Hi again, another new one about to start so I hope you'll all enjoy the ride!

This is another Special Request by the awesome McSwarek01, so this one is especially for her!

But I hope you all enjoy it!

Special thanks to Kelly2727 & of course all the awesome regulars!

Welcome to the newbies!

A/N: This picks up S3 ep13 and goes from there into S4 but doesn't follow the show. I haven't seen S4 yet, but I'm going to wing it with this- so here goes...

Chapter 1

He'd tried, held his ground and used his most convincing tone to try and persuade her, but she wasn't buying it.

She wouldn't stop long enough to hear him out, even though he was practically begging her too. All he wanted was for her to listen, just for five minutes. That would be all he needed, five minutes just to explain, to tell her, and maybe even show her.

...

The second that he saw the grenade nestled between her hands he knew that no matter what, he was telling her the truth today.

Be it here on earth in this place, or in the afterlife; wherever that might be, it was happening today.

He'd been an idiot to think that by removing her from the equation that it would change anything, that if she wasn't around that much that he'd feel differently about her, but it only made him miss her more.

Every time she had called him over recent weeks, he'd picked up the phone and stared at her name dancing across the screen, but he never answered even though he wanted too. He just couldn't bring himself to.

What would he say when he did answer, I'm sorry? I was an idiot? Forgive me for breaking your heart and leaving you standing in the rain? Oh yeah, that would really go down well.

So he avoided the conversation by avoiding the calls.

It was what he did; avoided personal on all levels and avoided altercations. It was just his nature.

And now ignoring those calls came back to haunt him when they were forcefully thrust into a situation beyond their control; the truth was she was holding a bomb and this time he couldn't help her. He couldn't take it way, take away the fear he saw that lit through her eyes like wildfire, as she looked at him with the most fear he'd ever seen on her.

Her eyes were alight, the same as they had been when he came out of Brennan's farmhouse, the same as they had been when Jerry got stabbed, the unbridled fear so freely displayed as she looked at him; because she was sacred for him because he was in here with her. She wasn't scared for herself, scared that her life could come to a painful end, she was scared that his would.

He'd tried to open his mouth and say what he had to, but it came out all wrong.

He'd said that he wished she was in his head so that she would understand, if she understood then he wouldn't have to say it and risk screwing it up even more.

He'd whispered that he loves her and her response had been a little less than he was hoping for 'Sam, I'm holding a bomb'. She said it like she thought he had declared his feelings because of the fact that she was holding the grenade.

So he covered her hands with his, and said 'So am I' hoping that she would see that if she let go of that clip, he was going with her wherever she went. It was his way of telling her that he was in this no matter what, that if things went sideways, it was over for him too; not just her.

When ETF arrived he held his breath but couldn't tear his eyes away from the precision work the guy did as he held Andy's hand in his and slid a grenade pin into the hole that would hopefully disarm the explosive.

And then he watched her walk away, leaving him standing there while his heart restarted, and his breathing resumed.

And he didn't try and stop her, just left her to deal with the experience in her own way.

Back at the barn, his eyes scanned every nook and cranny for her, but she was nowhere to be seen, so he'd rushed through a cold shower, just to prove to himself that he could still feel something, even if it was his skin forming a layer of ice like his heart felt.

He had dressed in a hurry and then gone looking for her, really looked for her. He found her in the women's locker room, her hands lightly shaking as she fiddled idly with nothing in particular in her locker.

He'd tried to get her attention, tried to put all his feelings into his words, but she just wasn't listening.

Her heartache was on full display for him to see as he tried to scale her walls and she kept building them higher.

She wasn't ready.

She hadn't forgiven him, and she wasn't ready to hear what he so desperately wanted her to know; so he covered it up.

Swept it under the 'it was what it was' rug and left it there.

Until he changed his mind, and tried to take it back when he realized that she was bolting for the door.

So he promised her what he thought she wanted; the dates, the dinners, taking out her garbage and doing everything he had too, to get her back. He even went so far as to mention a dog, a life that they would be responsible for besides their own.

And her response; I don't care.

She said it so convincingly that he almost believed her, almost gave up and let her go.

But almost just wasn't enough.

