Hey, how ya doin'? Not a big secret about me, but I, like many, was a big fan of Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy growing up. Another well known fact is that I play a lot of video games, as many of you readers probably do. So, taking a page out of ol' Reese's Playbook, I took two things people like and combined them to make an experimental piece of fan fiction. So, what happens when you get Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy into a game like Bully? Well, you get a little something I like to call Higher EDucation...heh heh. Get it?
Side note to anyone who's already familiar with my other works: The reason I'm starting this project on top of my other projects is because I'm going to be doing something very time consuming in the future, and I'll be so far away from a computer that I might forget how to type. And I've always wanted to write a story staring the Eds. If you aren't familiar with the other things that I do...then ignore all that BS and enjoy.
Side side note: I keep forgetting to do this crap, but I don't own EEnE or Bully. They belong to Danny Antonucci and Rockstar Productions, respectively.
At a house on the end of a suburban cul-de-sac, four adults sat in the living room while their children socialized in a basement decorated with various movie posters and model monsters. Sitting at a desk littered with painting supplies and an unfinished model of a four-headed dragon was a tall, teenage boy in a green jacket who was carefully selecting the paint he wanted. In the blue arm-chair facing the TV was a shorter boy who clicked the remote idly. After seeing Fishbowl II come on the fifteenth channel, he tossed the remote behind him and stood up.
"This can't be good," he muttered. "Our parents never get together like this unless we're all in trouble. Did they find my book of scams? Did Sarah rat us out again? ED!" The tall boy looked behind him, an orange paint streak going down the right side of his face. He smiled back at his friend, oblivious to how he looked.
"Yes, Eddy?" he asked.
"Did you hear anything from your parents about what's going on upstairs?" Eddy pried. Ed scratched his head with his paint brush, spreading the paint throughout his hair. He stopped and a large grin spread across his face.
"Nope," he said simply. Eddy groaned in frustration as his friend went back to painting.
"If Double D were here, he'd know what was going on upstairs...well, speak of the Sockhead." Eddy's train of thought was interrupted at the sight of their friend knocking on the basement window.
"Greetings, fellows," he said from outside the window. "Ed, would you please unlock the window so that I may enter? I have big news for you all." Ed got up from his desk, overjoyed that his group of friends was complete once again.
"HIYA, DOUBLE D!" he shouted as he opened his window. He grabbed his friend and pulled him through. In Ed's usual way, he had put too much effort into helping his friend and accidentally tossed him into a pile of dirty laundry.
"Oops," Ed muttered as Eddy burst out into laughter. Double D stood up from the pile, disgust clear on his face as he peeled off the undergarments from his red shirt and purple shorts.
"Ed, didn't your parents teach you how to do your laundry?" he asked as he pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of his pocket and placed them on his hands to begin sorting the pile of clothes. Ed stared off into space with a vacant smile on his face. Eddy walked up and waved his hand in front of Ed's face.
"Earth to Lumpy," he said. "Have you learned the ways of cleaning the pit stains out of your shirt?" Ed snapped out of his trance and stared at his inquiring friends.
"Well, Interplanetary Pirates vs. Ninjas from Andromeda 7.2 was on that night," he began to explain, only to have Eddy give himself a face palm while Double D set the clothes into a basket.
"Neglecting one's chores to watch a B-movie that you have seen time and time again is not a valid excuse, Ed," Double D explained as he disposed of his protective gloves.
"Says you," Ed said defiantly, sticking his tongue out. Double D rolled his eyes and turned to Eddy.
"Anyways," he began, "I came here with my parents, who are currently upstairs talking to..." The moment Double D mentioned the word "parents", Eddy snapped his fingers.
"Right," he interrupted. "Do you have any idea why our parents are together up there, Sockhead?"
"Eddy, it's rude to interrupt!" Double D scolded. "However, to answer your question, I'm not sure why our parents have decided to meet, but I'm sure that the reason is social and not in any way related for another group punishment." Eddy breathed a sigh of relief, while Ed picked up his voodoo mask and began prancing around his room.
"That's a relief," Eddy said. "Alright, now that we got that out of the way, you got something to tell us?" Double D smiled and nodded.
"Right," he said. "As you know, my greatest asset as well as the source of all my achievements have stemmed from the academic world."
"Here we go..." Eddy groaned.
"Now, while Peach Creek has provided me with ample opportunity to grow mentally, I have felt that expanding my horizons would be an inevitable journey for me to take," the sock headed teen explained, ignoring his friend's complaints. "Well, it seems that I shall be taking said journey sooner than I expected." This caused Ed and Eddy to snap into focus and stare at their friend, who wore a small, but proud, smile on his face.
