan fighters.]

[On the ground, we see a big, brutish Texan, Samien. He has two American soldiers in his hand by their throats. The Americans are struggling to fight, but they can't as they choke.]

[Samien chuckles as we see that he is missing a couple teeth, which is a scar of the war.]

Samien: You chicken-hearted wimps have got no chance to win this thing. You know why?

[The two soldiers squirm as their faces turn blue.]

Samien: You, like your leaders, can't pack any kind of Chuck!

[Samien throws the soldiers away, sending them flying well into the war field. The camera pans behind him, showing the sign, "Chuck N.o Cheese Here!" After seeing his prey fly into the pale black smoke, Samien runs off to the left into the war field.]

[The camera quickly pans along the ground as it follows a Hum-vee like vehicle outfitted for war as it plows through dust. Oddly enough, it has a resemblance of the same kind of vehicles seen in the Halo video game series. Samien's footsteps rush past the camera from behind as Samien runs toward the Humvee. The dust clears out from the Humvee, revealing that Milady seated in the pilot's seat, outfitted in identical war attire and special eyewear, and Powerhouse in the gun turret. Samien runs at the Humvee and climbs himself in. The camera pans above the Humvee as it speeds on and Powerhouse speaks.]

Powerhouse: Hey Samien. Good to see ya! What have you found out?

[The camera, mounted on the hood, captures the conversation. We see soldiers fighting off-side the vehicle.]

Samien: These Tom-boys are as weak as a haystraw!

Milady: Spare the obvious! What about the target?

Samien: Oh right! (laughing) You guys are gonna laugh your ass off! It's a fitted Ford Expedition XTL, except there's one major twist...it's made in China!

[Powerhouse, Milady, and Samien start laughing hard.]

[We get a close-up of Powerhouse laughing. He suddenly stops and his eyes go wide.]

Powerhouse: OH, SH-

[Powerhouse fires his gun up ahead the vehicle.]

[The bullets hit a flying car that's swooping towards the Humvee. Sparks fly and the flying car explodes. The fire and smoke embellishes towards the ground.]

[Milady and Samien yelp and they brace themselves as the flames and smoke engulf them.]

[Powerhouse kneels down for protective cover as the flames and smoke engulf him.]

[From above, we see the flame and smoke cloud being cut through by the Humvee. The smoke clears from the Humvee rather quickly as it speeds on.]

[Powerhouse rises back to his post, slightly irritated.]

Powerhouse: Ugh. Damn Hy-birds!

[The camera goes back to Milady and Samien, whom also rise back up slightly irritated. Milady speaks to Powerhouse while she's driving.]

Milady: Nice one, Powerhouse! Keep your eyes open!

[The camera from above shows the Humvee deep in a smoke and fire-laden field, no roads present.]

Powerhouse: You too, babe!

[The camera goes back to Milady and Samien.]

Milady: Samien, do you have a location on the target?

[Samien reaches back into a compartment and pulls out a futuristic assault rifle as he speaks.]

Samien: Yes, ma'am! It's at Victor-Bravo-Indian-6-3-niner-4.

[Powerhouse yells in disbelief.]

Powerhouse: HANG ON! Is that the Texas Longhorn football team clubhouse?

Samien: What's left of it.

Powerhouse & Milady: DAMN!

Samien: Hang on, y'all! The place is poorly protected.

Powerhouse & Milady: Huh?

Samien: It's the University of Texas.

Powerhouse & Milady: (realizing) Oh, duh.

Powerhouse: So, the Tom-boys used the University system with the most jack-asses in our country to smuggle in a top-secret weapon. You know, I may not be an Aggie, but I've always wanted to Saw 'Em off! Let's go!

Milady: Copy that!

[Samien and Powerhouse resume firing at enemy soldiers.]

[Suddenly, Milady screams.]


[The camera starts at Powerhouse's belt, and pans up quickly as Powerhouse uses his right hand to take a small shotgun weapon from his belt, and points it at a Hy-bird directly behind him but is about a hundred yards above the ground.]

[Powerhouse points his gun to the bottom left side of the camera. A flash is seen as the gun fires with a loud bang. Powerhouse doesn't flinch as he shoots.]

[The camera, from the ground, sees the Hy-bird explode and starts to fall toward the ground in flame and smoke.]

[A small Texan, bloodied and beaten, is on the ground. He's scared. An American, with a confident smug look on his face, is above the Texan with a club in one hand and a pistol in another.]

American: Heh. Texas tough, huh? That's a bunch of bull! (realizes what he says and laughs)

[As the American laughs, the Texan looks above himself. He's even more scared. He notices that the American is laughing too hard to notice him. He instantly turns around and runs away. The American carries on, not noticing that the ground around him is getting brighter and something whistles down towards him.]

American: (laughing) Bull! That's all you are! You are full on nothing but bull—

[SLAM! The music stops. Back in color, the Powerhouse, still disguised as Mister Stallbuzzard, slams a piece of paper, which has a red stamp that reads "Below Average" on the Professor's desk in the laboratory. Milady, still in her disguise, is right behind him.]

Powerhouse: What the Hell is Leela's problem?

Professor: I don't know what's wrong with her dilated pupil!

Powerhouse & Milady: (smiling, exasperated) FUCK!

[Scene 4 – In the classroom, Powerhouse, Milady, Fry and Leela are in the classroom. All of them are standing in a discussion circle.]

Milady: Alright, guys. Here's what we have determined. Fry, you are the pinnacle of low-class intelligence from 20th century New York. A normal, average specimen of carbon-based life forms.

Fry: So, what is wrong with me?

[Powerhouse and Milady laugh gently.]

Milady: Let's talk about it over a pot of coffee sometime.

Fry: Don't you mean a cup of coffee?

Milady: No.

Powerhouse: Miss Turanga Leela, you were an abandoned infant, mistaken for an alien. It wasn't until just a few years ago that you discovered you were a mutant. Your parents thought it was better for you to live a normal life in the surface world rather than an abnormal life in the sewers. With all due respect, that wasn't a very good choice.

