Title: Lost Without You

Author: Wincesteriffic Kaz

Info: Sam hits a new low and makes a confession. Post 8x06 "Southern Comfort" a little angst and a lot of cheerful naughty. Dean/Sam

Author's Note: A little something for my Pimp Momma Fly who has a 1st time fetish and has had a rough couple days. :D Wincest, bottom!sam

Graphic depictions within.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em but if I did…they'd never get dressed. Heh heh heh

~Reviews are Love~

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Sam sat on the bed in their motel room and stared at the bottle of whiskey before raising it and taking another long pull. Dean's words in Missouri just the day before echoed in his ears.

"Let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits. Drinking demon blood? Check. Being in cahoots with Ruby? Not telling me that you lost your soul? Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you were doing all kinds of crazy? Those aren't mistakes, Sam. Those are choices! Yeah, I might have lied. But I never once betrayed you. I never once left you to die. And for what? A girl?"

The scorn that had dripped from Dean's voice…Sam had been angry and righteous at first, but as the day wore on, as they drove, he realized how many times in the past that had led him astray…and just how many people he loved had paid the price for it. It had put a sick feeling in his gut and he hadn't argued when Dean found a room and then vanished for the local bar.

The hours alone with nothing but his own thoughts left him now with only self-loathing as the last eight years played through his head. Even two hundred years in the cage, it seemed, couldn't absolve him of his guilt; not when Dean still hated him and…he deserved it. What kind of bastard just stopped looking for his own brother? Sam brushed irritably as the first hot tear slid down his face and took another drink from the bottle. Dean would never have given up, he knew, not without knowing absolutely that there was no chance. Sam hadn't even had that much information; he'd had nothing and he'd just walked away. He swallowed hard and stood to pace.

His bad decisions had hurt everyone he cared about. Even his mother's death was on his head, and Sam figured that was the one that Dean could secretly never forgive him for, no matter what he said. His mother, Jess, Madison, Bobby, Adam…pretty much the whole Campbell side of the family, even Dean who'd sold his own soul for him…Sam hit the floor on his knees and took another drink.

"I'm a monster," he whispered. "Jus…just like Dad was afraid of." Every horrifyingly bad decision came back to haunt him ,and it started with Stanford. He remembered the days…the years…before he left; the things he had thought and had never confessed to anyone, let alone his brother. He hadn't gone off to college just to escape the hunting life for something normal. No, it had been so much more than that. He'd had to get out before the things he thought about at night…the things that he wanted so bad it made his mouth water, came out. He'd known then that he'd never survive Dean finding out and hating him for it.

"Can't do this anymore." Sam took another drink and pulled his Taurus from his back, laid it along his thigh and looked down at the gun. His father had been right all those years ago. He should have killed him. Dean should have killed him. He'd almost ended the whole world, and, for the first time, Sam believed he truly didn't deserve to be walking across it anymore.

Dean opened the door and stepped into the motel room, expecting to find his brother hiding behind his laptop as usual or something of the sort. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw him sitting on the floor with a whiskey bottle in one hand and his gun in the other resting along his leg. This hadn't even been in the top ten of things he would have expected to find. "Sam? What the hell?" They were screwed up right now, obviously, but this was a little much. He shook his head and took off his jacket, tossed it on the bed and went to him. Sam glanced briefly over to him and then looked away.

"If you're planning on picking another fight with me over who screwed up more, Sam, I'm not in the mood." Dean bent and pulled the whiskey bottle up from Sam's hand. "Put the damn gun away."

Sam shook his head and stumbled to his feet. "Sorry, Dean. I am. I really am."

"Whatever," Dean said dismissively while he went in the bathroom to find a glass. He was definitely not in the mood for more of this; more of Sam trying to defend leaving him twisting in the wind for a year over a damn woman. That right there…that was the part that truly hurt him and filled him with rage. A girl. That was all it had taken to drive any thought of him out of his little brother's head. He poured himself a shot and knocked it back, then poured another and went back out to find Sam still standing and still holding his gun. "What, Sam?"

"You're right," Sam's eyes were on his gun. He wanted to do this right. "You were…I messed up, Dean. I've always…for so long."