"What do you mean?" Ed said as he lifted his mask off of his face.
"Well, it seems my transcripts had reached the eyes of the headmaster of a private academy in the New England area," Double D said. "He was impressed with what he saw and has invited me to attend the school with an academic scholarship! I leave tomorrow to start my classes." The smartest Ed watched as both his friends immediately turned away from him. Ed's shoulders began to shudder as if he were holding back sobs, while Eddy started to fiddle with his wallet chain.
"Guys?" Double D asked. "What's wrong?" Ed immediately turned around and put his friend into a bear hug. Double D gasped for air, while Ed began to cry.
"DON'T LEAVE US, DOUBLE D!" he cried. "WHO'S GONNA BUILD THE SCAMS?! WHO'S GONNA HELP ME SOLVE X PLUS Y EQUALS Z?! WHO'S GONNA BE THE VOICE OF REASON FOR OUR WILD ADVENTURES?!"
"Yeah, Double D," Eddy added. "You don't need to go to some fancy school. Just stick around here. We'll scam the kids out of some money for more books if that's what you need."
"While I appreciate the offer, Eddy," Double D coughed, "I must insist...Ed, please release me." Ed loosened his hug on his friend, wiping his nose as he slumped his shoulders.
"Thank you, Ed," Double D said. "Now, while this does mean that I will have to leave Peach Creek, it doesn't mean that we can't still stay in touch. I'll send you an address to send letters, or you could ask your parents to visit sometime. This isn't the end of our friendship. Now, if you'll excuse me, I suddenly have the urge to relieve myself." Double D made his way to Ed's bathroom, allowing his friends to speak their minds.
"What are we gonna do, Eddy?" Ed asked nervously. "Double D's going to go away and leave us all alone!"
"No duh, Monobrow," Eddy said. "But what can we do? He's set on going to this school."
"But Eddy..." Ed whined. "Double D's gonna be all alone out there. Without his bestest friends to keep him away from the villains and monsters in a strange land, he might not survive!"
"Ed, there's no such thing as monsters!" Eddy sighed. While this caused Ed's frown to deepen, Eddy suddenly began to smile slyly.
"But there are the handful of the usual jerks and tools that'll give a soft nerd like Double D a hard time," Eddy said. "And if there's one thing that'll change his mind about going away, it's knowing that he'd be the target to some bullying." The sound of a flush echoed in the basement, alerting Eddy that Double D would be back out as soon as he finished washing his hands.
"Follow my lead, Frankenstein," Eddy said. Ed sniffled and nodded, and the duo stood around the desk as Double D strolled out.
"Thank goodness you at least remembered to clean your bathroom after the movie, Ed," Double D joked. "Now, if you two are still worried about..."
"Forget about it, Sockhead," Eddy interrupted. "Me and Ed are happy for you. We won't hold you back. Ain't that right, Ed?" Ed stared off into the distance, a sad look still evident on his face. Eddy gave his side a quick nudge with his elbow, bringing his friend back to reality.
"If Double D is happy, then so is Ed," he unenthusiastically said. Double D stood dumbfounded, shocked that his friends would change their minds about him leaving that quickly.
"Thank you, Eddy," Double D finally said. "It's good to know that I have the support of my two best friends."
"Hey, what are friends for?" Eddy said as he got up to put Double D into a headlock. He gave him a quick noogie, while Ed began to jump onto his bed.
"DOGPILE!" he shouted. He then jumped towards his friends and landed on them in a body press, his massive weight bringing Eddy and Double D down to the ground. After a little rough housing, the trio eventually broke it up.
"I win again!" Ed shouted as he pumped both fists into the air. Eddy immediately grabbed his arms and pulled them back down to his sides.
"If Jimmy had your funky pits, I'm sure that even he'd win a dog pile," he quipped.
"No one can match my smell, Eddy," Ed said, breaking out into laughter. This caused Eddy to chuckle, soon followed by Double D.
"So, Sockhead," Eddy said, "Tell us more about this school of yours."
"Well, I have a pamphlet right here," Double D said as he reached into his pocket. "I'm sure that you'll find all the information you could need..." He was cut off as Eddy swiped the pamphlet from his hands.
"Details, details," he muttered as Ed peered over his shoulder. He noticed the pamphlet was a dark blue with a golden crest on the center. It was a shield divided into fourths with ivy vines on the sides and a bull's head on the top. There was a fist in the upper left corner of the shield, a snake in the upper right, a skull in the lower right, and a rat in the lower left. At the bottom were two banners that read "Bullworth Academy" and something that Ed and Eddy couldn't understand.
