Kanda stared at the beautiful snow haired boy, realizing with open eyes just how deeply he was infatuated with him. It was so dangerous, teetering on the verge of catastrophe. It was an infection, seeping into his very existence. It all started after that one mission...


Chapter One: Worry

Kanda Yuu wasn't the type to worry. Quite frankly, he couldn't give a damn about anything, except that changed when a certain white haired exorcist joined the Black Order. The moyashi got under his skin at everything he said. All those little smiles, trying to always be a gentleman, all of it was just fucking annoying.

But Kanda had grown used to it, comfortable even. And the object of his annoyance has been gone for over a month and a half on a mission that was supposedly easy. Just a few akuma, grab the innocence, get in, get out. Simple as that. So why the hell was the beansprout gone for a month and a half now?

It wasn't like Kanda to worry, and it especially wasn't like him to be thinking about Allen Walker. Much to his annoyance, he could not stop worrying and thinking about him. Over time, Kanda had almost enjoyed his random spats with the beansprout. In a strange way, Kanda relied on it. At least it gave him something to do. It was overwhelmingly consistent. It was a rock.

A month and a half without the kid was utterly strange for the samurai to deal with after dealing with him for so long. Granted, when Allen was supposedly killed by the Noah known as Tyki Mikk, Kanda had grown even more irritable and even less social, if it was possible.

Since when did the Japanese man give a damn about the British beansprout? It was like the emotion came out of nowhere. He couldn't pinpoint where and whenever it started. He could only remember feeling anxious about those god damned rumors of the sprout's death months ago. Now, Kanda was thrown back into a world of worry. Though he and Allen never referred to each other as friends out loud, it was clear they did share something.

At least, that was what Kanda thought on the matter.

"Damn, I need to get my head on straight," he murmured aloud to himself. To alleviate his stress, he grabbed Mugen and walked out of his small room in the new Black Order HQ. Whenever he was stressed, it was good for him to work out and train, since it required less thinking and more physical work. It was generally the one place his thoughts never bothered him, as if the walls of the training room blocked out all the things he wanted to leave behind.

The only thing it didn't manage to keep out was obnoxious nuisances, like the baka usagi, for one.

"Yo, Yuu! Komui's looking for you. You've got a mission!" a very familiar voice called out.

Kanda repressed a sigh. Nonstop for the past few weeks, he'd been sent out on missions left and right. He figured Komui was finally giving him a break when he told him he could just come back to headquarters after four missions straight, not even returning to the Black Order. Even if Kanda would never admit it, even he had his limits, and four missions back to back for nearly a month was wearing him down.

Lavi walked over to the samurai and said, "You've been quite the busy guy lately. I guess Komui's trying to cover since we're down one exorcist…"

"Shut up, rabbit. I'm not in the mood to listen to you talk right now."

Surprisingly, Lavi shut up and walked by Kanda in silence. Upon walking to Komui's office, they ran into Lenalee. "Kanda! Lavi!"

"Hey, Lenalee. Have you heard any news about Allen?" Lavi asked. That was almost always the greeting around the headquarters now, between practically anyone excluding Kanda.

Kanda pretended not to show any interest—or worry—in the topic, but listened intently.

"No, I haven't… I hope he's okay…" Kanda could tell she had been crying. "Lavi, what if he's hurt critically? What if he's… dead?"

As much as Kanda wanted to ignore it, his own heart ached a little, too. He just couldn't imagine Allen really being gone. Even when he heard rumors of Allen's supposed death, he honestly figured he was still alive. If that experience had taught him anything, it was that Allen was just as vulnerable as any other exorcist and could very well die on a mission. That would be why Kanda was worried by his absence.

"Haven't they at least been able to contact Link?" Lavi questioned.

"No… they haven't," Lenalee answered sadly. "They lost all contact. The finder that went with them is also MIA."

"Tch, the idiot is probably at some restaurant stuffing his face," Kanda said in a failed attempt to calm down the Chinese woman. "We have other things to worry about."

"So are you admitting that you're worried?" Lavi asked with that annoying smirk of his.

"Tch," Kanda replied, ignoring Lavi's latest comment. "I've got a mission to go to." With that, he walked away, leaving Lavi and Lenalee behind.

