A/N- Hey everyone, I'm back! Just a quick note before getting into this that this is an AU for the ending of season 1/beginning of season 2, that's why I've changed things in flashbacks and some major details that occurred in the show will not happen here, so please take notice of that before reading! I've done that for a reason…reasons which you'll find out soon enough. *wicked, evil grin* Also, this is my first time writing John Winchester (and I'm not going to be making him a good person), so my apologies in advance if he appears OOC.

A/N2- Also, I'm not a doctor or nurse, so any errors in medical facts are all on me!

Summary: AU Season 2. After the accident in "Devil's Trap", things take a turn for the worse when Sam is left not only brain-damaged, but paralyzed and Dean has to find a way to protect his brother from the last person he ever expected: Their father, John. Hurt/Brain-damaged/Paralyzed Sam, Hurt/Protective/Furious/Big-brother Dean, Evil!John

Nothing I Fear

Written by: Erin

Chapter 1

"Dean, stop pacing for just a few minutes and have a seat, alright?"

Dean stopped in his tracks, but only briefly, and turned hard eyes towards his father, who was now glaring daggers at him. Under normal circumstances, he would have abided by the orders; hell, he would have just mumbled a simple "Yes, sir", acting once again like the good little soldier his father had raised him to be.

But not now. Hell, no.

Not now when his baby brother was just beyond those large double doors, fighting for his very life right now.

And he was unable to be with him.

Sam. Sammy.

Sam was all alone in there, most likely unconscious, while countless doctors and nurses worked around the clock to repair what Dean himself couldn't.

"Dean! I said have a seat!" John barked, rising to his unsteady feet and ignoring the flair in his shoulder as he walked over to his oldest, who was now glaring right back at him,


"No." Dean snapped right back, pulling away before his father could even touch him,

"Don't tell me take a seat, dad. You have any idea how long we've been waiting out here?"

Growing more and more irritated with his oldest son's attitude, especially when it was directed his way, John narrowed his eyes,

"Don't take that tone with me, boy-" He was cut off as Dean's glare hardened and he backed further away from him.

"Why not? Because you want me to be your good little soldier again? Because you want me to just accept whatever those doctors have to tell us when we get the news on Sammy?" The older son shook his head, feeling the start of a few tears beginning to well in his eyes but he pushed them back. There was no way on God's green earth that he would allow himself to cry in front of his father,

"Sam's life is on the line here, dad, and you're worrying about me following your orders. Sorry, dad, but Sammy's more important." Finally seeing that John had snapped his mouth shut, but shot him one last disgusted look, Dean turned and was about to walk down the hall when his father spoke up again.

"Your brother was the one driving the car, Dean. He's going to have to take responsibility for whatever happens from here on out, you know that, right?"

Feeling his back go rigid and his temper reaching a new peek, Dean turned around slowly and growled,

"That's your son you're talking about, dad. My brother. And in case you forgot, the reason we were even in the fuckin' car to begin with was because he saved your ass."

"Dean," John sighed in exasperation, knowing full well he wasn't going to be getting through to his oldest this way. Forcing himself to appear apologetic for Dean's sake, for him to not walk away, John continued quietly,

"Dean, I know that…"

"Do you?" Dean arched an eyebrow, watching his father's face for any signs that he wasn't telling him the truth,

"Do you know that, dad?"

"I know he saved my ass back there," John forced back the amount of disgust at the words he was speaking. He knew he was lying through his teeth, but he was bound and determined to do it, although he was feeling anything but. Yellow Eyes would have been long dead by now; his Mary would have been avenged…if only Sam had followed his direct orders to kill him and he had disobeyed,

"Just sit down for a minute with me, Dean, okay?"

Tense silence filled the air between father and son, the only sounds Dean could hear was the soft squeak of nurse's shoes and the typing of computer keys at the nurse's station. Finally, as he took in the sincere look in his father's eyes and let his green eyes travel down to John's right arm which was set in a cast and secured to his chest in a sling, as well as the cuts and bruises decorating his face, Dean sighed and walked back over to the chair beside his father. Wincing at the slight pain in his ribs and his own shoulder which had been dislocated, Dean rubbed at the bandage wrapped around his head and slumped down in the chair.

"Your brother's a tough one, Dean; he'll be fine."

Ignoring John's words, the younger Winchester turned his head away, unable to look his father in the eye as he recalled the night before…really, just a little over 5 hours ago. Closing his eyes, Dean allowed a lone tear to roll down his cheek as he continued to look away from John Winchester.