"Jesus, Sam. Go sleep it off already." Dean told his clearly drunk little brother angrily even as something finally started to set off warning bells in his head. No matter how angry he was, his little brother radar still had a few miles left in it, though it was slower to respond than it once had been.

"I'm a monster, Dean. Ev…everything I touch goes to…goes to hell." Sam gave a mirthless laugh and looked up at his brother. "Literally." He held up the gun and went to him. "Dad knew, an' I can't…I just can't anymore."

Dean didn't care when the glass slipped out of his hand to thump into the ratty carpet as a cold wind of fear blew through him with Sam's words. "Sam…"

"You came for me." Sam sucked in a breath, determined to go with a clean slate and allowed himself to curve his free hand around his brother's jaw. "Stanford, when you came for me, I thought…" He leaned his head into Dean's resting their foreheads together because he couldn't look at him and say it. "Loved you, big brother." He felt Dean jolt in shock but didn't let it stop him. "Always wanted things from you…things I shouldn't, an' I went to college to get…get away from it, from you, you know? S'wrong, but I couldn't stop…" Sam took another breath and rubbed his thumb back and forth on Dean's cheek. "'member when you came for me. I loved Jess. I did. But…I would have…for you, I could have…m'sorry, Dean."

Dean was frozen, mostly in shock at the things Sam was saying and a little in anger that his little brother had hidden…this…THIS from him all this time. The feel of Sam's hand warm and trembling on his face brought up feelings Dean thought he'd buried long ago. He'd pushed them down and shoved them under a blanket of bitter self-hate when Sam had gone off to college, and just like that…Sam dragged them back out into the light. The part that left Dean speechless and terrified, though, was what Sam was saying and the gun still in his hand, the gun that even now Sam was putting in Dean's hand, curling his fingers around and raising up.

"Can't do it anymore, Dean. Can't." Sam leaned back finally and brought their hands, joined around the grip of his gun, up, pressing the muzzle into his temple. "I can't…let you down anymore. I'm a monster, and you…you gotta do what Dad said, 'cause he was right. God, Dean, he was right." Sam closed his eyes and held Dean's hand and the gun firm at his temple. "Just do it. Please."

"Jesus, Sam," Dean whispered it while a cold wave of dread washed over him and he looked at the accepting turn of Sam's face. His eyes were closed and he was patiently waiting for Dean to pull the trigger, convinced that Dean was going to do this for him.

"I didn't…I didn't look for you, Dean. I don't even…know why, and I can't…" Sam's voice stuttered on a sob. "…I just keep failing you. I'm sorry." Tears began to fall from his closed eyes. "God, Dean. I'm so sorry."

Dean was frozen for a moment longer until he felt Sam's hand squeezing his own on the trigger. "Sam, don't!" Dean tore his hand free of his brother's and threw the gun across the room. He swallowed hard, all his anger at Sam forgotten as he realized just how close he was to losing him forever if he didn't find a way to fix this. He was overcome with anger of a different kind and grabbed Sam, pushing him back into the wall with a thump and took Sam's face in his hands in a firm grip. "You look at me, you stupid son of a bitch! Why would you think I would EVER want you dead?" Dean pressed his body into Sam's. "Dad told me to kill you, and I'd have personally told the bastard to fuck off if he'd lived long enough!" Dean shouted at and stared as Sam's eyes popped open in shock. "I'm pissed at you, yeah, and I'm…fuckin' disappointed, Sam, but I would never…" He took a breath and tried to gentle the grip he had on his brother's face. "I didn't mean it, Sammy," Dean said in a slightly softer voice. "What I said about Benny. I didn't mean it. You are my little brother and I've never regretted that. Not for one second." He watched Sam's watery eyes for any sign what he was saying was sinking in. He ducked his head for a moment and then met Sam's eyes again. "You…you're not the only one who was relieved for all the wrong reasons when you left for college, Sammy."

Sam stared while Dean's words filtered through his mind and then it struck him how Dean was holding him. He felt his brother's chest pressed into his, his hips flush against his own. Sam's hands came up without his thinking to smooth up Dean's back to his shoulders where he tightened his fingers in his shirt. "Dean?"