"Kanda's been acting grouchier lately. I wonder why…" Lenalee mumbled.

"I bet it has to do with Allen," Lavi guessed. With his bookman memory, he couldn't help but see a connection between the exorcist's disappearance and Kanda's steadily worsening mood. He hadn't acted this annoyed and pissed at the world since he'd first met Kanda. Lately, Kanda would grouch at him before he could even utter the name he hated. Today was the most somewhat friendly contact he'd had with the samurai in the month and a half Allen had been missing.

"Really? What makes you think that, Lavi?" Lenalee asked, still sniffling a little.

"Kanda's attitude has been worse without Allen around."

Lenalee thought about it for a minute before a light bulb seemed to go off in her head as realization dawned on her. "You think Kanda has feelings for Allen?"

"Yup, and I have a plan…"

"Lavi, we don't even know if Allen's okay! We shouldn't meddle when things could be serious… We need to know Allen's okay," she said, her voice wavering at the thought of her friend's possible condition. What if the Noah took over Allen and he killed Link? Why was he missing? Why couldn't they locate Timcampy?

Dark thoughts and questions swam through her head. She couldn't lose another friend, another family member. It would destroy her. There was too much tragedy going on lately. She recalled the times she would go to her brother's office and find a Sir Komlin that went haywire. As annoying as those times had been, they had been almost fun. At least it wasn't as bad as sending in exorcists on missions that very well could mean their death. It wasn't fair that they had to deal with this. If god really loved them, they would get the bliss of ignorance. Had they all sinned and not realized it?

"Lenalee, I'm sure Allen will be fine," Lavi said carefully. "Whenever he gets knocked down, he gets right back up again."

"I hope you're right…"

Kanda sighed when Komui dismissed him from the briefing. He was to leave immediately after he was done packing and eating. As much as Kanda hated being so busy, it was kind of nice to have the distraction. It really wasn't much of one because he always thought of Allen's mission.


He hated the feelings he felt. Kanda wasn't supposed to have feelings for a damn beansprout exorcist who had a bad habit of getting himself into terrible positions. If he could, he would just shut off those feelings. Besides, the kid was probably dead or taken over by a Noah right now. He was the enemy.

After he made his way to his room, he fumed as he threw clothes in his suitcase. Something about seeing the beansprout as his enemy unsettled him. It was just wrong after working side by side with him and seeing the damn boy's hero complex. He wanted to save everyone, and he was the one under surveillance for a connection to the enemy? Putting it in that perspective almost made Kanda laugh a bitter laugh out loud.

Once his clothes were in the suitcase, messily arranged or not, he sat down on the side of the bed and tried to calm down. There really wasn't anything to be so upset over, and his reaction was pathetic. Mood swings were for hormonal women, not him.

Kanda took a deep breath and let it out. As if that cleared his head, he stood and walked out of the door for something to eat. Thankfully, the rabbit was nowhere to disturb the samurai when he finally reached the cafeteria.

"Hey, Kanda! The usual for today?" Jerry asked flamboyantly.

"Just soba," he answered.

"Coming right up," the chef replied.

A few minutes later, Kanda's order was up and he took the tray to an empty table. Half of him expected to see the moyashi walk through any minute and order a long list of foods for Jerry to cook. He wasn't sure why, but he just did. That was enough of an explanation for him after his chaotic mess of thoughts he already had running around inside his head.

As he finished his soba noodles, he choked down his disappointment to have not seen the moyashi anywhere. He went back to his room and grabbed his suitcase before heading down towards the ark. The finder was late, of course. He knew the finder he got stuck with was known for being late.

He leaned back against the wall of the new headquarters and closed his eyes. So many missions would be far too much for anyone but him to handle, and even he was getting a bit tired.

Suddenly, two figures tumbled out of the ark covered in blood and dirt.

Kanda's eyes widened when he realized just who they were.

Obviously, this will be a Yullen. There might be a side of LaviLena, but only if you want it! I don't know how long I should make it... I'm positive less than ten chapters, but we'll see. Drop me a review, and I'll give you a shout out in the next chapter!