He had asked her to give him his five minutes on neutral ground- a drink at the Penny. That was all he wanted, a chance to tell her how sorry he was, and that he never meant to inflict the kind of pain he had on her, that he wished he could take it back or change it.

But she had given up; given up on thinking that there would ever be a THEM again, given up on trying, given up on feeling anything for him other that the distaste he clearly made her feel right now. He saw it on her face as she walked away, and left him standing staring after her as she pushed the door open and left the barn.

He'd gone to the Penny anyway, not really believing that she would show up. But hoping she would.

He sat next to Peck, who seemed a little lost, like she was feeling something remotely close to what he was.

Sam kept looking in the direction of the door and noticed that Peck was too- she was waiting for Collins while he was waiting for McNally.

By Peck's fifth tequila they had figured out that neither McNally or Collins were going to show, so he had another drink, a second whiskey because there was no point in staying sober if he wasn't going to have the talk he wanted to was there?

After a while he took Peck's inebriated ass home and made sure that she was safely inside before leaving her.

He took a slow drive past McNally's condo on his way home, all the lights off, her home shrouded in darkness.

When he got home, he hit a few lights and retrieved a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet and poured himself one before staying standing at the kitchen island and whipping out his phone.

He scrolled to the number he should have erased weeks ago, but couldn't bring himself to actually hit the button and call it.

His thumb hovered over the green call button as he took a sip of his whiskey, the familiar burn making its way through his body as he swallowed.

He hit the button with his thumb, deciding that even if she had given up, it didn't mean that all hope was gone, that he had to give up.

Her voice came through the speaker, the call connecting straight to voicemail leaving him a little frustrated.

Sam ended the call and considered calling Nash. She hadn't been at the Penny either, so it stood to reason that McNally was with her.

What was with the McNally? He'd thought about her several times over the last few hours and it was McNally. Oh right, she was Andy his partner. Andy his friend. Andy his girlfriend. As in had been all of those things, now she was McNally, because she wasn't any of those things to him anymore.

Resisting the urge to fight the temptation, Sam sought Nash's number out on his phone and dialed it, she answered sounding surprised that he was calling her.

He was polite and went through the mundane formalities of greetings over the phone and making small talk and then he just blurted out what he wanted to know. "Have you um... Have you seen McNally?".

Her brief silence made him wonder if she was with Andy and motioning to her that he was calling, her imaginary response a shake of the head saying that she didn't want to talk to him.

"Um...about that. She's not here" Nash whispered into his ear, Sam hearing her finger in her mouth as she spoke.

"So where is she?".

"You see, the thing is..."

She just so really didn't want to tell him, he could tell.

"Nash, please? I know I screwed it up, but I just want to talk to her". Sam wasn't above telling Nash the truth, she's McNally's best friend and right now he needs her to be his friend too.

"Sam, I'm so sorry- she's gone".

Nash said the words in a rush, as though they would have a different sound, or different effect on him.

"Gone?" Sam didn't bother to cover the confusion or anxiety that he could hear in his own voice.

"Yeah. You know the rumors about the long-term UC? They weren't rumors Sam. I turned the spot down, and Callaghan picked Andy. She left straight from the barn. I'm so sorry".

Sam knew that the UC wasn't a rumor, he'd been offered a spot on it, and turned Callaghan down. The Detective had given him a knowing look before nodding, he figured Sam had said no because of Andy. And he would be right. Sam stopped doing UC's because of her, Brennan was the last one.

"Thanks" Sam mumbled and hung up without waiting to hear if she had anymore to say.

That night Sam got no sleep. He let his mind wonder to what kind of trouble McNally could get herself into because it was a long-term UC. Long-term UC's were more dangerous, more intricate to infiltrate, more risky.

And it damn near killed him knowing that he could have been with her, instead of here without her.

Way before he was meant to leave for shift, he took a run to clear his head. Running wasn't his thing, it was always Andy's. She'd ask him to go with her a few times and he'd always talked his way out of it, he'd always turned her down. He proffered the gym. He liked the weights and the boxing mats.

Now that she was gone, he decides to take up running. Was that even normal? But what was normal for him?

After the first few miles, he sees why she liked running. He feels the sense of freedom she loved about it, and he can't help but think how much better is would be if she were here with him doing it.