It was Dean's turn to lean in and rest his forehead against his brother's. "Sam." He closed his eyes, very aware of Sam's hands curled behind his shoulders and the body trembling with emotion against his. "You're not a monster, and I don't…I CAN'T hate you. Never that. I should have said something…before you left for college. I almost did." He swallowed hard. "And that night I came for you in Stanford, when you…" Dean broke off for a moment with a soft chuckle. "…you pinned me to the floor, Jesus, Sam." He pushed closer into Sam's personal space and shifted his hips so that his little brother would have no doubt of his effect on him. "I turned around and came back that night because…because I was gonna tell you. I couldn't stand it anymore, even if you hated me after. I was gonna come clean." Dean sucked in a breath and leaned back again to look at him. "But when I got there…"

"Jess," Sam whispered and opened his eyes again, feeling another tear run down his face. His hands tightened in Dean's shirt. "If you'd…I almost didn't go. I was…a second away from getting back in the car, and if I had…oh, God…"

"Stop." Dean leaned back in to rest their foreheads together again as another tear trailed down Sam's cheek. "It wasn't your fault." He sighed. "The people we've lost, Sam…they're not on you. They're not. I'm not sayin' there ain't a crap-load of things on your plate, man, but…you paid for them." He tilted his head so they were trading heavy breaths and his lips just barely brushed Sam's. "We've both…we've paid so much, little brother, and we deserve…" Dean brushed his lips over Sam's again, losing himself in the feeling for a second while he felt Sam's chest hitch against his. "…dammit we deserve to have a little happiness and fuck what anyone else thinks. Sammy."

Sam was lost somewhere in shock as Dean's mouth suddenly crushed against his, Dean's tongue sliding along his lips until Sam opened them with a broken moan and pushed against Dean's shoulders to try and get him even closer.

Dean licked into Sam's mouth like he'd always wanted to and tasted his little brother like he was air and Dean needed him to breathe; and, really, when it came down to it, that was the simple truth. He slid his fingers back into Sam's soft hair, grasping two handfuls of it while Sam moaned into his mouth and pulled an answering groan from him. He rolled his hips into Sam's, and a possessive growl rolled out of him when he felt Sam's hard cock rubbing against his through their jeans.

"Dean! Fuck!" Sam broke the kiss, light-headed with the need to breathe and the desperate realization that somehow he had gone from asking Dean to kill him to having his big brother kiss him like he was the most important thing in the world. He opened his eyes, biting his bottom lip on a needy whine when Dean slid a hand down to his ass and pulled his thigh up, letting Dean slot in between his legs against the wall.

Dean had a lopsided, slightly stunned look on his face as he watched Sam's now lust-heavy eyes meet his. He brushed a thumb over Sam's swollen lips and the smile fell away for a moment. "Sammy. Don't you ever ask me to do that again. I can't…" Dean leaned in and kissed him again, slowly this time with every ounce of his love for Sam behind it until he felt a sob break loose from his brother's control and only then did he lean back. "…I won't live without you, Sam. I can't. Don't you ever ask me to again." He let the smile curve his mouth once more and brushed a tear from Sam's face, unashamed to feel his own cheeks wet. "Together or nothing, little brother."

Sam fought his heaving chest and put a hand around the back of Dean's head into his hair and he nodded. "Together. Together, Dean. Please." He pulled Dean's head in and kissed him again, having a hard time deciding between crying and moaning with Dean's soft chuckle in his ears and his hips rolling a maddening, slow rhythm against his own.

"I've got you, Sammy. It's ok." Dean pulled Sam from the wall and turned him, walking him backward to the bed. "We're ok." He whispered it like a promise into Sam's mouth and meant it. Something about kissing Sam, feeling him and the need they had for each other made everything else drop into place for Dean. The anger, the betrayal, the loss…none of it mattered anymore. He decided they were done holding on to the past and hurting each other with it. Dean smiled and pushed Sam down onto the bed, crawling up over him and pulling one of his brother's legs up over his hip again. There were so many better things to spend their time on. He thrust his clothed erection into Sam's, watching in heated awe while Sam threw his head back on a broken moan, arching his chest up into Dean and his blunt nails digging into his shoulders.

