"Well, that was fun. What's next, Bella?"
i'm not sure how to answer Emmett's question
because i hadn't given next any thought
i was focused on never
and how i hoped to feel when Tanya got hers
which feels good...
but not as good i wanted it to
and hoped it would
because my father is still dead
her being too didn't change that
or make it hurt any less
or make me feel any less responsible
for a choice i made a long time ago
the day Edward Cullen walked into the school cafeteria
and with that strut put a fork in me
and took all of my choices away
my ability to make sensible ones
though i'm as preserved as preserved gets now…
i'm a fricking jar of Smuckers
an unopened jar
which suddenly gives me my answer "I don't know… but I think maybe it's forever."
and Edward's smile tells me it was the right one
and makes me wish we were alone
which distracts me of course
along with the heat
that's not coming from The Great Denali Fire
and not a secret perhaps
because Rose chuckles
and mutters a "God help you, little brother…"
before a tiny little bell rings
and gets everyone's attention "I think we should talk about how Bella did. Our gifted Bella."
and the first time anyone has ever used those two words in the same sentence
or together at all
in any combination
so "Are you making fun of me?" i ask her
because it's occurred to me that her using them meant to do just that
and i don't really think that's funny
and since i was considering turning over a new nice leaf
it makes me mad that she's trying not to let me "Because if you are–"
"I'm not. I'm singing your praises, if anything. Because what you did… Bella, do you have any idea how amazing that was?"
"How amazing what was?" i ask
because i don't know what she's talking about
"You not letting Kate hurt Edward."
oh that "That's not amazing, that's love."
i said the words without thinking
because i'd never have to think about that
even when i wanted to hate him
and hurt him
i loved him more than anything
i mean DUH…
but i don't think he knew that
because i don't think he'd be smiling so big now if he did
if he was sure
like i am that i like his big sure-now smile
that i want to keep on his sure-is-and-always-was pretty face "You had me at the sex strut, virtue boy."
me and the rest of the girl world
and maybe even the boy
not that most of them would ever admit it…
but i know the truth
that Edward Cullen is no ordinary boy
no one would be willing to kill for him if he was
or have the power to turn a glitch into a gift
like i did before i did the other
simply because– "You really do love me."