Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT, or any characters from the show. I'd really like to, but, well, I do not own ABC either. The mad ideas, however, are completely mad, and mine.

Killian 'Hook' Jones prided himself on being able to adapt to anything the world had to throw at him. Or worlds, considering the trade he was in. So, when he had landed in Emma Swan's world, he really did not think it would take long for him to adapt.

As it turned out, Rumplestiltskin was the LEAST of his worries

Captain Hook decided that he had spent entirely too long in this 'hospital' following his first meeting with a metal carriage that Dr Whale and Swan called a "car". Of course, while he was healing, Hook could not really complain - the food, while not particularly good, was wholesome, and the female nurses on duty were quite easy on the eyes. However, he had spent his entire time chained up, and lacking his hook.

So, while he could not move, he asked for the bed to be moved to a window and looked out of it, learning all he could about this strange world.

The first thing he noticed, while staying awake, was that cars were easy to get into and operate. More than once during the night he saw people who would come to a car, open the door and drive off. If it was fast, easy to operate and sturdy (and he really could attest to the last one), it was the perfect method to get away on.

He waited until past midnight before using a needle he had secreted away to pick the handcuffs and then rip the various tubes and needles out of his body. He then decided that he could survive without his hook for a few hours whilst he made his getaway, and crept out of the hospital via a window.

He chose a car a little distance away from the hospital. The red vehicle didn't look too secure.

Hook found the handle and pulled.

Nothing happened.

He tried it again, with a little more strength.

Still nothing.

He gave up and broke the window.

The car started giving off an ear-splitting screech and lights started flashing on the front and back of it.

Hook figured there was nothing for it and rapidly swung his still aching body into the carriage. He positioned himself in the driver seat, just like he saw people doing, and put his arm on the big wheel in front of him.




The lack of activity was rapidly getting old.

"Oh, just move, you infernal creation!" He tried hitting the centre of the wheel, which only made the car made a tooting noise.

By now the red carriage was making a cacophony of noise, and amid the swearing Hook looked up to find that he had made a crucial mistake.

In front of the car was its owner - a very pissed-off werewolf.

He looked behind the car to find an equally pissed-off town Sheriff walking towards him.

"Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?! Really, Hook? Really?"

Hook decided that looking sheepish was the way forward.

"Ah, my princess with the shining gun. I must say, you look positively ravishing tonight, lass."

"Don't, Hook, just don't." She pulled on the door handle and pointed at him to get out. "Be thankful that I got here before Ruby decided to make you into bacon. She has been rather hungry lately." She hoisted her prisoner up and dragged him back towards the hospital. "Ruby, pop round the station in the morning - I have his purse in lock-up, so I think we will be able to settle the damage with a silver coin or 10."

"Now wait a minute. You have no right to take my money…"

Emma pulled him back into his ward, onto his bed and proceeded to re-cuff him. As an afterthought, she also cuffed one of his legs that had sustained no damage in the crash.

"It actually will work out cheaper," she said. "If you don't pay up, Ruby goes to her insurance. If she does that, it becomes a criminal matter, and you will have to go to court. And, believe it or not, Storybrooke only has two lawyers. One of them, who does most of the business here, charges an arm and a leg, oh, say one gold coin per hour."

"Who's the other one?"


"Ah." he paused. "Well, lass, I do thank you for your assistance, but I am rather tired, and would just love some sleep. Unless you want to join me, of course?"

Emma threw up her hands at his leer. "You are completely insufferable. See if I rescue you next time!" She proceeded to storm out, leaving Hook to revaluate his assessment of this land and its strange thing known as technology.

AN: Thanks to worryingly innocent for dragging me into the fandom. And providing the prompts... ^_^