He knew that Sammy was John's son as well, but if he was being completely honest with himself, John had not been the father that his brother had deserved. If anything, it was Dean who had cared for, had raised the kid, since he was 6 months old. It was Dean who protected and took care of him and refused to let anything happen to him.

Then this happened.

This shitty accident happened.

And if it was anyone's fault, it was Dean's. If only he had figured out his father had been possessed by Yellow Eyes soon enough, if only he had rescued his father sooner…then they wouldn't have been in the Impala at the time the large semi had hit them. More importantly, the semi wouldn't have hit on Sam's side…

"Sammy…" He mumbled quietly to himself, making sure to keep his voice low so John couldn't hear him,

"God, Sammy…"


5 hours earlier…

"Why the hell didn't you kill it, Sam?" John snapped from where he sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, glaring heatedly at his youngest son,

"We had an agreement here, the three of us. Killing this demon comes first, before me, before anything! Why didn't you do that, Sam, huh? Answer me, goddamn it-"

"Cut it out, dad," Dean interrupted from the back seat of his beloved car, holding his tender ribs and wincing as he shifted slightly,

"I told him not to do it-"

"You stay out of this, Dean; this is between me and your brother."

"No, actually, it's between all three of us," Dean barked in return, ignoring the jarring of his ribs and the pounding in his temple. Damnit, it hurt though. Getting thrown up against a wall by your possessed father and hitting your head on the hard floor was really not how the older Winchester brother had planned his evening,

"So just calm down for a moment," He continued, turning from where he was staring at the back of John's hard to meeting Sam's eyes in the rearview mirror,

"You did the right thing there, Sammy-"

"The hell he did the right thing!" John interrupted,

"I gave you a direct order, Sam! Why didn't you follow through with it? That son of a bitch was right in front of you and it could have been over and done with-"

"Why do you think I didn't do it, dad?" Sam interrupted, but never raised his voice as he turned away from Dean's gaze to stare at the dark, empty road before him,

"It was possessing you-"

"So what?" John scowled angrily as he rubbed the shotgun wound in his lower leg where Sam had shot him with the Colt…when it should have been his heart,

"That son of a bitch killed your mother, Sammy. Don't you remember? Or are you just too stubborn and selfish to see that-"

"Dad!" Dean interrupted again, his anger starting to rise at his father's words,

"I told him to do it!"

"I know that, Dean; you don't need to tell me twice," John scowled over his shoulder at his oldest son,

"That doesn't excuse this though." Here, he turned back to Sam,

"I just want to know what was going through your mind, Sammy, alright?" John attempted to lower his voice, to get his anger under control. The last thing he needed right now, as they drove to the nearest motel, was to get into a nose-to-nose confrontation with Dean over Sam's actions. After all, those never ended well on his part,


"I couldn't kill you, dad," Sam whispered, lifting his eyes and meeting Dean's concerned gaze again,

"You said killing that demon comes before anything…before anyone. You're wrong."

"Pardon me?"

"You're wrong," Sam repeated,

"It doesn't come before anything, before anyone. It never has-"

"The hell are you talking about, son?"

Sam was silent as he meet his big brother's eyes once again in the rearview mirror. How in the world was he supposed to explain to his stubborn son of a bitch father that he and Dean meant more to him then killing some Yellow-Eyed demon? Yes, they had been hunting it for over 20 years. Yes, it had killed their mother and even Jessica. Yes, he was more then willing to run back into that burning house just a few days ago to take it out himself, thus risking his own life.

But that was then.

That was before their father had been abducted by Meg. That was before their father-their only parental figure left-got possessed by the same Yellow-Eyed demon they had been hunting for. That was before Dean had shouted at him from where he was on the ground to not shoot their father…and Sam had listened to him.

"You heard me, dad," Sam sighed tiredly, lifting a hand and rubbing his eyes, flinching at the pain that was still there from when he had gotten beaten to a bloody pulp earlier that afternoon by some demon,

"I won't put killing that demon before you and Dean; I won't do it-"

"You will do it, son; that's a direct order!"

"And I won't follow it," Sam lowered his hand back to the steering wheel, not turning to meet his father's harsh gaze. The last thing he wanted right now was to see the anger there, the anger directed at him,

"Why can't you see that, dad? Besides…" He let out a long breath,

"We've still got the Colt. We've still got the one bullet left-" His words were suddenly cut off when a bright, white light coming from his left took him by surprise and the next thing Sam felt was his side of the car being hit straight head on by a large semi truck. Sam's head hit the steering wheel as the impact came quickly and without warning and just as he felt a sharp, searing pain flow through him, through every fiber of his being, his entire world went black.

