This story takes place after Dead Ever After. I did not care for the end of the entire series with a coward Sookie and a resolved Eric. It just made no sense to me so I am writing my own ever after.
This is my second language (I speak French) so please be kind. I am writing the story to follow the books so it is SPOV only. Rated M for later chapters.
As a side note: I love reviews and sometimes I tend to judge the success of my stories based on it. So when I don't get a lot of reviews for a chapter, I tend to think its because it was garbage and I get depressed and don't write for a while. Moral of this story? Please review, it takes us hours to write stories but only takes you minutes to review. If you like someone's work, why not tell them?
Dead Without Love
Chapter One - Missing You
It's been five long years. Five years of lies, of trying to live a dream only I believed in.
I ache for him, for his touch, his smile. I would give anything to feel his hand on my cheek and hear him say 'everything will be alright''. I am constantly hit with images of him, of his face I am terribly scared to forget. I can see him in the driver seat of my car smirking at me. I can see him opening doors for me in public places. I remember the lines beside his eyes when he smiles or the movement his hands make when he speaks.
I could keep on pretending everything is alright; but it is not. I have built this life for myself, a life full of lies. I thought I wanted to be normal, I thought I wanted children, a pretty house and a nice husband who would take care of me…
But I miss him. Every day I miss him. There is not one morning I don't open my eyes and wish he was lying beside me. I just want to feel his skin one more time; I just want to look into his blue eyes just one more minute. The touch of his lips, the feel of his hair, the sound of his voice; I miss him and it haunts me.
Sometimes, in the middle of a crowd, I catch myself looking for him. Every time I hear his name, I see his eyes. And when I am alone, I cry. I cry for everything I have lost, I cry for him and I cry for the lies I have been telling myself.
The weight of my silence is too much to carry when all I want is one last kiss.
To think I might never see these eyes, that I might never be able to say goodbye…
Every day I live with the weight of a burden I have created for myself. The one I wanted to believe in so much… They say the world was built for two but what is the point if you are not with the one you love?
Every time my husband touches me, I close my eyes and wish it was him. He reminds me every day how much he loves me but my lips shake at my lying replies and sometimes, sometimes, I see it in his eyes; he knows my secret. He knows I wish he was someone else. He knows I wish I had made another choice; one that would have cost his life. Yet, we keep on going, pretending we are a perfect little family trying to have kids without much success and operating a bar because we do not know anything else. Having silent discussion at the dinner table because we have nothing else to talk about and sometimes finding each other in the dark of our bedroom because the world is just lonely.
I wanted this, I asked for this…but at what cost?
The decaying of my soul? The freezing of my heart?
I can't spend the rest of my life pretending, or can I?
Life carries on and doesn't stop because you made one mistake. It carries on in the people I meet, in everyone I see on the street.. It carries on in everything around me… except myself.
My name is Sookie Stackhouse and I let myself die the day I did not fight for him.