Milady: Your parents were not there to comfort you when all of those immature children teased you about being a single-eyed life form. On the other hand, those bratty children only hid their fear of you through that teasing.

Leela: I know. Those little bastards thought they could out-do me in everything in life. But they were wrong. Look where I am now. Captain of the great Planet Express Delivery Company. Ha! Choke on that, suckers!

[There is a pause in the classroom.]

Milady: (going along) Yeah, you go girl.

Powerhouse: All that teasing at school, along with the loneliness you felt at home, made you somewhat bitter. A bit cynical, but mostly bitter.

Leela: I am not bitter.

[The door opens. Nibbler walks in, begging for Leela's attention.]

Leela: (sharply) Get out, Nibbler! Mommy's not in the mood!

[Nibbler whines as he runs out. Just as the door closes, Leela realizes her mistake.]

Leela: (gasps) Nibbler, I'm sorry.

[Powerhouse grabs Leela's chin and turns her face towards him.]

Powerhouse: You can console him later. Right now, we need you to realize something. This ginger-boy that loves you has a low IQ, equaling those children that teased you.

Fry: Hey, I'm not-

Milady: He could have easily made you feel worse and worse about your puny existance.

Leela: (a little angry) Oh, if he ever -

Powerhouse: Then, he would have continued teasing you and teasing you until you cried like an infant who had his candy stolen.

Fry: (gasps)I would never-

Milady: Then you'd probably snap and start destroying every last bone in his body!

Leela: (angry) You bet your-

Powerhouse: But you know what?!

Leela: (angry) What?!

Fry: (scared) WHAT?!

Powerhouse: He never did any of those things.

[As Milady speaks, we see Fry and Leela relax and eventually, Leela smiles in relief.]

Milady: Fry was the first human being to fully accept you, Leela, for everything you have and everything you don't have.

Powerhouse: He's the only man who has the balls to admit that he is in love with a purple-haired Cyclops who dresses like a combat soldier.

[The camera goes to Powerhouse and Milady.]

Milady: And if that isn't a special kind of love, I don't know what is.

Fry: (relieved) Wow! I didn't think I did anything right. I mean, here I -

[Fry squeals in surprise as Leela suddenly leaps into his arms and kisses him. They continue to make out passionately.]

[Milady and Powerhouse smile in their victory.]

[Fry and Leela continue making out in the background. Milady and Powerhouse join hands as the scene continues.]

Powerhouse & Milady: (softly) Congratulations.

[Powerhouse and Milady exit the classroom. Hermes runs up to them, panting.]

Hermes: You two! Where are Fry and Leela?

Powerhouse: In the classroom, conducting an experiment on passion.

Hermes: What? Experiments are meant to be done after the lesson has been shoved down the students' windpipes! It's the only legal way!

Milady: The lesson was finished in the proper order. They're fine and dandy.

Powerhouse: I think you can say that their chemistry has erupted into a beautiful solution. Here's the bill.

[Powerhouse hands Hermes a piece of paper.]

[Hermes reads the bill, which is a restaurant-like bill, except it is blank.]

Hermes: (confused) Huh?

[Hermes turns his head up as he talks.]

Hermes: Hang on. There's—

[The camera shows that nobody is in front of Hermes. Powerhouse and Milady have disappeared.]

[Hermes is confused.]

Hermes: (calling out) Well, wherever you are, we're not paying this blank check!

[Hermes enters the classroom. The door shuts behind him. Hermes gasps in horror.]


[Scene 5 – SLAM! A metallic slam as heard as the camera swiftly bobs up and down in reaction to an impact. With the slam, the environment turns black and white and Demon Hunter's "Storm the Gates of Hell" picks up. As the first verse starts, we see the door being blown to pieces with a loud BANG! Powerhouse, Milady & Samien, all donning combat wear, quickly emerge through the door and down the hall away from the camera. Powerhouse is armed with a semi-automatic shotgun, Milady has an assault rifle, and Samien has a grenade launcher.]

[A side camera follows along-side Powerhouse, Milady & Samien. They have their weapons in a safe holstered position as they run through the hallway. Milady pulls out a small GPS screen.]

Milady: (softly) The weapon is in the room up ahead to the right. The door to the room is protected by two guards.

[Powerhouse holds up two fingers with his right hand, followed by a gunning gesture. Milady nods. Powerhouse points to Samien, then puts up a fist, as a sign of strategy. Samien nods.]

[The trio approaches a small hallway leading to the weapon room and stop just shy of it.]

[From another angle, we see Powerhouse slowly trying to peel his right eye down the small hallway. We see the short hallway, leading to double doors with windows looking into a laboratory. The door is guarded by two American guards armed with small assault rifles.]

[Suddenly, from the viewpoint of the American guards, Powerhouse and Milady swiftly emerge from the shadows and point their weapons at the guards. The guards respond in the same manner.]

Guard 1: Drop your weapons and surrender, rebels.

[Powerhouse and Milady don't even think and they drop their weapons.]

[From the floor level, we see the shotgun and assault rifle drop flat with their barrels still pointing towards the Americans. The weapons discharge with LOUD BANGS as they hit the ground.]

[The weapon rounds hit both guards in the foot, just scraping their boots. They howl in pain as they lower their weapons to tend to their wounds. Suddenly, Powerhouse and Milady enter the fray. Powerhouse starts punching the soldier on the right and Milady starts punching and kicking the guard on the left. Because the fight blows are so hard and powerful, the Americans offer little resistance, and it doesn't affect Powerhouse or Milady as they fight.]

[A close-up shot follows Powerhouse's foot as he kicks his victim in the groin area. The guard squeals like a pig as the blow lands. Immediately after the kick, the camera goes to Powerhouse's intense face.]

Powerhouse: SAMIEN!

[From behind, Samien, his RPG launcher in a restraint on his back, runs in.]