It didn't take long for Dean to swim back to consciousness, his head pounding harder then it had earlier. Groaning and lifting a hand to touch his forehead, he cringed as he felt the stickiness of blood flowing freely down his face. His head still leaning against the back seat, the older Winchester brother attempted to move his limbs and bit back a sharp cry as pain flowed through his shoulder and his ribs hurt even more then before,

"Sammy…" He groaned, attempting to open his green eyes,



"Dad?" He breathed a slight sigh of relief as he heard a soft moan coming from the passenger seat,


Dean's heart raced frantically as he opened his eyes all the way, taking in his baby brother's slouched figure in the driver's seat. Sam's unconscious, bloody slouched figure,

"Sammy!" He cried into the night, not even paying any attention as the driver of the semi stumbled out of the car and made his way towards the wrecked Impala.

He paid no attention as the demon possessing the poor man was threatened with the Colt now being held in John's left hand.

He paid no attention as the demon finally left the man's body and collapsed to the ground.

His attention was directly on his injured brother,

"Sammy, please…" He groaned in agony, not listening to what his father was telling him,

"Dad…help him…"


"God, Sammy, I'm so fuckin' sorry…" Dean mumbled to himself with a shake of his head before lowering it into his hands,

"I'm so sorry, little brother…"

John Winchester spared a quick glance over at his oldest, listening to the quiet words that were escaping him. He just didn't understand; Dean was the one trying to apologize to his little brother…it really should be Sam apologizing to John. His youngest was the one who had screwed up, his youngest was the one who went strictly against his father's orders and now everything was falling to pieces around them.

Not that he would ever tell Dean that, of course…especially if his son needed to trust him-

"Is there a family of Samuel Winchester here?"

A gentle, yet firm, female voice sounded from the other side of the small family waiting room and just as Sam's name was announced, Dean rose somewhat shakily to his feet and rushed forward before his dad could even stand,

"That's my little brother, doc. Tell me how he's doing." The tone in the older brother's voice left no room for argument.

"Are you someone by the name of Dean?" She glanced down at her notes briefly in her patient's chart, checking to make sure she had the name correct, and glanced back up, watching as the green eyes of the beat-up young man in front of her widened and then took on a look of complete and utter love.

"That's me. I'm his brother. Is he awake?" Dean frantically started, feeling his heart racing in time to the pounding in his head. There would only be one reason why he was being called for by his name right now: Sam would have called for him…which meant that his brother was awake! His brother remembered him…right?

"I'm Doctor Morgan, I'm overseeing Samuel's care," Glancing to the older man with the beard who had silently and slowly made his way to Dean's side, whose gaze didn't hold as much concern and love as the younger man's, the doctor cleared her throat and met John's eyes,

"Are you his father?"

"Yes, Sam is my son." John replied, shooting a glance at his oldest, who was now ignoring him.

"Tell me how Sam is, doc," Dean interjected, taking a step closer, his concern and desperation growing with every passing second that he wasn't told about his little brother's condition.

"We're just in the process of moving Sam into his room when he woke up and started calling out to you, Dean," The doctor's voice grew soft with compassion as she looked the older brother straight in the eye,

"I'll take you to him in just a few minutes-"

"What? Why a few minutes?" Dean demanded, his voice rising. He didn't have a few minutes! Sammy was calling for him! His brother needed him-

"Because you need to understand the severity of your brother…your son's…" Here, she looked back over at John, frowning at the seemingly lack of concern and care in Sam's father's eyes,

"…condition." She finished with a soft sigh and folded her arms, tucking Sam's chart to her chest,

"If you would follow me, I think it would be better if I told you this somewhere more privately-"

"Doc, no offense, but my little brother needs me right now and I don't need anymore time wasted telling whatever is you need to tell us about his condition, especially if you want to tell us 'privately'," Dean interrupted, feeling his face grow red with anger. They were wasting too much time here,

"Just tell me so that I can be with him!"

Sighing softly, Doctor Morgan took a seat in one of the not-so-comfortable hospital waiting room chairs and silently gestured for Dean and John to do the same. Once they were seated in front of her, she continued,

"I'll be frank with you both. Sam's condition is pretty serious and you need to be prepared for what you'll find when you go into his room." She closed her eyes as sadness filled her heart. This was not what she ever wanted to tell the families of her patients, but she couldn't lie either and get their hopes up,

"First, you should know that your son…your brother…is a fighter; he's strong. We're lucky we didn't lose him…but you must know first and foremost, the wreck did some serious damage to Sam's body. Once Sam woke up, we were able to determine that our suspicions were true."

"What the hell are you talking about, doctor?" John growled, his eyes narrowing at the pretty brunette sitting in front of them.

"Sam is paralyzed."