"What do you want, Sammy?" Dean asked in a gravelly voice that was love and sex and sin all at once, and he chuckled when Sam shivered hearing it. He bit his brother's jaw gently and curved his hand under Sam's thigh to brush against his ass through the denim. "Tell me what you want."

"You. Fuck! Just you, Dean." Sam reared up and caught his brother's face to pull him in and thrust his tongue into his mouth, kissing him passionately and rolling his hips up into Dean's to feel their cocks rubbing together, and he gasped, letting his head drop back to the bed. He pulled on his brother's t-shirt, yanking it up his back. "Off." He managed a smile at last for Dean's green eyes. "We're wearing too many clothes for what I want."

"Holy crap." Dean groaned and had to take a minute to catch his breath, because the implication in that small statement put him embarrassingly close to coming. He chuckled and pulled back to stand at the foot of the bed.

Sam watched hungrily while Dean pulled his shirt off and his eyes roamed over every inch of skin, his mouth watered knowing that it was his; he could touch him now, he could worship and love him the way he'd always wanted to. It made his eyes fill again.

"Hey. Hey. Stop," Dean said worriedly and knelt between Sam's legs again, misunderstanding the fresh tears and laid over him as he wrapped his hands around his face. "Sammy? We don't have to…if you don't want this, it's…"

"I want you so much, Dean," Sam's voice was a choked whisper and he smiled fiercely up at him. "I have always wanted this. It's just…now we're…you're…"

Dean chuckled and bent to take his mouth in another lingering kiss. "I get it. It's a little overwhelming." Sam nodded and Dean moved back. He felt it too, but he stood and unbuckled his belt, and as Sam reached down and pulled his shirts off over his head to bare his chest and Dean got a good look at the line of his hard cock, clear within his jeans… Dean's mouth watered and he wanted to hear more of those broken, happy noises from Sam. He shoved his jeans down his hips fearlessly and couldn't stop the satisfied grin at the look of awe and lust on his brother's face.

Sam's mouth went dry with his view of Dean's cock, heavy, hard and standing proud. He looked up at his brother's face and the expression was so…Dean…that he started laughing and dropped off his elbows. "Dude…the look on your face!"

Dean scowled and glanced down at himself and then at his brother. "Didn't anyone tell you never to laugh at another man's tackle?" He could see the humor, though, and bent, flipped Sam's belt open, and slipped his hands under his ass. He took hold of the back of Sam's jeans and pulled. His kid brother, at six-foot-four, needed the belt to hold up pants long enough for his legs that he swam in them up top, and he knew he had room to slide them over Sam's hips without bothering to unzip them. He grinned again when Sam lifted his hips to help. Dean shifted his hands a little so his fingers slid over skin all the way down Sam's thighs and down to his ankles as he pulled off his pants and boxers.

Sam flushed with Dean looking at him hungrily. It was a predator's look, sizing up a plan of attack, and he shivered. "You gonna stand there all night or…" He broke off with a breathless laugh, scooting further up on the bed so his feet weren't on the floor as Dean bent and crawled up over him. "Shit," Sam gasped when Dean bent at his hip and closed his mouth over it, inches away from his cock. He whimpered and jerked his hips while Dean sucked what would no doubt be an impressive hickey there.

Dean pulled his mouth back and smiled at the purple mark on his brother's hip. He looked at his cock, having to admire the fact that Sam was every bit as…gifted as he was. He looked up at his brother's face and licked his lips, chuckling as Sam's eyes went wide on a groan. "Had a few fantasies, Sammy?"

"A…a few." Sam gasped, watching Dean's head move toward his cock, feeling his hot breath move up his length and then he considered choking on his tongue when Dean closed those sinful lips around the head. "Holy fuck!" He fell off his elbows again with Dean's hands wrapping around his hips, fingers digging in to hold him still and shouted as Dean's mouth slid down his cock and made his eyes cross.