It's something he'll keep as a to-do item on his list for when she returns. Or at least try and get her to do it with him anyway.

The next few weeks drag by painfully. They're dull and boring in contrast to her being in his daily life, even if she had been so far away when she was last a part of it.

Sam misses her, he really does, and he even admits it to himself in the mirror every morning. He says it out loud, not because he has too, but because the words feel good to say, and because it feels good to know it's still there.

Three weeks later, he was still doing the same thing in front of the mirror every morning, but it felt worse, felt like there was no way that she was ever going to know that he missed her.

Frank had taken advantage of weakened walls and convinced him to take the detectives test, and so he was studying in the spare time he had. The spare time that Andy used to consume. The free time he loved spending with her. Now it was divided between the gym and studying.

A month later that was over, he passed and was immediately moved to that rotation, Frank and Oliver congratulating him at the fact that he was finally stabilizing his career by stabilizing himself in a less risky environment.

He had the biggest shoes to fill- Jerry's and he was trying. He took on cases and poured his heart and soul into them, and he was making a difference.

He hadn't heard much about Andy's case, it seemed to be kept hidden from him in every possible way. All he did know was that Collins was with her, and they were still alive.

A week after that a Jane Doe was reported and Sam felt like his life had come to an abrupt halt when the news came in.

Having a Jane Doe wasn't unusual, it was just that the sudden spur of action it sent Fifteen into had him wondering.

Nash looked like she was panicking and Frank just left the barn yelling orders out, and taking Oliver with him.

When Sam heard the news that Andy hadn't reported in to Nash (who by the way, he didn't even know was manning her point of contact) and that the Jane Doe matched Andy's description perfectly, he just gave up.

Right there, in that moment he stopped caring.

He left the barn and drove around for a while, aimlessly. He so desperately wanted to go to the scene, but he was too scared too.

Too afraid that he would find her lifeless body looking up at him, her eyes asking him why he didn't save her, why he wasn't there when she needed him.

By sunset he'd stopped paying attention to where he was as he circled back around and drove towards city limits. He'd been so wrapped up in the 'what if's' that he'd driven for miles beyond the cities borders.

He neared a familiar building and pulled over without thinking about it. His hand found the keys that somehow still managed to stay hooked to his and he left the truck.

He slid the key into the lock, the door opening to reveal darkness as shadows played across the room.

He knew that he shouldn't be here, he just couldn't help himself, he needed to be close to her.

Sam closed the door, but didn't turn the lights on, the darkness gave him shelter as he stepped through the room drawing in her scent.

Even though she'd been gone a while, her condo still smelt like her.

He eventually found himself in her bedroom, like an intruder.

The end of the bed holding his weight firmly as he sat down on it.

After an immeasurable amount of time, he found his head on her pillow, his nostrils filled with the last remaining wafts of her smell.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember what she looked like laying next to him, her hair tossed carelessly across the pillow and her smile wide and bright.

A foreign sound pulled him from the happy place he was lost in, disturbing the images he had surrendered too.

His pocket buzzed, his phone screaming as a call came through and refused to stop.

It would pause for a moment and start all over again until he reached into his pocket and pulled out the hazardous item to see that Nash was calling him.

He answered not knowing if he was prepared for what he was about to face, but decided that laying on Andy's bed, surrounded by her things was probably the best way to take the news.

"It's not her" Nash laughed into his ear causing Sam to sit up straight in a flash. "Sam, did you hear me, it's not Andy".

He could hear the relief wrapped around her smile as she said the words, relief of his own making his knees go weak.

"Yeah. Thanks" Sam said and hung up.

Seeing the time at close to two am, he wondered how he had slept for five hours straight without waking up once. He hadn't slept for that long in one go since the last time he slept next to Andy.

Flopping back down on her bed, Sam let his mind drift over the possibilities; maybe it was her bed, or her presence that lingered behind.

He had no idea, but it felt good to be here, surrounded by her.

Sam set his phone down next to the bed and kicked his shoes off, they hit the floor with soft thuds.

It was two am, and Andy was still alive. He was comfortable, and content to be here even if it was without her.

So why go home now?

****Thanks for reading, so who wants more?

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©