[Milady keeps kicking her victim in the face. The guard groans from each blow. From behind Milady, we see Powerhouse throwing his guard towards Samien. Samien catches the guard with one hand and throws the guard from the air and straight to the ground. The guard groans in straining pain. Samien picks the guard up again, by the neck, and raises him in the air.]

[Milady has her guard by the head. Powerhouse grabs the guard's feet and helps pick her guard up above the ground. They succeed without a strain.]

[With both of their victims in the air, all three Texans, with a big grunt, throw their opponents away from the double doors.]

[From the Texans point of view, both guards are flying towards the concrete wall.]

[Alongside the wall and above the ground, the camera catches an image of both guards crashing into the wall. They don't say a thing for they have been incapacitated. But when they crashed, a small red light on a tiny black box on the back of Guard2 starts flashing silently.]

[Milady and Powerhouse both pick up their weapons from the ground, dust them off, and head towards the laboratory door. Samien follows them.]

[From within the laboratory, the double doors open as Powerhouse, Milady and Samien walk through.]

["Storm the Gates of Hell" stops as a close-up shot shows Powerhouse, Milady and Samien are of awe at first, but then they all go to relieved victory.]

[Before the Texans is a 2032 Ford Expedition XXLT 4X4, blue chrome, red trim, and white-silver rims. In the cargo section of the vehicle, there appears to be a bazooka-looking weapon. It is fat enough and long enough to fit within the entire rear section of the vehicle.]

[Milady and Powerhouse smile at each other, and walk towards the vehicle. Samien is all smiles initially, but his eyebrows show that he is curious about something about this unusual weapon.]

[Powerhouse goes straight for the driver's side door while Milady walks around the front of the vehicle as she begins her diagnosis.]

Milady: The Ford Expedition X-X-L-T, four-by-four. Easily a V-16, six-hundred-eighty-two horsepower engine, six-speed automatic transmission, fifty-eight inch steel-aluminum wheels, twenty-eight thousand pounds of towing capability, and twelve thousand pounds of payload capacity.

Powerhouse: And look at what the payload is. A Sevren six-sixty-five rocket-propelled-nuclear-bomb. Looks like a pretty good thousand-and-a-half pound nuke. That'll take out about two-fifths of Houston.

Milady: -or the entire San Antonio-Austin Megatropolis.

Samien: Two questions. Why would they store this nuke in the most American-friendly university in our nation?

[Powerhouse enters the driver side seat and sits; Milady does the same on the passenger side as Powerhouse talks.]

Powerhouse: Maybe they were about to use it on us. They wouldn't keep it in a laboratory next to the battlefield if they were going to store it for a long time.

Milady: Honey, are you just now saying that the Americans have some brains?

Powerhouse: Only those that wear lab coats and general stars.

Samien: Next question. If this is a nuke, what are these-

[Suddenly, we hear gunshots from the hallway where the Texans came from. All the Texans turn their heads towards it and are a little scared.]

Samien: Damn it! The tom-boys are coming!

[Samien arms himself with his Rocket-Propelled Grenade launcher, turns to Milady and Powerhouse and barks an order.]

Samien: GO! Take the nuke back to base! I'll catch up!

Milady: SAMIEN! We're not leaving without-

Samien: YES YOU ARE! If the bastards even hit you with a shotgun, we're ALL DEAD!



[Distant shouting is heard. Milady and Powerhouse are saddened and scared for their friend. They eventually nod to their comrade.]

[With the distant shouting getting louder, Samien, with pure passion in his eyes, nods to his comrades.]

[Powerhouse slams his door shut.]

[Milady scrambles for her seatbelt, while Powerhouse snatches the vehicle keys from the middle glove compartment. Powerhouse starts up the engine.]

[With a mighty ROAR!, the Expeditions headlights light up as the engine fires up.]

[The mighty engine roar doesn't make Samien flinch a bit.]

[We hear gears shifting. The Expedition backs up and turns toward the window.]

[With a short screech, the Expedition comes to a halt. Samien turns to his left towards the Expedition. On the other end, Powerhouse looks at his comrade, then back at the window. The focus goes back to Samien. The shouting gets louder. He starts reciting a quote from Sam Houston.]

Samien: "Texas has yet—

[A close-up of Powerhouse starts zooming in on him as he prepares himself. He's speaking the same quote as his friend is.]

Powerhouse: "-to learn submission-"

[Milady is hanging on for dear life. Her close-up starts zooming in on her as she is speaking the same quote.]

Milady: "-to any oppression."

[Suddenly, all sounds stop. As Samien, Powerhouse and Milady finish the quote together, we see their faces appear close-up in order every two syllables.]

Powerhouse, Milady & Samien: (simultaneously) "Come from what source it may."

[SLAM! The Powerhouse's foot slams the gas pedal. We hear tires screeching.]

[The guitar solos in Dragonforce's "Give Me The Night" kick up as we see and hear the Expedition barreling towards the windows of the lab.]

[From outside the lab, the Expedition CRASHES through the glass of the laboratory and blazes across Longhorn field.]

[From atop the press box, we see a senior military officer, Jeffery Brannigan, with two scientists, Geebs and Ken. They look down towards the field. Brannigan looks down in the field with his binoculars.]

[From within Brannigan's binoculars, we see a night-vision like image of Powerhouse & Milady in the speeding Expedition. The visuals in the binoculars give Brannigan an ID on both humans. Two red boxes with arrows appear over both individuals. Over Powerhouse the text in the box reads, "Texas Powerhouse, Rebel Leader 1". Over Milady the text in the box reads, "Milady, Rebel Leader 2".]

[Brannigan brings down his binoculars and smiles a smile that is identical to that of Zapp Brannigan. He barks orders to his scientists.]

Jeffery: Ken, press the magic red button.

Jeebs: WAIT! But, sir. The weapon is right there on the field. Won't we die?

Jeffery: Jeebs, that's not the nuclear bomb.

Ken: It's operation T-T.

Jeffery: Yep, Operation U-rine!

[Jeebs remembers and understands.]

Jeebs: Oh, right. I was drunk and high that night.