Dean had always wondered if he'd be as awesome at a blow job as he was with his head between a woman's legs, and if the noises Sam was making were any indication…he was a natural. He knew what he liked; all the little things no woman ever thought to do, like…Dean slid his mouth back up his brother's length and stabbed his tongue into the slit. Sam's hips jerked, held in place by his hand and Dean hummed around him as his flavor exploded on his tongue and Sam shouted again. He groaned when Sam's hands slid into his hair and pushed his own cock into the bedspread to give himself some relief from the pressure.

"Dean!" Sam yelled his name and pulled frantically at his head, rushing up to sit and pushed his brother's mouth off of him with a gasping laugh. "Stop…fuck, you're gonna make me come!" He meant it. It felt too good, too mind-blowing, and he wasn't ready for this to be over without him having a chance to explore his brother.

Dean laughed and pushed Sam back to the bed with a hand over his chest as he slid up to rest on top of him. "I wouldn't have let you yet," Dean assured him in a rough voice. The promise made Sam shiver and he licked into his mouth eagerly.

Sam moaned with the taste of himself on his brother's tongue. He sucked Dean's tongue into his mouth and slipped a hand between them to take hold of his brother's cock and his own. He slid his hand up and down both of them, the moisture from Dean's mouth still on his cock slicking the way and ate the needy whine Dean gave him from his mouth.

"Holy crap, Sammy," Dean groaned and dropped his head to look down between them and watch both their dicks in his brother's hand. He thrust his hips into the friction and took a firm grip around one of Sam's thighs as he looked back up and dove into his mouth again.

Sam gave himself into the kiss and wallowed in the sensations. The whiskey seemed to have burned away with the feel of Dean's mouth and hands, and, with sudden clarity, he realized that no matter what, he wanted everything out of this night that he could have, because he was terrified it might be the only chance he'd ever have. He knew his big brother and feared that Dean would regret this in the morning. He let go of their cocks and wrapped both legs up around Dean's hips, pulling him in tight and hugged his arms around his back.

"Dean…I want you," Sam said softly into his mouth and rolled his hips up again, breath clogging in his throat with their dicks still rubbing together. "Please. I want all of you."

Dean stilled and looked down at him and saw a sort of quiet desperation on his brother's face. It took him all of five seconds to read the face he'd known since birth, and it both warmed his soul and broke his heart a little to realize what Sam was afraid of. "Stay," Dean said and quickly got up. He went into the bathroom and snagged the lotion from the sink and a towel and went back out to find Sam watching him closely. Dean got back on the bed and over his brother. He took Sam's face in his hands, holding it gently, and let his thumbs brush over his jaw and cheeks.

"Sammy, I promise you I'm not gonna wake up tomorrow and kick you over this," Dean said it quietly and kissed his eyes. "I want you." He kissed the end of his nose, making Sam smirk. "I love you." He took Sam's mouth in a kiss and tangled his fingers in Sam's hair, tugging, until Sam moaned for him and then leaned back with a smile. "There's no rush."

Sam swallowed the wave of emotion…of love…that rose up through him and gave Dean a watery smile. He ran his fingers through Dean's short hair and brushed their cheeks together, enjoying the feel of stubble rubbing and gently bit the bottom of Dean's ear. "Ok. No rush." He sucked the lobe of his brother's ear into his mouth, listening to Dean's breaths quicken. "But I still want you to fuck me into this mattress tonight."

The groan that tore itself out of Dean's throat was filled with want and need, and he bent his head, using a hand in Sam's hair to pull him to the side so he could bite into the side of his neck. He sucked a mark there and moved down to the bend of his shoulder, adding a new mark with teeth and tongue that left Sam whimpering and pushing his hips up needily. Dean chuckled and leaned back while he flicked the lotion open with one hand.

"That I can do, little brother." Dean grinned again as Sam flat-out whined hearing that, and, yeah, it was wrong and dirty and felt so damn right he'd have shot anyone who tried to make them feel bad about it. "You're sure?" Dean had to ask because he knew this was a first for him, and, knowing his brother, it had to be for him as well; but Sam nodded and leaned his head up, mouthing along Dean's neck in a maddening wet trail that made him laugh softly. "Shit, Sammy. Puttin' those lips of yours…to use next time. Damn."