"What's this mumbo jumbo at the bottom?" Eddy asked.
"That is Latin, Eddy," Double D explained. "Many schools and a few families that have crests like that have Latin mottos. This one, Canis Canem Edit, translates into 'Dog Eat Dog.'"
"Dogs eat kibble, Double D," Ed explained. "Everyone knows that." Double D shook his head, while Eddy nodded in agreement.
"And this school's giving you a smart kid scholarship?" he said. "Seems like Ed could be your competition over there."
"Ha ha ha," Double D sarcastically laughed. "Other than the motto, tell me what you think of the school." Eddy watched as Ed snatched the pamphlet out of his hands and began to look it over.
TIME TO PUT MY PLAN INTO ACTION, Eddy thought.
"That name of the school seems kinda familiar," he said, scratching his chin. "Bullworth, wasn't it?"
"Correct," Double D affirmed. Eddy immediately took on a fearful look, which caused Double D to worry.
"Double D, I didn't know you were so brave," he said.
"W-w-what do you mean, E-e-eddy?" Double D stuttered.
"My brother told me stories about that school," he lied. "Apparently, that school has the most bullying problems than any other school in the country." Double D began to look nervously around the room, sweat pouring down his face.
"How preposterous," he said. "I'm sure that a prestigious school like Bullworth Academy has a proper discipline system to prevent such incidents from occurring."
"That's the worst part, Double D," Eddy said. "The teachers encourage the kids to beat the hell out of each other! Something about toughening the students up for life in the real world. I know that I wouldn't want to go there, that's for sure. Well, at least you'll come back harder than a jawbreaker." Double D felt his knees begin to shake, his hands started to sweat, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He knew that he wouldn't be able to survive if what Eddy said was true, and at that moment he wasn't ready to give the benefit of the doubt.
"GOOD LORD!" he shouted as he threw his hands up into the air. "I CAN'T ATTEND A SCHOOL THAT SUSCRIBES TO SUCH MADNESS!" Eddy chuckled to himself as he watched his friend breathe into a brown paper bag. Ed looked up to see the panic-stricken Double D, and scratched his head.
"What's the matter, Double D?" he asked.
"I have agreed to enter a school that will be the end of me," Double D said between breaths. "If I had any idea that Bullworth would be like this, I would've turned them down! I'll trade this fate for an eternity serving the Kankers!" His last statement caused Ed and Eddy to stare back at him in shock.
"Geez, Double D, you must be desperate," Eddy commented. "Well, you're in luck, 'cuz Eddy is here to help."
"You know of a way to get me out of going to this school?" Double D asked.
"Let me answer your question with another question," Eddy said as he jumped onto Ed's bed. "Who's the man with the plan?"
"Eddy!" Ed and Double D shouted simultaneously.
"That's right," Eddy said, hopping down towards them. "And I'll get you out of going to Bullworth, or my name isn't Eddy." As the trio stood there, the basement door slammed open causing them to turn around fast. They saw Ed's little sister, Sarah, standing at the door with her friend Jimmy. She had her hands on her hips, while Jimmy rubbed his newly bandaged arm.
"ED!" Sarah screamed. "Mom said you and the other Eds needed to get your butts upstairs now!"
"Alright, alright," Eddy moaned. "Keep the volume down, Loud Mouth." Sarah began to seethe, while Jimmy grabbed her by the arm.
"Come on, Sarah," he said. "Let's just go upstairs. Mr. Yum Yum has invited his friends over for tea." The duo immediately made their way up the stairs while the Eds slowly followed. They made a turn towards the living room and noticed their parents sitting in various locations.
Ed's father sat in his easy chair like he preferred to do after work. He wore a green button down shirt with a red undershirt, blue jeans, and black work boots. His hair was short, messy, and like his goatee and chest hair, red. Ed's mother sat on the far end of the couch, wearing her usual pink dress and white apron. She kept her blonde hair tied up with a white ribbon and wore sensible pink heels.
"HI, MOM! HI, DAD!" Ed shouted joyously.
"Hey, Ed," his father said. "Come on in and take a load off." Ed ran to the foot of his dad's chair and sat down indian style.
Double D's parents sat on the remaining spaces of the couch. His mother wore a form fitting green dress, red stockings, and blue heels. She kept her black hair in a bun, letting one strand drape down the right side of her face. Double D's father was wearing his favorite yellow sports jacket, white button down shirt with a red bow tie, purple stripped slacks, brown framed glasses, and brown loafers. His greying black hair was combed back and his mustache was waxed to keep it neat.
