there are so many questions i want to ask them

so many things i want to know

but the words won't come

won't form on my tongue

and maybe that has something to do with Jasper...

or maybe it's just me

and my fear of their answers

the sound of their truth

maybe the quiet is better than they would be

its edges less rough

less sharp

but to just stand here...

avoiding them...

and each other...

This is the last time you'll ever see me.

"Does he know?"


"Why not? Why you and not him?"

"There are many different answers to that, Bella."

Rosalie looks away again

away from me

and from Jasper's words this time

as if she didn't like the sound of them

or the look

the color

the gray

hazy and foggy and thick with whatever they mean

whatever they do that she knows i don't understand

and i start to wonder a new thing...

if these faces–even hers–i'm happy to see

and want to accept like gifts

are ones i should be afraid of instead

and if these gifts–and theirs with them–are something else entirely

something else in disguise

and were sent for

"Did you come here to destroy me?"

Emmett laughs at my question

Jasper smiles

and the massive furry beast between us roils its answer

but Rosalie...

when she looks up again

at me again

she just looks hurt

and i don't understand at all

even less than i did when i saw and heard nothing

and now can't tear my eyes away from the something that she is

the moving

the slow and deliberate unfamiliar

that becomes not as she snaps a thick branch from a tree that's held it for lifetimes

as if only for a day

and throws it

"Fetch, doggie."

and whatever i saw away with it

"Leave it alone," i warn her

and it's her who laughs this time "Or what?"

and then me who smiles

because Emmett actually looks afraid now

for her

"I'd be happy to show you."

she wants to challenge me

i know she does

can taste the thrill of it on her tongue

but perhaps not as much as something else

"Maybe some other time. Like in fifty years or so."

"Good answer," i tell her

because it is for her

but not the one that's best for me

"Now, give me the rest."


of course i was tempted...

but she wants answers more. just like i think you do.

p.s. i have a private page... (fb) where i sometimes give some... (though not yet for this story)... and other things i don't give anywhere else... so let me know if you want in on the getting.

see you tomorrow i hope.