Sam gave a throaty laugh that strangled in his throat when Dean slid a lotion slick hand over his cock. "God!"

Dean chuckled. "Just call me Dean." He plundered Sam's mouth through his laugh while he slid his hand further back and found that tight little ring of muscle. He'd done this with a few women before and knew the mechanics of it, but never with a man. He'd never wanted to…except for Sam. Always Sam…since the kid was around fourteen and shot up and started making his mouth water every time he walked through a room without his shirt on. Dean groaned and pressed a finger inside his brother, sucking the needy, surprised gasp from his lips.

Sam wasn't used to the sounds coming out of his mouth while Dean slid slowly down to capture one of his nipples between his teeth and he tried to relax around the strange intrusion of Dean's finger. He scraped his fingers through Dean's hair, trying to decide if that finger felt good or not, and then Dean hit a spot inside him that arched his back, set off stars behind his eyes and made him cry out. "Dean!"

"Yahtzee!" Dean grinned into his brother's stomach and mouthed at a cut of muscle while he slid his finger back into Sam and aimed for the same spot. Driving Sam nuts was driving him nuts with his brother writhing on the bed and the sweetest, broken sounds coming from his mouth as Dean worked three fingers into him.

"Dean…Dean, come on! Shit!" Sam pulled at his brother's head with desperation. "I'm ready. I'm…" He broke off on another cry when Dean hit his sweet spot one more time before pulling his fingers out and Sam groaned at the loss.

Dean grabbed the lotion again and quickly smoothed some over his cock, hissing at the cold and slid between Sam's legs again, positioning his aching cock at Sam's now well slicked and opened entrance. He kissed him again, savoring the taste and feel of Sam's mouth and made a promise to spend more time just kissing him. "Ready, Sammy?"

Sam nodded and pulled his legs back a little with the feel of Dean there and then he sucked in a breath as the head of Dean's cock pressed inside of him. He buried his head under his brother's jaw and just tried to breathe through the sensation of being split open. Sam tried to relax.

"Easy, Sammy. Fuck." Dean groaned and made himself hold still and not thrust home because the feeling was amazing. He wrapped the fingers of one hand in Sam's long hair and held the back of his head with Sam's heavy breaths puffing into his neck. "It's ok. Take your time." He slipped his free hand between them and took Sam's cock in a soft grip, stroking slowly to try and help him ease up.

Sam groaned and forced his muscles to relax, to make room even as he thought there was no way all of Dean was going to fit, but he still wanted this. He needed it. "Dean," Sam took a breath and let it out as he tipped his head back into the comforting feel of his brother's hand. "Move." To emphasize that he was ready before Dean could ask him, he rocked his hips up and Dean's impressive length slid into him. "Fuck!"

"Shit! Sammy!" Dean said in close to a cry of pleasure as he bottomed out inside of him. He tightened his fingers reflexively, pulling Sam's hair, and the happy moan that Sam gave him he felt through his cock and found himself disturbingly close to coming. "Holy…holy crap."

Sam nodded, struck speechless with feeling so…full and so damn complete it made him want to cry. "God, Dean!" He gasped and pulled his legs up, wrapping them around the backs of Dean's thighs. Sam slid his hands down Dean's back, enjoying the feel of skin taut over muscle until he could wrap both hands around his ass and pull.

Dean groaned into Sam's neck and started moving. He pulled out slowly, hearing the long breath that stuttered out of Sam and then pushed back in. His fingers tightened in Sam's hair again, earning another whimper and started up a slow pace that drove them both mad with pleasure. Sam's muscles flexed around his cock and he'd never felt anything so damn blissful in his life. Dean started moving the hand he'd forgotten on his brother's cock in time with his quickening thrusts and bit his neck again with Sam's feet pulling him in harder. "So good, little brother," Dean moaned into his neck. He dropped his hips slightly for a different angle and yelled along with his brother as he hit Sam's sweet spot again and Sam bucked up into him.