"Greetings, Mother and Father," Double D said with a polite tone.
"Hello, Eddward," his mother smiled. "Would you please join us?" Double D walked towards his parents and sat between them.
Eddy's parents had grabbed seats from the kitchen table and brought them into the living room. Being that they were large in stature, they barely fit in their seats. Eddy's father wore a light blue polo with light brown intersecting stripes, dark blue slacks, and grey tennis shoes. He shared Eddy's facial structure and stringy black hair, which had also spread to his chin and arms. Eddy's mother wore her favorite yellow dress with orange vertical stripes that stopped just above her knees and red heels. She, like Ed's mother, had blonde hair, but let it droop down to her shoulders.
"Hey, Mini Me," Eddy's father chuckled. "What's shaking?" The nickname caused Eddy to groan in disgust.
"Come on, Dad," he muttered, "Don't call me that in front of the guys..."
"Alright, then," his father said as he patted the empty chair in between him and his wife. "Pop a squat, Squirt." Eddy scowled as he made his way to the chair and hopped up.
"Well, I'm sure that you kids are wondering what we're all doing up here," Ed's mother said, causing Ed to look up at her nervously.
"We didn't do anything wrong, Mom!" he pleaded. "Honest and truly! I was doing my laundry the whole time!" As he said that, his father rubbed his head.
"Yeah, after Interplanetary Pirates vs Ninjas from Andromeda 7.2 was done, right?" he joked. "Tell me, did the ninja's use their laser shuriken or did they rely on their asteroid nun chucks?" Ed perked up at being reminded about the movie, and opened his mouth to answer.
"Quit encouraging him, honey," Ed's mother said.
"And no, you three aren't in trouble," Eddy's mother added. "...Well, not this time, anyway."
"Well, what are you guys doing up here then?" Eddy asked.
"Well, Eddy," Double D's father began. "As Eddward has likely made known, he has been accepted to Bullworth Academy on an academic scholarship." The three Eds began to sulk at the reminder of Double D's fate.
"Eddward, what's wrong?" Double D's mother asked. "When we got the letter, you were ecstatic about the opportunity to go to a larger school setting and expand your learning horizons."
"Well, about that..." Double D began to say. Eddy, fearing that Double D would mention the bullying story, jumped up out of his seat.
"Me and Ed don't want Double D to go!" he shouted, getting the attention of every adult focused on him. Ed immediately got up and joined Eddy in the center of the room.
"If you send Double D away, then we will no longer be a three!" he said. "We will be toast and Chunky Puffs without the gravy. Two heads of a three-headed monster. Fin and Fang without the Foom!" The adults turned their attention towards Double D, who was staring down at his shoes.
"And do you feel the same way, Eddward?" Double D's mother asked. Double D nodded in agreement.
"Yes, Mother," Double D said. "After talking with Ed and Eddy, I feel that I wouldn't survive without them."
"Survive?" Double D's father repeated.
"Yes, sir," he said. "Eddy informed me of Bullworth's reputation for student-on-student violence as a manner of character building." Every adult looked towards Eddy, who was smiling sheepishly.
"And where did you hear this, Eddy?" Eddy's mother asked him.
"Bro told me," Eddy lied. At the mentioning of their other son, Eddy's father smacked his forehead.
"I swear, sometimes it'd be worth the gas money just to knock a lick of sense into him," he muttered. "Those lies of his always get you twisted."
"What do you mean, Dad?" Eddy asked innocently.
"Well, boys," Double D's mother began, "I have talked to the headmaster of the school, Doctor Crabblesnitch, and he assures that they are very strict with any troublemakers." Ed and Eddy began snickering at the mentioning of the name "Crabblesnitch". Even Double D felt himself smile in amusement.
"Guy's name is Crabblesnitch?" Ed's father chuckled, causing his wife to shoot him a glare. He shrugged it off, causing her to shake her head.
"That's another thing that we need to talk about," Ed's mother said.
"What, Mom?" Ed asked.
"This school is well known for their rules," she explained. "Getting kids focused on their school work and keeping them out of trouble are their topmost priorities." Ed and Eddy looked towards Double D to find answers, but found their smart friend shrugging.
"What do you mean?" Eddy asked slowly.
"Well, Squirt, it's no secret that you and your friends are infamous for the mischief you make around the neighborhood," Eddy's father said. "And your grades aren't going to be posted on the fridge anytime soon." Ed chuckled at the jokes made at Eddy's expense.
"Don't laugh too hard, Ed," his mother warned. "You're not doing any better than Eddy."