[Ken pulls out a remote control with a red button on it.]

[A close-up shot shows Ken pushing the red button.]

[Milady and Powerhouse are cruising right along the field. Suddenly, the music stops as black straps come from behind both seats and trap both Milady and Powerhouse in their seats. Their legs are also strapped close to the bottom of the seat.]

[From outside, the Expedition starts to transform into a flying vehicle. It starts hovering in the air. The wheels start bending outwards until the rims are facing the ground.]

[From behind the Expedition, the rear windows transform into airtight exhaust funnels.]

[From above the field, the Expedition accelerates fast and starts flying towards the camera. It eventually blazes past the camera.]

[Inside the Expedition, we see Powerhouse and Milady straining and struggling to get free.]

[The camera shows a small T.V. screen on the Expedition console. Jeffery Brannigan, in his military officer's uniform, appears on it.]

Jeffery: Attention, unfortunate rebels.

[Milady and Powerhouse instantly stop, and look at the screen. They've seen and heard that man before.]

Milady & Powerhouse: (simultaneously) BRANNIGAN!

[The camera goes back to the T.V. screen. Brannigan smiles.]

Jeffery: (confidently) Hi, losers! You've just been suckered into the single, greatest American scientific experiment ever demised.

[The camera shows the Expedition flying higher and higher into space, ever accelerating in speed as Brannigan is heard speaking.]

Jeffery: Right now, the Expedition you are now in is rocketing you to the equator. Once you arrive, the machine will straddle the line and keep rotating the earth until it reaches the speed of light.

[The camera goes back into the cockpit of the Expedition, where the overly-cocky Brannigan continues his dissertation.]

Jeffery: Now here is where the real fun is. My scientists believe that once the machine reaches the speed of light, it will create a wormhole, which is a passage through time.

[Milady and Powerhouse GASP in horror.]

Jeffery: Now, because you are traveling west, you will probably go forward in time, which means you will see the aftermath of this conflict.

[Powerhouse and Milady scream in anger and frustration as Brannigan mildly chuckles in this smug victory.]



[The camera shows a close-up of a rage-filled Powerhouse.]


[The camera shows a rage-filled Milady. In the background, the blue sky gives way to the black, star-filled sky.]


[Brannigan laughs at the threats.]

Jeffery: Heh! Well, that's not going to be my problem, now will it?

[Powerhouse and Milady SCREAM in astonished rage.]



[An image of Earth is seen and we see a small light, the Expedition, orbiting the earth. The light makes two orbits a second and it gets faster. We hear Brannigan say his farewell as the Expedition continues orbiting.]

Jeffery: Farewell, rebels! Say hi to your home for me!

[Inside the cockpit, we see Brannigan laughing on the T.V. and we hear Powerhouse and Milady SCREECHING in blood-thirsty hatred. The T.V. powers off.]



[From the side of the cockpit, we Powerhouse and Milady in their screaming fit, trying to break free of the straps binding them to the chair. Suddenly, the red trim on the vehicle lights up in a bright, neon-light manner. This silences the scared Texans. They look as each other perplexed. Suddenly, they hear soft sparking noises. They look ahead.]

[Looking out the windshield, the earth is moving considerably fast below. Sparking noises, accompanied by sparks of electricity coming from the lit-up trim shooting towards the front of the Expedition, gets louder and more frequent.]

[Milady and Powerhouse look at each other in fear as the sparking continues. Each spark lights up their faces.]

[The camera is fixed on a scared Powerhouse. He looks straight into the eyes of the love of his life. Sparks keep filling the cockpit with flashing light.]

Powerhouse: I am blessed and honored to have you as my wife.

[The camera is fixed on a terrified Milady. She looks deep into the eyes of the love of her life. Sparks keep filling the cockpit with flashing light.]

Milady: The honor was mine. You are the true blessing, my love.

[A camera fixed from the vehicle's console shows Powerhouse and Milady staring into each other's eyes. A white glow starts to overtake the sparks in filling up the room. Powerhouse and Milady notice the brighter light. They look toward the windshield and GASP!]

[All sounds stop. From the cockpit, we see the sparks are bonding and adding to a bright void that appears to be the making of a wormhole being cut into the space-time continuum.]

[We hear soft, scared breathing from Milady. A close up of Milady's left eye shows the reflection of the wormhole. Out of fear, she closes her eyes.]

[We hear soft, scared breathing from Powerhouse. A close up of Powerhouse's right eye shows the reflection of the wormhole. Out of fear, he closes his eyes.]

[Epic music is heard. From just outside the Expedition, we see the Expedition rotating around the Earth about 8 times every second. The Expedition continues sparking and the wormhole is big enough for the Expedition to get into. After a moment, the epic music goes unresolved as the wormhole engulfs the Expedition with a crashing BANG, and disappears, leaving a pair of fire trails behind, which eventually dissipate and vanish. The image fades to black.]


[Act III – Scene 1: Back in color in 3012, the camera hovers around the Planet Express headquarters, accompanied my standard Futurama scene transit music.]

[Inside the lab, the entire crew of Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy, Zoidberg, and Scruffy meet with the Professor and Hermes. They're perplexed of the recent events.]

Hermes: So you mean to tell me that they used reverse psychology on you two to get you two to start mating….too?

[The camera shows Fry and Leela holding hands.]

Leela: Yep.

Fry: I'm amazed, too.

[Everyone starts clapping their hands and celebrate the historic event.]

Amy: Way to go, Fry.

Bender: Congrats, buddy.

Zoidberg: When will I be able to remove the new specimen, Leela?

Scruffy: Not bad for young 'uns.

[The camera goes back to Hermes.]

Hermes: That's illogical, improbable, and weird. But then, love is not an exact science.

[Bender chimes in.]

Bender: Unless you have Vigaria for robots. "Do or don't, baby. There's no second guessing my machine."

[Leela is still curious.]

Leela: Hermes, did they give you any reason why they didn't bill us for their help?

[Hermes is looking through his papers and documents on his clipboard as he talks.]

