I haven't updated this story for ages. I really do apologise to everyone who has been eagerly anticipating an update. I suggest you check out my other humour story, Telephone. I have a feeling you might enjoy it if you're reading this.

OneSideOfACoin: One review per chapter! Thank you so much for telling me what you thought of all my chapters, and please enjoy this one. I had a bit of writer's block, so I wasn't exactly sure what to write about, but I do hope you enjoy this pointless rubbish anyways. Thank you awfully once again for the support!


There was a tree set up in the Mess Hall when Spock marched in on an early december morning. From what he remember of his Terran Tradition classes, this tree represented "Christmas", a holiday that was started as a religious even and involved much inebriation and the giving to celebratory gifts. Leave it to Jim to somehow retrieve a pine tree to decorate the Mess hall. Perhaps he had replicated it. Whatever the case, Spock intended to ask him.

And so it was that when Spock strode on to the bridge in the morning, he stopped by the captain's char and inquired as to where Kirk had found a tree. Most illogically, Kirk answered by grinning mysteriously and saying,

"I have my ways. By the way, are you going to join in the festivities? Tonight is Christmas Eve, you realise. Maybe you could, I dunno, get a present for everyone?"

"That would be illogical, but if it is part of my…"

"You say the word duty about thirty-five-thousand times a day as it is, Spock. Say it one more time and I'll make you take a rest day."

"Actually, captain, I say duty on average thirty four point one five times a day."

"Merry Christmas to you, too."

"Thank you."

"You're hopeless."

If given a chance to voice his opinion, Spock would immediately expostulate that Jim was the "hopeless" one, but unfortunately, his opinions were usually cut short by illogical remarks.


The next evening, Spock arrived in the mess hall for his evening meal sporting a green bruise the size of an apple. He had decided to have a word with Jim about the logical placements of Christmas Streamers on a Starship.

However, he was, in human terminology, blown away by the amount of festivities going on in the Mess. Underneath the Christmas tree, there were present piled up in teetering towers. Spock had managed presents for everyone, but had been unaware that he waa supposed to bring them.

``Hi, Spock! We're just opening presents now.`` Jim grinned like a toddler and waved his first officer over.

``I believe now would be an opportune moment to go and retrieve my own gifts for the crew.``

``Yes, you can go and get them.``

Spock strode back down to his quarters and returned a few moments later with sixteen little boxes of identical size and shape, all wrapped neatly in read wrapping paper. There was only one that was slightly larger, which he handed to Uhura.

``Thanks, Spock.`` she smiles sweetly at him and begins delicately opening her present. When she sees what is inside, her eyes widen.

``Oh, Spock! Where did you get these.``

``They are traditional Vulcan earrings made from Tanzanite, a rare gem found only on Vulcan. I thought you would enjoy them.``

``Oh, thank you so much!``

Uhura wraps her arms around Spock`s neck, smiling at the beautiful dark blue stones glimmering in the earrings.

Now the rest of the crew opens their identical boxes.

``Spock, you can`t be serious. Tribbles as a Christmas gift.``

``I assure you, Captain, I am perfectly serious. I believed that tribbles would offer both entertainment and learning experiences for the crew.``

``Oh, God, Spock. You have absolutely no idea what you`ve gotten yourself into.``


There is a photo of Spock, tribbles clinging to his hair, and Jim beside him, resurfacing amongst a sea of the fluffy creatures, shown at the ball.

Please review for me. I would just like to clarify that the reason there are no question marks at the ends of the last few questions is my computor has these moments when the punctuation goes totally bonkers, and that happened to me in the middle of a writing spree. So ya. Sorry about that.