"But Mom, Double D's been helping me get better," Ed protested, prompting Eddy to launch another argument.
"Me too!" he shouted. "And if you send him away, who's gonna help us?"
"I don't think you're getting where we're going with this," Eddy's mother said.
"Well, pardon my questioning, ma'am," Double D said. "But what exactly are you trying to say?" The adults smiled coyly, causing the three Eds to look around the room nervously.
"Well, we called the school," Ed's father explained. "According to Doctor...heh heh...Crabblesnitch, he said that he'd make an exception on his admission requirements for two more students."
"Two more students?" Ed repeated.
"Yes," Double D's father said as he adjusted his glasses. "Two more students that he believes would benefit from becoming apart of the Bullworth family."
"They're adopting kids now?" Eddy asked. "I feel sorry for the two suckers they get ahold of."
"Well, go buy a pint of ice cream and break out the tissues, son," Eddy's father told him with a smirk. "Cause they're getting Ed and you."
"WHAT?!" Eddy shouted, while Ed began to smile wide. He ran over to Double D and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him towards Eddy. He grabbed his two friends in a bear hug and spun them around.
"That's right," Double D's mother said. "Doctor Crabblesnitch has accepted you two along with Eddward to start the next school year."
"We shall stay a three! Eddy, Double D, and me!" Ed rhymed. Little did they know, Sarah and Jimmy had eavesdropped on the conversation. They ran into the living room with huge smiles on their faces.
"So Ed and his stupid friends are going away for a whole year, Mommy?" Sarah asked eagerly.
"Sarah, you shouldn't be so mean to your brother," her mother said with a wagging finger. "But yes, they'll be going to a new school."
"Christmas has come early, Sarah!" Jimmy said. "Come on, girlfriend. Everyone should hear the wonderful news!" The two kids ran out the front door, leaving Ed staring vacantly out the window, Double D frowning, Eddy scowling, and the parents confused.
"Well, you guys are gonna be leaving tomorrow," Eddy's father started. "I'm driving, so make sure you're ready to go by nine. I ain't turning around until I drop you off."
"Yes, sir," Double D nodded. "Are we excused to pack now?" The parents collectively nodded, and watched as their sons walked out the door. The three friends stood in the center of the Cul-de-Sac.
"Oh boy, guys," Ed said gleefully. "We're going to go fight the monsters and villains of Bullworth!"
"Ed, weren't you paying attention to what our parents said?" Double D asked.
"Nope," Ed answered with a smile.
"They said that there are no reasons to worry about bullying at Bullworth," Double D told his dim-witted friend. "We'll be free to study in a new environment without any fears. Oh, isn't it exhilarating, Eddy?" They turned their attention to Eddy, who was still scowling.
"The plan was to get you to stay here, Double D," he said. "Now we're all stuck going to some stuffy school with new teachers, new classes, and new...students." Eddy immediately perked up at the thought of an entire student body who wouldn't know anything about the Eds scamming methods.
"On second though, a new flock of pigeons wouldn't be a bad thing after all," Eddy said, rubbing his hands together.
"To each their own, I suppose," Double D said, rolling his eyes.
"Wait, guys," Ed said. "What about the kids? Do you think they will miss us?" As he said that, the sound of cheers came from the lane.
"The no-good, how-may-I-scam-you-today Ed boys are leaving tomorrow for a full cycle of the seasons?" Rolf's voice rang out. "Ho Ho! This brings joy to the son of a shepherd!"
"Plank says, 'Good riddance those guys won't be around to rip us off anymore!'" Jonny said for his mute friend.
"Dork free, finally," Kevin shouted. "Party at my house!" The Eds heard cheers following Kevin's declaration.
"I believe that they will be just fine without us, Ed," Double D said in a solemn voice.
"Never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to go to school tomorrow," Eddy groaned.
Time to give credit where credit is due. The parents' designs are based off of Vampire Meerkat's (TheBestKindOfFailure if you're familiar with her YouTube work or Dee Rhymz as she goes by on FanFiction) most recent renditions of their designs. Not sure if I'm allowed to do that, but seeing as how neither of us own EEnE, I'm sure that it falls into some fair use law. To cover my ass, though, time for some shameless plugging. Go to her DeviantArt page, check all her work, follow her(on the internet, no stalking or creepy/perverted stuff), support Ed, Edd, n Eddy: Highschool, watch her YouTube videos, wish her a Merry Christmas, check her blog, and give her stories a look see. Hope that makes us square.
Now that I took care of that, it's time to go to you. How did you like this story? Does it have any potential, or is it DOA? Let me know in one of those sweet, sweet reviews.