Hermes: No. But, it sure saved us a bungalow of dough. If I knew no better, I'd say it was almost a tax-worthy act of charity.

Fry: Maybe we can call them again? I'm sure they can-

[Hermes interrupts Fry with a big gasp. We see him surprised at what he found on a clipboard.]

Hermes: Great cow of Moscow! Fry! Leela! You never told me you're competing in the beach volleyball tournament!

[A short dramatic chord is heard as everyone gasps.]

[Fry and Leela are perplexed.]

Fry: What? I didn't sign up for any tournament.

Leela: Me neither. Are you sure it wasn't a different Fry and Leela?

Hermes: Unless you know another Fry and Leela that works at Planet Express!

Leela: Wha-? Hermes, can you get us out of it?

Hermes: The rules won't allow it. Until you lose, you stay in.

Amy: That's worse than my ex, Ricardo!

Hermes: Not to add salt to open eyes, but we have a schedule to keep. Everyone must pack their belongings and be aboard the ship for departure in ten minutes.

[Everyone leaves the lab, except Fry and Leela, who are still shocked. After a pause, Fry speaks up.]

Fry: Leela, I haven't played competitive volleyball since elementary school. If we're going to win this thing, we need to-

Leela: Forget winning, we need to think about how we're going to handle the humiliation of losing. Jamaican volleyball players are famous for victory gloating.

Fry: Well, no matter what happens, I will make sure that my woman leaves with a smile on her face. I mean, it's a beach on a tropical island in the Caribbean. I'll tell off the beach bullies, you can hurt them, they'll wimper a little and walk away. Afterwards, we can have a nice walk on the beach at sunset.

[Leela smiles at her man.]

Leela: I like that idea. Come on. Let's get into our swimwear and get this screw job over with.

[Scene 2: The image fades to black and white. We see many stars in a night sky. A text appears, reading "June 12th, 3012". It's an almost silent night in New New York as a fixed camera on an empty pier pans down showing the Statue of Liberty and part of the city's lit-up skyline. The text fades away. We hear distant explosions. Suddenly, a moderately soft WHOOSH is heard accompanied by a soft, brief wave of light, which appears to be heading towards the Statue of Liberty. Eventually, we see a slow-moving fireball flying by from above. Suddenly, SPLASH! SPLASH! Two human beings splash into the harbor within a couple yards of the camera's vicinity. Epic 2-beat heavy metal music is heard as one hand, belonging to Powerhouse, appears from the water and grabs the pier, quickly followed by another hand, Milady. Both Texans rise from the water, gasping and growling in fury. They look around the pier, and pull themselves out of the water. Their boots squeak a lot as they slowly leave the pier with water dripping from everywhere, walking past the camera. Shortly after they leave, the fireball, which is presumably the burning-up Expedition, EXPLODES into a building a couple miles away from the camera's vicinity. Several debris chunks start falling from the wreck as we hear the sound-delayed explosion.]

[We see a pier storage building with one light. Powerhouse and Milady, still mad but cautious, look around and, seeing that the coast is clear, they proceed down the poorly lit area.]

[Milady and Powerhouse keep their eyes open and looking around as they proceed down the area. Something catches Powerhouse's eyes.]

[A security guard, whistling on his patrol, emerges from around another building.]

[Milady and Powerhouse both stop and stand still.]

[The security guard turns towards the Texans and gasps.]

Security Guard: Hey! What are you soldiers doing?

[Powerhouse and Milady act as normal as possible as the guard approaches them.]

Powerhouse: Well, uh…sir. We just had a diving exercise go horribly wrong.

Security Guard: Swim training in land combat gear?

Milady: Survival training, sir. At any minute, those mountains could start a landslide and take us to a lake or an ocean.

Security Guard: Wait, you two don't have K-9 tags!

Powerhouse: Swordfish got 'em.

Security Guard: In the harbor?

[The guard pulls out a scanning device.]

Security Guard: Let me see your career chips.

Milady: I'm sorry?

Security Guard: Let me guess…don't have 'em either?

Powerhouse: Frankly, sir, we don't know what you're talking about.

[The guard pulls out handcuffs.]

Security Guard: Okay, I'm taking you in for question-

[KICK! PUNCH! KICK! The security guard takes a kick in the gut from Milady, a punch upwards in the head from Powerhouse and a kick in the head from Powerhouse. The guard falls over, wheezing, with a CLUNK! Powerhouse & Milady are confused.]

Milady & Powerhouse: (simultaneously) Career chips?

[Scene 3 - Soft, dark music starts. In a Cryogenics lab, Powerhouse and Milady are in the office where Terry, the showman lab worker from the Space Pilot 3000 episode, is typing info on a keyboard. As the camera zooms out slowly, we see Powerhouse & Milady, still in combat wear, rubbing their abs. They've just been poked there so the Cryo-lab can get info on distant relatives.]

[As Powerhouse narrates, we see a shot with Powerhouse's head in the unfocused right-side foreground with Terry in focus. He is still typing. The camera zooms in gently as the narration continues.]

Powerhouse: (narrating) After realizing that the Brannigan bastard's experiment was a complete success, we spent the rest of the night asking a few homeless people and another unfortunate cop about 'career chips'.

[As Milady narrates, we see a shot with Milady's head in the unfocused left-side foreground with Terry in focus, still typing. The camera zooms in gently as the narration continues.]

Milady: (narrating) Career chips, as far as the consensus said, are tiny computer chips implanted on one's hand that tells perspective employers what career would be best for the bearer.

[Suddenly, the music stops as Terry, in his signature showman-style, explains more.]

Terry: (as the dedicated showman) AND YOUR ENTIRE BACKGROUND!

[Powerhouse and Milady are puzzled.]

Powerhouse: Huh?

Milady: Wha-?

[Suddenly, a cryo-officer from behind, chimes in. He was just passing by.]

Cryo-officer: He heard you two talkin'. Basically, all of your education, work experience, former employers, job reviews, hobbies, and references can be included on the chip, too.