"Dean! Right…shit…right there! Fuck!" Sam knew he was digging his nails into his brother's ass and pulled harder, wanting more of that feeling with Dean's length sliding in and out of him so effortlessly now. Dean's hand on his cock, jerking him perfectly was driving him toward his climax quickly. "Close…god, Dean! So close!"

Dean let go of Sam's cock long enough to grab hold of one of Sam's knees and rock it up into his chest, trapping it with his shoulder. "Come on, Sammy!" He gasped and reached around Sam's leg to take hold of his cock again and jacked it as he thrust into him, nailing his prostate on each thrust and driving noises from him that made Dean shudder with need. "Fuck. I could listen to you…all damn night."

Sam smiled and found a rhythm, rolling his hips up into Dean's hand and down onto his cock as Dean drove into him. He threw his head back, feeling his orgasm almost on him and gripped frantically at his back. "Dean!"

"Come, little brother," Dean growled into Sam's ear, desperate to make him come first and that was all it took. Sam's back arched up into his chest as his head went back and he shouted loud enough to fill the room with the echo while his cock twitched in Dean's hand and shot come up his chest. "Fuck!" Sam's muscles closed around him so tight it verged on pain and Dean's control vanished as he came. He curled his back up with the force of it and shouted his own release into Sam's neck and held himself as deep inside him as he could get.

Sam collapsed onto the bed, boneless a moment before Dean's weight settled into his chest and he didn't care. He was too busy relearning how to breathe and coming back from the shining edge the pleasure had taken him over. Sam marveled a little at how close he'd come to actually passing out; it had been that overwhelming. He was loathe to move and only managed to keep his arms around his brother, holding Dean to him while he savored the feeling.

Dean groaned softly into his brother's neck and grinned, feeling a little drunk with the after-effect of the hardest damn orgasm he'd ever had in his life. He decided he liked the feel of Sam's arms around him. "Mmf." But not the sticky feeling between their chests just then. Dean shifted his hips, sliding out of his brother and snorted at Sam's whimper for the loss. He rolled to his side and grabbed up the towel he'd tossed on the bed earlier. He wiped down his own chest and then smiled, wiping off Sam's as well as he had yet to move but had kept one arm around Dean's back.

"Don't get up," Sam said softly at last and opened his eyes while Dean brushed his chest with the rough towel.

"Not gonna." Dean promised. He decided they were clean enough and flopped back to the bed. "Come're."

Sam rolled with Dean pulling and curled into his big brother's side with his head resting on his chest, under his chin. He listened to Dean's heart beating in his ear and tightened his arm over his stomach, trying to get even closer.

"Hey, Sammy." Dean wrapped his arms around Sam's shoulders, feeling the change in mood and tunneled the fingers of one hand into his hair. "It's ok." He felt a tear drop onto his chest and closed his own eyes because it was still a little too close, the knowledge that Sam had almost died tonight. If he hadn't come home when he did…

"I don't…want to be that person anymore, Dean." Sam said softly, thinking of how he'd put a gun in his brother's hand, ready to end everything. "I love you."

"Shh, Sammy. Come on." Dean tightened his arms and rolled Sam so he was under him again. He blanketed himself over Sam's body and kissed him. It was gentle and sweet and tender…everything that life hadn't been for Dean in so long, that a tear of his own escaped, and he rested his forehead against Sam's. "Love you too, little brother. We're gonna be ok." He kissed him again while Sam's arm tightened around his back. "You're gonna be ok." He leaned up so he could look at Sam's face and smiled. "But how about from now, we don't keep shit from each other anymore?"

Sam gave a watery laugh and nodded. "Yeah." He leaned up and bit softly at Dean's chin. "In that case, I have a confession to make."

Dean nodded and smiled, trying not to fear what it might be. "Lay it on me."

Sam licked the spot he'd bitten and moved around to his ear. "I've always wanted you to bend me over and fuck me in the shower until I scream."

Dean's entire body shuddered and jerked while his dick hardened just thinking about it and he groaned a laugh. "Oh, you…get up. We're showering."

Sam laughed and let Dean pull him out of bed. "Love you, Dean."

"Shut up and get in the bathroom, bitch." Dean grinned and slapped his bare ass.

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To Be Continued...