Terry: (as a dedicated showman) IT'S AN UPGRADE!

[The cryo-officer leaves and Terry continues typing.]

Powerhouse: So, Terry. Let's say that you determine that one person would be best at one job, but they hate it or they don't want it?

Terry: (as a dedicated showman) THEN, WE BLAST THEM INTO THE SUN!

Milady: They take it or they die?!

Terry: (as a dedicated showman) YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

[BOOM! A Heavy Metal Drum makes an explosive blast. In-sync with the blast, the camera shows the intense, angry eyes of both Powerhouse and Milady. They both narrate as a metal chord builds.]

Milady & Powerhouse: (narrating) Needless to say, that struck a nerve.

[The Heavy Metal kicks up into a high, fast gear. In a single swift motion, Powerhouse and Milady stand and grab their office chairs by the top, and throw it HARD in Terry's direction.]

[Terry tries to block the chairs with his arms, but they crash into his body, knocking him unconscious. He doesn't twitch or move at all.]

[We see a keypad next to the open door. Powerhouse's fingers punch a big button in the lower row. The door slams shut. Then, Powerhouse back away from the keypad, and, with a mighty GRUNT, kicks the keypad HARD with the heel of his Cowboy-boot inspired combat boot, causing a soft, electrical explosion.]

[A smaller pair of Cowboy-inspired boots, belonging to Milady, rush over to Terry and the chairs. We see Milady's tossing the thrown chairs aside.]

[Powerhouse returns to Milady, and he speaks to Milady as he hauls Terry out of the chair and sets him on the floor, upright and in a reverent manner.]

Powerhouse: Copy, then fry the mainframe.

Milady: Where's the placement unit?

Powerhouse: Check the drawers. It's gotta be close.

[Milady sits at the computer using Terry's chair.]

[Milady pulls a USB 320 Megabyte flash drive from her wrist pocket.]

[Milady looks around the desk, sees something, and smiles.]

[Milady has found a USB port that has been fitted in the desktop.]

Milady: Must be an old system.

[Milady places the flash drive in the USB port.]

[Powerhouse speaks softly to Terry.]

Powerhouse: I'm sorry, Terry. As talented as you are, you need to leave this evil system and get on Broadway. You have more appreciation out there.

[From behind Powerhouse, we hear computer beeping. Milady speaks in joy.]

Milady: Ah-HA! I got the program.

[Powerhouse joins Milady at the computer.]

Milady: Just punch in the information, upload it to the device, and implant it on the victim's, er, person's right hand.

Powerhouse: OW! That's sounds like it hurts. But, where's the planting device?

[Milady & Powerhouse start checking the drawers of the desk. Powerhouse starts going down on his side. Suddenly, he jumps up and screams in pain with the device attached to his hand.]

Powerhouse: (in pain) OW! OWWWW! IT GOT ME!

[Milady, naturally, comes to her husband's aide, but Powerhouse quickly reveals that it was a joke, just to agitate his wife.]

Powerhouse: Gotcha.

[Milady scoffs at the trick, and slaps her husband on the cheek, but it doesn't affect Powerhouse much.]

Milady: Smart-ass!

Powerhouse: Oh, come on. I have to joke around once in my life.

Milady: Jokes aside, what are we going to do with him?

[Powerhouse looks at Terry and thinks for a moment.]

Powerhouse: Well, he does put a lot of expression into his mundane dialogue.

[Powerhouse & Milady look at each other.]

Powerhouse & Milady: Actor.

[Scene 4 - From outside the cryogenics lab building, we slowly see smoke starting to rise from the building windows and the roof. Suddenly, people walking on sidewalks outside the building begin to panic as they see the smoke rising.]

Patron1: O-M-G! The cryo-lab is going up in smoke!

Patron2: That building's burning! That building's burning! SOMEONE HELP!

Patron3: I had my ex-husband locked up in the cryo-lab! Someone get me a bucket! And I mean ICE!

[Inside the cryogenics laboratory, the fire alarm is blaring as the lab personnel are filing out of the building. Most are calm, but an occasional few are hysterical. As we hear three Lab Workers talking among the crowd, the camera spots and follows Powerhouse and Milady. They are both carrying Terry, still unconscious, by his shoulders out of the building, all while acting normal.]

Lab Worker1: Hurry up! I don't want to have a disfigured head!

Lab Worker2: What about the frozen people? I mean, they don't have a sprinkler system in their rooms. Won't they be upset?

Lab Worker3: Ah, they won't know what hit 'em!

Lab Worker2: That's sounds bad.

Lab Worker3: You don't know half of it.

[Outside the building, sirens and alarms are blaring as emergency responders arrive, including firemen and paramedics. We see Powerhouse and Milady emerging from the building, still carrying Terry. They look around. Milady spots something in the distance and points to it.]

Milady: Over there!

[Powerhouse looks at what Milady is pointing at, and nods his head in agreement.]

Powerhouse: GO!

[Powerhouse & Milady start rushing across the street with Terry. They avoid rabid pedestrians, occasional vehicles, and some responders. On the opposite end of the street, there is a homeless man, depressed, sitting there just watching the scene, not really caring. Powerhouse and Milady set Terry down just next to the homeless man. They talk to the homeless man.]

Milady: When he wakes up, tell him to say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow."

Powerhouse: And after he does that, tell him to do that at City Hall.

Homeless Man: Why?

Milady: You'll wind up being best friends. Trust me.

[Milady winks and clicks her cheek at the Homeless Man.]

[Homeless Man chuckles and hides his face in blushing embarrassment.]

[As Homeless Man is still chuckling, Powerhouse & Milady run off quietly.]

[Scene 5 - The camera shows an aerial shot of the smoking cryo-lab as the scene unfolds. Festive Caribbean music starts as the image fades to a color aerial shot of the Jamaican Island Festival Grounds where the Jamaican Independence Party is held. In place of the cryo-lab we see the beach volleyball court, where some teams are already competing in the sport. Surrounding the volleyball court are avid sports fans, well-built men in Speedos, slender, fit women in bikinis, and a few interstellar pets.]

[On a strip of the beach, we see human females and alien females of different species lying on beach beds, getting a tan. A sign identifies the area as "Grilling Strip". Occasionally, there is an android pair flipping each tanner over when they clap twice. One android grabs the feet while the other grabs the arms, and they turn them from front to back, or vice versa. Every time someone is set down after being flipped, we hear a sizzling sound.]

[As the camera pans down along the Grilling Strip, we see Amy lying front-side down on the bed. She's wearing her blue bikini bottom, but appears to have no top. She's relaxed and enjoying the tan. A couple of guys, with their girlfriends, walk along the beach and stare at Amy as they pass by. Once their off camera, we hear a couple of slaps, both within a second of each other. Two flipping robots, having heard the clapping, rush over to Amy's area, look around, and, thinking Amy clapped, start to grab Amy's hands and feet.]

[At the volleyball court, we see Fry, in red swim trunks and white t-shirt, standing next to Leela, in a sexy violet bikini. They are observing the current game in the tournament.]

Fry: I gotta admit. These guys are good.

Leela: Yeah, just beware of the kills.

Fry: Huh?

[On the court, we see, on both sides of the net, a team player of Jamaican descent and the other, a Spaniard, both jump up. The Jamaican hits the ball VERY hard into the Spaniard's face. The ball bounces off the Spaniard's head and flies straight into the air while the Spaniard falls flat on his back. The music stops and crowd gasps. The Jamaican celebrates his supposed point, but for a moment nothing happens. Suddenly, the volleyball from the air hits the Jamaican on his head, knocking him to the ground.]

[We see Leela catching the volleyball. We hear an American announcer through a loudspeaker.]

Announcer: Point—Spain. Match—Spain.

[We see a bunch of Spaniards, dressed in Tropical Paradise wear and partying on their section of the beach with grills, burritos, fajitas, and a few cases of tequila. Upon hearing the announcement, they celebrate their victory by whooping and cheering. Suddenly, a Jamaican Bullfrog, a big, black frog with green spots and horns on top above their two red eyes, hops up next to them and croaks. Suddenly, the Spaniards stop everything and look down nervously. They see the Jamaican Bullfrog, and SCREAM IN FEAR as they run for the beaches.]

[On the Grilling Strip, we see the Spaniards running away, still screaming in fear. They kick up a brief cloud of sandy dust as they run off into the sunset. The Jamaican Bullfrog croaks as it slowly hops in the direction of the fleeing Spaniards. A few people on the Grilling Strip notice the frog croaking by, but pay it no mind.]

[The camera goes back to a surprised Fry and Leela.]

Fry: What's up with them?

Leela: Ever since the great Bullfrog invasion of 2810, Spaniards always had this fear of any kind of horned frog, like the Jamaican Bullfrog. To remind them of that fear, Spain holds the Running of the Frogs every year.

[Fry is seen with a calculating move in his eye.]

Fry: No bull.

Leela: Nope. They got rid of that stupid thing in 2409.

[The following scenes are a montage of the championship volleyball game between Spain and New New York (Fry and Leela) set to uplifting Caribbean-style music.]

[Fry serves up the volleyball.]

[Spaniard 1 hits the ball using underarms.]

[Leela sets up the ball by thrusting up with both of her hands. We see Fry approaching the net from behind, jumps, and hits the ball viciously down and away from the Spaniards. It lands just out of Spaniard 2's reach and bounces away. We hear the announcer as the camera goes back and see Fry and Leela high-fiving each other.]

Announcer: Point—New New York.

[We see several Americans, dressed in patriotic beachwear, in the audience cheer on for their countrymen.]

[We see Spaniard 1 hitting the ball hard.]

[We see Fry diving for the ball, but it lands in front of his face and kicks sand in his eyes. We hear the announcer as Fry consoles his eyes.]

Announcer: Point—Spain.

[We see the Americans boo and jeer at their opponents.]

[Leela consoles Fry as he picks himself up and coughs out the sand. From the audience, we see a suave-looking Spaniard, obviously not part of the crowd that ran away. He appears to be a little confident, and he chides his opponents from the crowd.]

Suave Spaniard: Congratulations, carrot-top. You and 'senorita one-eye' there kept this match close. Never thought I'd see that.

Fry: Hey, I am not a vegetarian. If I was, I'd be allergic to your hair semen.

Suave Spaniard: How dare you! I'll have you know that this hair is covered with the best semen in all of Spain!

Leela: Really? Who's your boyfriend?

[We see Spaniard2 chime in from across the court.]

Spaniard2: I am!

[Suddenly, some in the crowd erupts in grossed-out expressions upon hearing this discussion while others erupt in laughter.]

[We see Suave Spaniard getting teased at and laughed at. He tears up and runs away crying.]

[Back in the court, we see Spaniard2 really mad. He growls and runs from across the court and towards Leela.]

[We see from Spaniard2's point of view that he is charging towards an unsuspecting Leela, who is watching the teasing scene with tearful eyes.]

[We see a close-up of Spaniard2's eyes go from anger to shocked sympathy.]

[From the side, we see Spaniard2 stop in front of Leela, who is shocked to find the approaching Spaniard2.]

Spaniard2: Senorita, why are you so sad?

Leela: (choked up a little) Well,…I…

Fry: I know why.

[The camera focuses on Fry and it softly zooms in as Fry speaks.]

Fry: Leela was teased and picked on because she was a Cyclops. She hated that no one accepted her for who she truly was. And she saw you and your boyfriend go through the same thing just now. Now personally, I think the gay way of life is disgusting, BUT we are all human beings nonetheless. Everyone should live in peace without being teased or picked on just because they're different. Besides, that sounds pretty immature, don't you think?

[Leela rushes into Fry's arms and hugs her man.]

Leela: Oh, Fry.

[Spaniard2 tears up a little.]

Spaniard2: Oh, muchas gracias, senor. Muchas gracias.

Fry: No prob.

[Spaniard2 runs off. Fry notices this.]

Fry: Bu-wait. Hey, what about the-?

[Spaniard2 runs off into tropical palm trees. Suddenly, the announcer speaks breaking the silence.]

Announcer: Game—New New York!

[Festive Caribbean music starts up. Suddenly, everyone in the crowd, except for the Jamaicans, cheer for the champs.]

[Hermes presents the big golden trophy to Fry and Leela, who accept it in astonishment. Fry inquires to Hermes.]

Fry: Wait, Hermes! How did we win?

Hermes: Easy. In the championship match, if one team is off the court for more than five seconds, they are disqualified.

Fry: Neat.

[Fry and Leela hold their trophy up for the world to see. Hermes steps back and applaudes the winners.]

[A telescope from above sees the celebration continuing. We see Fry and Leela holding up their trophies in victory. We then see Leela lowering the trophy and gives Fry a BIG kiss in victory.]

[From within a spaceship, we see Texas Powerhouse and Milady, both smiling, looking through individual lenses that are hooked up to one telescope. Powerhouse is dressed in a black button-down shirt with a pocket at the left chest, black jeans, and black cowboy boots. His trench coat is on an old-fashioned, wooden coat rack in the spaceship. Milady is sporting her black Capri pants, her black, skin-tight, short-sleeved shirt, a short tailed black coat, black cowboy boots, and black cowboy hat.]

[Milady and Powerhouse like what they see. They leave the microscope. The festive Caribbean music fades to calm, resolving music.]

[We get a better view of the spaceship. Basically, it's a one-room, small apartment. The walls have various items, like pictures of bluebonnets, pictures of purple buttercup flowers, images of downtown Dallas, downtown Houston, and the Tower of the Americas in San Antonio, images of cowboys on horses with the sunset, images of cowgirls in short shorts and tied-up shirts resting against a wooden fence post with the sunset. There are shelves populated with various items, including some relics of war, including lug nuts from the Texas war hummers, spurs, and worn down horse-riding rigging. At the front of the ship are two piloting seats, made of leather. The pilot controls are made of black leather with a white outline of the state of Texas etched into the top of each one. The windows are bifocals, as in they dim for bright light, and clear up for no light. In the back end there is a work counter, populated with several drawers and cabinets underneath.]

[We see Powerhouse and Milady leave the telescope and go to the counter area. We hear Powerhouse narrate as Milady goes into one drawer and pulls out the Career Chip implanter and sticks the remover in Powerhouse's right hand. Powerhouse prepares for the pain as Milady approaches with caution.]

Powerhouse: What we saw were two silly children who, at first, were too scared to realize their true feelings. But they learned that with a little faith and understanding, the skies are the limit.

[We see Powerhouse's face screaming in pain, but it is inaudible. Milady narrates as we see this.]

Milady: Where once was pain…

[We see Fry partying with Leela in the victory celebration, inaudible. Milady narrates.]

Milady: There is life.

[Powerhouse, with caution, takes the Career Chip implanter, and sticks the remover to Milady's hand. He digs, inaudible.]

[We see Milady's face screaming in pain, in audible. Powerhouse narrates as we see this.]

Powerhouse: Where once was fear….

[In the midst of the party, we see Leela hugging Fry with sincere passion. Fry enjoys the feeling, and reciprocates. Powerhouse narrates.]

Powerhouse: There is comfort.

[Still inaudible, Powerhouse is leaning on the counter in pain, trying to recover from the pain of the career chip being removed. Milady takes Powerhouse's right hand, and kisses it in a consoling manner. Milady narrates as this occurs.]

Milady: And wherever there is a heart to mend….

[Enjoying what he felt, Powerhouse does the same for Milady's right hand. Milady feels consoled and looks dreamily into her man's eyes. Powerhouse narrates.]

Powerhouse: There is a beautiful garden of relief.

[Suddenly, Milady claps her hands twice in the air and barks a command to the spaceship.]

Milady: Computer, take us home!

[The computer beeps, and the engines start firing up.]

[Outside, we see the spaceship. It looks like a sleek, black, "V"-shaped vehicle reminiscent to some nuclear warships of the distant past. There are no distinct markings on this vehicle. The engines fire up and it speeds away from the island and towards the ocean waters.]

[The resolving music grows louder and bigger. Back inside, we see an inaudible, slow-motion close-up of the Powerhouse and Milady, their hats removed. They are leaning towards each other, as if to kiss.]

[As twilight approaches on Jamaica, the party has died down. Bender is looting all the valueables, including sunglasses, tequila bottles, and bamboo sticks. Hermes is documenting all of the finances on his clipboard. Amy, covering her bosom with her left arm, is running around the beach, frantically looking for her bikini top. The Professor, physically exhausted and in a blue thong, is slowly making his way towards the Planet Express ship. The last thing we see is Fry and Leela discretely sneaking into a vacant cabin.]

[The cabin, with a cot, is poorly lit. We see a close-up of Leela, appearing to be topless, resting on the cot. In inaudible slow-motion, we see Fry, also appearing to be without a shirt, approaching Leela, as if to kiss.]

[The music continues to grow louder and more triumphant. In the spaceship, we see an angle where the windshield is looking at the sunset while Powerhouse and Milady are covered in shadows. We can see that they are still moving in to kiss with the sun in the camera's face.]

[In the cabin, we see Leela's lips open as Fry's lips move in. As they get closer, a soft white light starts to grow from both sets of lips.]

[In the spaceship, we see the shadows of Powerhouse and Milady embracing each other in kiss. The sun coming from the windshield shines brighter and starts engulfing the shadows.]

[In the cabin, the white lights from the lips engulf the view as the lips meet and Fry and Leela engage their passion. The whole screen is engulfed in white light as the music hits a high point.]

[The music continues in triumphant fanfare as the camera fades to black and reveals the Executive Producer's credits. The music resolves and the credits fade to black.]

[CREDIT ROLL: The Futurama theme with a heavy metal flavor is heard as the end credits roll.]